
Class E\^l 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT 



v 




TUli STEAM SHAVING MACUI-NK, 



[See p. 3S 



•'7 75fl-/5 



BORDER 



REMINISCENCES. 



BY 



RANDOLPH B. MARCY, 

U. S. Arjny ; 

AUTHOR OF " THE PRAIRIE TRAVELLER," " THIRTY YEARS OF ARMY 
LIFE ON THE BORDER," ETC. 



^s-'^ 



;C< <3i 



^<^" COPYr^lGHT '<^N 




—I 



CT/^ 






illfNGlO^y 



NEW YORK: 

HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, 

FRANKLIN SQUARE. 
1872. 






By general R. B. MARCY. 



AXMY LIFE ON THE BORDER. Thirty Years 

of Army Life on the Border. Comprising Descriptions of the 
Indian Nomads of the Plains ; Explorations of New Territory ; 
a Trip across the Rocky Mountains in the Winter ; Descrip- 
tions of the Habits of Different Animals found in the West, and 
the Methods of Hunting them ; with Incidents in the Life of 
different Frontier Men, &c., &c. By Brevet Maj.-General R. 
B. Marcy, U.S.A. 8vo, Cloth, Beveled Edges, $3 00. 

THE PRAIRIE TRA VELLER. A Hand-Book for 
Overland Emigrants. With Maps, Illustrations, and Itineraries 
of the Principal Routes between the Mississippi and the Pacific. 
By Brevet Maj.-General R. B.;Marcy, U.S.A. Published by 
Authority of the War Depar>jn4nt. i6mo, Cloth, $1 00. 



Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. 

CST" Sent by mail, postage prepaid, to any part of the United States, on re- 
ceipt 0/ the price. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, by 

Harper & Brothers, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 



PREFACE. 



Although not in exact accord with my own incli- 
nation, I have been induced, by the solicitations of 
friends in the army and in civil life, to permit the 
publication of the i jUow^ing pages. 

The very kind and flattering reception given to 
my other books by the public and the press encour- 
ages me to hope that an equally indulgent greeting- 
may be extended to this volume, which is a miscel- 
lany of fugitive recollections — a compilation of ran- 
dom sketches written in leisure hours during a per- 
iod of several years, and which will be found some- 
what desultory and disconnected; yet, as they, for 
the most part, are records of the results of long per- 
sonal experience in a sphere of life that has hitherto 
found but few chroniclers, they may hereafter pos- 
sess some historic significance. However this may 
be, if they have no other value, they can be relied 
upon as truthful memoirs of persons with whom the 
writer has been thrown in contact during a protract- 
ed military career in the Far West, and as faithful 



vi Preface. 

delineations of incidents and adventures without the 
coloring of romance, excepting in the few instances 
where the fact is expressly stated. 

Should any of the individual specimens of fron- 
tiersmen, the traits of whose characters I have en- 
deavored to depict in bold relief, seem unnatural or 
overdrawn, I beg the reader to remember that the 
life, habits, and associations of the borderer are nec- 
essarily 'of such a peculiar nature as to produce 
strange types of character and remarkable develop- 
ments of humanity. The fact should also be borne 
in mind that my illustrations have been drawn from 
the most anomalous and salient specimens of tliose 
types. 

In preparing the manuscript for publication, I 
have endeavored to collate and arrange the different 
parts in as connected, homogeneous, and attractive a 
form as possible, and if the book serves to while 
away pleasantly the ennui of a dull hour, my chief 
object will have been accomplished, and I sliall be 
content. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

A Major of the Old Regime.— Quadroon Ball. — High Game of Faro. 
— Lafitte the Pirate. — Whaling Voyage. — Absence without leave. 
— Post-fund Controversy. — Novel Shaving Machine. — Extraordi- 
nary Shot.— Musk-rat Hunting. — American Sovereignty.. Page 13 

CHAPTER II. 

Education in the Army. — Any Thing in Reason. — Toledo Blade. — 
The Mess-table.— Hard Fare. — The handsomest Man. — The ugli- 
est Man. — Old Beeswax. — Captain Forbes Britton. — His Patriot- 
ism illustrated. — Tally-ho ! — Colonel T*****. — Perfect Police. — 
Colonel Morgan. — Bad Wine. — Short Pants. — Review and Inspec- 
tion. — Colonel Ben. Bell. — Long Time between Drinks. — Come to 
stay 47 

CHAPTER III. 

Lieutenant Derby. — General Up-to-snuflP. — Reciprocating Hospitali- 
ties. — Ball at Detroit. — Mess-banquet at London. — An English 
Officer's Opinion of the American Army. — Martial Wooing. — An- 
tidote for Inebriation 94 

CHAPTER IV. 
EnUsted Men. — Captain M'Cabe. — Private Orr as a Witness. — Any 
thing the Cap'n plaizes. — A veteran Drummer. — Improvised Dis- 
tillery. — Novel Writ of Ejectment. — Cold Weather. — Colonel 
T*****. — How to make good Bread. — Napton, the Teamster ; his 
Visit to the Moon ; what he saw there. — Song of the old Quarter- 
master's Mule. — Colonel g*********. — Diving for Oysters. — Tak- 
ing Satisfaction. — Correcting the Parson 127 



Contents. 



CHAPTER V. 

Volunteers. — Rapidity of Organization and Discipline. — Arkansas 
Volunteers. — "Let umbile ahead!" — Postage-stamp. — One Hun- 
dred and Second Rhode Island. — Rifle-pit. — Cut out of a Ride. — 
Monterey. — Candidate for the Presidency Page 1 56 

CHAPTER VI. 

PIONEERS OF THE WEST. 

Ole Man Sykes. — Bound for Bannock. — Monsieur Maron. — How's 
yoin-Wife? — New religious Creed. — Black-Hawk War. — A Sur- 
render. — Stampede. — A legal Entanglement. — Visit to Chica- 
go. — Winter in New England. — Stirrup-cup. — Indian Perform- 
ance 189 

CHAPTER VII. 

PIONEERS OF THE WEST. 

A wettin' Beverage. — General Sam Houston. — Duel in Tennessee. 
— Courting by Proxy. — Houston bothered. — Disciplining Volun- 
teers. — Mrs. L 's Capture and Escape 248 

CHAPTER VIII. 

West Point Military Academy. — Cadet Brown's Eccentricities. — 
Decapitating Professor Z K . — A Conflagration. — Court- 
martial. — Cadet K . — Excused from Duty. — Shirt Collars 

down. — Reporting to the Superintendent. — Wearing the Uniform. 
— " Touch off Thompson" 293 

CHAPTER IX. 

PRAIRIE INDIANS. 

Indians as Prisoners. — Winnebago Dandy. — Push-met-te-haw. — 
Treatment of Prisoners. — Indian Diplomacy. — A Comanche's 
Opinion of the Pale Faces. — A civilized Indian's Opinion of the 
Government. — Black Beaver. — A facetious Indian. — Aboriginal 
Precocity. — Aborigines as they are 324 



Contents. ix 

CHAPTEK X. 

Eapid Settlement of the Northwest. — Enterprise of the English and 
American People contrasted. — Benefits of Co-operation. — The 
Sterile Region. — Texas Pacific Railroad. — Route of the Thirty- 
fifth Parallel. — North Pacific Railroad. — Union and Central Pa- 
cific Railroad Page 358 

A2 



ILLUSTRATIONS. 



PAGE 

THE STEAM SHAVING MACHINE Frontispiece. 

" silence in the ranks !" 80 

a long time between drinks 90 

no intende, senor 92 

general up-to-snuff 100 

would ye like fur to jine the army, miss h ? 122 

"halt thar!" 168 

NO TER don't 183 

how's tour WIFE ? 197 

DISMOUNTED CAVALRY 209 

A DEMORALIZED NEGRO 214 

" LOOK-A-TERE, MISTER !" 218 

A SCENE IN COURT 225 

"l don't care if I DO TAKE A DRINK" 230 

" excellent coffee !" 238 

" 'light, straanger" 252 

263 



HOUSTON BOTHERED. 



BORDER REMINISCENCES. 



CHAPTER I. 

A Major of the Old Regime.— Quadroon Ball.— High Game of Faro. 
— Lafitte the Pirate.— Whaling Voyage.— Absence without leave. 
—Post-fund Controversy.— Novel Shaving Machine.— Extraordi- 
nary Shot.— Musk-rat Hunting.— American Sovereignty. 

A MAJOR OF THE OLD REGIME. 

Doubtless every one wlio has read Marryatt's 
works will remember Captain Kearney, who is in- 
troduced as a prominent actor in that entertaining 
romance, " Peter Simple," and whose propensity for 
dealing in hyperbole was so irrepressible that even 
on his death-bed, with the rattle in his throat, and 
when he was almost speechless, he said to the hero 
of the story, who was leaning over him to catch the 
last sentences that with great effort gnrgled from 
his lips, " Peter, Pm going now— not that the rat- 
tle—in my throat— is a sign of death— for I once 
knew a man— to live with— the rattle in his throat 
—for six weeks," when he fell back and died. 

Whether this character was exclusively ideal, be- 



14 Border Reminiscences. 

gotten and conceived solely in the author's imagina- 
tion, or whether he was designed to represent an in- 
dividual, or a class of British naval officers, is left for 
the reader to determine. However this may have 
been, many of the traits in this man's character, so 
vividly delineated by the writer, afforded so striking 
a concurrence with those of a real, veritable old army 
officer whom I once encountered, that immediately 
after reading the book I sat dovni and wrote the fol- 
lowing. Before proceeding with my narrative, how- 
ever, I take occasion to remark, as an act of justice 
to the service, that I am proud in giving my attesta- 
tion to the fact that the Munchausen genus-homo 
has hitherto found but a meagre representation in 
the army. ISTevertheless, it must be admitted that a 
lone specimen has now and then, at wide intervals, 
made his appearance, as the individual I am about 
introducing to the reader, and whose dominant pro- 
pensity was proverbial among his contemporaries, 
clearly shows. 

Many years since I was stationed at a frontier post 
with an officer by the name of C***s, who, during 
the War of 1812, enlisted in the regular army as a 
private soldier, and who, for gallant conduct in ac- 
tion, was rewarded with an ensign's commission. 

This officer served under General Jackson in the 



Boeder Reminiscences. 15 

Creek Indian Campaign, and at New Orleans, besides 
having performed meritorious service elsewhere. 

When I first met him he had been advanced to the 
grade of major, and was then verging upon the ma- 
ture age of "threescore and ten," yet he still pre- 
served an exceedingly social disposition, and never 
seemed more happy than when fighting his battles 
over again, and recounting the prominent incidents 
in his life to an appreciative audience by the fire- 
side or at the mess-table. 

I verily believe he would not, for his right hand, 
have perpetrated a deliberate misrepresentation of 
facts or circumstances which would in the slightest 
degree have tended to injure any person, for the 
milk of human kindness predominated largely in his 
nature. At the same time, his conceptive faculties 
were eminently fertile and vivid, while his memory 
was far from being reliable. Moreover, the marvel- 
ous held such absolute sway over every other attri- 
bute in his composition, that it often impelled him 
to " draw a prodigiously long bow," and, by a most 
astonishing coincidence, he w^as himself invariably 
the hero of his wonderful adventures, which seemed 
to be stereotyped upon the tablets of his imagination, 
ready for rehearsal to every one who felt inclined to 
listen to them. 



16 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

As may be conjectured, these legends lost none of 
their romance by repetition ; on the contrary, it was 
quietly whispered about among the officers that they 
had become so much changed and exaggerated by 
time and reiteration that but little, if any thing, of 
the original plots remained. 

He always maintained a most grave and dignified 
cast of countenance when speaking of his exploits, 
and, as he was eminently pugnacious, it was seldom 
that any one in his presence, with the exception of 
his " better half," ever presumed to throw the slight- 
est shadow of incredulity upon the truth of the nar- 
rations. Ilis wife, however, often assumed the priv- 
ilege of expressing her opinions in the rather abrupt 
form of '■'Now, C^^^s, you hnoio you lieP The 
old man was one of those imperturbable persons who 
never manifested surprise at the narration of the 
most startling facts by others, and invariably had at 
his tongue's end an apposite incident, purporting to 
be connected with his own experience, that may not 
in all cases have been original, but which threw all 
others far into the background. 

In order to render the memoir of this remarkable 
romancer more complete, I have ventured to em- 
body in the following sketch a few striking inci- 
dents in his memorable career. 



Boeder Reminiscences. IT 



QUADROOS BALL. 

Tlie major seemed to derive especial satisfaction 
from relating the circumstances connected with his 
personal adventures in New Orleans, and, among oth- 
ers, he informed me that, shortly after his arrival in 
that city, ha\'ing a desire to gain as much informa- 
tion as possible concerning the peculiar habits of the 
people, he paid a visit to a quadroon ball, where he 
encountered a large concourse of persons of all class- 
es, and among them were quite a number of Spanish 
Creole young men, who evinced rather an unfriend- 
ly disposition toward army officers generally, and 
were particularly pointed in their deportment toward 
him. He endeavored to avoid them for some time, 
but they seemed determined to draw him into a quar- 
rel, and at length their insults became so personal 
that, to repeat his own language, " I was compelled 
to smash three or four chairs over their heads; but 
this did not settle the difficulty, and I drew from my 
vest pockets a pair of ' Derringers' that I carried, and 
fired them into the crowd ; but this did not prove 
sufficient, and I was obliged to draw from my coat 
pockets a pair of holster-pistols which I happened to 
have, and discharged them also." 

At this stage of the narrative some inquisitive 



18 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

individual inquired if the police did not interfere to 
quell the disorderly proceedings. He said no ; that 
in the intlee which ensued the lights were extin- 
guished, and this gave him an opportunity to make 
his escape to his quarters. Then, leaning toward us, 
and at the same time placing his hand around his 
mouth so as to prevent the disclosure from escaping 
in any other direction, he added, in a low tone of 
voice, " I say nothing about the sequel of this affair, 
gentlemen, excepting I was informed that dead Sjjan- 
iards were found in the ball-room on the following 
mornino;." 



VISITING A FARO-BAXK. 

During the period that the major remained in 
New Orleans, the pay of the army was so small, and 
the paymaster so seldom in funds, that the officers 
for the most part were obliged to depend for a sub- 
sistence upon the slender fare derived from the com- 
missary's store. They rarely had an opportunity of 
indulging in the expensive luxuries that the market 
afforded, unless, perchance (which did not often oc- 
cur), they received an invitation to dine out with 
some friend who was so fortunate as to possess means 
aside from his pay. According to his own account, 
an invitation was upon a certain occasion extended 



Border Reminiscences. 19 

to himself and his room-mate, a brother officer 

named Tom , to join a party of officers who 

were to dine with Colonel Croghan. They gladly 
accepted the invitation, and went to the dinner, dur- 
ing which the wine circulated briskly, and every one 
seemed to enjoy the sumptuous fare which the col- 
onel's long pm-se enabled him to spread before his 
guests. 

At a late hour, when all were competent to give 
direct evidence as to the superior quality of the wine 
that had been so bountifully supplied by their hos- 
pitable host, and at a time when some of the guests 
appeared about taking their departure, a bottle of 
Champagne was placed at each plate, and an intima- 
tion given by the colonel that he expected every one 
to finish his bottle before leaving the table. The 
major said he regarded this as a peremptory man- 
date, drank off his quota at once, and retired, with 
the intention of hurrying to his quarters and going 
to bed before he became seriously affected by it. On 
his way, however, he was passing the door of a gam- 
bling saloon, and, having a dollar in his pocket, he 
resolved to try his fortune with it. Accordingly he 
entered, and placed his money upon a card which 
won for him several times, and he in a short time ac- 
cumulated quite a " pile of chips," and he continued 



20 Border E,eminiscp:nces. 

betting, until at length the room began to revolve as 
upon an axis, the cards and counters multiplied into 
many times their original numbers, and every thing 
in the establishment seemed to wax dim and misty, 
and finally he lost all recollection of events, until late 
on the following morning he was awakened by his 

messmate Tom , when, to his astonishment, he 

found himself in his own room, and suffering from a 
most excruciating headache. After rubbing his eyes 
and collecting his wandering senses, he was informed 
by his friend that their larder was completely ex- 
hausted, and if they were to have any dinner it would 
be necessary to replenish it, but as for himself, he 
had no money. The major replied that it was likely 
his finances were in the same condition of depletion, 
as he had paid a visit to the faro-bank, and was some- 
what oblivious as to the result ; but, if there was any 
thing, he presumed it would be found in his pockets ; 
whereupon his clothes were examined, and, to their 
utter amazement and delight, every pocket of coat, 
vest, and trowsers was crammed full of doubloons 
and bank-notes, amounting in the aggregate to some- 
thing like ten thousand dollai*s. 

" Now, Tom, my boy," said the major, " as we have 
been roughing it for a good while on commissary 
tack, I propose that you go to market and lay in a 



Boeder Reminiscences. 21 

good stock of luxuries, and from this time out we'll 
live like gentlemen." Whereupon his friend took 
money and went in quest of the supplies. 

Now Tom, be it known, was himself very fond of 
his grog, and would at any time sooner have dis- 
pensed with his dinner than his liquor. After he 
had been absent for a while, the major heard a heavy 
rumbling noise like the rolling of logs across the hall, 
and, on going to the door, found his friend engaged 
in superintending the unloading of barrels from a 
huge wagon. He was in the most exuberant spirits, 
and, rubbing his hands together, informed the major, 
with a most gratified expression of countenance, that 
he had secured a magnificent lot of supplies. 

In reply to the inquiiy as to the character of the 
articles purchased, he said there were thirteen iar- 
rels ofwhishy, two hcans, and a loaf of hread. He 
said he would have purchased a little coffee and sug- 
ar, but he thought they did not care about such flum- 
mery so long as they had a good stock of the sub- 
stantials of life. 

LAFITTE THE PIRATE. 

I once inquired of the major if, while he was with 
the army at New Orleans, he ever chanced to meet 
the renowned pirate whose name heads this sketch. 



22 Boeder Reminiscences. 

He said he had seen him often, and knew him inti- 
mately ; indeed, that General Jackson had once sent 
]iim for the express purpose of capturing the outlaw. 
It appeared some one had reported that the redoubt- 
able buccaneer, with but three or four followers, was 
then lying concealed among the islands in the vicin- 
ity of Fort Livingston, and the major, with a detach- 
ment of twenty men, was directed to search out his 
hiding-place, and, if possible, secure him. Accord- 
ingly, with his party in two barges, he proceeded 
down the river to the Balize, thence turned west, 
and skirted along the numerous bayous for a long 
distance without seeing any trace of the pirates, and 
was upon the point of abandoning the search, when 
suddenly, as he rounded a high projecting point, he 
came directly into immediate proximity with a fleet 
of seven raking, suspicious-looking vessels lying qui- 
etly at anchor. 

Being then too close to retreat with safety, he 
adopted the only alternative that occurred to him. 
Putting on a bold face, he rowed directly up to the 
gangway of the flag-ship, and inquired for the com- 
manding ofilcer, who soon made his appearance in 
the person of the veritable Lafitte himself, and who 
very courteously saluted him, calling him by name, 
and invited him on board his vessel. lie accepted the 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 23 

invitation, and took an early occasion to observe that, 
having learned the fleet was in that vicinity, it oc- 
curred to him that he would come and pay his re- 
spects to the renowned commander. He was cor- 
dially received, invited into the luxurious cabin, and 
treated with the most distinguished consideration 
and hospitality. A sumptuous dinner was served 
upon the most costly plate, accompanied by the best 
wines and liquors, of which he partook freely. Aft- 
erward he smoked the most recherche segars while 
indulging a luxurious siesta in a gorgeous hammock 
suspended in the coolest part of the deck, and every 
thing was done by the courteous pirate to render his 
visit agreeable. 

When the time arrived for him to take his depart- 
ure, he found his boats stocked with baskets of Cham- 
pagne, jars of rare sweetmeats, and other delicacies 
in the greatest profusion. 

As he was about leaving the ship, Lafitte informed 
him that he was perfectly well aware of the object 
of his visit, and suggested that when he next started 
out for the purpose of capturing the commander of a 
fleet of seven vessels completely armed and manned, 
he should take a greater force than twenty men. lie 
thought the advice good, and resolved to profit by 
it ; then, bidding adieu to the buccaneer, whom he 



24 Boeder Reminiscences. 

pronounced a most generous fellow, lie returned to 
New Orleans. 



WHALING VOYAGE. 

The major, I was aware, had at one time been sta- 
tioned at Portsmouth, New Hampshire ; and as I 
had been told that a whale was once killed in that 
vicinity, I incidentally asked him if he ever heard of 
the circumstance. " Why, my dear fellow," said he, 
" I was the very man that killed him." 

I was not a little surprised at this, and requested 
him to gi\e me an account of the affair, which he 
did in the following words : 

" It was reported to me one day that a large sperm 
whale had been seen spouting about two miles below 
Portsmouth, and there was every indication to induce 
the belief that he was coming up to the town ; where- 
upon I called out my boat's crew, manned my barge, 
and, seizing a harpoon that I happened to have, set 
off in pursuit, and soon came alongside him, and I 
fortunately succeeded, at the very first cast, in fast- 
ening the harpoon into him. 

" The monster made some terrific struggles to ex- 
tricate himself, but not succeeding, set off furiously 
up the river with the barge in tow. At length, how- 
ever, he turned down stream for a few miles, then. 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 25 

coming about again, lie went up the river, and in 
this manner he continued carrying us up and down 
stream for three successive days and nights, during 
all of which time I stood at the bow of the boat, axe 
in hand, ready to cut the harpoon-rope in case he 
should take us out to sea. This contingency did not 
occur, however, and, at the expiration of the time 
specified, the whale became so much exhausted that 
he was easily killed and landed, and he afforded an 
enormous amount of oil." 

I inquired of the major if he did not suffer from 
hunger during all those three days and nights. He 
replied, " No ; our friends threw provisions into the 
boat as we swiftly passed back and forth under the 
bridge at Portsmouth." 

A DATS DUCK-SHOOTING. 

As I remarked before, the memory of the major 
was sometimes at fault. 

One evening I came in from a duck-shooting ex- 
cursion, when I had been successful in bagging an 
unusually large number of birds. I reported my re- 
turn to the major, and gave him an account of the 
most interesting incidents of the hunt, and, among 
other things, mentioned that I had killed nine ducks 
at a single shot. 

B 



26 B O K 1) E K II K M 1 N 1 S C E N C E S, 

" Why, my clear fellow," said he, " when I was with 
Old Hickory at New Orleans, 1 took a day's duck- 
shooting on Lake Pontchartrain, and I pledge you 
my word, sir, that two of us bagged six hundred and 
ninety-one duck and mallard. I myself, with my 
large-bored 'Joe Manton,' tliat Pakingham present- 
ed me, at a single shot brought down seventy-seven 
ducks, which we picked up, besides wounding many 
others that got away." 

One of the officers present gave a prolonged low 
whistle of incredulity at this marvelous statement, 
M'hen the major turned upon him, and, with a most 
indignant air, asked if he presumed to doubt the cor- 
rectness of what he had asserted. " By no means," 
answered the young man. " Certainly not. I haven't 
the slightest doubt upon the subject." 

The major continued : " Tou may rest perfectly 
assured, sir, that every word I have advanced is abso- 
lutely and literally true, and, as I said before, we 
bagged eight hundred and ninety-three duck and 
mallard, and I myself killed eighty-seven of them at 
a single shot with my ' Purdy,' which Andrew Jack- 
son insisted upon my accepting as a Christmas pres- 
ent. Moreover^ let me tell you, sir, that it was an 
infernally had day for duck-shoothuj too?'' 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 27 



ABSENCE WITHOUT LEAVE. 

Wliile commaii cling a post in Louisiana, the major 
upon a certain occasion gave permission for one of 
his officers to visit New Orleans, and the young man, 
finding the city very attractive, overstaid his leave, 
and expected to be called to account for it. 

Immediately after his return he called at the 
quarters of the commanding officer to report his ar- 
rival, and, not finding him in at the moment, he en- 
deavored to place himself on as favorable a footing 
as possible with the lady of the house. He described 
to her the latest fashions, related the most recent gos- 
sip circulating among the ^^haut-ton" of the city, and 
was ingratiating himself rapidly into favor with her, 
when the major entered, and in a very dignified 
manner asked him the news from New Orleans. 

Kow the major possessed no penchant for literary 
pursuits. He seldom read books of any description, 
but poetry was his abhorrence — he could not endure 
it. He had, however, accomplished the task of wad- 
ing entirely through the four ponderous volumes of 
Ennnons's epic, " The Fredoniad," in the vain effort 
of folding his own name mentioned in connection 
with the events of the campaign of 1812-14. In- 
stead of appreciating the merits of the work, he seem- 



28 B O K D E K II E M I N I S C E N C P: S. 

ed most essentially disgusted with it, and even went 
so far as to pronounce the author " a humbug." 

The lieutenant, aware of this unjust prejudice 
against the writer of the historical effusion, replied 
to the question as follows : 

" Indeed, major, there is but little news in the city, 
excepting I heard that Mr. Emmons had issued a new 
edition of his poem." 

" He has, has he ?" said the major. " Well, Mr. 
, I'll tell you what it is, sir, that man Em- 
mons I take to be a consummate ass, sir." 

"Why, major," said the lieutenant, "do you know 
he has introduced you into this edition ?" 

" The devil he has ! What, I should like to know, 
has he got to say about me V 

" Well, sir, he says, 

" 'And there was Major C***s in a blaze of fire, 
He caused the British for to retire. ' " 

The major's face lighted up with a most gratified 
expression immediately, and he observed that, upon 
reflection, he believed " Emmons was a d — d sight 
more of a knave than fool." 

The adroit lieutenant escaped without ari'est, or 
even a reprimand. 



Border Reminiscences. 29 



POST-FUND CONTROVERSY. 

Upon another occasion, when the major was sta- 
tioned at a military post in the Northwest, he en- 
coimtered a good deal of perplexity and annoyance 
in getting his accounts of the post fund adjusted to 
the satisfaction of the authorities at Washington, 
and a protracted correspondence between himself 
and the adjutant general ensued, in which a wide 
discrepancy of opinion was exhibited regarding the 
proper manner of disbursing and accounting for the 
money. 

The major conceived that he had not in this dis- 
cussion been treated with that amenity and respect 
wliich was due to his rank and services, and that the 
adjutant general had given expression to his views in 
an arbitrary and dictatorial manner altogether un- 
justifiable under the circumstances. This for a time 
seemed to give him considerable uneasiness, as he 
prided himself specially upon his reasoning powers. 
He talked about the matter constantly, and threat- 
ened to give the adjutant general a severe epistolary 
castigation for his want of courtesy. In his own 
words, he " intended to apply the argumentum acl 
hominum to him." That something very severe was 
intended by the use of tin's expression is quite cer- 



30 JioKUEK Keminiscenoks. 

tain, yet no one for a moment supposed lie had the 
remotest idea of its signification. 

After a few days had elapsed, the major asserted 
that he had written and forwarded such a caustic 
letter as would probably end the discussion, and for- 
ever afterward prevent the Washington officials from 
giving him any farther trouble. 

About this time an inspector general visited the 
post, and was solicited by the major to examine the 
correspondence, and give his views upon the vexed 
and unsettled question at issue. He assented, read 
over the letters carefully, and gave it as his candid 
judgment that the adjutant general had decidedly 
the best of the argument. 

The major was disappointed at this unexpected 
decision, but soon rallied, and exultingly said, " You 
may think so now, but you have not yet seen my last 
letter to the adjutant general; read that, if you 
please, sii', and then tell me what your opinion is." 
He then handed him another letter, officially headed, 
briefed, and signed, in strict conformity with the re- 
quirements of the regulations, which proved to be a 
tissue of acrimonious comments and harsh reflections 
upon the course pursued by the adjutant general, be- 
sides being highly indecorous and disrespectful not 
only to the officer to whom it was addressed, but to 
the general commanding tlie army. 



Border Reminiscences. 31 

After the inspector general had read it over atten- 
tively, the major asked him what he thought of it, to 
which the inspector replied, " The thing which aston- 
ishes me most in this matter is that you were not or- 
dered in arrest the moment this document was re- 
ceived at the head-quarters of the army, for it is 
throughout eminently defiant and disrespectful to- 
ward your superior officers." 

The major at once perceived that he had commit- 
ted himself a little too far, as the inspector might 
think it his duty to make a note of the case and in- 
vestigate it on his return to Washington, which would 
be likely to prove seriously embarrassing to him. 

In view of this, he smilingly replied : " Now, my 
dear general, you certainly will allow us to have our 
little amusements and jokes at such a remote fron- 
tier station as this. It is very true I wrote that let- 
ter, but I never intended to send it to the War De- 
partment, and no such communication ever was sent; 
for you may be assured I have always entertained the 
most profound respect not only for the general-in- 
chief, but for the adjutant general." 

PATENT SUA VIKG MACHINE. 

At another time, while the major was stationed at 
New Orleans, he said lie was ordered by General 



32 B O R D E K K E M I N I S C E N E S. 

Jackson to proceed to Havana for the purpose of 
transacting important business with the Spanish au- 
thorities. According to his own statement, he made 
the voyage in a war vessel, arrived safe in the har- 
bor, and, on going ashore, to his surprise, found 
awaiting his coming the governor general, who at 
once ordered his luggage to the palace, and insisted 
upon his making that his home during his sojourn in 
the city. He would have preferred taking his quar- 
ters at a hotel, but it seemed the invitation was so 
pressing as to leave him no discretion ; he was forced, 
nolens volens, to accept. 

After having been ushered into a gorgeous suite 
of apartments, where numerous servants were placed 
at his command, he w^as infoi'med that dinner would 
be served as soon as he liad completed his toilet. As 
he had had no opportunity of shaving while at sea, 
and as his beard required trimming, he inquired of 
the major domo if there was a barber's shop near 
where lie could be shaved expeditiously. He was 
informed that there was an establishment within the 
court of the palace where his beard could be taken 
off in something like two seconds, and was immedi- 
ately conducted to a spacious apartment, where, to 
his astonishment, he found a steam shaving machine, 
to which was attached an enormous razor about four 



Boeder Reminiscences. 33 

feet in length, with other dimensions corresponding. 
The first glance at this formidable instrument, he ac- 
knowledged, caused him to feel a little perturbation ; 
but, after the engineer had explained to him the 
manner in which it operated, he willingly consented 
to try the novel invention, and seated himself in a 
huge arm-chair directly under the razor, when the 
operator let on the steam, the piston moved, and the 
ponderous instrument made two revolutions, each 
one of which took the beard from a side of his face 
as clean as if he had been a woman, and the opera- 
tion was completed. 

One of the ofiicers asked if the process was attend- 
ed with any pain or pulling of the beard. He replied, 
" ISTot the slightest ; on the contrary, I assure you, 
gentlemen, that it was the most comfortable shave I 
ever had in my life. And I really think it would 
conduce to the interest of the service if it was adopt- 
ed into the army, as a regiment might be marched up 
after the reveille, and every man be shaved before 
breakfast." 

Another inquisitive individual remarked that he 
would imagine but few persons could resist the im- 
pulse of dodging when the huge razor came whirl- 
ing around in close contact with their faces, and that 
they might thereby incur the risk of having tlieir 
B 2 



34 BoEDKK Kkminisoences. 

heads instead of their l)eards taken off. This unex- 
pected query seemed to puzzle the old man a little, 
but his ready resources soon supplied him Avith an 
extrication from the dilemma in these words : ''''How 
in h — I loould a man dodge, Pd like to knoio, token 
his head ivas screwed into a vice f " 

A CAPITAL SHOT. 

Of all the events in the history of this irrepressi- 
ble devotee of fiction, none seemed to be preserved 
by him with more vivid and pleasant remembrances 
than his liunting adventures. 

Although his contemporaries never knew him to 
fire a shot, yet he professed to have been in his 
younger days an ardent disciple of Nimrod ; and he 
possessed an inexhaustible fund of sporting incident, 
from which illustrations of his marvelous achieve- 
ments in that line were continually drawn. 

The theatre of his exploits was often located in 
Florida, and, according to his own statement, the cat- 
alogue of his performances in that country embraced 
a vast aggregate of small game of all descriptions, 
besides a large number of bears and panthers, which 
had been slaughtered by him under every conceiva- 
ble aspect of danger and excitement. 

lie was at one time asked if hinitinir such for- 



BoKDEK Keminiscences. 35 

niidable animals as bears and panthers was not very 
exciting sport, to which he replied that he had found 
the sport rather interesting, except now and then the 
animals had taken it into their heads to hunt him, 
when the excitement became rather too intense to be 
agreeable. 

In this connection he observed that a most re- 
markable circumstance once happened in his experi- 
ence while hunting in East Florida. 

Upon tlie occasion alluded to, it appeared that he 
had gone out to a large hammock a short distance 
from camp for the purpose of woodcock shooting, 
and, as bears were known to frequent that particular 
locality, he took the precaution, before entering the 
jmigle, to load the right barrel of his fowling-piece 
W'itli a ball, while the left barrel w^as charged wdth 
the smallest sized woodcock shot. Thus prepared, 
he sent his dogs into the hammock and followed 
closely behind. They beat the cover thoroughly for 
some time without finding game ; at length, how- 
ever, one of the dogs made a stanch point, and was 
soon backed up by the others. He advanced cau- 
tiously with both barrels cocked and ready for use, 
but nothing moved until he " hied onH'' the dogs, and 
they rushed forward, flushing the game suddenly 
upon both sides, and, under the impulse of nervous 



36 B O K D E R K E M I N I S C E N C E S. 

excitement, he made snap shots to the right and left 
in quick succession. In reference to the results, he 
said, "I was confident I saw the game fall to the 
ground simultaneously with the discharge of the 
gun, but was ignorant of what I had achieved until 
I recharged my fowling-piece and went to bag the 
game, when on the right hand I found a woodcock, 
and, to my surprise, on the left a huge bear was 
lying gasping in the agonies of death ; but imagine 
my utter astonishment, gentlemen, when, upon exam- 
ination, I discovered that I had killed the woodcock 
with the two-ounce bullet, and the bear with the 
woodcock shot!" 

One of his auditors remarked that he was unable 
to comprehend how it was possible for a mustard- 
seed shot to go through the tough hide of a large 
bear, and penetrate to the vitals. 

The old man was considerably exercised at this 
manifestation of incredulity, and, with a good deal 
of acerbity, responded : " Your remark would seem 
to imply that you doubt the truth of my statement, 
sir. I'll have you to know that I am not in the habit 
of exaggerating, sir ; and I can inform you further- 
more that the bear was not only killed with the small- 
est-sized bird-shot, but I took occasion to pace the 
distance at which I stood from the animal when I 
fired, and found it to be just ninety-seven yards." 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 37 

The inquisitive individual said that, in making his 
queries, he disclaimed any intention of doubting the 
major's word, but that he was animated solely by a 
desire to obtain correct information ; and added, 
"How could you see the bear at the distance you 
have named in a thicket so dense as to render it im- 
possible to discern a man only twenty yards off ?" 

The major said he was ready to admit that neither 
a bear nor any other animal could be seen at the 
distance mentioned by looking directly through the 
tangled jungle of a Florida hammock, but, said he, 
" I'll explain to you how it was : I took him, as it 
were, upon the wing, while he exposed his body in 
the act of leaping over a palmetto-tree." 

MUSK-RAT HUNTING. 

One winter, when the major was stationed at a 
military post in a high northern latitude, he was or- 
dered out w^ith a detachment of soldiers in pursuit 
of a party of hostile Indians who had committed 
depredations upon the border settlements. In com- 
pliance with his instructions, he took the trail, and 
followed it rapidly for a long distance, expecting ev- 
ery day to overtake the marauders. This led them 
so far away from the fort into the wilderness that 
all their provisions were consumed long before they 



38 BuKDEK IvEMlNISCENCES. 

got back, and tlie party was forced to resort to e\ery 
available expedient in order to obtain sustenance. 

'One evening, after they had killed and eaten their 
last pack animal, and devoured every thing else they 
could find that afforded the least nutriment, they biv- 
ouacked upon the border of a lake which was frozen 
over, and above the ice appeared a lai'ge number of 
musk-rat houses. 

It is a fact in natural history, familiar almost to 
eveiy one, that the musk-rat selects his tenement in 
shallow water, covering a soft morass diflicult of ac- 
cess in the summer season. The structure is then 
erected, and projects in a semi-spherical form several 
feet above the water, with an entrance opening at 
the bottom, which enables the animals to enter un- 
seen, and reach the part of their habitation that is 
above the surface ; and here they pass the cold 
months of winter. 

The Indians, understanding this fact perfectly, are 
in the habit of crawling up to the houses upon the ice, 
and suddenly driving a long, slender lance through 
them, which not unfrequently impales three or four 
animals. The grassy superstructure is then torn off, 
and the rats taken from the lance. 

The major was cognizant of these facts, and M'hen 
he saw the houses u])oii the lake near liis bivouac, 



13 O R D P: K li K M I N I S C E N C E S. 39 

resolved to make an effort to replenish his larder 
therefrom. Accordingly, with a knife and pole, he 
soon improvised a lance, and cautiously upon the ice 
approaching one of the largest houses, he, with all 
his might, drove the instrument entirely through it, 
with the intention of killing as many of the unsus- 
pecting victims as possible at the first thrust. 

There were several officers present at the time he 
was relating the story, all anxiously listening to hear 
the sequel, which they were confident would prove 
one of the major's loftiest flights of fancy. He con- 
tinued: "After my lance had passed through the 
house, there seemed to be quite a commotion among 
the occupants indicative of a successful coup ; where- 
upon I called some of my men, who removed the su- 
perstructure, and disclosed to us the result ; and now, 
gentlemen, I would like to have your opinions as to 
the number of musk-rats you think I found spitted 
upon that one lance." 

Various random conjectures were given in compli- 
ance with the request, some placing their estimates 
at five or six, others going as high as eight or ten. 
All gave their opinions cheerfully excepting Captain 
H*""*e, who was a tliorough sportsman, and had oft- 
en endeavored to contrast liis real, hondjide hunting- 
exploits with the major's fancy sketolies ; but when- 



40 Border li e m i n i s c e n c e s. 

ever he was the first to relate any circumstance con- 
nected with his own experience, the major either in- 
variably had in reserve, or manufactured for the oc- 
casion, an exploit which threw him far into the back- 
ground. 

As may be imagined, this did not augment his re- 
gard for the old man, and he determined to have sat- 
isfaction the first opportunity that offered. When 
he was asked how many musk-rats he imagined they 
took from the house, he replied, " I really can not say." 

" But," said the major, "you certainly can have no 
objections to hazarding a conjecture." 

" Certainly not," said he. " If I were to make an 
estimate based upon the data you have presented to 
us, I should say about five hundred and fifty-nine." 

This ironical response, uttered with the most im- 
perturbable gravity, caused a general laugh among 
all present excepting the major, who for an instant 
manifested considerable displeasure, but soon rallied, 
and very urbanely asked the captain if lie did not 
think that five hundred and fifty-nine musk-rats 
would be rather crowded upon a single lance. "Not 
at all," replied he ; " and, if I were to be called upon 
to make another conjecture, I really believe I should 
be inclined to increase rather tlian diminish the 
number." 



BoKDER REMINrSCENOES. 41 

The major then, with a most quizzical expression 
of coimtenance, said, " Oh no, my dear fellow, you 
are very far from the mark this time. I assure you, 
upon my honor, sir, that after we had demolished the 
house, and exposed the lance to view, there was not 
the first musJc-rat upon it.'''' 

It is needless to add that the laugh was turned 
upon the captain. 

AMERICAN SOVEREIGNTY. 

Major C***s and Captain H***e were once pres- 
ent at a dinner-party, when an animated discussion 
arose as to which particular district of the United 
States possessed the greatest agricultural attractions, 
and much diversity of sentiment was manifested 
during the agitation of the question. 

One of the party, who had traveled extensively, ex- 
pressed the opinion that the Rock River Yalley was 
more productive and beautiful than any he had seen. 
Another declared the " Missouri Bottoms" more fa- 
vorable for tillage ; and several other alluring locali- 
ties were mentioned as being pre-eminently adapted 
to the requirements of husbandry, the advocates of 
each claiming precedence over the others. 

Captain H**'^e said the district of country from 
which he hailed presented to the planters more ad- 



■i'J ]i U K 1) E K K E M I N I S C E N O E S, 

vantageous conditions than any he had visited, and, 
as an evidence of this, mentioned some enormous 
yields of grain that liad been grown there. 

The major, who was a native of New England, ob- 
served that, with all deference to the judgment of 
his friend. Captain H***e, he was compelled to dif- 
fer with him in his exalted estimate of the advan- 
tages of the locality of his nativity (a Southern state), 
as he believed tlie Connecticut River Valley, with its 
excellent soil, contiguity to railroads, close proximity 
to markets, with other local attractions, rendered this 
more desirable to the planter than any other section. 

The captain remarked that he had never visited the 
Northeastern States, and could not, therefore, from 
personal observation, give direct evidence as to their 
tillable features, but he had always been under the 
impression that the climate of the New England 
States was so cold and inhospitable, the soil so thin 
and barren, and so covered with rocks, that it was 
next to impossible for a planter to subsist in that re- 
gion. So notorious were tliese facts, that he had 
heard it asserted, hyperbolically, that the farmers of 
New England were in the habit of shai'pening the 
noses of their slieep to enable them to pick out the 
straggling blades of grass that here and there forced 
their cri-owth within tlie interstices of the rocks. lie 



Border Rkminiscences. 43 

]iad also been told, but would not voucli for its lit- 
eral truth, that they were compelled during the 
planting season to shoot their grain into the flinty 
soil with a cannon before it would take root. 

Major C***s said he had never witnessed any ag- 
ricultural operations with heavy ordnance in the 
Connecticut River Valley, and as there were but few 
rocks in that section, he hardly thought it necessary ; 
" but," added he, " I have the advantage of Captain 
H***e in having, shortly after the Creek War, had oc- 
casion to travel through the district of country where 
he was nurtured, which afforded me a good oppor- 
tunity to judge of its merits. While upon this jour- 
ney, I stopped one night at a small log tavern in 
what was regarded as about the most fertile portion 
of the state, and during the evening a number of 
the neighboring farmers collected in the bar-room of 
the shanty, where, after indulging in sundry drinks 
of ' apple-jack,' they lit their cob-pipes and entered 
into conversation upon the subject of their crops, 
from which it appeared that the season had proved 
unusually favorable. One of them, who assumed 
quite a consequential bearing, and seemed to be the 
nabob of the party, with an air of decided self-grat- 
ulation, took occasion to observe that his plantation 
had yielded that season something like ten busliels 



44 BoRDKK Reminiscences. 

of corn, five bushels of white beans, two loads of 
pumpkins, besides a fair average of other less im- 
portant products, which would enable his family to 
subsist bounteously during the aj)proaching winter. 

"Another man remarked that, although he had 
not been so mmiificently blessed by Providence as 
his neighbor who had just spoken, yet he was happy 
to say that his garnere were sufficiently stocked to 
afford a reasonable guarantee that his household 
would not suffer until the new crop came in. All 
the others of the coterie, in succession, enumerated 
the products of their plantations voluntarilj^, with 
the exception of one exceedingly tall, lank, haggard, 
and unwashed, but eminently independent -looking 
individual, who, seated upon a rude bench in a cor- 
ner of the cabin, with his feet resting against the 
logs above his head, and with his scanty apparel 
hanging in shreds and tatters about his loosely-joint- 
ed and bony person, continued ejecting the smoke in 
dense clouds toward the roof, while his blear, smoke- 
stained, and expressionless optics were turned up in 
the same direction, indicative of a total indifference 
to, and abstraction from, the frivolities of all mun- 
dane concerns; and as he evinced no disposition to 
communicate to the assembly the results of his agri- 
cultural experience, one of tlie party said to him, 



Border Reminiscences. 45 

' Mister Jeeines, has you been a'croppin o'nt much 
this seezing V 

" The only response that the distrait individual 
condescended to make to this query was an emphatic 
ejaculation of the interrogative pronoun ' Which T 

" The question was then repeated in the follow- 
ing form : 

" ' Mister Jeemes, has you j^re-ducted a tollible pee- 
'urt chance o' crops this yere seezing?' 

"This formal inquiry caused him slowly to depress 
the elevated line of his vision from his sky-scraping 
contemplations until it rested upon the interrogator, 
when, with an air of consequential importance, he 
responded, 

" ' I'll tell ye, gente?7^e7^, how it war. Me an my 

ole woman (Mistress Jeemes), we put in a far sprink- 
lin o' corn, an taters, an other truck, this yere seez- 
ing, an we 'low'd we mought j?^^-duce right smart o' 
craps. But one mornin, jist afore sun-up, a ole he- 
bar he brake inter the corn-patch, an after browsin 
round considdible, and destructin a heap o' corn, he 
ups an makes sign for the house. Then Mistress 
Jeemes she 'low'd she'd skeer the varmint oft'; but 
when that consarned ole he-bar git sight o' her a 
cummin, he look sorter bothered, an he sot up, an he 
turn his head this-a-way and that-a-way, like he never 



46 Border Rkminiscencks. 

seen a fcinenine woman afore. Then he slap his 
riglit paw on his heart, an he wink his eyes, an make 
sign with his left paw, jist like a hnraan, fur Mistress 
Jeemes to come that-a-way ; but Mistress Jeemes is 
tollible pee'urt, an she pre-farded not to 'cept that 
sort o' invite. Then that kantankeratious ole cnss 
he git mad, an he gist comes a tarin at my ole wom- 
an (Mistress Jeemes), who tuk the agnr powerful 
that mornin, an it shock the strenth all outen 'er. 
An when she seen the critter a chargin on 'er, she 
clean guv up, an she git the hysteericks, an she cavort- 
ed, an she howled so ireTnendns, that that ole he-bar 
he git skurt hisself wosser nur Mistress Jeemes, an 
he turn tail an brake fur the timber. 

" ' Then the dog-ond weeds they comes inter the 
corn, and choked it so like h — 11 that we didn't geth- 
er narry 'n ear. We got shut o' corn. But, gente- 
7)ien,yve hasjor^-ducted a half bushel o' white beans 
this seezing, an we reckons as how, with what pos- 
sums an other varmints we ken kotch, they'll do us 
till blackberry an percimmon time. Then white 
beans may jist go to thunder, an I don't keer a dod 
durn pickayune ef I never raise narry 'nuther nub- 
bin.' Then, turning to me, he added, ' Stranger, will 
ye liquor V " 



BoKBER Reminiscences. 47 



CHAPTEE II. 

Education in the Army. — Any Thing in Reason. — Toledo Blade. — 
The Mess-table. — Hard Fare. — The handsomest Man. — The ugli- 
est Man. — Old Beeswax. — Captain Forbes Britton. — His Patriot- 
ism illustrated.— Tally-ho!— Colonel T*****.— Perfect Police.— 
Colonel Morgan.— Bad Wine. — Short Pants. — Keview and Inspec- 
tion.— Colonel Ben. Bell. — Long Time between Drinks.— Come to 
stay. 

EDUCATION IN TUE ARMY. 

The officers of the array, previous to the Rebel- 
lion, were for the most part educated at the Military 
Academy, and it must be admitted that they were 
generally men of intelligence and culture, who en- 
tertained the most exalted conceptions of integrity 
and moral personal responsibility. These attributes 
were cherished and cultivated in the service with an 
esprit du corjps truly commendable. 

The numerous examples where these men, during 
the late war, were intrusted with the disbursement 
of vast sums of public money, and could, perhaps, 
had they been so disposed, have swindled the gov- 
ernment and covered their tracks, as some others are 
said to have done, but who, instead of this, guarded 
the public interests with zealous care, and are now 



48 Border Reminiscences. 

entirely dependent npon their limited pay for siil)- 
sistence from month to month, most strikingly 
evinces the truth of what has been stated. More- 
over, the appropriations made for Indians by the 
Congress of 1868, wherein army officers were re- 
quired to witness the disbursements of civilian agents 
and certify to their accuracy, conclusively shows the 
confidence reposed in their integrity by our national 
Legislature. 

But, alas for the good of the nation, the greater 
part of these pure and noble spirits laid down their 
lives, were cnppled, or ruined their constitutions in 
the service of their country dm'ing the protracted 
continuance of the sanguinary Rebellion, so that but 
few of them now remain upon the active service list. 

In the army, as with other classes of people, may 
probably be found an occasional representative of 
almost every conceivable type of humanity, but the 
characters I propose introducing to the reader's no- 
tice Tinder the above heading must not be understood 
as having constituted any appreciable element in the 
old military establishment. Far from it. »They have 
been selected specially on account of their anoma- 
lous idiosyncratic peculiarities, and as rare excep- 
tions to the great mass of their comrades. 

There were in the old establishment a few officers 



Border Reminiscences. • 49 

who for gallant service had been promoted from the 
ranks, or who, through the influence of political 
friends, had obtained commissions, and I am happy 
to say that the majority of these were accomplished 
gentlemen, honorable men, and excellent officers; 
but it must be admitted that the education of some 
of them had been sadly neglected, and, indeed, one 
was occasionally found who entertained supreme 
contempt for any literature save the Army Regula- 
tions and the Tactics. 

ANY THING IN REASON 

Upon a certain occasion, the precise date of which 
it is not necessary to mention, when a detachment of 
troops was about setting out from the Missouri River 
upon a long march across the Plains, and when the 
limited amount of transportation had rendered it 
necessary to reduce the officers' baggage to the mini- 
mum regulation allowance, the commanding officer, 
who was never known to consume much time o^'er 
books, but seldom declined a pressing invitation to 
participate in a social glass, was applied to by a 
young subaltern just from West Point for permission 
to carry along a small package of books which he had 
provided himself \vitli to while away the dull monot- 
ony of garrison life. The commander re])lied tlmt 

C 



50 Border Reminiscences. 

he was always ready and willing to do any thing in 
reason for all his officers, but when transportation 
was so very limited, as in that particular instance, he 
did not feel authorized to encumber his wagons with 
such useless trumpery as books. He was very sorry 
to refuse, but it was impossible to comply with the 
request. The youi:ig gentleman went away greatly 
disappointed ; and shortly afterward another officer, 
a particular friend of the commander, came up and 
made application to liave a barrel of whisky trans- 
ported in the wagons, which probably weighed ten 
times as much as the lieutenant's rejected little par- 
cel of books. To this request he received the follow- 
ing reply : 

" Certainly, lieutenant — certainly, sir ; of couree 
you can take along a barrel or two of whisky, or any 
thing else in reason ; but the idea of lumbering up 
my wagons with books is most preposterous, and I 
must say that I am astonished at such an unreasona- 
ble request coming from any officer of my com- 
mand." 

This same officer was once presented with a sword 
by a friend, who assured him that it was a genuine 
specimen of the rare Toledo blade He himself, it 
is true, had not a very clear conception of what was 
meant by this peculiar designation of the weapon, as 



BoBDEK Reminiscences. 51 

will appear in the sequel ; but be was confident that 
it was something better than the regulation sabre, 
and prized it highly. He often exliibited the pres- 
ent to his friends, who generally concurred with him 
in the discussion of its merits ; but upon one occa- 
sion an officer, who professed to be a connoisseur in 
such matters, ventured to express a doubt as to the 
quaHty of the metal, remarking, at the same time, 
that but very few well-authenticated old Toledo or 
Damascus blades could now be found in any part of 
the world, and that probably the most of these were 
in the possession of rich Spanish hidalgos, who could 
not be induced to part with them at any price. More- 
over, added he, the secret of manipulating the steel 
from which these rare specimens of art were pro- 
duced was lost in the seventeenth century. 

The proprietor of the weapon, at this attempt to 
cast a shadow of doubt upon its genuineness, became 
quite excited, and, jumping to his feet, exclaimed, in 
a loud tone of voice, " Spanish hidalgo — h — 1 ! I 
tell you, sir, this is no counterfeit, but a real Simon 
pure Toledo blade ; and I pledge you my word, sir, 
that a friend of old Toledo himself assured me that 
this was the very last sword the old man made be- 
fore he took sick and died." 



52 Border Reminiscences. 



THE MESS-TABLE. 

The regiment of Mas a superior organ- 
ization, composed of excellent material, as every body 
connected with the old army establishment veiy well 
knew, and a great amount of arduous and meritori- 
ous service was performed by this regiment in the 
Indian country long before the breaking out of the 
rebellion Some of the officers made their marks in 
the Florida and Mexican campaigns ; others distin- 
guished themselves in prominent positions during the 
late war, while many others of them have been kill- 
ed in battle or have died in the service of their coun- 
try, so that now, alas ! like some of the old war frig- 
ates, although the name, configuration, and model 
remain, the original material has almost entirely dis- 
appeared. 

For some years after this regiment was first called 
into service the officers boi*e the reputation of being 
about the most hospitable, generous, and convivial 
set of good fellows in the army, and wherever they 
were Cjuartered, either in barracks or in camp, there 
was certain to be gayety and festivity, and it may 
truly be said of them " that their latch-strings were 
never drawn in, and their purse-strings seldom ever 
tied." Indeed, they wei-e noted for spending tlicir 



Border Reminiscences. 53 

money freely so long as it lasted ; but some of them 
were so prodigal that they were rarely ever known 
to be in funds during the last half of a month, or, at 
all events, until the paymaster came around. The 
itinerant, gipsy-like locomotion that the troops on the 
frontier are continually subjected to, even in time of 
profound peace, precludes the possibility of their 
forming permanent household arrangements, as they 
can never tell to-day where they may be ordered to- 
morrow. 

The regiments are usually so widely dispersed in 
small garrisons that it is difficult for them to estab- 
lish any thing like regimental messes, such as are 
found in the English army. Yet at one station in 
Texas quite a respectable mess was formed, and a 
majority of the officers of the regiment joined it. 
But, unfortunately for the aspirations of some of the 
young subalterns, their finances had become so low, 
and they were so deeply involved in debt, as to be 
unable to pay the somewhat extravagant mess bills 
of the lai'ge association, and they were obliged to 
" rough it" by themselves in a more frugal manner, 
chiefly upon supplies obtained at low rates from the 
commissary. Indeed, I heard of one lieutenant (but 
I will not vouch for its literal authenticity) whose 
pnrse became so perfectly depleted at one time that 



54 Border Reminiscences. 

for several weeks he was compelled to subsist upon 
rice alone. During this period of fasting it unfor- 
tunately so fell out that a friend of his from a 
neighboring post paid him a most unseasonable visit, 
not liaving the slightest previous conception or warn- 
ing of the scanty fare he was destined to encoun- 
ter. 

The impoverished lieutenant put the best possible 
face upon the meagre condition of his larder, and 
received him with his usual urbane hospitality at 
about the hour for dinner, when it was too late, how- 
ever, even had it been in his power, to have made 
much change in his bill of fare, except to borrow a 
little mustard from a brother officer, which he im- 
agined might make the rice diet more palatable. 
The dinner was soon announced, the two friends 
seated themselves at the pine camp-table, when the 
host raised the solitary cover, and, in a very beseech- 
ing way, inquired of his guest if he should help him 
to rice. The latter, conceiving this dish to be the 
preliminary course, like "raw oysters on the half 
shell," replied, " No, I thank you ; I never eat rice." 
" Then," said the lieutenant, not a little perplexed as 
to what he should do or say next, and as a desperate 
dernier ressort under the exceedingly embarrassing 
circiunstances, "help yourself to mustard, for, if you 



Border Keminiscences. 55 

can get any thing else in this ranch, you are smarter 
than I am." 

The finances of the ofiicers of the general mess 
were in a more flourishing condition, and their table 
was usually supplied with the best dishes the market 
afforded. Indeed, they sometimes even indulged in 
the luxury of a bottle of wine at dinnei;, and, in or- 
der to give zest to its flavor, and to contribute excite- 
ment against the heavy monotony of garrison life, 
they occasionally resorted to the stimulating influ- 
ences of wagers, and other ingenious devices, involv- 
ing results that invariably added to their stock of 
wine. 

Some of these, novel expedients were superlatively 
ludicrous. For example : Quite an animated and 
somewhat acrimonious discussion arose one day as 
to who was the handsomest man in the mess, and a 
wide diversity of opinion was evinced upon the sub- 
ject, without any prospect of a satisfactory solution 
of the question, until some one suggested that it 
should be decided by disinterested ladies, who were 
acknowledged to be much more competent judges 
of such matters than men. As there were no ladies 
at the post, the greater part of the ofiicers being in a 
state of " single blessedness," it was proposed, as the 
only alternative for feminine arbitration, that three 



56 Border Reminiscences. 

(^amp-women should be sent for, and whoever they 
decided to be the best-looking of the party should 
be required to pay for a basket of Champagne. 

This suggestion seemed to meet the approbation 
of the party, and there was a unanimous accord in 
submitting to the ordeal. The laundresses were im- 
mediately called in, the proposition fully explained 
to them, and they at once commenced a modest but 
scrutinizing examination of each officer at the table 
in succession. AVhen this was finished they retired 
to a corner of the room, where they held a protract- 
ed consultation in whispers, after which they dele- 
gated one of their number, by the name of Nancy, to 
announce the result, which she did in the following 
words : 

" Ef the gentlemen please, the ladies of the board 
has to report that they has examined all the officere 
of this 'ere mess, and they has 'rived to the 'nani- 

mous 'elusion that Colonel M is the most tnil- 

leiiary-lookmg man, but that Captain M is the 

most handsomest man." 

This decision was quite unexpected, for Captain 

M was generally admitted to be by all odds the 

ugliest man in the mess. lie, however, was not ex- 
actly that way of thinking himself, and believing the 
verdict to be perfectly fair and disinterested, he was 



BoKDKK Rkminiscences. 57 

highly elated at the compliment, and inost cheerful- 
ly paid the wine. 

A few days subsequent to this another discussion 
arose as to who was the ugliest man in the mess, and 
after arguing the question in all its possible bear- 
ings, they agreed to call another board of camp- 
women to decide it, and the unfortunate individual 
was to suffer the penalty of paying for another bas- 
ket of Champagne. Accordingly the referees were 
called, consisting of Nancy, with two new members, 
who, after going through an inspection and consulta- 
tion similar to the one before described, delegated 
one of their number to commmiicate the decision, 
which was as follows : 

"The ladies of this 'ere board has 'eluded that 

Major G is the most omnillenariest - looking 

man, but that Captain M " (the same officer that 

had been selected before) " is the most ornariest and 
the most tigliest man of the hull party." 

This announcement so astounded M that he 

jumped from his seat at the table in a highly excited 
state, and demanded to know of the startled laun- 
dresses why they had presumed to make such an in- 
consistent decision, when only a few days before tliis, 
as they very well knew, he had been pronounced the 
handsomest man of the entire mess. 
C2 



58 BoKDER Reminiscences. 

The exponent of the referees, with a timid, sim- 
pering smile, in the midst of peals of laughter from 
the other officers, undertook to explain the discrep- 
ancy in the two decisions. She said : 

" The cap'ii must consider that two new members 
has been detailed on this 'ere board; besides," she 
added, " the cap'n must also 'member that we ladies 
is priv'leged to change our 'pinions sometimes." 

He was not satisfied with the explanation, and ap- 
pealed from the decision, but a prompt and unani- 
mous viva voce vote of the mess was adverse to him, 
and he was compelled to suffer the infliction of the 
penalty involved. He paid for the second basket of 
wine, but under protest, and with the emphatic dec- 
laration that he would not submit to slwj more in- 
spections of the kind in future. Moreover, he even 
hinted that in his opinion the two adverse decisions 
had been brought about b}' the machinations of cer- 
tain officers of the mess. 

BOTTLED BEESWAX. 

There was one officer of high rank in the regiment 
who seemed to f)ossess an irresistible natural pen- 
chant for practical joking, and although, like most 
other men of similar tendencies, he was wonderfully 
sensitive U])()u the subject of being quizzed li?m=ielf. 



Boeder Reminiscences. 59 

he was continually seeking opportunities to run his 
rigs upon others. 

As an illustration of this, upon a certain occasion 
a young officer, who had been acting assistant com- 
missary for a short period, found himself in a state 
of perplexity by the return of his accounts from the 
Treasury Department, from which it appeared that 
he was deficient in a considerable amount of sugar 
that had been charged against him by the auditor. 
He was a good deal troubled upon the subject, and, 
having but little experience in such matters, applied 
to the facetious colonel for advice, acknowledging 
that he was deficient in the amount of sugar charged, 
but stating, at the same time, that he had on hand a 
large surplus of soap, and it seemed to him a very 
hard case that he should be held responsible for the 
loss of the sugar when the value of the soap was 
more than sufficient to cover it. 

The colonel, with an air of the utmost apparent 
sincerity, assured him that it was really very unjust 
on the part of the auditor to impose upon him in 
that manner, but that, in his judgment, it was the 
easiest thing imaginable to set the matter right, and 
that possibly he might even have a small balance in 
his favor if he would only insert at the foot of the re- 
turn as follows : '"'■Nota hene. — For sugar, read soajp^ 



60 Border 11 e m i n i s c e n c pj s. 

I am not positive wlietlier the return, corrected as 
suggested, was sent back to the auditor ; my impres- 
sion is that it was ; but whether the alchemic pow- 
ers of the laboratory of the Treasury Department 
have ever succeeded in transmuting the saponaceous 
constituent of the ration into the more saccharine 
component has never, that I am aware of, been pro- 
mulgated. 

The colonel did not always come off unscathed in 
his attempts to perpetrate jests upon otliers, as the 
reader will perceive from what follows : 

The sutler at Fort , wlio was a kind and 

obliging man, but rather primitive and literal in his 
perceptions, was once about leaving the post for 
New Orleans, where he designed purchasing his an- 
nual supply of goods, and just before starting lie 
called on the colonel to ascertain if lie could do any 
thing for him in the city. Tlie colonel replied that 
he did not at tliat moment think of any particular 
commissions for him to execute, but directly after- 
ward something seemed to occur to his mind, and, 
giving a sly wink to some officers near, said to the 
sutler tliat he would confer an especial favor if he 
would purchase for him some bottled beeswax. 

This being a commodity the sutler had never be- 
fore heard of, he requested the colonel to enlighten 



Border Reminiscences. 61 

liiin, and was informed that it was a very rare and 
expensive article, that could only be obtained in a 
few places, and that he would not be surprised if he 
failed to find it even in New Orleans. lie was anx- 
ious to oblige the commanding ofiicer, and assured 
him that he should spare no pains to obtain it if it 
was to be found in the city, and left. 

Some of the young officers who were present and 
overheard the conversation, and for whose especial 
delectation the joke had been concocted, thought this 
a good opportunity to retaliate upon the colonel for 
some of the numerous sells he had inflicted upon 
them. Accordingly, one of them immediately wrote 
to the grocer in New Orleans with whom the sutler 
had been in the habit of trading, explained the whole 
matter to him, and requested his co-operation in car- 
rying out tlie joke. 

He entered into the plot willingly, melted some 
beeswax, which he poured into two bottles, and, cov- 
ering them with dust and cobwebs, set them aside, 
and awaited the arrival of the sutler, who in due 
course of time made his appearance, and, after com- 
pleting other purchases, inquii-ed where such an arti- 
cle as bottled beeswax could be had. 

The grocer informed him that fortunately he him- 
self happened to have just two bottles left of the 



62 Border Reminiscences, 

identical article he was in search of, which was prob- 
ably all at that time in the market; but he added, 
for his information, that this was the last of a choice 
lot of great age, and of such value that he should be 
compelled to charge twenty dollars a bottle for it. 
Indeed, he said, he was by no means anxious to part 
with it at that price. The sutler at once closed the 
purchase, and willingly paid the amount demanded. 

On his return to the fort he met a group of officers, 
who, in accordance with their usual custom, had col- 
lected around the landing to get the mail and learn 
the most recent news ; and, after a little preliminary 
conversation, he informed the colonel that he had 
been so fortunate as to secure for him the last two 
bottles of beeswax in Kew Orleans. 

" Beeswax ! beeswax ! what do you mean by bees- 
wax ?" said the astonished colonel. (It seemed he 
had for the instant forgotten the order.) 

The outburst of laughter from the bevy of offi- 
cers standing near, all of whom were in the secret, 
disclosed to the colonel the fact that the joke had 
recoiled upon himself, and also showed the sutler 
that there had been an attempt to sell him. He was 
not, therefore, in the most amiable mood when he re- 
plied, 

"Wliy, sir, you know perfectly what I mean. I 



Boeder Reminiscences, 63 

mean the bottled beeswax you ordered, and which I 
paid forty dollars for, and which must be returned, 
sir." 

The colonel did not, in the slightest degree, seem 
to appreciate the pith of the joke. On the contrary, 
he became highly incensed, and, although he said 
but little, looked daggers at the delighted group of 
officers around, not one of whom manifested the least 
sympathy for him, but kept up continual peals of 
laughter, each one of which was more uproarious 
than the preceding, until at length the colonel, un- 
able to endure it longer, walked rapidly away in the 
direction of his quarters, gesticulating wrathfuUy, 
and muttering to himself expressions of displeasure, 
the few syllables that were caught indicating a not 
very complimentary application to the tormentors he 
was leaving behind. He, however, with a very bad 
grace, reimbursed the sutler ; but it was quite severe 
upon him, as he was rather penurious in his disposi- 
tion. The officers subsequently, when the colonel 
was not about, enjoyed many a hearty laugh over the 
joke ; but it was never afterward considered safe to 
give utterance to the word "beeswax" in his pres- 
ence, unless the offender wished to be ordered into 
exile at " Botany Bay" (the most disagreeable post 
occupied l)y the regiment). 



64 BoKDER Reminiscences. 

Notwithstanding this, however, the not very eu- 
phonious sobriquet of " Old Beeswax^'' by universal 
acclamation, soon attached to the colonel, and it was 
a long time before it was foi-gotten. 

CAPTAIN F. BRITTON. 

Upon another occasion the colonel was inspecting 
the quartermaster's affairs at his post, and in passing 
through the store-houses and shops he observed two 
or three old horse-shoes lying around, which he pick- 
ed up and handed to the quartermaster, Captain F. 
Britton, remarking that they should be carefully pre- 
served for future use ; and, at the same time, he add- 
ed that a great deal might be saved to the govern- 
ment if quartermasters would take pains to collect 
all the old bits of iron, pieces of leather, rope, and 
even old broken axe, spade, and shovel handles, all 
of which might, at some time or other, be applied to 
useful purposes; and in this connection he endeav- 
ored to impress upon the captain the importance of 
exercising the most rigid economy in all his expend 
itures, never allowing public property of the slightest 
value to be misapplied, wasted, or lost. This, he in 
formed him, was a duty he owed to his country, 
and he trusted that he would not again have occa- 
sion to call his attention to the subject. 



BOKDEK Reminiscences. 65 

Captain Britton was one of the most irrepressible 
wags in the army, and I verily believe he never al- 
lowed an opportunity to escape for the indulgence 
of his besetting propensity. The colonel, in this par- 
ticular instance, may have been actuated by an hon- 
est zeal for the good of the service ; very likely he 
was; but the captain was by no means certain of 
this ; on the contrary, his incredulity led him to sus- 
pect that there might be under all this a deliberate 
covert design to " selV him, and he had too high an 
estimate of his powers of discernment to be " soW on 
such easy terms. 

He believed he had as much regaixl as most oflS- 
cers for economy and the best interests of the service, 
but he most decidedly objected to being made a scav- 
enger of. Accordingly, he listened patiently to all 
that was said upon the subject, and informed the 
colonel that the advice had made a deep impression 
upon his mind, and assming- him at the same time 
that he should endeavor to profit by his wise coun- 
sels. He then added that, if the colonel would par- 
don the liberty, he should like to ask a special favor 
of hun touching the very subject in question, to 
which the officer replied, " Certainly, sir; as 3'ou seem 
so ready to adopt my suggestions, it will give me 
pleasure to grant you any favor in my power." 



66 B O K D K K li E M I N I ii C E N O E S. 

Not being exactl}'^ certain of his ground yet, and 
being fully resolved not to commit himself, he con- 
tinued : " I trust, colonel, that you Avill not be offend- 
ed or consider me disrespectful if I ask this semi-of- 
ficial favor?" 

" Most assuredly not, sir. I have alreadj" said I 
was willing to do any thing in my power to serve 
you ; so speak out frankly, and let me know what 
you want." 

"Yery well, then," said the captain, with the most 
solemn expression of countenance, and apparently 
moved almost to tears ; " very well ; my lieart is 
bursting with devotion to our good Uncle Samuel ; 
and if you, my dear colonel, will only oblige me by 
singing a few staves of ' Hail Columbia,' the ' Star- 
spangled Banner,' or some other patriotic song, I 
shall be forever indebted to you." 

The colonel seemed quite indignant at the propo- 
sition, and exclaimed, 

"What do you mean, sir? You know perfectly 
well I don't sing. Moreover, I regard your conduct 
as disrespectful — as disrespectful to your command- 
ing officer, sir, and a violation of the ninety-ninth 
Article of War ; and I'll have you to know that I'll 
take notice of it, sir." 

To this the captain replied," You will remember, 



BoKDEJJ Reminiscences. 67 

sir, that you expressly assured me you would not re- 
gard my request as disrespectful, and I disclaim any 
such intention. But really, colonel, if you would be 
so very kind as to sing a stave or two of some na- 
tional air, I will cheerfully pitch the tune for 
you." 

This touching appeal was in vain, however ; the 
old gentleman didn't sing. 

"TALLY-HO:' 

Another very ludicrous incident occurred in my 
presence, wherein Captain Britton, and Captain Mar- 
tin Scott, of coon notoriety, figured. 

Captain Scott usually kept a pack of hounds, and 
would, as a sj^ecial favor, occasionally take out his 
friends to participate in a deer or fox drive, but, 
upon these occasions, he invariably insisted that ev- 
ery one should conform strictly with the most ap- 
proved rules of the chase. He was himself thorough- 
ly posted in all the technicalities of sporting lore, and 
lost all respect for those persons who misapplied or 
ridiculed the proper use of sporting nomenclature. 
Thus he never failed to correct a man who called a 
line of geese '■'■ajiock of geese^'' a bevy of quails "« 
hrood of quails y'' a herd of elk " a gang of elk^'' etc. 
He was an uncompromising stickler for tlie correct 



(58 Border Kkminiscencks. 

and literal application of sporting language upon all 
occasions, but more especially when in the field. 

This peculiarity of his M'as forcibly illustrated while 
our army of observation was lying at Corpus Christi 
in 1846. He proposed one morning that we should 
take his hounds, go out into a place called the Ein- 
con, where the large jackass rabbits were abundant, 
and have a drive. Quite a number of officers join- 
ed the party, and "sve started out under the guidance 
of Captain Scott, who was the acknowledged master 
of the hunt. 

On arriving upon the ground near where the game 
was supposed to be, the captain stationed the gentle- 
men around upon the skirts of an extensive chapar- 
ral thicket, and prepared to send in the dogs to drive 
out the rabbits. He gave his last instructions, and 
specially enjoined upon every one, on the instant a 
rabbit should make its appearance, to give the view 
halloo of Tally -hor Now it so happened that 
among the officers engaged in the hunt was Captain 
F. Britton. 

The hounds were unleashed and taken into the 
chaparral, and in a very few minutes they gave 
tongue most vociferously. All were waiting upon 
their posts with eager anxiety to catch the first 
glimpse of the game as it broke cover, Avhcn sud- 



Border Reminiscences. 69 

denly, near the position of Captain Britton, bounded 
out a mule, with some twenty dogs in full cry at 
her heels. At this instant of excitement we heard a 
prolonged cry from the stentorian lungs of Captain 
^riiionoi^' Sally whoa! Sally whoa! Sally whoa !'''' 
The appearance of the terrified mule, and the lu- 
dicrous metamorphosis of Captain Scott's " view hal- 
loo," turned the whole thing into a farce, which 
brought forth irresistible peals of laughter from ev- 
ery one in the party excepting Captain Scott. He 
did not smile ; on the contrary, his face flushed, and 
assumed a most indignant expression. He called off 
his dogs, and, looking daggers at Captain Britton, 
went back to camp. Immediately after this he sent 
a challenge to Captain Britton, and it was with great 
difficulty that their friends could adjust the matter 
to his satisfaction without an exchange of shots. 

PERFECT POLICE. 

Colonel , before alluded to, was one of the 

best garrison commanders in service. His troops 
were well disciplined ; the quarters, barracks, and 
grounds around the posts he commanded were at all 
times in perfect order ; and he invariably held every 
one to a rigid accountability for any negligence in 
carrying out his police i-egulations. lie I'equired all 



YO BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

public l)nildings to be frequently cleansed and white- 
washed inside and out ; and, as a hygienic measure, 
liberal use of chloride of lime and other disinfect- 
ants was enforced. He took especial pains to keep 
the parade-grounds well pohced, and if he saw a 
quid of tobacco or the stump of a cigar lying in the 
walks, he has often been kno\ni to call out a police 
party of several men, with a hand-cart and shovels, 
to carry them off. 

But if there was any one thing that was more re- 
pulsive to him than all others, it was a bedbug, and 
this was so great an abomination that he made cease- 
less efforts to annihilate them from every fort that 
came under his command ; and if by chance one of 
these " couch-pirates" e^er invaded his dormitory, it 
disturbed his slumbers for a good while. 

His extraordinary sensitiveness in this regard was 
well understood by our waggish friend Captain Brit- 
ton, who at one post, which was regarded by the 
colonel as a model of police excellence, caused to be 
collected from some outside source a quantity of bed- 
bugs sufficient to fill a scidlitz-powder box, which he 
covered and laid aside for a future purpose that will 
soon be disclosed. 

Shortly after this, in discoursing upon his hobby, 
the colonel took occasion to remark that, for once in 



Boeder Reminiscences. 71 

his life, he had succeeded in getting a military post 
into perfect order ; that every part was in capital po- 
lice, and all vermin had been eradicated. 

Captain Britton heard the statement, and observed 
that it was very true the post was clean enough, but 
he thought there was a slight mistake in regard to 
the extermination of the vermin, as only a short 
time before he had seen, as he verily believed, at 
least a thousand bedbugs in his own quarters. 

The colonel looked aghast at this startling asser- 
tion, and replied, "I really think you must be in er- 
ror, captain, for I am quite confident there are but 
very few, if any, of those disgusting insects in the 
fort." 

The officer assured him that he could not by any 
possibility be mistaken, as he had seen them with his 
own eyes. 

The colonel then, in a highly excited and positive 
manner, again expressed his incredulity upon the 
subject, to which the captain responded : 

" Yery well, sir ; if you doubt ray words, perhaps 
you are willing to sustain your rather uncourteously 
expressed opinions by risking a little wine upon an 
investigation of the facts. I myself am so confident 
of the truth of what I have stated, that I will bet 
you a basket of Champagne I will capture and bring 



72 Border Reminiscences. 

to this room a seidlitz-powder box full of bedbugs 
within fifteen minutes' time." 

The wager was instantly accepted, and away went 
the captain to his quarters, returning within the 
time with his box, which he uncovered and abruptly 
placed upon the table directly under the colonel's 
face, while he was engaged in writing, remarking, as 
he did so, " I've caught them ; there they are ; and 
I've won the Champagne." 

The violent shock that the old gentleman's high- 
strung nervous system received as an army of bugs, 
suddenly released from confinement, poured out over 
the sides of the box, and extended like skirmishers 
all over the table, may be more easily imagined than 
described. 

The first effect was like that of a terrific night- 
mare, paralyzing him to such an extent that he was 
unable to move hand or foot ; but as soon as he ob- 
tained a realizing sense of the situation, his powers 
of locomotion returned, and he jumped like light- 
ning from his seat, upsetting the table in the sudden 
effort to escape, and scattering his tormentors all 
over the floor, which only served to increase his per- 
turbation ; and, as he bolted for the door, he called 
out in the most imploring tone, " Take them away ! 
take them away I I'll pay tlie wine." 



Border Reminiscences. 73 



CHEAP WINE. 

The parsimonious proclivities of this officer were 
exhibited in a rather unenviable light upon a certain 
occasion when he gave a dinner-party to Colonel 
Morgan, who, by-the-by, was probably one of the 
most absent-minded and " distrait" men that ever 
lived. 

The colonel was not much addicted to giving din- 
ners, and when he did, the " carte" was so meagre, 
and the wine of such inferior quality, that his enter- 
tainments were by no means popular with the offi- 
cers. The dinner in compliment to Colonel Mor- 
gan, above alluded to, was prolonged to an unusual 
hour, and a good deal of the colonel's cheap wine 
was consumed during the protracted sitting. 

On the following morning. Colonel Morgan, after 
a very restless night, during which the little sleep he 
was enabled to get was continually disturbed by 
semi-somnolent glimpses of his ancestors and other 
spectral concomitants of indigestion and nightmare, 
found himself suffering from an excruciating head- 
ache, which continued all the morning, making him 
feel generally miserable and out of humor. While 
in this condition he happened to meet his host of the 
previous evening, who very blandly passed the salu 

D 



74: Boeder Reminiscences, 

tations of the morning with him, and anxiously in- 
quired as to the state of his heaUh. 

It did not, it seems, for the instant occur to him 
where or by whom he had been entertained, and in 
the most ingenuous manner imaginable he replied, 
" The fact is, my dear sir, that I dined out some- 
where yesterday, and they gaxe me some villainous 
trash which they called wine, and it has played the 
very devil with me, sir. My head feels like a moun- 
tain with the fires of a volcano raging within." 

Notwithstanding his oblivious proclivities. Colonel 
Morgan was a most conscientious, excellent officer, 
and a high-toned, honorable gentleman, whom all his 
acquaintances held in the highest admiration. 

So far as his own history was concerned very little 
was known upon the subject, as he always maintain- 
ed an absolute silence in regard to his early life. In- 
deed, it was generally understood that he himself was 
totally ignorant of every thing relating to his origin. 
He only knew that from his earliest recollection he 
had been carefully watched over and abundantly pro- 
vided for through the agency of some mysterious 
source, w^hich he was unable to discover to the day 
of his death. The prevailing opinion among his 
brother officers was that he, at some period before he 
entered the service, had been crossed in an qfaire dn 



Boeder Reminiscences. 75 

c(Bur. However this may have been, he remained a 
bachelor all his days, and never seemed particularly 
fond of ladies' society. 

These circumstances may have opei-ated so power- 
fully upon his proud, sensitive nature as to have ex- 
ercised a controlling influence in producing the idio- 
syncrasies in his character. His mental ramblings 
were sometimes much more devious than at others, 
although they never amounted to any thing like mon- 
omania. 

He was a strict disciplinarian and a capital drill 
officer ; yet occasionally, when one of his " distrait" 
fits would strike him, he made some most ludicrous 
mistakes. For example : while he was drilling, one 
afternoon, he became so much absorbed in a deep- 
brown study that he continued to march the battalion 
back and forth until after dark, without the slightest 
apparent conception of what he was about, until the 
adjutant asked him if he should not send for some 
lanterns to enable him to post the markers properly. 
He looked up in bewilderment, exclaiming, " Tut ! 
tut ! tut ! well, now, I declare, it is dark, sure enough. 
Dismiss the battalion, Mr. Adjutant ;" and away he 
went toward his quarters, muttering to himself, " Tut I 
tut ! tut !" 

The colonel was an enthusiastic^ sportsman, and 
prided himself on his shooting. . ;. 

I! ' 



7G Border Reminiscences. 

Once, while he was standing in front of his regi- 
ment ill command of a dress-parade, and at the time 
when the band was " beating off," a line of wild geese 
flying unusually low passed directly over him. Un- 
der the impulse of the moment, he instantly raised 
his sword to his shoulder and aimed at them, as if 
lie had a gun in hand ; but, discovering the mistake, 
he dropped the sword, remarking as he did so, " I've 
lost a splendid shot. If I had my gun I believe I 
could bag two of those birds — I do, indeed ; and pos- 
sibly I could have killed three." 

Hearing some smothered laughing among the 
men, he instantly recovered his composure, and 
called out, " Silence in the ranks ! Did you never 
see a flock of wild geese before ?" 

He could never remember the names of his sol- 
diers, but acquired the habit of identifj-ing and des- 
ignating them by certain significant acts or incidents 
connected with their service. As, for instance, in 
aligning the battalion on parade, he would often call 
out from the right to men on the extreme left, " Dress 
up there, you ;nan that drove team on Hum River. 
Dress back a little, you man that deserted from Prai- 
rie da Cliien. Steady there, you man who stole the 
powder and shot from the sutler." 

At one time, while he was staving at the old 



BoKDEE Reminiscences. 77 

American Hotel in New York, he went to his room 
(as he snpposed) to dress for dinner, but by some 
blunder he managed to get into another man's apart- 
ment, and, opening the wardrobe, took out a pair of 
pantaloons of a different color from any he pos- 
sessed, put them on, and started for the dining- 
room. 

As he was a very tall man, while the proprietor of 
the pants he had dressed himself in was an uncom- 
monly short individual, he was sans culotte from 
about the region of the knees downward, so that, as 
the reader may imagine, in pai*ading with his erect, 
dignified carriage across the large dining-hall, filled 
with ladies and gentlemen, his singular- appearance 
excited no little amusement for the assembled guests, 
and it was not until the host sent a waiter to notify 
him of the outre exhibition he was making that he 
had the least idea of the cause of the- merriment 
Then casting his eyes down to his legs, he indignant- 
ly remarked, " Tut ! tut ! tut ! that rascally tailor has 
made my pants too short, or else they have shrunk 
most confoundedly ;" and, turning round, he march- 
ed rapidly off, sfiJlilbquizing anathemas at New York 
^failors. 

Upon another occasion, while at Fort , he 

dressed himself in full uniform, and liad his horse 



78 B O R D E K K E JI I N I S C E N C E S. 

completely caparisoned and brought out to ride at a 
review and inspection of his command. 

Previous to his getting into the saddle, however, 
by some accident the stirrups had become disar- 
ranged in such a manner that one of them was 
drawn up and buckled near the saddle-skirt, and the 
other was let down to the extremity of the strap. 
Not observing the incongruity, he at once mounted, 
and placed the right foot in the short stirrup, with 
the leg elevated and bent so as to form an acute an- 
gle, with the knee at the apex, while the left leg was 
extended to its full length in order to reach the de- 
pressed position of the stirrup on the opposite side. 

In this nnsymmetrical posture he galloped out in 
front of the battalion, and, after acknowledging the 
salute of the troops, rode around the line, his exces- 
sively comical appearance causing much suppressed 
merriment among the men. But the most ludicrous 
part of the performance occurred after the review 
had ended and the battalion was wheeled into col- 
umn of companies for inspection. 

The colonel then rode to the head of the column, 
called an orderly to hold his horse, and dismounted. 
But, as strange as it may appear, instead of straight- 
ening out his right leg when he reached the ground, 
the limb, as if in a cataleptic state, continued at about 



Border Reminiscences. 79 

the same deflection from a right hue that it had as- 
sumed while upon the horse ; and, what is still more 
surprising, when the colonel commenced to walk, his 
leg remained rigidly doubled up, so that he was 
obliged to dip his head very low every time he put 
his right foot to the ground. 

The officers and men tried their best to preserve 
gravity and order, but it was no easy matter. At 
the first step he took irresistible smiles gathered upon 
the faces of the officers, and suppressed titterings ran 
along the entire column ; but as the old veteran be- 
gan to move faster, with his head bobbing up and 
down at every step, and crying out, at the top of his 
yoice,'' Silence in the ranhs T the ludicrous effect 
preponderated over every other consideration. It 
was more than the best disciplined troops on earth 
could endure with gravity, and, as might have been 
anticipated, a simultaneous thundering peal of up- 
roarious laughter burst fi-om the whole command 
like an avalanche upon the ears of the astounded 
colonel, who, in absolute unconsciousness of the cause 
of the insubordinate proceedings, became intensely 
exasperated, furiously swinging his sword around, 
and vociferously screaming "^^7mc6;/ silence! si- 
lence /" 

At the same time, his pace along the column be- 



80 



BoKDEK KEMINISCIiNCES. 




^6\':^ 



"silence in the ranks!" 

came more and more accelerated, and the dipping 
of his head correspondingly more rapid, which of 
course only served to augment the drollery of the 
spectacle, and increase the merriment and disorder 
in the ranks, nntil it finally reached snch a pitch that 



Border Reminiscences. 81 

the adjutant, in the midst of convulsions of 'laughter, 
informed him what had occasioned it. 

The colonelj notwithstanding he was something of 
a martinet, could appreciate a good joke as well as 
most men, even when he was himself the subject of 
it. And when he cast his eyes down toward his 
nether appendages, and comprehended the comical 
figure he had been cutting, he at once straightened 
up and joined in the laugh, exclaiming, " Tut ! tut! 
tut! Well, now, I declare, that was funny — very 
•funny indeed ! Ha ! ha ! ha !" 

COLONEL BEX. BELL. 

Colonel Bell, when I first met him, had nearly 
reached the patriarchal longevity of threescore and 
ten, yet he was then one of the best preserved and 
most genial and convivial spirits I ever encountered. 

His well-proportioned, lithe, and muscular frame 
had been fully developed and matured by many 
years' active service on the distant Indian frontier, 
where the healthful and invigorating atmosphere of 
the mountains and plains served to perpetuate and 
augment his natural buoyancy of temperament to a 
decree that seemed to set at defiance the sedative 
and enervating influences of age. 

Many and many a time, after marching all day 
D2 




r% 



BuKDEK Reminiscences. 

in severe storms, had he bivouacked upon the ^vet 
ground, without any shelter save his poncho and 
blanket ; and I have, upon more than one occasion, 
known him, after riding sixty or seventy miles on 
horseback, to dance all night at a " fandango," and 
appear as fresh the next morning as if nothing un- 
usual had occurred. 

He was by no means a debauchee or tippler, but, 
at the same time, he was fond of good wine, and did 
not object to an occasional glass of grog; and, after 
imbibing a moderate quantity with a good dinner, 
he possessed an inexhaustible fund of racy anecdotes, 
which he could relate with better effect than any 
man I ever knew.. 

His entire military life had been passed on the 
border, and only at rare intervals of time had he 
been able to visit the Eastern cities, so that it could 
not, of course, be expected that he should be well 
posted in the capricious and vacillating absurdities 
of fashion, or the equally mutable conventionalities 
of dinner-table etiquette. 

He was so fortunate upon one occasion as to ob- 
tain a leave of absence, and, w^hile making a short so- 
journ in one of the cities in New England, where the 
most inflexible rules of propriety were strictly en- 
forced in all social intercourse, and where it was 



Boeder Reminiscences. 83 

looked upon as rnde and unbecoming at dinner-ta- 
ble to laugh aloud or speak above a certain modu- 
lated tone of voice, and an unpardonable breach of 
decorum to perpetrate a bon-mot or take more than 
two or three glasses of wine — while in this somewhat 
puritanical city he was honored with an invitation to 
dine with several gentlemen at the mansion of the 
nabob of the place. 

At the appointed hour he was ushered into the 
magnificent dining-room, which was brilliantly illu- 
mined with numerous jets of gas evolved from gor- 
geous French chandeliers, and the huge mahogany 
table was groaning under the weight of a costly serv- 
ice of Sevres china, embellished with sparkling Bo- 
hemian cut-glasses of the most exquisite design and 
finish, while soup, vegetable, and sundry other dishes, 
of massive embossed silver and gold, showed that ev- 
ery, thing which money could contribute to give bril- 
liancy and effect to the banquet had been unsparing- 
ly bestowed by the liberal host. 

But this munificent display of luxury and wealth 
did not seem to be appreciated by the borderer, or 
to create much more impression upon him than his 
pine camp-table, garnished with tin plates and cups, 
would have done. 

When the dinner was aimounced, the colonel seat- 



84 BoRDEK Keminiscenoes. 

ed himself sans cerenionie among the other guests, 
as perfectly self-possessed and as much without 
mauvaise honte as a professional diner-out would 
have been. It is to be remarked, however, that he 
would have preferred, before sitting down, in ac- 
cordance with his usual custom, to have taken an 
"appetizer" in the form of a wliisky cocktail; but 
as no one set him the example, he reluctantly dis- 
pensed with tills preliminary, and took his raw oys- 
ters on the half -shell, after which the host passed 
the sherry to him, and he eagerly swallowed a few 
drops of it from a miniature glass. 

Tlie soup and fish courses were then introduced, 
and disposed of with all due ceremony ; but, greatly 
to the colonel's disgust, the wise remained station- 
ary, and the company, with tlie. exception of a few 
subdued whispers, was as mute and grave as a Qua- 
ker meeting. 

After this followed the meat course, and the most 
piquant entrees, all of which passed off strictly en 
rlgle ; but still the bottle did not circulate. 

Then came the choicest game, served in the most 
approved style, unaccompanied, however, with an in- 
timation that another glass of wine would give more 
zest to its flavor, and the spirits of the party seemedj 
if possible, to wax more lugubrious and heavy than 



Boeder Keminiscences. 85 

before, until at length the colonel, having exhausted 
all his powers in curbing his patience, took the lib- 
erty of asking the host if he had ever heard of the 
ghost that once appeared to some of the army of- 
ficers in New Mexico. 

He replied that he had never heard of the cir- 
cumstance before, and begged the colonel to relate 
it. Others of the party expressed their total disbe- 
lief in such spiritual manifestations, but all united 
in urging the colonel to tell the story, which he did 
in the followino; lano;uao:e : 

" During the Mexican War, as you will doubt- 
less remember, gentlemen, our' government sent out 
troops to take possession of the Territory of New 
Mexico. The detachment was composed of volun- 
teers and regulars, to the latter contingent of which 
I had the honor to belong. 

" We marched from Fort Leavenworth, on the 
Missouri River, and our track crossed the Plains, 
where there was but little to interest or divert our 
minds from- the monotonous and toilsome, duties 
which necessarily devolved upon us. 

" Nevertheless, many of the oflficers were jolly, 
convivial spirits, whose eifervescent flow of good- 
humor could not be dampened by the most dis- 
heartening combination of adverse influences, and 



S6 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

tliey resorted to various ingenious expedients to 
while away their few leisure hours. Some of them 
stalked the buffalo or antelope, and amused them- 
selves in innocent field-sports, while others became 
addicted to the more demoralizing pastime of cards ; 
and while the sutler's supply of liquor held out, this 
customary concomitant stimulus of gaming was free- 
ly imbibed ; but long before the march terminated 
it was seldom that an officer could get any liquor 
for love or money, and when he djd, it came in the 
form of a prescription from the medical officers, the 
most of whom had seen service, and were not easily 
humbugged by ' old soldiers.' 

" In spite of this restriction, however, they kept 
up their spirits wonderf ulh^, the gaming coterie es- 
pecially, which continued to hold its nightly meet- 
ings without a drop of whisky. 

" They were not, it must be acknowledged, quite 
as merry as when the ' flowing bowl' circulated free- 
ly, as they were all good 'trenchermen;' but the 
stimulus of betting served to divert their minds 
from disagreeable duties, and they played on night 
after night. One dark and dismal night, when theii- 
sitting had been prolonged into the small hours of 
morning, a death -like silence pervaded the entire 
camp, and all were becoming sleepy and wearied, 



B O K D E K li E M I N I S C E N C E S. 87 

when suddenly they were startled -by the lond explo- 
sion of a terrific clap of thunder which burst direct- 
ly over their heads, and reverberated through the 
sky like the salvo from a huge park of heavy ord- 
nance, and immediately great drops of rain, driven 
before a violent tempest, came pattering like buck- 
shot against the tent. The lightning flashed vividly 
from every point in the heavens, the rain poured 
down in torrents, and all the elements seemed in an 
angry mood to conspire in producing the greatest 
possible chaos. 

" The cards were instantly dropped upon the table, 
and the astounded votaries of gaming sat gazing 
upon each other in consternation and terror, until, 
during a brief interval in the lightning flashes, the 
canvas door of the. tent, as if by a magic hand, was 
slowly and noiselessly raised, and a tall, wan, and 
cadaverous figure, draped from head to foot in a 
flowing white robe, seemed to rise out of the earth 
and fill the opening, and, slowly raising his blood- 
less and corpse-like arm, he deliberately pointed his 
long, bony forefinger at the cards upon the table. 
Revolving his glassy eyes within their cavernous 
orbits, and. directing them reproachfully upon each 
one of the trembling gamesters in succession, while 
the tears coursed down the deep furrows of his pale 



88 Ij O 11 D E R K E M I N I S C E N C E S, 

and emaciated visage, he in a most sepulchral and 
lugubrious intonation of ^■oice gave utterance to 
speech — yes, gentlemen, this frightful spectre spoke." 

Then, appearing to be so much paralyzed by the 
effect of his own narration that he could proceed no 
further, he wiped his eyes, and was silent. After 
the gloom cast over his auditors had become par- 
tially dispelled, one of them ventured to inquire if 
it was really true that the apparition spoke. 

" Certainly," replied the colonel ; " his utterance 
was as distinct and emphatic as mine at this mo- 
ment." 

Another inquisitive gentleman asked if he had 
preserved a distinct remembrance of the purport of 
the language that issued from the mouth of the 
phantom. 

"Ah! yes," answered he, with a most solemn ex- 
pression of countenance, " I recollect it but too well 
— ay, too well, gentlemen ; and if I were permitted 
to live a thousand years I should not be able to 
eradicate it from my memory-." 

" Pray, then," said they all (their curiosity now 
wrought np to the highest point), " tell us what the 
ghost said." 

Thus importuned, the colonel, with the greatest 
apparent reluctance, replied, " Very well, gentlemen. 







A LONG TIME BETWEEN DUINKS. 



Border Reminiscences. 91 

if you will insist upon my repeating the words that 
were uttered upon that solemn occasion, you must 
be responsible for the consequences." 

Then, with the deepest intonation of his naturally 
heavy bass voice, he added, " The ghost said, gentle- 
men, the ghost said, ' It''s a monstrous long thne be- 
tween drinks P " 

A simultaneous burst of uproarious laughter fol- 
lowed the ludicrous termination of the facetious 
colonel's stoiy, and it is needless to add that the 
wine circulated much more freely afterward. 

On the arrival of the Army of Occupation in New 
Mexico our hero was assigned to the command of 
the garrison at Sante Fe, in which capacity he was 
required to exercise both civil and military func- 
tions. This necessarily brought him in frequent 
contact with the native Mexicans, whose Spanish 
dialect he had no more knowledge of than they had 
of the idiom of the Anglo-Saxon, and all ofhcial in- 
tercourse had to be conducted through the medium 
of interpreters. 

It so happened upon one occasion, when the in- 
terpreter was absent, that a Mexican woman called 
to see the '■'■ Cowiinandant^'' on business, and on en- 
tering the office she, with a very graceful obeisance, 
politely accosted him with the customary salutation 



92 



BoEDEK Reminiscences. 



of " Comment esta usted, signor f " (How are you to- 
day, sir ?) which, as neai* as the colonel could make 
out, signified, " I've come to stay, sir." 

He was not a little astonished at the unceremoni- 
ous manner in which the signora declared her in- 
tentions, and was very considerably embarrassed at 
first ; but, after a moment's reflection, he concluded 




NO IVrEXDE, SEXOK. 



Border Rj:minisoences. 93 

to let her remain until the interpreter returned. 
Accordingly, putting tlie best face he could upon it, 
he said, " Come to stay, have you, old lady ? Very 
well, then, sit down, and make yourself at home." 

Then he added, soliloquizing, " De^•il of a fix I'm 
getting into now, sure enough." 

The woman, not having the remotest conce23tion 
as to the import of what the colonel was talking 
about, remarked, "iVb intende, senor''' (1 don't un- 
derstand you, sir). 

" Very well," replied the colonel. " If you no 
intended to stay, what in the devil did you come 
here for ?" 



94 BoEDEK Keminiscences. 



CHAPTER III. 

Lieutenant Derby. — General Up-to-snuff. — Reciprocating Hospitali- 
ties. — Ball at Detroit. — Mess-banquet at London. — An English 
Officer's Opinion of the American Army. — Martial Wooing. — An- 
tidote for Inebriation. 

LIEUTEXAXT DERBY. 

Alas ! poor Derby. Verily it must be admitted 
that he was one of the most clever, genial, and 
amusing spirits of his day. 

Overflowing with a redundancy of original, pun- 
gent wit, and effervescent, spicy humor, and possess- 
ing a prurient, constantly teasing, and insatiable pen- 
chant for the perpetration of keen, incisive raillery, 
at the risk even of incurring the displeasure of his 
best friends, it is not surprising that the memory of 
this incorrigible humorist should often be revived in 
the minds of those who entertain a lively apprecia- 
tion for vivacious burlesque and sparkling bonmots. 

Many of Derby's droll stories have been told by 
himself, with inimitable gusto, in Phenixiana and in 
other publications, but some of his happiest hits are 
only known to his associates. 



BoKUEK Reminiscences. 95 

If the following has ever before appeared in print, 
I have not seen it : 

Some years pre\'ious to his death, this officer was 
engaged in improving the navigation of the Missis- 
sippi River, w^ith his head-quarters at New Orleans. 

Shortly after this he visited ISTahant for his health, 
and took lodgings at the principal hotel of that fash- 
ionable watering-place, where he encountered a large 
number of pleasure and health seekers from various 
parts of the country, all of whom were strangers to 
him. It was in vain that he searched the register 
for familiar names — not a single one could he dis- 
cover among them all. 

He wandered about over the grounds by himself 
during the entire day, and, although crowds of peo- 
ple met him at every turn, yet he did not recognize 
a face. 

Among the guests at the hotel was a convocation 
of dentists, who had assembled there for the purpose 
of discussing and deliberating upon matters pertain- 
ing to the general interests of their profession. 

Some of these people, observing Derby continu- 
ally alone, and apparently without acquaintances, 
imagined that possibly he might be a brother den- 
tist, but nothing positive was known concerning him 
until one individual took the responsibility of ad 



96 Border Reminiscences. 

dressing liiin, and begged to inquire if he had the 
honor of speaking to a member of the dental frater- 
nity ; to which Derby, with the most bland polite- 
ness, replied that, although he might not be regarded 
as having been regularly inducted into the profession 
according to the ordinary acceptation of the term, 
yet he ventured to assert most emphatically, and 
without the slightest fear of contradiction, that he 
had but a short time before, with a steam-engine, 
performed a dental exploit of greater magnitude 
than had ever before been achieved. This astound- 
ing declaration, announced with so much confidence, 
was soon bruited about among the members of the 
convention, and intense curiosity was manifested by 
them to learn who the distinguislied stranger was, as 
well as to ascertain the character and details of the 
great operation he had performed. The application 
of steam to purposes of their art ^vas novel in the ex- 
treme, and the subject produced an animated discus- 
sion among themselves, during which various ran- 
dom conjectures were hazarded regarding Derby's 
identity, nationality, etc. Some surmised that he 
might be Dr. Evans, the great Parisian operator, 
while others thought he looked more like an emi- 
nent London dental surgeon ; but nothing satisfactory 
was arrived at, and they finally resolved to appoint a 



Border Reminiscences. 97 

committee to wait upon him and offer him. a seat in 
the convention, hoping that he might thereby be in- 
duced to give an account of the wonderful achieve- 
ment he had alkided to. Accordingly, the invitation 
was extended to him, to which he responded that he 
entertained a lively appreciation of the honor they 
had conferred upon him, but, as he was on the eve of 
departure, it would be impossible to avail himself of 
it ; if, however, as they stated, the convention deemed 
it important to the interests of science and for the 
relief of suffering humanity that he should disclose 
to them what he had accomplished in the dental 
line, he should no longer feel at liberty to hesitate 
in complying with their request. They assured him 
that the gentlemen present were unanimous in the 
opinion that the value to the dentistic art of such a 
contribution as he had indicated could not well be 
overestimated, and they were quite confident the 
convention would appreciate it accordingly ; where- 
upon he authorized them to communicate to the as- 
sociation they represented the assurances of his most 
distinguished consideration, with the announcement 
of the fact '• that he had but a short time before ac- 
complished the exceedingly difficult operation of ex- 
tracting the huge snags from the mouth of the great 
Mississippi." 

E 



98 13 O li D E K K E M I N I S C E N C E S. 



GENERAL UP-TO-SNUFF. 

It was while Derby remained in New Orleans that 
Walker and other filibusters were recruiting men 
for the Nicaragua War. 

As the former was walking through Canal Street, 
one day, in " undress" uniform, he was accosted by a 
stranger, evidently from tlie country, who inquired 
if he was enlisting soldiers for the Nicaragua cam- 
paign. He replied that he was not just then engaged 
upon that service, but added (pointmg to a portly 
lieutenant of the regular army who happened to he 
passing in full uniform), " Do you see that officer 
across the street ?" " Yes," replied he, " Very well," 
said the irrepressible wag ; " that man you see over 
there is the distinguished General Up-to-snuff. lie 
is recruiting for Nicaragua." 

The lieutenant's name was not Up-to-snuff, but 
U******ff, which really sounded something like the 
ludicrous metamorphosis that Derby had applied to 
it, and with those who knew the peculiarities of the 
man, the application might be regarded as appropri- 
ate. He was quite a ponderous individual, with an 
erect and somewhat dignified bearing, but excessive- 
ly inflated and pompous in his deportment. More- 
over, he had an inexhaustible stock of " modest as- 




GENLUAL UP-TO-SNUFF. 



BoKDER Reminiscences, 101 

surance," and seemed to be fully persuaded that lie 
possessed about all the information that was of any 
value ; at all events, if there was any thing he did 
not understand, he was never known to admit it. 
Moreover, he was eminently sensitive upon the sub- 
ject of practical jokes when there was a personal ap- 
plication to himself, all of which was fully under- 
stood and appreciated by Derby. Upon the occasion 
referred to, XJ****^''*f(:'s coat was buttoned up so close 
around his short neck that it was with difficulty he 
could turn his head; his belt was drawn so tight 
around the waist that the adipose tissue was forced 
out until it almost united outside ; and his huge sabre, 
dangling from the extremities of the straps, thumped 
and clattered upon the sidewalk as he, with head 
erect and eyes directed square to the front, strutted 
along, so that a stranger might easily have mistaken 
him for a man of some consequence. 

As may be imagined, he was not only greatly 
amazed, but immensely enraged, when the aspiring 
tyro who had followed him addressed him as " Ge7i- 
eral Zfp-to-snvff,^'' and at the same time expressed a 
desire to enlist for the Nicaragua War ; and he turn- 
ed suddenly round upon the innocent victim with a 
most diabolical expression of countenance, and in a 
thundering tone of voice said, "What do you mean. 



102 BoKDEu Reminiscknces. 

you scoundrel, by calling me General Up-to-snuff ? 
What do you mean, I say, sir?" Not receiving any 
answer, he continued, " I believe you have been put 
up to this thing. "Who told you I was General Up- 
to-snuff, I'd like to know, sir ?" 

The young man, trembling with aiDprehension at 
the infuriated manner of the lieutenant, very timidly 
replied," That man over there told me so, sir," point- 
ing at the same time to Derby, who was still in sight, 
and very likely waiting to witness the result of the 
interview. 

"He did, did he, sir? Yery well, sir; you can 
give my compliments to ' that man over there^ and 
inform him from me, sir, that he is laboring under a 
slight hallucination ; that I am not General Up-to- 
snuff • no, sir, not by a devilish sight, sir ! And you 
can tell him, furthermore, sir, that my opinion of him 
is that he had better attend to his own business, a 
devilish sight, sir ! Tell him that, sir !" And away 
he stalked, soliloquizing and gesticulating most ve- 
hemently. 

RECIPROCATING HOSPITALITIES. 

It will be remembered that the threatened inva- 
sion of Canada in 1838, by lawless denizens of the 
United States calling themselves " Patriots," excited. 



BoRDKK Rkminiscencks. 103 

for a time, great comraotion among her majesty's 
loyal subjects along the bomidary-line, and that quite 
a large force of regular troops was dispatched from 
England to suppress the emeute. 

During these troubles my regiment was ordered 
to the Canadian border, and the head-quarters located 
at Detroit. At tliis time there was a regiment of 
foot and a battalion of artillery posted at London, 
Canada West, besides several detachments of English 
troops at other places near Us. 

Frequent interchanges of visits between our offi- 
cers and those of the English garrisons, together with 
the proverbially kind and generous hospitality of the 
citizens of Detroit, rendered our brief sojourn in this 
delightful city most agreeable, after having roughed 
it for many previous years in the wilds of tlie re- 
mote West. 

We found many of the British officers intelligent, 
educated, and companionable, and totally devoid of 
that arrogant superciliousness and affectation of in- 
difference or contempt for every thing not English 
which so pre-eminently characterizes some of their 
compatriots who are occasionally met with in the 
United States. 

The hospitalities we extended to these gentlemen 
were reciprocated most cordially, and the intercourse 



104 IJOKDEK ItKMINISCKNCES. 

seemed to afford them fully as much pleasure as it 
did ourselves. 



BALL AT DETROIT. 

In these latter days of festal couviviality, before 
the humanitarian disdples of temperance had effect- 
ed any appreciable abatement in the aggregate of 
alcoholic and vinous fluids consumed, and at a period 
■when it was looked upon as rather creditable than 
otherwise to bear the reputation of a " valiant trench- 
erman," it is not surf)rising that gentlemen should 
occasionally have overstepped the bounds of discre- 
tion, and imbibed more than they could discreetly 
cany. Upon a certain occasion (at Christmas, I 
think it was) we gave a large ball at the Michigan 
Exchange Hotel, and sent invitations to the officei's 
at London, several of whom honored us with their 
presence, and seemed to enjoy vastly the society of 
the beautiful and accomplished ladies of Detroit, 
and the dancing was continued until a late hour. 

The following day we entertained our English 
guests with a sumptuous dinner, and diii-ing the re- 
past plied them bountifully with Cliampagne and 
other choice wines, which that prince of landlords, 
Mr. Dibble, knew so well how to provide, while the 
piquant entrdes, extending through many different 



Border Keminiscences. 105 

courses, served to protract our sitting into the " small 
lioiu's" of morning, when our somewhat bacchanalian 
banquet was concluded over a huge bowl of smok- 
ing-hot whisky-punch. 

Our guests did ample justice to the good cheer we 
set before them, and the majority of them were not 
perceptibly damaged by it, but it must be admitted 
that a few were not quite a's firm upon their " pins" 
when they rose fi'om the table as before they sat 
down. Indeed, if my memory serves me correctly, 
I am under the impression that I saw the servants 
carrying off two or three who were too weak in the 
joints to stand without assistance. 

I have retained a most vivid recollection of one 
scarred, veteran old major, who was wounded at Wa- 
terloo, and who, if he possessed no other assets, might 
doubtless have bequeathed to his heirs a long cata- 
logue of sanguinary battles in which he had figured, 
besides supplementing a codicil embracing numerous 
severely-contested bacchanalian bouts over the mess- 
table. 

This ofiicer appeared to think the reputation of 
the service he represented would be seriously dam- 
aged if any of our officers drank deeper or more fre- 
quently than he, therefore he never declined taking- 
wine with any one at table who nodded to him. 
E 2 



106 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

The result was, the ceremony, repeated so often, be- 
gan to produce a perceptible effect upon him ; nev- 
ertheless the old warrior continued to stand up val- 
iantly for the maintenance of his convivial national- 
ity, and drank off bumper after bumper, remarking, 
every time he was asked to " renew the assurances," 
" Certainly, certainly, sir, with the greatest pleasure," 
when he swallowed the wine in a twinkling, and in- 
variably added, in semi - soliloquy, instantly after- 
ward, " I'm none of your one-bottle men ; I can car- 
ry under my jacket three bottles any day." 

For several hours, during which the wines circu- 
lated freely, the major held his own tolerably well ; 
but when the strong whisky-punch came on, he par- 
took of it so bountifully that it completely deranged 
his powers of articulation. He then held his glass 
very unsteadily, occasionally sipping from it, but 
spilling more than he drank, while he kept up a 
maudlin soliloquy sometliing like the following : 

" I'm — ah — three - bottle man ; I'm none of yer 
(hie) one-bottle men, sir. I've no r'gard for a (hie) 
one-bottle man. Blaarst a (hie) one-bottle man, 
say I." 

He seemed fully sensible of the fact that Captain 
^'' Barleycori^J'' was the victor in this engagement, 
and, turning tcnvavd tlie presiding officer, niagnani- 



Border Reminiscences. 107 

moiisly acknowledged his defeat in the following 
rather ambiguons language : 

"Miss'r Pres'dent — I say, Miss'r Pres'deiit [loud 
cries of ' hear ! hear ! ! hear !!!'], that blaarsted Yan- 
kee (hie) punch has got into my head a li-li-lil-bit, 
and I b'lieve, Miss'r (hie) Pres'dent, that I'm sli-sli- 
sli'ly ex-tos-ificated. I mean to remark (hie), Miss'r 

Pres'dent, that Major , of her majesty's ro-o-y- 

al — th foot, is most ro-o-o-yally drunk. But, Miss'r 
Pres'dent, if you Yankee os-si-f ers '11 hon-er-er-er us 
with a (hie) visit at Lon-ern, we'll 'cip-er-cate. We'll 
make ye all-ze drunk-ze-ze lords, Miss'r Pres'dent." 

MES&BANqUET AT LOXDOX 

Our gayeties terminated that night. The English 
officers retui*ned home on the following day, and in 
the course of a few weeks we were all invited to at- 
tend a grand banquet to be given by the mess of her 
majesty's — th foot at London. 

As it was impossible for us all to leave, we sent a 
delegation of three officers to represent us. These 
were Captain H**e, and Lieutenants D**s and 
S^'^*****n, who were convivial men, fond of good 
dinners, and who gladly availed themselves of this 
opportunity for a pleasant excursion. 

En route they discussed the probable order of the 



lOy Border Reminiscences. 

programme in which they would be expected to en- 
act a part, and delegated Captain II**e (the ranking 
officer) to respond to any sentiment tliat might be 
proposed during the dinner complimentary to our 
nation or army. 

In accordance therewith, the captain set his wits 
at work, and in a short time concocted quite a clever 
and appropriate little speech, wherein he exhibited 
the symbolic types of the two nationalities (the lion 
and eagle) affiliating and associating together in per- 
fect harmony and good will, and showed by the most 
conclusive reasoning tlie great benefits that would 
mutually ensue from such friendship and alliance. 

It w'as really a very creditable effort, and would 
doubtless have produced a happy effect had it been 
delivered intact ; but, unfortunately for the captain's 
elocutionary fame, before the time arrived for him to 
respond at the fete, his brain had become so much 
obfuscated by the numerous potations which ci^'ility 
had obliged him to take, that he had forgotten near- 
ly every word of his speech. He only retained a 
vague remembrance that the lion and eagle occupied 
prominent positions in it, and, when called upon, he 
with difficulty rose from his seat, and, supporting 
himself against the table, thus addressed the assem- 
bly: 



Border Reminiscences. 109 

" Miss'r Pres'deiit, and gentrmen, and ladies [of 
course there were no ladies present], I give you the 
Bri'sh lion and the 'Mer'can eagle [great applause, 
with cries of ' hear ! hear ! ! hear !!!']. I give you, 
fell'r citz-z-z-ns, the 'Mer'can eagle and the Bri'sh lion. 
May this monarchal quad-er-ped and this republican 
bird all'rs be good friends [renewed applause]. May 
they never get into a muss, fell'r citz-z-z-ns ; but, Mis- 
s'r Pres'dent, should this roar-in' quad-er-ped ever 
elevate his ror-r-yal paw or wag his regal tail at this 
republican fowl — which we don't antisei-pate — but 
should he dare to do it, Miss'r Pres'dent, may the 
'Mer'can eagle scratch out the Bri'sh lion's eyes, by 



There was considerable sensation caused by the pe- 
roration of this speech, and angry cries of " what ! 
what ! ! what ! ! !" uttered with sharp rapidity, were 
heard from all sides. Very soon, however, some one 
observed, " Never mind the Yankee — he's tight;" 
when they turned the whole thing into a good hearty 
laugh, and gave tremendous applause. 

AN ENGLISH OFFICERS OPINION OF THE AMERICAN ARMY. 

Many years ago, before General Scott and Sir John 
Hervey had adjusted the international complications 
involved in the settlement of the northeastern bound- 



110 liORDEK liEMINISCENCP:S. 

ary question, and when serious apprehensions were 
entertained of a colhsion between the local authori- 
ties along the border, our govennnent established at 
Iloulton, Maine, some fifteen miles distant from a 
point on the River St. John where there was an En- 
glish garrison, a military post subsequently known as 
"Houlton Barracks." This post at one time was 
garrisoned by artillery troops under the command of 
Captain J. B, Magruder, a tall, handsome man of ele- 
gant address and courtly presence, whose social con- 
geniality, inherent colloquial tendencies, and spark- 
ling, vivacious bonmots were acknowledged by all 
his acquaintances. 

The following little episode will exhibit his char- 
acter in a prominent light. 

He upon one occasion obtained leave of absence 
and visited Quebec, carrying letters of introduction 
to certain English officers, by whom he was received 
very cordiall}^, and invited to dine at the mess of the 

— til regiment of ■ , which was eminently an 

aristocratic organization, embracing upon its muster- 
roll several younger scions of nobility, with other 
men of large private fortunes, who prided themselves 
upon their luxurious style of living and entertaining, 
which in some respects, it was said, excelled that of 
the household troops. 



BoEDEK Keminiscences. Ill 

The mess-liall, upon the occasion referred to, was 
draped with the colors of the two consangumeous 
nationalities, exhibiting the Red Cross of St. George, 
surmounted by the imperial crown, entwined within 
the graceful folds of the Stars and Stripes ; and the 
mess-table groaned under the weight of a ponderous 
service of gold and silver plate, which, through an in- 
itiatory stipend of a month's pay from all officers 
who had ever joined the regiment, besides a peren- 
nial subsequent tax, had been constantly accumula- 
ting for over a century, all of which was exhibited 
in dazzling splendor upon this occasion. 

The carte was printed in gold letters upon white 
satin, and the numerous French dishes, classified upon 
it strictly en regie, were of the most recherche and 
piquant character, while the oldest and most costl}'' 
wines in the greatest profusion were being reduced 
to the proper temperature in massive silver coolers 
all around the table. 

In a word, every thing within the power of money, 
art, and taste seemed to have been exhausted in aug- 
menting and giving brilliancy and eclat to the fete, 
and it was doubtless imagined that the Yankee offi- 
cer would be struck with amazement at the blaze of 
magnificence which flashed upon liim as he entered 
the hall, and entre-nons I have no doubt he was veiy 



112 Border Kkminiscknces, 

much astonished, for he certainly had never before 
seen any thing like it. But he was very far from 
exhibiting any surprise ; on the contrary, he seemed 
to look upon the whole thing with as much noncha- 
lance as if it had been an every-day afPair ; and, with 
his usual self-confident assurance, he made himself 
not only entirely at ease, but rather conspicuous in 
suggesting and leading the conversation, which, 
among a variety of topics, at length turned upon the 
subject of the relative pay and emoluments allowed 
in the English and American armies. 

The Englishmen admitted that their pay was 
small, but said this was a matter of little moment to 
them, as their private purses enabled them to live as 
they pleased, independent of their pay ; and they ap- 
peared to derive especial satisfaction from disclosing 
the magnitude of their incomes and expenditures. 

During the convei"sation, one of the ofEcei-s asked 
Captain Magruder how much pay he received, to 
which he replied : 

"Well, now, my dear fellow, I declare, upon my 
honor, I have not the most distant conception. It 
strikes me, however, that I have heard some poor 
devil of a captain, who was entirely dependent upon 
his pay, say it was something like two or three hun- 
dred dollars a month, but really I'm not positive. 



Border Reminiscences. 113 

At all events, it's a mere bagatelle, and I never have 
any thing to do with it myself. I give it to my but- 
ler to divide among the servants for pocket-money, 
and I suppose they know all about it." 

With this digression, I now resume my story. 

The British garrison upon the Eiver St. John was 
commanded by Captain Burke, a jolly and facetious 
son of the Emerald Isle, who bore the reputation of 
having never been known to decline a very urgent 
solicitation to join his friends in a social glass, or to 
have permitted a,n opportunity to escape for perpe- 
trating a good joke. As may readily be conjec- 
tured, two officers of such companionable proclivi- 
ties did not remain long in close proximity without 
interchanges of civilities. They and some of their 
subordinates visited and dined with each other oft- 
en, and it seems reasonable to suppose that a veiy 
considerable quantity of wines, to say nothing of 
alcoholic stimulants in the more condensed medium 
of brandy and whisky, may have been consumed 
upon these occasions. 

This amicable condition of things continued for a 
good while, and the kindest possible relations were 
maintained between the officers of the two garrisons. 
At length, however, both commands were relieved by 
other troops. Captain Magruder M-as superseded by 



ll-i BOKDEK IIp:minisc'ences. 

Caj^tain Sam Jones, who was an out-and-out " teeto- 
taler," while her Britannic majesty's martial repre- 
sentative, Captain Burke, was replaced by Major 

(I've forgotten his name), a young sprig of 

nobility who had seen but little service, and at best 
was not overstocked with savoir faire. 

Before Captain Burke left the post, his successor 
took occasion to ask his opinion regarding the Yan- 
kee officers at Iloulton Barracks. 

He replied that, during his limited acquaintance 
with them, he had found them social and hospitable 
enough ; " but," added he, " they are the most invet- 
erate tipplers I have ever met with in the whole 
course of my life, and, what is more, they expect you 
to drink every time they do. If, however," contin- 
ued he, " you ply them well with their favorite bev- 
erage, whishj, you'll find them generally a set of 
jolly good fellows. Mark this, and you'll get along 
very nicely ; but if, when they visit you, you fail to 
supply them with whisky fii'st, whishy last, and whis- 
ky continually from the moment they open their 
eyes in the morning until they are carried to bed at 
night, you'll see no more of them, be assured of 
that." 

The unfledged neophyte, not having the remotest 
idea that he was being " sold," observed, '' That's 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 115 

odd ; that's devilish odd, by Jove !" He then thank- 
ed the facetious Hibernian for the information, and 
the latter left for the West Indies. 

In due course of time. Captain Sam Jones, with 
several of his officers who were desirous of perpetu- 
ating the friendly relations that had subsisted be- 
tween their predecessors, rode over to the British 
~^ort to pay their respects to the new-comers, and, on 
their arrival, went directly to the commanding offi- 
cer's quarters, and were admitted by an orderly, who 
invited them to sit down while he hastened to notify 
the major of their presence. 

In a few minutes, to their surprise, a side-door was 
suddenly thrown open, and a tall, slender young man 
in demi-toilet, with a bottle in each hand, rushed for- 
ward, hastily placed them upon a table, flew back and 
brought in some glasses, then, without the slightest 
preliminaiy introduction or other ceremony, rapidly 
disappeared, saying as he went out, " I — ah — beg 
pardon, I've no whisky just at this moment, but" 
(pointing to the table) " there's brandy and gin ; help 
yourselves, and I'll send for some whisky directly." 

The officers were greatly astonished at such a 
unique reception, and discussed its signification un- 
til the major (for it was he) came back again with 
two more bottles filled with whisky, which, with a 



IIG 13 ORDER Rkminiscenues. 

self-satisfied air, he placed upon the table, and in the 
most urgent terms pressed them to partake of ; and, 
upon their all declining to drink, he seemed a good 
deal puzzled, and remarked that he had received 
from Captain Burke the impression that all Amer- 
ican officers, without exception, were in the practice 
of taking three or four cocktails before getting up 
in the morning, eight or ten before breakfast, with 
numerous other drinks during the day, besides wine, 
whisky-punch, and " that sort o' thing" at dinner. 

They assured him he had been misinformed, as 
none of them ever drank before breakfast, and some 
of them did not drink at all, not even wine at din- 
ner ; whereupon he remarked, " I — ah — beg pardon, 
but that's very odd. We — ah — never take grog be- 
fore lunch, ye know, but we drink wine, and all that 
sort o' thing, at dinner. You don't do things in your 
service as we do in ours, it seems. We always drink 
wine at mess; it's regulation, and all that sort o' 
thing, ye know." 

Oar officers expressed some curiosity to learn why 
the queen's regulations should be so much at vari- 
ance with ours in requiring wine to be drank at the 
mess-table. Tlie major replied, "I — ah — can't real- 
ly explain why it is, but it's very (///"-fer-r-rent, ye 
know." 



BoKDEK Keminiscences. 117 



MARTIAL WOOING. 

A second lieutenant by the name of "W'***'^*e was 
once assigned to our regiment, who was born and 
" raised" in the wilds of Indiana ; and although he 
possessed, naturally, fair intellectual faculties, yet he 
had received no education save what had been im- 
parted to him in the rudimentary schools of the ru- 
ral districts along the Wabash Yalley. 

His vernacular was redundant with the patois of 
his nativity, and widely divergent from the accepta- 
tion of our standard lexicographers. 

He did not, however, seem at all conscious of his 
scholastic deficiencies, and for a good while contin- 
ued to make use of his anomalous idioms, the oddity 
of which afforded us no little amusement. 

The young man evinced no spirit of segregation, 
but was disposed to be quite social with his brother 
officers, and was especially fond of ladies' society. 
He visited them often, and as his original manner of 
giving expression to his sentiments diverted them 
not a little, he was always received kindly, and in- 
vited to repeat his calls. 

About this time a young lady from New York 

city, a Miss H y, visited the family of one of the 

officers, and remained some months with us. She 



118 Border Reminiscences. 

was liiglily accomplislied, pretty, and exceedingly 
animated, piquant, and attractive. Moreover, she 
possessed a most genial, amiable, and kind disposi- 
tion ; but, like many others of the fair sex, her fond- 
ness for admiration occasionally carried her so far 
that her f;'iends very justly charged her with having 
a dash of coquetry in her composition ; besides this, 
she had a decided penchant for badinage and fun. 

N'o sooner had she been presented to Lieutenant 

W than she comprehended his character at a 

glance, and at once brought her heaviest metal to 
bear upon the exceedingly vulnerable citadel of his 
heart, and in a twinkling made so great a breach 
therein that the poor fellow surrendered at discre- 
tion. For the first time in his life, he found himself 
most desperately enamored. 

lie repeated his visits day after day for several 
weeks, and the young lady, impelled by a spirit of 
flirtation, encouraged his suit while he was in her 
presence, but invariably took occasion, as soon as his 
back was turned, to detail to her young lady com- 
panions e^ery thing that transpired during the in- 
terviews. 

The verdant wooer, not having the faintest concep- 
tion that he was being made the victim of misplaced 
affection, persevered in his courtship, and received 



Boeder Reminiscences. 119 

such encouragement as to call forth from him some 
very emphatic declarations of admiration. He even 
went so far, on one occasion, as to exclaim that ^^He'd 
he dog-oiwi efhe didrCt Vlieve she was a ann-geliy 

This truly frank and sincere, but unique avowal 
of platonic sentiment, set the waggish young lady 
nearly frantic with suppressed desire to shout with 
laughter ; yet she controlled her features and pre- 
served a serene cast of countenance, and she even 
managed to raise the semblance of a blush while 
casting upon her lover from behind her fan a be- 
nignant, coquettish smile of satisfaction as she coyly 

responded, " Oh ! oh ! now, my dear Mr. W , how 

can you say so ? Tou make me blush ; indeed you 
do. I can not believe you are sincere — I am afraid 

you are a gay Lothario, Mr. W ." Then, tapping 

him very gently upon the shoulder with her fan, and 
bestowing upon him a most bewitching smile, she 
added, ^^Are yoti not a gay Lothario, Mr. W .^" 

This question was rather a poser to the enamored 
" Iloosier," who had never before heard of the per- 
son alluded to in her strategic rejoinder. Neverthe- 
less, while pressing his hand upon what he conceived 
to be the region of the heart, but which, according 
to the location assigned that organ by anatomists, 
wa=^ a little too low, he replied. 



12U Border Reminiscences. 

" I don't mind liearin' tell o' that thar individual 

afore, Miss H , but I sorter reckon he's no kin o' 

mine, and you am a ajin-geW — / stoar you isP 

Other equally forcible asseverations of his devo- 
tion were made during this interview, all of which 
were received by the young lady in so gracious a 
manner as to afford him the most encouraging hopes 
of ultimate success. 

Of course the entire conversation was detailed by 

Miss H with much zest to her associates, all of 

whom she invited to be at her quarters on the follow- 
ing evening. A short time before, Mr. W had 

asked for and been promised a special audience, for 
the purpose, as she imagined, of making her a formal 
tender of his heart and hand. 

Accordingly, at the appointed hour, they all assem- 
bled, and were quietly ensconced in an apartment 
adjoining the sitting-room, with the communicating 
door slightly ajar, so that they could distinctly hear 
every word that was said. 

Soon after this the lieutenant made his appearance 
in full uniform, and was cordially received by his 
sweetheart, who asked him to take a seat near her, 
and entered into seemingly a veiy confidential but 
rather loud conversation with him, which soon led 
him to approach tlie subject of his dearest aspira- 
tions. 




WOULD YE LIKE FUR TO JINE THE ARMY, MISS H ? 



Boeder Reminiscences. 123 

Placing himself upon his knees in front of her, 
with a most tender, anxious, and beseechhig expres- 
sion of countenance and voice, but with considerable 
manifestation of diffidence, he said, 

" Would ye like fur tojine tK army, Miss H- f " 

" No," replied she, using his very .words, and imi- 
tating his peculiar diction," I don't think I'd like fur 
to jine th' army, Mr. W ." 

At this juncture screams of vociferous laughter 
burst forth from the mischievous girls in the adjoin- 
ing apartment, in which the cruel Miss H , no 

longer able to control herself, unmercifully joined, 
which caused the discomfited lover to leap to his feet 
in great confusion, seize his cap, and rush from the 
room, and I don't think he ever afterward attempted 
to pay his addresses to any lady. 

ASTWOTE FOR INEBRIATION. 

The moral character of this officer was unimpeach- 
able, and his habits correct and exemplary in every 
particular. He rarely took a glass of wine even at 
dinner, and I dare say he never in his life, up to that 
time, had been intoxicated ; but after his grievous 
disappointment, resulting from the rejection of his 
matrimonial aspirations by the volatile young lady 
from Xew York, together with the cruel ridicule in- 



124 BORDEK liEMINISCENCES. 

flicted upon him by her unsympathizing bevy of con- 
federates, it is not so very strange that he should have 
felt like perpetrating some rash act of desperation. 

He then withdrew ahnost entirely from ladies' so- 
ciety, and transferred his associations to the othei* 
sex, and did not now so pertinaciously adhere to his 
abstemious resolutions. He -would now and then in- 
dulge in a glass or two, but not more, until upon one 
occasion the officers were all invited to a supper-par- 
ty at the house of a hospitable citizen named B****, 
who lived about five miles from the fort. 

Many of them, including the young gentleman 
from the Wabash, attended the party, and relished 
the savory game supper amazingly. Lieutenant 
W seemed to be especially haj^py upon the oc- 
casion, and partook rather freely of the Champagne 
and choice liquors that the gracious host continued 
to press upon him, until at length he began so sensi- 
bly to feel the effects of the unusual number of po- 
tations he had imbibed that he directly demurred at 
taking any more, and, when urged by the host to do 
so, gave as an excuse that he had already drank as 
much as he could well sustain without becoming in- 
toxicated, and added that he would not for the world 
be guilty of committing so scandalous a breach of 
propriety as that. 



Boeder Reminiscences. 125 

Mr. B informed him there would not be the 

least danger of inebriation provided he ate freely 
of coldslaw, and assured him he had often seen the 
experiment tried with entire success. Accordingly, 
lie continued to drink, and every glass was followed 
by a libei'al dose of the vegetable antidote, so that 
before the repast was over he had consumed all the 
coldslaw, and was filled to nearly the maximum of 
his bibitory capacity ; yet he was able to " navigate" 
tolerably well, and, after swallowing a stirrup-cup 
bumper of stiff hot-whisky punch, he started for the 
fort, but, just before reaching the sally-port, discov- 
ered himself becoming so much intoxicated that he 

at once resolved to turn back and call Mr. B to 

account for recommending an antidote for inebria- 
tion which did not have the desired effect. With 
this purpose in contemplation, he ordered his driver 
to turn round, and was carried all the way back to 

Mr. B 's house, reaching there about three o'clock 

in the morning, while the family were in bed and 
sound asleep. 

After knocking several times at the door, and call- 
ing in a loud voice, " 0-o-o-oh, Miss'r B ! o-o-o- 

o-oh, Miss'r B !" he at length aroused the head 

of the family, who, somewhat startled, leaped from 
the bed, and. rnnnin2: to the window, called out. 



126 Boeder Reminiscences. 

"Who are yon, and what do you want at this time 
o' night?" 

Instead of giving a direct answer, the muddled 
victim continued beating the door and calhng out, 
" O-o-o-oh, Miss'r B ! I say, Miss'r B !" 

Thinking that a serious accident might have hap- 
pened to some of his guests after leaving the house, 

B hurried to the door, and, on opening it, to his 

astonishment, confronted the lieutenant holding him- 
self up by the door-post. He anxiously inquired as 
to the cause of this untimely visit, and invited the 
officer into the house. He declined, however, ex- 
claiming, in an emphatic and elevated tone of voice, 

" Miss'r B ! I say, Miss'r B , cabbage ainH 

no ''county Miss'r B .^" Then, without uttering 

another syllable, he staggered back to his sleigh and 
was driven home. 

I am not positive that the trite phrase used in vul- 
gar parlance, " No more account than cabbage," took 
its origin from the circumstance above related, but it 
would not surprise me if such was the fact. 



Border Reminiscences. 127 



CIIAPTEE IV. 

Enlisted Men. — Captain M'Cabe. — Private Orr as a Witness. — Any 
thing the Cap'n plaizes. — A veteran Drummer. — Improvised Dis- 
tillery. — Novel Writ of Ejectment. — Cold Weather. — Colonel 
T*****. — How to make good Bread. — Napton, the Teamster ; his 
Visit to the Moon ; what he saw there. — Song of the old Quarter- 
master's Mule. — Colonel g*********, — Diving for Oysters. — Tak- 
ing Satisfaction. — Correcting the Parson. 

ENLISTED MEN. 

The incidents I propose narrating, wherein certain 
soldiers enact conspicuous and not very commendable 
roles, must bj no means be regarded as applicable to 
the great mass of the rank and file of the old army. 
There may have been some force in the remark 
made by an old soldier in extenuation of a not very 
heinous offense fpr which he was undergoing trial, 
that " the court could scarcely expect to find the en- 
tire catalogue of cardinal virtues embodied in every 
individual specimen of a class of men who only re- 
ceived for their services the paltry compensation of 
six dollars a month." Nevertheless, very many good 
men were even at that time found in the ranks ; and 
it affords me especial satisfaction in giving my at- 
testation to the fa(;t tliat I liave invariablv found the 



128 BoRDEK Reminisckncjjb. 

old soldiers possessing the most kind, generous, and 
disinterested impulses. I am indebted for my exist- 
ence at this moment to the unparalleled fortitude, 
endurance, and sufferings of a noble little band of 
soldiers who nearly sacrificed their own lives to ex- 
tricate me from the perils of a winter's journey over 
the snow-clad summits of the Rocky Mountains. It 
would, therefore, be not only unbecoming, but ex- 
ceedingly ungrateful in me to attempt any deroga- 
tion from their inany praiseworthy attributes. 

CAPTAIX M'CABE. 

Of something like forty officers who were attached 
to the regiment in which I first served, and of whom 
I can only enumerate five now living, there is none 
who has left a more indelible impression upon my 
memory than Captain M'Cabe. This ofiicer entered 
service from civil life during the War of 1812-14, 
had proved himself a valiant soldier, and was a dis- 
ciplinarian of the most exacting and uncompromis- 
ing type. 

The slightest deviations from the literal fulfill- 
ment of orders, or an approximation to infractions 
of regulations, were in his estimation offenses of the 
most flagitious character, which could be expiated 
only by the infliction of the severest penalties sane- 



Boeder Reminiscences, 129 

tioned by law and military usage. No such clement 
word as condonation ever found a place in his vo- 
cabulary. 

The sturdy old veteran was born and nurtured in 
the mountains of Pennsylvania, where he received 
but little education, and that of a rudimental and 
fi'agmentary character. 

When I met him, however, he had been thrown in 
contact with men of culture and refinement for so 
many years that this constant social attrition had 
worn off some of the more salient asperities devel- 
oped by his early provincial training, so that, when 
not under the influence of excitement, he endeavored 
to deport himself like a gentleman, making use of 
the politest and most graceful expressions within the 
scope of his diction ; but, whenever the equanimity 
of his eminently irascible temperament became at 
all disturbed, he abruptly cast aside his studiously 
selected forms of expression for the coarse vernacu- 
lar dictated by his natural impulses, 

PRIVATE ORR AS A WITNESS. 

He was once president of a court-martial of which 
I happened to be a member, and before which a sol- 
dier was arraigned for drunkenness on duty. 

The prisoner pleaded guilty to the charge, but the 
F2 



130 Boeder Reminiscences. 

ruling of courts-martial then requiring the allega- 
tions to be substantiated by evidence, a soldier by 
the name of Orr was called in behalf of the prosecu- 
tion, who, it appeared, had been with the accused 
when the offense was committed, and in all proba- 
bility was drunk at the same time. 

After having been duly sworn, he was asked if he 
saw the prisoner at the time specified in the charge, 
to which he gave an affirmative reply. 

To the next question, as to whetlier the accused 
was drunk, he answered emphatically " No." 

This response being so positively at variance with 
what Captain M'Cabe conceived to be the fact, he, 
with a stern look of incredulity, turned to tlie wit- 
ness, saying, " Did 1 understand you to affirm, sir, 
that in your candid judgment you regarded the pris- 
oner as entirely sober upon the occasion alluded to ?" 

Orr was a little puzzled at this carefully-worded 
interrogatory, but promptly answered, " I don't pre- 
tind to offur-rum tliat he was intirely sober, yer 
'onor, fui* we had taken one, an' I don't jist now re- 
mimber,but maybe two small horns togither; but lie 
wasn't dhrunk, by no manner of means — I'll take 
my affidavy of that, yer 'onor." 

The captain then asked the witness if in his opin- 
ion the accused was, at the time specified, competent 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 131 

to perform all his military duties. He replied, "An' 
sure, yer 'onor, the pris'ner was not so dhrunk in re-" 
gard to licker but what he could per-for-rum his du- 
ties fust rhate." 

The captain, becoming more and more irritated at 
the perverse tenacity with which the witness adhered 
to his first asseveration, said to him, " With the kind 
indulgence of the court, I beg leave to observe to 
you. Mister Orr" (he invariably used this appellative 
derisively to soldiers when most exasperated), " I take 
this occasion to remark to you^ I say, Mister Orr, in 
the most delicate terms, that in my humble judgment 
you have been laboring under a slight error in this 
case — a slight error, I say, sir; and allow me to 
add furthermore. Mister Orr, that in my opinion 
you have perpetrated a deliberate, infernal lie, sir." 
Then, jumping np, raising his voice to a high pitch, 
and shaking his fist at the witness, he repeated, 
" You have told a d — d lie, you know you have." 

The old man was called to order by the court, and 
an admonitory intimation given him that he would 
not be permitted to intimidate witnesses in that man- 
ner, but it was some time before he calmed down 
and resumed his customary demeanor. 

It so happened, after this trial was concluded, that 
the same man Orr was called as a witness in the next 



132 Border Reminiscences. 

case that came before the court, and previous to his 
having been sworn, Captain M'Cabe, in view of the 
scene that had previously occurred, took occasion to 
ask him, "Will yon be so very ohliging, Jfister Orr, 
as to give me some idea of what you intend to swear 
to in this case ?" 

To which the witness, who was perfectly self-pos~ 
sessed, with a bland smile responded, "/7Z sware to 
any thing the cwp'nplaizesP 

A VETERAN DRUMMER. 

Tliere was in our garrison an old drummer by the 
name of Potter, who had served through several 
terms of enlistment, and when sober was an obedi- 
ent, faithful soldier ; but, unfortunately for the poor 
fellow, he was so fond of his grog that he would re- 
sort to all manner of expedients, or incur any amount 
of labor, exposure, or danger, for the sake of grati- 
fying this inveterate propensity. The consequence 
was that he passed the greater part of his time in 
the guard-house undergoing the penalty attached to 
liis incorrigible vagaries. 

One morning, directly after having been released 
from confinement, he was ordered by Captain M'Cabe 
to go to a grindstone standing just without the chain 
of sentinels, and sharpen an axe which was M'anted 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 133 

for immediate use. He took the axe and started 
out of the fort, but, instead of continuing on to the 
grindstone, the temptation was too powerful for him 
to resist, and he turned his stej^s toward a grog-shop 
in the vicinity, where he passed the remainder of the 
day in drinking whisky, and staggered back to the 
fort after dark in a state of beastly intoxication. 

The captain, after waiting some time for the re- 
turn of the axe, suspected what had occurred, and 
gave orders for the guard to arrest and bring the 
truant to him as soon as he returned. Accordingly, 
on his arrival at the sally-port, he was taken in charge, 
and escorted, axe in hand, to the captain's quarters, 
and in reply to the inquiry as to why he had pre- 
sumed to disobey the order given liim in the morn- 
ing, he, while reeling to and fro, and holding out the 
axe toward the officer, said, " I say, cap'n, I've been 
a gr-r-r-rin'in on 'er all day, but that 'ere gr-r-rine- 
stun she wo-o-on't have no more he-e-expresh'n on 
this 'ere ha-a-ax nor a toad wants a tail every bit and 
grain as much." This labored excuse failed, howev- 
er, to convince the captain that he had complied with 
the order given him, and instead of being rewarded 
for his arduous day's labor, he was assigned to quar- 
ters for ten days in tlie dark prison upon an exclu- 
sive diet of bread and water. 



134 Border Keminiscences. 



IMPROVISED DISTILLERY. 

The crafty devices and great sacrifices to which 
men who have become addicted to the inordinate 
use of ardent spirits will occasionally resort in order 
to gratify their morbid appetites is forcibly illustra- 
ted in the following legend. 

One exceedingly severe and protracted winter, 
somewhere about 1820, shortly after the establish- 
ment of Fort Snelling, then called " Fort St. Antho- 
ny," it so occurred that evei*y thing at the fort in the 
form of alcoholic, vinous, and malt liquors was con- 
sumed long before spring, and the only place where 
a drop of spirits could be obtained within a distance 
of five hundred miles was at the establishment of an 
Indian trader in the vicinity by the name of Farri- 
beau, who still retained a few gallons of high wines, 
from which, with a large aqueous component, he was 
enabled to concoct a nauseous mixture sufiiciently 
stimulating to cause intoxication. 

Although the pay of a private soldier at this early 
period was only six dollars a montli, yet some of the 
most inveterate votaries of inebriation among the en- 
listed men of the garrison united their slender finan- 
ces, and, as a special favor, were permitted by the ex- 
torsive trader to purchase one gallon of his execra- 



% 



Border Reminiscences. 135 

ble and well-M^atered compound for the modest price 
of ninety-six dollars, or the amount of sixteen months' 
pay of the soldier. What profits were realized from 
the sale of the remainder of the liquor I did not 
learn, but was informed that it was all disposed of 
before spring, after which there was no alcoholic 
spirits short of Galena, at that season nearly as inac- 
cessible as the hyperborean regions. 

The commissary's stock of sugar also gave out dur- 
ing this prolonged winter ; and, as there was no pos- 
sibility of renewing the supply from below until the 
opening of navigation, a detachment of soldiers, un- 
der charge of a corporal,. was sent out into the " Big 
Woods," as soon as the sap began to circulate, for the 
purpose of manufacturing maple sugar. 

Some days after this party had been set at work, 
the commissary visited their camp to learn what 
progress they were making, and, on his arrival, to 
his utter astonishment, found every man in a state 
of absolute intoxication. 

How the party could have got into this condition 
when there was no liquor within a distance of five 
hundred miles was incomprehensible to him. That 
they were all drunk was evident, but by what mys- 
terious process of enchantment this had been brought 
about was more than he could understand. He at 



136 Boeder Reminiscences. 

once returned to the fort, and reported the facts to 
the commanding ofhcer, who did not credit the state- 
ment, and sent out other officers to investigate the 
matter. 

They found the party still so stupefied by tlie in- 
fluence of liquor that they were unable to obtain 
from them any clew to the mystery, and it was only 
after making diligent search in the vicinity of the 
camp that they finally discovered a diminutive, rude 
distillery, which an ingenious tinker had improvised 
by making use of camp-kettles for boilers, and some 
old trumpets for the still-worm, and, with the aid of 
an experienced distiller, who also happened to belong 
to the detachment, they had succeeded in causing 
the saccharine ingredient of the sap to undergo the 
vinous fermentation, and the result was a quantity 
of spirits, which had proved sufficiently potent to re- 
duce them to the condition in which they were found. 

NOVEL WRTT OF EJECTMENT. 

While Fort Winnebago, now Portage City, was oc- 
cupied by our troops in 1839, a whisky vender sur- 
reptitiously located his establishment upon the mili- 
tary reservation, and for a long time carried on his 
nefarious traffic with the soldiers, greatly to the an- 
noyance of tlie officers, who appealed to the United 



Boeder Reminiscences. 137 

States District Attorney, and resorted to every other 
legitimate measure for the pm'pose of ejecting the 
intruder, but all was without avail, and the shop re- 
mained until Captain M'Cabe devised an expedient 
which, although not in strict accordance with the lit- 
eral reading of the statute-books, proved most effect- 
ual in this instance. He sent for an old fifer named 
Curtis, who was an inveterate toper, and had been 
one of the most constant patrons of the establish- 
ment, and asked him if he knew the place. He re- 
plied that he had been informed there was an estab- 
lishment of the kind somewhere in the vicinit}^, al- 
though he was not himself personally acquainted 
with its precise locality. 

The captahi was considerably exercised at the cool 
mendacity of the fellow, and remarked : 

"I beg your Y>^rdon, Miste?' Curtis, but you will 
kindly suffer me gently to insinuate, in the most ur- 
bane manner, that I find myself unable to resist the 
force of my own convictions that you must be mis- 
taken in this matter ; and I believe furthermore that 
you are an unmitigated liar, sir. You've been drunk 
there repeatedly, you know you have ; and all I have 
to say to you now is, that if you and two or three 
more of your drunken associates should take it into 
yonr muddled licads to go to that whisky shop to- 



138 BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

nighty give the scoundrel a d — d good tlirasliing, 
destroy bis liquor, burn do^vn bis infernal sbant)', 
and bring back tbi'ee or four camp-kettles full of this 
vile poison, and remain drunk for a week, I'll play 
the very devil witb every one of you. Do you un- 
dei-stand tbat, Mister Curtis V 

Tlie old soldier intimated tbat be comprebended 
tbe signification of the tbroat, and assured tbe cap- 
tain tbat be need bave no f eai-s, as tbere was not tbe 
sligbtest probability of liis ever being guilty of per- 
petrating sucb a manifest breacb of law and order. 

Notwithstanding tbis, however, tbe grog-shop, by 
some mysterious agency, was burned to tbe ground 
that same night, and, by an equally astonishing coin- 
cidence, Curtis and three of bis intimate associates 
disappeared for several days afterward. 

The whisky vender was heard from a few days 
subsequently making a precipitate i-etreat in the di- 
rection of Mineral Point, and with several patches in 
his physiognomy exhibiting a deeper tint of crimson 
than is usually supplied by nature. 

I don't think be made his appeai'ance again upon 
tbe Reservation. 

COLD WEATHER. 

One morning during tbe severe winter of 1830-1, 



Boeder Reminiscences. 139 

while Captain M'Cabe was stationed at Fort Snell- 
ing, he sent his orderly to the hospital for the pur- 
pose of ascertaining the temperature. 

Xow it so happened, upon the occasion referred to, 
the atmosphere had become so intensely cold that 
the mercury in the Fahrenheit thermometer dropped 
down 40° below zero, and was frozen solid ; but the 
orderly, whose education in meteorology was rather 
limited, had not the faintest conception that such a 
result was within the scope of ISTature's laws, and 
when he observed the fact that all the quicksilver 
had settled from the tube into the bulb of the instru- 
ment, he returned in great haste to the captain's 
quarters, and in an excited manner exclaimed, " Cap- 
ting! capting! that 'ere thrognomicon she's chock 
up this mornin'. The marcury won't budge, an' I 
reckon she's frizzed," 

HOW TO MAKE GOOD BREAD. 

Colonel T*"***, whom I have before alluded to, 
was a rigid disciplinarian of the old school, who held 
every one under his command to a strict accountabil- 
ity for all infractions of law, regulations, or orders. 
This was all very well, so far as it extended ; but 
there are numerous minor offenses not mentioned in 
the Articles of War or Reirulations, which militate 



140 Border Kkminiscences. 

against the enforcement of good order and military 
discipline, that can not be reached by the ordinary- 
correctives resulting from trials by courts-martial. 

Colonel T***** was conspicuous for the ingenu- 
ity he displayed in conceiving and executing novel' 
and appropriate punishments to meet emergencies of 
this character. 

As an instance, the garrison of Fort Winnebago, 
commanded by the colonel, was once afflicted with a 
soldier-baker by the name of M'Mannus, who was a 
most incorrigible drunkard, and, when in his cups, he 
was certain to make very bad bread. So well had 
this become understood, that it was only necessary 
to examine a loaf of bread to determine whether 
M'Mannus was drunk or sober. Yet, as the man 
did not enlist for a baker, and as there was nothing 
in the Army Regulations whereby a soldier could be 
tried or punished for making bad bread, there seem- 
ed to be no remedy for the evil, and the bread be- 
came worse and worse ; but, as there was no other 
baker in the command, M'Mannus could not be re- 
lieved or confined without depriving the garrison of 
this most important item of the ration. lie undei'- 
stood this perfectly, and, believing his services indis- 
pensable, his debauches multiplied rapidly, and the 
quality of tlie bi-ead underwent a corresponding de- 



Boi'DEK Reminiscknces. 141 

terioTation, until at length it became so intolerable 
that the colonel resolved to take the matter in hand 
and apply a remedy. 

On the following morning the bread proved worse 
■ than it ever had been before. It was compact, heavy, 
glutinous, not properly baked, and was, in fact, exe- 
crable. 

As soon as the coloneFs attention was called to it, 
he selected fi'om the batch the worst-looking four- 
ration loaf he could find, took it to his quarters, and 
directed his servant to set the breakfast table for 
two persons, with a large platter in the centre, upon 
which he placed the loaf, with an enormous cover 
over it ; after which he sent his orderly with his com- 
pliments to Private M'Mannus, accompanied by a re- 
quest that he would favor him with a call at his ear- 
liest convenience, as he desired specially to see him. 

The baker, who had just finished his breakfast, 
was a good deal surprised at this mysteriously polite 
message from the commanding officer; but he but- 
toned up his coat, brushed his hair, and hastened to 
comply with the mandate. 

Knocking at the door, he was at once admitted by 
the colonel himself, who, with an air of great civility, 
thus addressed him : 

"Good morning, Mr. M'Mannus ; I hope you find 



142 Border 11 e m i n i s o e n c e s. 

yourself veiy well this morning, for I wish to. have 
the pleasure of your company at breakfast." Then, 
pointing to a chair, he added, " Sit down, sir ; break- 
fast is all ready." 

The baker, astounded at such unheard-of conde-* 
scension, and at loss to comprehend the meaning of 
it, replied that he was greatly obliged to the colonel 
for his kind invitation, but as he had just risen from 
the breakfast table he begged to be excused. The col- 
onel assured him that made uo difference whatever, 
and that he must insist upon his taking his breakfast 
at his table, when he again motioned for him to take 
his seat in a manner that admitted of no farther ex 
cuses. 

Accordingly, he seated himself at table opposite 
the colonel, when the servant was directed to remove 
the solitary cover, which disclosed the huge col- 
lapsed five-pound loaf to the eyes of the astonished 
baker, who now, for the first time, began to get an 
inkling of the facetious colonel's purpose, w^ho, open- 
ing and extending his hands toward him, with a most 
beseeching smile, said, " Help yourself to bread, Mr. 
M'Mannus, and don't be afraid of it, for I assure you 
there is more in the larder." 

Seeing no means for escape, M'Mannus reluctant- 
ly commenced upon tlie re]>ulsive-looking loaf, and 



( 



1^ 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 143 

after eating nearly half of it, informed the colonel 
that really he should be unable to swallow any more, 
as he was already suffering great inconvenience from 
repletion. 

■ " My dear sir," said the colonel, " you certainly 
must oblige me by eating some more of that deli- 
cious bread. Your appetite don't seem very good 
just at this moment, but it will come after a while, 
so eat a little more, sir." 

He commenced again, and was forced to consume 
the entire loaf before he was permitted to leave the 
table. The colonel then said to him, " I hope you 
have relished yom* breakfast, sir, as I shall expect 
you to take your meals at my table whenever you 
make such excellent bread as that you have been 
eating." 

M'Mannus, who was suffering tortures from the 
surfeit he had been subjected to, said he hoped the 
colonel would not have occasion to extend his hospi- 
tality to him again very soon, as he should for the 
future endeavor to make better bread, and he even 
went so far as to admit that the article produced that 
morning was- iijot quite as light as he could have de- 
sired. 

The colonel acquiesced in this opinion, saying, 
" No, sir, it is not quite as light as some bread I have 



J^ 



144 B O K D E K K E M I N I S C E N C E S. 

seen in the Parisian cafes, for example, and I think, 
with all due respect for yonr qualifications as a pro- 
fessional baker, Mr, M'Mannus, I may hazard the as- 
sertion that it is any thing but what it should have 
been ; and I might with propriety add that it is a vil- 
lainous cQmpoTmd: unfit for a dog to eat." 

Then jumping up and shaking his fist at the man, 
lie said, " How dare you make such bread for my 
men to eat, sir ? How dare you, I say ? If you 
don't get out of my quarters instantly, I'll kick you 
out, you d — d drunken hound." 

M'Mannus made a precipitate exit, and the troops 
were subsequently supplied with l)etter bread. 

, NAPTOX, THE TEAMSTER. 

I have a distinc* recollection of an old soldier by 
the name of Napton, who stammered so badly that it 
was sometimes almost impossible for him to give ut- 
terance to a sentence without prefixing to it an oath. 
This man, while I knew him, was continually kept 
upon " extra duty" as teamster, and a very good one 
he was. For several years he drove oxen, but was 
subsequently promoted to the command of a mule 
team, which seemed the attainment of the summit of 
his aspirations. His attention was so exclusively ab- 
sorbed in tlic occujmtion to wliicli lie liad been as- 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 145 

signed that lie paid but little attention to liis duties 
as a soldier. 

He was a kind and humane man, and as fond of 
his mules as a father of his children ; besides, he was 
indefatigable in his attentions to their wants, and ap- 
plied the most endearing epithets to them. Indeed, 
he went so far uj^on one occasion as to give his can- 
did opinion that the mule was the most useful insti- 
tution in the M-orld excepting whisky. 

At one time a professional mesmerist visited our 
post, and as the mysterious science was then in its 
incipiency and entirely novel to us, our curiosity was 
considerably excited. In " prospecting" for subjects 
to exercise his powers upon after a lecture which 
this man gave before the officers and enlisted men, 
he accidentally encountered Napton, who proved a 
most tractable auxiliary, being so keenly sensitive to 
the influence of the mesmeric fluid that the professor, 
when in his presence, obtained absolute control of all 
his faculties. He was so susceptible a medium that 
the operator, by simply pointing his finger at him 
when he was walking, caused him to halt instantly, 
and go at once into the mesmeric slumber — a cata- 
leptic state in which his own volition seemed abso- 
lutely suspended, and every faculty surrendered to 
the will of the mesmerist. 

G 



146 BoRDEK Heminiscences. 

Once while he was in tliis condition, with his eyes 
closed, and apparently nuconscious of every thing 
transpiring round him, we quietly, and without his 
knowledge, desired the mesmerizer to excite the or- 
gan of self-esteem, the medium being totally ignorant 
of the first principles of phrenology. In compliance 
with the request, he went behind the man, and, with- 
out touching his head, made several passes with his 
hand over the designated protuberance, after which 
he said, 

" Will you be so kind as to inform us who you are, 
Mr. Napton r 

Whereupon he straightened up in his chair, folded 
his arms across his breast, and, throwing one leg over 
the other in a very stately manner, replied, 

" I'm the Gu-Gu-Gu-Guv'ner of the St-t-t-t-t-t-tatc 
of New York, sir." 

After continuing to pour in the current of mes- 
meric fluid some time longer, the spiritist again asked, 

"Who did I understand you to say you were, Mr. 
Napton?" 

Throwing back his head, and assuming a still more 
consequential air than before, he replied, 

" I'm the P-P-P-Pres'dent of the United St-t-t-t-t-t- 
tates, sir." 

We all laughed heartily at this superlatively fai-ci- 



Border Reminiscences. 147 

cal response, but Napton maintained a most solemn 
and dignified expression of countenance, indicating 
that he really believed himself the important person- 
age whose identity he had assumed. 

Among the officers present at om* seance was one 
who was utterly skeptical in regard to all the phe- 
nomena exhibited to us, and he endeavored to cast as 
much ridicule upon the performance as possible. 

Although I never saw this officer intoxicated, yet 
he was far from being a total abstinence man, which 
fact was well known to the soldiers, with whom he 
was not popular. 

Upon Napton's announcing himself as the chief 
magistrate of the nation, the lieutenant above men- 
tioned asked him if he would have any objections to 
giving him the appointment of colonel in the army. 
After some hesitation, he answered, 

" I d-d-d-don't think I can gi-gi-gi-give you that 
ap-p-p-point-ment, sir." 

" If it is not an improper question, may I be per- 
mitted to ask why not, Mr. President ?" 

" Because I d-d-d-don'i think youVe i-i-i-/it for it." 

" In that case, Mr. President, is there any impropri- 
ety in my asking for the appointment of lieutenant 
colonel ?" 

*' I d<\-d-don''t think you're i-i-i-Jit for that either." 



148 Boeder Eeminiscencer. 

" Is tliei-e any other position within your gift, Mr. 
President, which you think I am competent to fill V 
"I tlnnk, if you'd keep sober, you'd make a t-t-t-t-t- 
tol'ble co-co-co-co-co-cor'prul." 

This ludicrous response caused a vociferous shout 
of laughter from every body in the room except the 
office-seeker, who retired in disgust, remarking as he 
went out that in his opinion the whole thing was an 
infernal humbug. 

During the seance the professor took his subject 
upon an imaginary excursion to the moon, and, on 
their arrival, asked him what he saw peculiar in that 
planet. After feigning to look around for a mo- 
ment, he replied, 

" 1 see a f-f-f-f -fust-rate p-p-p-p-pair o' mules, sir.'' 
" What else do you perceive, Mr.Kapton ?" 
To this he replied, 

" The g-g-g-gate's shut ; I c-c-c-can't get in." 
" Why don't you ask the keeper to open the gate, 
Mr. Napton ?" 

" I did ask him, b-b-l)-b-b-but he wants to know 
where I c-c-c-c-came from, and I t-t-t-t-t-t-told him 
from the U-n-n-n-w//ted St-t-t-t-t-t-tates of 'Meriky." 
" Very well, sir ; what did he say to that ?" 
"He said, 'What b-b-b-b-52Vness did you f-f-f-f- 
foller down there V " 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 149 

"■ You answered that question, I presume, Mr. Nap- 
ton ?" 

" Yes'er ; I t-t-t-t-t-told him 1 was a b-b-b-b-b-bull 
driver, by ." 

" Did he admit you then, sir ?" 

" Ye-e-e-es'er ; he opened the g-g-g-gate, and told 
me to ' d-d-d-d-drive in, you d — d st-t-t-t-t-tut-terin' 
vagabond you." 

That the mule is the most useful hybrid known is 
indisputable, but, unfortunately for the poor beast, he 
seldom receives as kind treatment as Napton bestow- 
ed upon his favorites ; and, if they could speak, there 
would doubtless be many a lament fully as heart- 
rending as that contained in the following stanzas, 

which were penned by Colonel L after having 

witnessed their cniel usage in Florida ; 

SONG OP THE OLD QUARTER-MASTER'S MULE. 
A Lay from the Land of Floivers. 
Know ye the land where the River St. John's 

Rolls on through the palm forest to the salt sea ; 
Where Sol gilds the mule-yard when morning first dawns, 
And the sheds that give shade to my comrades and me ? 

Through its hammocks and forests for many a day 
Have I toiled o'er the sands for my pitiful grain, 

And sighed at my trough till my tail has grown gray, 
And sweat for my country again and again. 



150 BoRDEK Kkminiscences. 

When the war-whoop was heard in the pine-shadowed wood — 
When the drivers all ran, and the fight was a race, 

Like a Holy-cross Knight in my hai'ness I stood, 
Calmly smiUng at fate, with my leg o'er the trace. 

Midst this donkey hrevetvient, oh where's my reward ? 

Ungroomed and unshodden, faint, foundered, and sick. 
The first transport that passes will bear me on board, 

Floating down the St. John's to be sold at Black Creek. 

Oh ! my brothers in toil, yet uncrushed by the chains. 
Be ye warned by my fate ; this your doom I foretell : 

When the war-clouds have passed, for your service and pains 
You'll be sold at Black Creek by the auctioneer Bell. 

DIVING FOR OYSTERS. 

I once served under the command of Colonel 
S*********, who was at that time one of the few 
surviving veterans of the campaign of 1812. 

He was a portly, but fine-looking gentleman of the 
old school, with an erect and graceful carriage, pos- 
sessing an exceedingly kind and amiable disposition, 
and, after a good dinner, was the pei'sonification of 
pleasantry and good-humor. 

He took no pleasure in reading, wi-iting, or other 
intellectual occupations, but was eminently a hon 
vivant, and thoroughly posted in the mysteries of 
the gastronomic art. He could direct the concoction 
and cooking of a ragout, potage a la Julidnne, or oth- 
er honne houche with as much artistic skill as the 



Border Reminiscences. 151 

most accomplished professional French maitre de, 
cuisine, and he probably thought more of his dinner 
than he did of every other event of his life. 

While our Army of Observation was bivouacked 
at Corpus Christi during the winter of 1845-6, the 
colonel, having but few military duties to occupy his 
time, was in the habit of taking out his " pioneer 
party" to catch fish and oysters for his table. 

The men submitted to this cheerfully at first, but 
after the novelty of the thing had worn off they be- 
gan to demur at the laborious task which the colonel 
imposed upon them for his own personal gratification 
and benefit, and some of them applied to be relieved. 

One morning, while lying in my tent just before 
reveille, I overheard a dialogue between two of the 
pioneers, one of whom had, as it appeared, just been 
detailed to serve with the party, and having no knowl- 
edge of the character of the duties he would be re- 
quired to perform, appealed to the old incumbent 
to enlighten him. 

" In the first place," said he, " you'll have to row a 
boat down the bay every morning, and wade up to 
your middle for about six hours catching crabs, and 
you'll have to look out for the ' stingarees,' for they 
are awful. But what the old man wants you partic- 
ularly for is to dive for oysters, for he's h — 1 on oys- 
ters.'* 



lb'2 BOKDEK li 1:MINISCKN(. Efi. 

The otlier replied, " 1*11 not do cither, for I didn't 
'list for a ei-alvcatoher or an oyster-diver, nohow." 

" Xever mind, you'll have to do it. He'll keep you 
under water as long as the crabs and oysters hold 
out, you may depend on that." 

How the discussion terminated I am unable to say, 
as the men soon afterward passed out of hearing. 

TAKISG SATISrACTIOS. 

Many yeai-s befoi-e this the colonel obtained a fur- 
lough, and went to New England, married a wife, 
and brought her back to his sequestered frontier 
station, where there was little society and but few 
amiisements. The newly - married couple were in 
the practice of walking out a great deal, and it so 
happened that the bride had brought with her fi-om 
home a favorite poodle dog, which accompanied 
them in all their rambles. 

The colonel at tii-st did not seem to fancy the at- 
tentions that weiv lavished upon the animal by his 
mistivss, but in time this prejudice was overeome, 
and at length he was persuaded even to lead the dog 
about with a ribbon ; indeed, he finally seemei^l to 
become nearly as much attached to the creature as 
his wife was. 

The old irt^ntleman also had another hobbv at this 



B OR OKU Rkminiscknces. 153 

period that absorbed a good deal of his time when 
not occupied with his domestic concerns, whicli was 
a new and very tall flag-staff that he had taken great 
pains to have selected with care, and properly dress- 
ed, and put lip on the parade-ground. He walked 
around it many times every day, surveying it from 
every possible direction, and contemplating its grace- 
ful proportions with peculiar pleasure and satisfac- 
tion. 

One morning, as he was taking his customary view 
of the new military appendage while the flag was 
being hoisted to its peak, one of the soldiers assisting 
at the halyards, who happened to be very drunk at 
the time, made an exclamation which was overheard 
by the colonel, and was not very complimentary to 
him, and he ordered the man to the guard-house. 
The fellow staggered off, but in a very surly mood, 
remarking, in a suppressed tone, as he passed the ofli- 
cer, that he would have revenge for what he con- 
ceived to be an unmerited punishment if lie was 
compelled to wait until he was discharged from the 
service. He was peremptorily ordered to halt, and 
asked how he dared to make such a threat against his 
commanding oflicer. Instead of prevaricating or 
denying it, he firmly reiterated his determination. 
Whereupon the colonel asked, " What kind of re- 
G2 



154 Jj ORDER Reminiscences. 

venge do you imagine you can inflict upon nie, 
sir?" 

" Be jabei*s, I'll buy all the oysters in the sutler's 
store ; and, ef that's not enough, I'll cut off your 
wife's dog's tail ; and, ef that's not enough, I'll chop 
down your ugly old flag-staff, an' so I will." 

CORRECTING THE PARSON. 

Mr. C****, our post-chaplain, was a highly intelli- 
gent and dignifled old gentleman, who exercised his 
ecclesiastic prerogatives with as much stateliness and 
hauteur as if he had been the veritable sovereign 
pontiff himself. He entertained us e^•ery Sunday 
with excellent, short, practical discourses, and it is 
to be presumed that the troops profited by his zeal- 
ous teachings. 

The colonel, although not a member of the Church, 
set us a good example by regular attendance upon 
all the services, invariably carrying his prayer-book, 
and occasionally uniting in the responses. 

In order to understand what I am about to relate, 
however, I should state that the colonel had fallen 
into the habit of now and then involuntarily solilo- 
quizing, and occasionally his spasmodic exclamations 
were superlatively laughable. 

One Sunday, after the congregation had all assem- 



Border Reminiscences. 155 

bled, with the colonel occupying a prominent seat 
near the chaplain, the latter connnenced the custom- 
ary form of service by the following announcement : 
'-^Ninth day of the month, morning prayer." But, 
by some oversight, he made a mistake, as it happened 
to be the tenth day. The colonel, who, with his spec- 
tacles mounted, was intently following the parson in 
his prayer-book, at once noticed the error, and, great- 
ly to the astonishment of every body, in a loud voice 
uttered the exclamation, "/i!J'6^ the tenth day ^ I swear. ^'' 



150 BOKDEK KliMINISCKNCES. 



CHAPTEK V. 

Volunteers. — Rapidity of Organization and Discipline. — Arkansas 
Volunteers. — "Let inn bile ahead!" — Postage-st;iinp. — One Hun- 
dred and Second Khode Island. — Kifle-pit. — Cut out of a Hide. — 
Monterey. — Candidate for the Presidency. 

rOLdSTEERii. 

The s:rave and tras-ical features of the Great Re- 
hellion have been g;raphically depicted by numerous 
writers, some of whom have drawn faithful and 
striking delineations of events during the progress of 
the sanguinary drama, but as yet I have seen but 
few representations of the more comical and ludi- 
crous incidents with which the early history of the 
war abounded. 

It is not at all surprising, and indeed might have 
been anticipated, that thousands of farcical and un- 
military scenes should have been enacted during the 
incipient stages of the contest, before the troops liad 
received instruction in their duties. Some of these 
have been published, and are familiar to all; but 
there are many others only known and retained in 
the memories of individuals who served in particular 
organizations and localities, and may soon be forgot- 



Border Reminiscences. 157 

ten, unless, peradventure, those persons having cog- 
nizance of the facts shall take the trouble to preserve 
them from oblivion by giving the public the benefit 
of their experiences upon paper. 

I do not, tlierefoi"e, deem it necessary to offer any 
apology for contributing my mite toward filling this 
hiatus in the chronicles of the Herculean stru£:2'le. 
It is a subject in which nearly all the world feel a 
deep and abiding concern. 

What I am about narrating will not be altogether 
devoid of interest to readers generally, but more es- 
pecially to those genial natures which have the good 
fortune to be endowed with a love for the humor- 
ous, and those who cultivate a healthful honhomie 
and a cheerful disposition in preference to sombre 
and lugubrious cogitations, inducing hypochondria, 
and imaginary or real mental maladies. 

No one entertains a higher appreciation and re- 
spect for the great achievements of our volunteer 
troops than myself, and it was a subject of equal 
astonishment and gratification to me at the com- 
mencement of the war to witness the alacrity of our 
citizens from the Northern and "Western States in 
rushing forward with earnest emulation to the de- 
fense of the jeopardized Union cause, and the cheer- 
ful acquiescence with which they abandoned the 



158 Boeder Reminiscences. 

comforts of home, and submitted to the privations 
and hardships of camp life, and the austerities and 
restraints incident to mihtary training, as well as the 
unprecedented celerity with which these men ac- 
quired a knowledge of their duties. 

The rapidity with which we levied, organized, 
equipped, and put in the field armies of vast magni- 
tude from the raw material was without a parallel in 
the history of warfare, and has not only inspired us 
with confidence in our ability to supplement our mil- 
itary resources to almost any extent, should future 
exigencies require it, but it has caused our fiag to be 
more respected, and the military power of a great re- 
publican government to be more fully comprehend- 
ed throughout the world than they ever were before. 
I am constrained to admit, however, that a few ex- 
ceptions to the facts above stated, so far as they ap- 
ply to the personnel of our armies, came under my 
own observation, among the volunteers that were 
raised in certain remote border-districts of the South- 
west ; but, unless a person has actually been among 
those people, and witnessed their anomalous peculi- 
arities, he would hardly be inclined to give credence 
to some of their idiosyncrasies. 



iJuKDER Keminiscences. 159 



ARK A XS A 8 VOLUNTEERS. 

I had occasion, during the summer of 1864, to 
^isit Arkansas and Southwestern Missouri, where I 
met with several regiments of volunteers which had 
been recruited in that section of the country. 

It is true, some little knowledge of drill and dis- 
cipline had been hammered into these men when I 
saw them, but they were still the roughest specimens 
of soldiers I ever encountered, and I was informed 
by their officers that, when they were first called into 
service, it seemed almost impossible to impart to their 
obtuse comprehensions the faintest idea of the im- 
portance of military instruction. 

An officer of rank, who was serving with these 
troops — a man who had passed the meridian of life, 
was a good soldier, and had seen some pre%-ious serv- 
ice in Mexico, gave me a detailed narration of his 
experience in illustration of the difficulties he had 
encountered in manipulating native border citizens 
into soldiers. His description made so forcible an 
impression upon my mind at the time that I think I 
can relate it very nearly in his own words ; at all 
events, I will make the effort. As near as my mem- 
ory serves me, it was as follows : 

" My first service in this campaign was with vol- 



160 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

unteers from Arkansas and Southwestern Missouri. 
These men were called out upon the spur of the mo- 
ment, hastily organized, and but partially equipped 
to meet the sudden and startling exigencies of the 
momentous occasion, and they consisted of farmers, 
hunters, and other loyal frontier men, many of whom 
probably never before saw an organized company of 
soldiers, and had not the least knowledge even of the 
rudiments in the art of war. Moreover, many of 
their officers were elected or appointed on account 
of their personal popularity, or their liberality in 
supplying whisky as a lubricator (if I may use the 
expression) in overcoming the scruples, raising the 
courage, and elevating the patriotism of the more 
timid and lukewarm of their ' fellar - citizens,' and 
generally without any special reference to their 
knowledge of or qualifications for the profession of 
arms or the business of war. 

" Nevertheless, some of these men applied them- 
selves assiduously to their novel vocation, and subse- 
quently achieved well-merited distinction ; but when 
they were first mustered into service, and assembled 
at Little Rock and other rendezvous near the theatre 
of active operations, they were the most crude and 
unmilitary-looking aspirants for glory it has ever 
been my fate to encounter. 



Border Reminiscenues. 101 

" Upon their arrival at the rendezvous they were 
dressed in all varieties of costumes. Some wore uni- 
form coats and butternut - colored pants and vests; 
others were clad in buckskin coats and uniform 
pants, Avhile a few appeared in buckskin throughout ; 
and they universally adhered most tenaciously to 
their native old broad-brimmed hats. Moreover, the 
greater part of them carried in their hands or on 
their backs large carpet-bags or sacks, expanded and 
stuffed out to their utmost capacity with all sorts of 
traps that were of no possible use in campaigning. 

" They were, indeed, a most heterogeneous and 
motley set, and reminded me more of a crowd of 
camp-followers who had loaded themselves down 
with plunder upon the heels of a routed army than 
of an organized body of soldiers. 

"As fast as they reported they were assigned to 
camps, and immediately put upon a strict course of 
drill and discipline under the supervision of the best 
officers that could be found, and it was hoped that 
ere long they would present a more martial bearing ; 
but their peculiar self-reliant individuality, and the 
notions of social equality in which they had been 
nurtured and instructed, were in every respect stub- 
bornly antagonistic to rapid progress in military ac- 
quirements ; besides, their naturally careless, slouch- 



162 BoKUEK Keminisoences. 

iiig, and ungainly deportment and liabits had be- 
come so thoronghly confirmed that it was by no 
means an easy task to set tliem np into any thing 
approximating a respectable soldierly appearance. 
Their lineage, instincts, and education were all in 
antagonism to aristocracy in every form. They be- 
lieved in one common social platform, npon which all 
humanity stood on precisely the same level. They 
acknowledged no superiors, and it was probably this 
independent spirit which, at the commencement of 
the rebellion, influenced their mistaken estimate of 
the relative combative powers of men in the two an- 
tagonistic geographical sections [a difference of some 
four or five to one in favor of the South]. In a 
word, these people relied entirely upon individual 
courage and skill in the use of fire-arms ; they knew 
nothing of the effects of moral cohesion, or ' esprit 
du corps,' resulting fi-om proper discipline and long 
service ; on the contrary, they looked upon the entire 
system of military instruction as not only useless in 
warfare, but a farce, and treated it accordingly. For 
example, it was found absolutely impossible, for a 
time, to prevent their talking and turning around in 
the ranks at drill and on parade ; and no sooner were 
they posted as sentinels, and their officers out of sight, 
than they would congregate in groups of three or 



Border Reminiscences. 163 

four, sit down, talk, smoke, play cards, and do almost 
every thing but attend to their appropriate duties ; 
and, in fact, many of the Junior officers appeared to 
think there was no special impropriety in so doing. 

" The officers of the liigher grades, who generally 
had some little knowledge of military matters, were, 
as may be imagined, supremely disgusted at such 
gross unsoldierly proceedings, and they resolved to 
exert all their energies in the enforcement of a more 
creditable condition of discipline. Accordingly, tlie 
most stringent orders were promulgated, requiring 
frequent drills and other military exercises in strict 
conformity with the Army Regulations, and the offi- 
cers of the guards were enjoined to give correct and 
minute instructions to sentinels, patrols, etc., and to 
pay vigilant and unremitting attention to the manner 
in which those orders were executed. 

"After a good deal of annoyance and labor we 
succeeded in inaugurating a uniform system of in- 
struction throughout the camp, which seemed to hold 
out the encouraging hope of a better state of things, 
and we congratulated ourselves upon the flattering 
prospect. 

"As I had been instrumental in conducting the de- 
tails of the new regime, I entertained a laudable am- 
bition to have it carried out properly, and a triumph- 



104 Border Kkminiscences. 

ant issue coiisuinmatcd ; and I must confess that I 
was a good deal encouraged until, one morning, I 
dressed myself in full uniform, and, mounting my 
horse completely caparisoned, started out for tlie pur- 
pose of visiting the guards, and ascertaining from 
personal observation what progress the troops were 
making under our system of training. 

" When I came in sight of the first post, I espied 
the sentinel seated upon a fence, busily occupied in 
whittling a stick, with his musket lying upon the 
ground beside him. As soon as he saw me he jump- 
ed down, seized his musket, hurriedly came out to the 
road, and threw his person into an attitude wliich he 
probal)ly considered the position of a soldier, but 
which was not at all consonant with my understand- 
ing of the teachings of Scott, Ilardie, or any other 
tacticians of modern times whose drill-books had 
come under my observation. His dilapidated, weath- 
er-beaten hat, with the broad brim turned up in fi-ont, 
was upon the back of his head ; liis chin, instead of 
being ' drawn in,'' was elevated to an angle of some- 
thing like forty-five degrees with the horizon; his 
eyes turned up to a still higher inclination, and his 
head was as fixed and innnovablc as if it had been 
held within the jaws of a vice. His concave chest 
was di-awn in, and the natural con^•exity of his shoul- 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 165 

ders and back correspondingly augmented and arch- 
ed, while the abdominal regions were protruded con- 
siderably forward, and his legs opened ont like a pair 
of dividers, with his feet exactly parallel to each oth- 
er and perpendicular to the front. 

" It certainly looked as if the man had intention- 
ally reversed the soldierly disposition of every part 
of his head, body, aiid limbs ; at all events, if he had 
been turned around, his face placed where the back 
of his head then was, and the dorsal substituted for 
the abdominal parts, his attitude, excepting his feet 
and legs, would not have deviated materially from 
the correct position of the soldier. 

"Before I arrived within a hundred yards of his 
post, he brought his musket into a position which 
doubtless he intended for ^present arms^ with his 
left hand around the small of the stock, the right 
hand grasping the bari-el near the muzzle, the butt 
pushed forward, and the bayonet projecting to the 
rear. 

"As I approached, he, witliout the least percept- 
ible movement of the chin, depressed his eyes to- 
ward me, and, with a broad grin upon his counte- 
nance, as if he regai'ded the entire proceeding as 
something supremely useless and silly, gave his head 
a short jerking nod as he said. ' How d'do, kurn ?' 



166 Boeder Reminiscences. 

"I was, of course, most essentially discouraged, 
but I had no little difficulty in preserving my gravity 
at this ludicrous exhibition, and yet, as the awkward 
fellow seemed to be exerting himself to do his best, 
I took especial pains to instruct him, and kindly in- 
formed him that it was not proper for sentinels to 
talk on post, and that, in ]3resenting arms, he should 
hold his musket perpendicular. 

"He collapsed from his constrained and weari- 
some attitude into a more careless, easy position at 
my remark ; then coming up to me, and placing his 
hand upon my horse's neck, replied, 

" ' Look-a-yere, kui-n, I sorter reckon I ain't much 
fur sogerin nohow, an' I be dog-ond ef I ken git this 
yere shootin-iron o' mine into shape any way. She 
won't come " up-mi-dicMer'''' nohow j'ou can fix 'er.' 

" I endeavored to incite the ambition of the willing 
tyro by the encouraging remark that he would prob- 
ably be able to execute the manual of arms .correctly 
after he had received a few more lessons; at the 
same time, I administered a gentle admonition to 
him for leaving his post and relaxing from the posi- 
tion of a soldier while in the performance of the du- 
ties of a sentinel. To whicli he replied, with the 
most despondent look and tone of voice, 

" ' Now look at him ! T just like fur to know how 




JiAi>r thai; 



Border Reminiscences. 169 

I'm gwine to do forty things all to once. Tliey want 
me to haul in my chin, swell ont my bussom till she's 
most busted, cave in my be-owels, squeeze my legs to- 
gether till you couldn't drive a picayune between 
um, squar out my feet, and sprawl out my paws to 
the front like they'd been handlin' something nasty. 
I tell ye, kurn, this yere can't all be did to once ; its 
no use a talkin' ; its on-possible, ole pop, 'sure's yer 
bornd, an' I'm clean guv out a-tryin'.' 

"After giving this man some farther encourage- 
ment and information relative to liis guard duties, I 
left, and passed along the line until I encountered 
another sentinel, who was walking his beat rapidly, 
and to all appearances keeping a vigilant, sharp look- 
out in every direction. As soon as he espied me he 
came to a sudden halt, leaned forward his head, turn- 
ed his body to the right and left, and, with his eyes 
contracted, as if he was a good deal puzzled to make 
me out, scrutinized me from head to foot very close- 
ly [I imagine he had never before seen an officer in 
full-dress uniform], and, as I continued to approach 
nearer, he came suddenly to a charge, and at the 
same instant screamed out at the highest pitch of his 
voice, ^Holt, thar ! Whar d^ye come from, "stran- 



irer« 



?"' 



"As T did not answer immediately, he. witli a most 
H 



170 Boeder Reminiscences. 

ferocious cast of countenance, leaped several feet 
from the ground, and, alighting quite close to me, 
with his bayonet still pointed directly at my person, 
exclaimed, in a highly excited manner, ' I'm a ka- 
vor-tin han-^w.-xw. ! I'm that thing, ole hoss, sartain 
sure ; an' ef yer don't tell me whar yer come from, 
I'll jab ye with this yere bayonet, by thunder,' 

" Not having the faintest conception of w^hat was 
meant by this rude salutation, and the point of the 
bayonet being at this juncture in rather closer prox- 
imit}^ to my person than was altogether agreeable, I 
indignantly exclaimed, ' What do you mean ? Do 
you dare to threaten a field-oflicer in this manner, 
sir ?' 

" To which he responded, ' Look-a-yere, Mr. Field 
Hossifer — ef ye be one — 3'ou jist tell me durn'd sud- 
den whether you be one of Uncle Sam's boys or not, 
der yer he-ah f Then, making another lofty vault 
into the air, and giving utterance to an exclamation, 
which sounded, as near as I can express it, like 
ivaugh, or the suppressed bark of a huge dog, he 
menacingly awaited my answer. 

"I endeavored to calm his impetuosity by ex- 
plaining to him who I was, and by what authority I 
called upon him, but it was some time before he 
was satisfied that it was all right. I finally succeed- 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 171 

ed, however, in establishing my official identity to his 
satisfaction, and directed him to give me his orders. 

" ' Orders !' replied he ; ' I don't give nary order 
to the likes o' you. You'll git 'em from the ole 
gin'ral up thar to head-quarters, I reckon. I'm a 
private soger man, I is.' 

" Perceiving that my meaning was not apprehend- 
ed, I explained to him that I was not asking orders 
for my own action, but for those he had received rel- 
ative to the performance of his duties as a sentinel. 

" ' Oh ye-as," said he, a gleam of intelligence il- 
luminating his stolid countenance, " I see ; you jist 
want fur to know what I've been drivin at he-ah, 
don't yer, boss V 

" ' Certainly,' said I ; ' my object is to ascertain 
whether you have a knowledge of your guard duties. 
You will therefore give me i}i detail all the instruc- 
tions you have received relative to the manner you 
are to perform those duties.' 

" He seemed somewhat puzzled at this, but, after 
reflecting an instant, replied, 

" ' "Wliich ? Detail, did ye say % AYhy, I toll you 
I war a private soger ; I don't detail nobody. The 
aggetunt up thar to camp — he detail every body, I 
reckon.' 

" My patience was nearly exhausted at the per- 



172 Border Reminiscences. 

verse stupidity of the fellow, and, almost in despair, 
I said, 

" ' Will you, or Avill yon not, tell me what you ha\e 
been placed here for, and what you have been do- 
ing?' 

" ' Sartain. Why, I've been a-talkin' 'long o' you, 
hain't I, boss V 

" ' Yes, yes ; but will you tell me ^vhat }'ou have 
been ordered to do by the non-commissioned ofhcer 
of the guard who placed you here V 

" '^sackly. Oh ye-as — I see now.' Then, seating 
himself on a log, he said, ' Now, cap, ef you'll squat 
yerself 'longside o' me, I'll tell ye all about it.' 

" I was not, as may be imagined, in the best hu- 
mor to receive this familiar invitation in good part, 
but, for the purpose of learning how far he would 
carry the farce, I complied with the suggestion, when 
he placed his hand on my shoulder, looked at me 
with a most beseeching expression, and, with his 
mouth close to my ear, said, suh-voce, 

" ' Yer hain't got arry plug o' tobacco 'bout yer 
clothes, has ye, boss? I've got a powerful hankerin' 
fur a smoke.' 

" I answered in the negative, and directed In'ni to 
inform me without farther delay M-hat orders lie had 
received. 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 173 

" ' Orders,' said he. ' Oli ye-as, I see ; you want 
them dod-rotted orders. Wall, now, I'll tell yer how 
it war. Yer see, the surgunt he com'd down he-ah 
'long o' me, and says he, " Tom," says he, " you jist 
stick on this yere post tell somebody — I don't jist 
now mind who 'twas — comes 'long to take yon off." 

" ' " What ])Ost^ surgunt ?" says I. " I don't see 
nary post 'bout he-ah, an' ef I did, I ain't gwine fur 
to straddle no post fur nobody. I didn't 'list fur 
the like o' that." 

" ' " Ha, ha, ha !" says he. " I don't mean no stake- 
post ; I mean this yere trail right 'long he-ah." 

" ' " All-U right, surgunt," says I. " I'll tar-r?/ he- 
ah tell the cows conies home, you can jist bet your 
life on that thar, surgunt," says I.' 

" I then asked him if the grand rounds had passed 
his post. 

" ' Grand which ?' replied he. 

" ' Grand rounds,' I repeated. 

" ' jSTaiy round have com'd this a-way since I war 
he-ah.' 

" ' "Wliat would you do, then,' I said, ' if the grand 
rouuds were to approach you ?' 

" ' Wall, now, I don't mind hearin' tell o' them fel- 
lars afore, but ef they makes sign 'bout he-ah, I'll 
come a hollar squar on um, sure' — the signification 



174 Border Rejiiniscences. 

of wliich I took to be that he would rindertake the 
sohition of the somewhat difScult problem of squar- 
ing the circle. At the same time he tipped mo a 
significant wink, indicative of his confidence in being 
able to cope with the formidable unknown. 

" After enlightening him in regard to the compo- 
sition and functions of the grand rounds, I informed 
him that certain officers were to be saluted with 
' present arms,' and others witli ' carry arms.' Then, 
in order to test his memory, I asked how he would 
salute the commanding officer. 

" He very promptly replied, ' I'd come a j9?'^-sent 
on the ole man, an' say, " How do yer find yerself by 
this time, boss ?" ' 

" I remarked that the general was certainly enti- 
tled to a ' present,' but it would be as well to dispense 
with the verbal part of the salutation. 

" The next question I put to him was, ' How would 
you receive a patrol, should one approach your post?' 

" 'P^^role V said he. ' Ef Pat-role, or arry other 
consarned Irishman kicks up a muss 'bout these yere 
diggins, he'll kotch ^aMic'lar lightnin'. He'll never 
eat nary 'nother 'tater, you bet.' 

" I explained that the patrol was not, as he seemed 
to imagine, an individual Hibernian, but an armed 
body of troops, whose duty it was to pass around the 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 175 

camps for the purpose of ascertaining whether every 
thing was quiet. He understood this, remarking, 

" ' Oh ye-as, I see. Them fellars they sorter rolls 
and browses round loose. I'd hke monstrous well 
fur to jine that thar xQ^-ment^ 

" As I was about leaving this incorrigible recruit, 
in absolute despair of being able to teach him hie du- 
ties, he called out after me, ' Whar do ye stop, cap V 

" ' At head-quarters,' replied I. 

" ' Oh, ye does ? Wall, now, mister, I'd like fur ye 
to tell the ole ^m'ral, when ye go home, that it's all 
right up this a-way, an' ef the Rebs is gwine fur to 
make fight down thar, not to be skeert, fur thar's five 

or six of us boys from C county as has got right 

smart o' claws, an' ef the ole man will jest let us 
know when the scrimmage begins, we'll come down 
an' do some tall scratchin'. We'll go fur um, sartain.' 

" After passing entirely around the cordon of out- 
posts, and encountering several other sentinels nearly 
as intractable as those described, I returned to camp 
most essentially disheartened. 

" Although our efforts were not, for a time, attend- 
ed with any very favorable results, yet we used our 
best endeavors to impart instruction to the new lev- 
ies, and required every thing to be done strictly ' en 
r^gle.' Officers of the day, officers of the guards. 



170 BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

with contingent details of men from every organiza- 
tion, mounted guard daily. 

" The higher grades of officers, as a general i-ule, 
applied themselves zealously to their duties, and 
made commendable progress, but occasionally one 
appeared who manifested great deficiency in milita- 
ry acquirements, and these sometimes committed 
most ludicrous blunders." 

''LET UM BILE AHEAD !" 

" Upon one occasion, at guard mounting, when the 

new officer of the day was Major , who had 

never before been detailed for the responsible posi- 
tion, he went upon the parade-ground, and took his 
place beside his predecessor. ' Troop' had ' beat off,' 
and the adjutant, after bi-inging the guard to 'pre- 
sent arms,' had faced about, and, w^ith an exceedingly 
graceful salute, reported, '■Sir, the guai'd is formed^ 

"At this, to him, rather startling announcement, 
the major drew his sword, and, imitating the salute 
of the adjutant, said, in a loud tone of voice, 'Gentle- 
men, I return your salute.' 

"The adjutant repeated, '■ Sh% the guard is form- 
ed: 

"The major seemed conscious that something more 
was expected from him, but wliat that something 



Boeder Reminiscences. 1T7 

was he had no conception of, and, not feeling dis- 
posed to display his ignorance by asking information 
from the outgoing officer of the day, he responded at 
a \'enture, ' I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Adjutant. 
A little more music — let us have a little more music, 
if you please, sir.' 

" The astonished adj utant faced about, and order- 
ed the band to ' beat off' again, then brought the 
guard to a 'present,' and again reported, ^ Sir, the 
guard is formed.^ 

" The major, at this critical juncture, finding him- 
self cornered, and that it was necessary to do some- 
thing to extricate himself from the difficulty, ex- 
claimed, in despair, 'Yes, yes, Mr. Adjutant, I see 
they are. Well, d — n it, let uin hile ahead ^ Pm 
ready for um.'' " 

POST A GE-STAMPS. 

Another amusing incident was related to me by 
the lieutenant colonel of a Kansas regiment which 
was recruited at an early period of the war, and 

commanded by Colonel E g, who subsequently 

achieved distinction as a general officer. 

This regiment, for the most part, was composed 
of excellent material, as its war record proved ; but 
a few men were found among its original elements 
H2 



178 Border Reminiscenoes. 

who hailed from the most sequestered districts near 
the Cherokee line, and these were as difficult to ma- 
nipulate into soldiers as the wild hunters of Arkan- 
sas. 

The colonel, however, was a good disciplinarian, 
and went zealously to work imparting to them rudi- 
mental military instruction involving correct notions 
of discipline, respect for rank, etc., and his efforts 
were attended with such satisfactory results that, 
while sitting in his tent one evening conversing with 
several of his officers wpon the great value of strict 
discipline in a well-organized array, he took occasion 
to rcmarlv that, through their cordial co-operation, 
his men were now beginning to deport themselves 
like soldiers, and that it afforded him the highest 
gratification in observing that the rank and file seem- 
ed to appreciate the necessity of paying proper re- 
spect to commissioned officers, etc. 

While the topic was being discussed the sides of 
\he tent door were slowly drawn apart, and disclosed 
the tall, lank figure of a backwoods recruit, sa7is hat, 
coat, or pants, within the opening, and deliberately 
taking a survey of the occupants. 

The colonel was astounded at the cool imperti- 
nence of the fellow, and indignantly inquired of him 
whv lie presumed to make his appearance before his 



Boeder Reminiscences. 179 

commanding officer in such scanty attire, and de- 
manded to know what he wanted. 

At this brusque sahitation the man drew the flaps 
of the tent together around his neck, only leaving his 
face exposed, and in the most innocent and ingenu- 
ous manner said, "TA«?' hainH none of you fellars 
got arry jpostage-stomp^ has yeV 

OXE EUXDRED AND SECOND RHODE ISLAND. 

The following spicv little episode, which I have 
never seen published, occurred while the Army of 
the Potomac confronted the Confederate troops at 
the siege of Yorktown in 1862. 

Our lines at that time extended entirely across the 
peninsula from York to James Rivers, and the pick- 
ets of the two armies were often in such proximity 
that conversations were occasionally carried on be- 
tween them. 

Upon one occasion, when the Second Rhode Isl- 
and Infantry (I think it was) was upon outpost duty, 
one of the vedettes, espying a Confederate soldier 
within hailing distance, called out to him, 

" Heow d'du, Reb ?" To which the other replied, 
"I'ze sort'er middlin'. How's yerself , Yank ?" 

After the customary salutations had passed, our 
sentinel inquired M^hat regiment the other was at- 



180 Border Reminiscences. 

taclied to. Tlic man answered, " To the Twenty- 
third North Carolina.'' 

Kow the martial representative from the eminent- 
ly patriotic little New England State did not for a 
moment believe it probable that North Carolina had 
furnished the Confederate Army with anything like 
so large a contingent as twenty -three regiments ; in 
other words, he Avas inclined to believe that his vis- 
a-vis was attempting to sell him. Accordingly he 
replied, 

" 'Shaw ! You git eout ! Yeou don't say you've 
got twenty-three regiments from North Caroliny, du 
ye,Rebr 

" We have, Yank, 'sure's yer bornd. Thar's a al- 
mighty heap o' sogers in this yere army. You can 
jist go yer pile on that thar, and weuns low's they ar 
gwine fur to do some tall fitin' when the scrimmage 
begins." 

He then asked, "What r\g-ment mought you 
b'longto,Yank?" 

Not feeling inclined to be outgeneraled in what he 
conceived to be an adroit piece of detective strate- 
gy, having for its object the discovery of the strength 
of our forces, he made the following ambiguous re- 
sponse : " Wall, neou, I kinder gness I b'long tu the 
Hundred and Second Rhode Island Infantry." 



BOKDEK ReMIXISCEXCES. ISl 

" The hell you say, stranger ! Ton don't ^r^-tend 
fur to say you's got a hundred and twenty -two rig- 
ments fi'om that thar one-hoss, no-'count little state 
of Rho-dy Island, does ye, Tank ?" 

" ^y gollj5 1 guess you'll think so when the fitin' 
begins, and thm-'s a darned site more on 'um a com- 
in' every day, I tell yov-, Reb." 

The Southerner seemed rather dismayed at this 
statement, and inquired, 

" How many v\g-ments does you 'low you's got 
fi'ora the State of !N"ew York, Tank V 

" Wall, neou, I dun-no fur sar-tain adzackly heou 
menny ; but there's in this 'ere army a all-fii'ed lot 
on 'um, you bet ; I hearn talk abeout a thonsaud, but 
mab-by we hain't got morn nine hundred and fifty 
regiments from York State, and e'en a'most as menny 
fi*om Pennsilvany, I cal-ciir-late." 

RIFLE-PIT. 

Another superlatively ludicrous incident, whicli 
actually occurred in the Army of the Potomac, and 
afforded a good deal of amusement at the time, I 
have never seen published, but if it lias been, I dare 
say there are many who have not read it. I will, 
therefore, take the liberty of introducing it here. 

During the most severely contested period of the 



182 BoRDKii Rkminisuences. 

battle of " Bull Run," General Franklin, in passing 
from one portion of his command to another, espied 
a soldier ensconced very securely in a pit where he 
was completely covered from the missiles of the en- 
emy, which at that particular juncture happened to 
he flying more densely than he appeared to think 
consistent with his safety above ground. 

As soon as the general saw the man, he called out 
to him, and asked him what he meant by skulking in 
that cowardly manner, and in a very peremptory tone 
ordered him to get out of the pit and join his compa- 
ny instantly. He did not probably recognize the 
general ; at all events, instead of obeying the order, 
he crouched closer to the ground tlian before, and, 
turning his eyes toward the general, placed his thimab 
to his nose, with his fingers spread out, and slowly 
moving his head from right to left, replied, 

" No yer don't. I know what yer after ; ye want 
this hole yerself, but yer ca-a-a-an't come it, old fel- 
lar." 

CUT OUT OF A BIDE. 

Another superlatively ludicrous episode was rela- 
ted to me as having occurred after this memorable 
battle, the substance of which was as follows : 

After our newly-levied volunteers had been defeat- 




L_ 



NO YER DON T. 



Boeder Reminiscences. 185 

ed, and were endeavoring, by a most precipitate but 
rather promiscnons retreat, to make their escape to 
Washington, an officer who had been using his best 
efforts to rally the dispersed forces encountered a 
man who, notwithstanding he had thrown away liis 
musket, knapsack, and every thing else that retarded 
his locomotion, had been unable to keep pace with 
his comrades, and when the officer approached he 
was entirely alone, and so much wearied that, in a 
despairing tone, he said to him, 

" I say, Mister Officer, does that ere hoss o' yourn 
kerry double ? Bekase, ef he does, I'd be obleeged 
to ye ef ye'd let me git up behind and ride a leetle 
ways, fur I'm e'en a-jest gin out a walkin'." 

" No, sir," i-eplied the officer, " my horse will not 
carry double, and if he would, I should not allow you 
to ride behind me. Your place is with your compa- 
ny, and, unless you join it very soon, the rebels will 
be likely to kill or capture you, for they are pressing 
us very closely just now." 

This startling announcement produced so serious 
an efPect upon the nervous system of the young sol- 
dier that he seemed to abandon all hopes of escape, 
and, in absolute despair, dropped upon the ground 
and burst into a violent paroxysm of crjdng ; where- 
upon tlie officer gave him a shai-p reprimand, saying. 



186 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

among other things, tliat he was ashamed to see a 
soldier behave so much like a child, and that, iu his 
opinion, it would be better for him to go home to his 
mother. 

The only response the poor fellow condescended 
to make to this observation v\as, as the officer rode 
away, 

"You g'lang with yer darned ugly ole kickin-up 
critter. I wouldn't ride behind such a mean cuss as 
you be, nohow. I don't keer if I be a child — boo-- 
ho-o-o-o-o ; I wish I was a baby — an' I wish I was a 
gal baby tue ; an' I wish I was tu hum 'long o' mum- 
mar, an' so I du — boo-ho-o-o-o-o-o-o !" 

MONTEREY. 

The foregoing incident reminds me of a circum- 
stance which occurred in front of Monterey during 
the severely contested battle which resulted in the 
capture of that place in 1846, In the hottest part 
of the engagement, when the enemy was pouring 
down showers of balls and sliells upon our brave 
assaulting columns, General Taylor, while riding 
around viewing operations upon the north side of the 

town, espied rpiite a number of men of the 

battalion who were quietly lying down in some stone- 
quarry holes outside the line of defenses. 



Border Reminiscences. 187 

Taking it for granted they had all fallen in the 
engagement, the general, with evident manifestation 
of feeling, remarked, " What terrible slaughter there 
has been here, Major Bliss !" 

Hearing the exclamation, one of the men raised 
his head and said, " Oh no, general, we ain't dead 
yet." Whereupon " Old Zack," not in his most amia- 
ble mood, responded, "No, sir, I see you are not, 
and I'll be d — d if I think you intend to be." 

CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENCY. 

This allusion to General Taylor reminds me of a 
laughable circumstance that occurred previous to 
the battle of Monterey, while the army was en route 
from Comargo. 

It will be remembered that about this time the 
achievements of General Taylor began to excite at- 
tention and interest among the people throughout 
the U nited States, and shortly before this his name, 
for the first time, had been suggested as a most avail- 
able one for the presidency ; but whether this fact 
had any thing to do with the following episode, I 
leave it for the reader to judge. 

At the time alluded to, General Taylor was riding- 
near the head of the column, in company with sev- 
eral officers of rank, among whom were the veteran 



188 Border Reminis(;knces. 

General Belknap, father of onr gallant War Secre- 
tary, and Colonel Whiting, of the Quartermaster's De- 
partment, when they arrived upon the bank of a con- 
siderable stream that was not bridged, and w^liich it 
was necessary to cross. 

The water was so turbid that its depth could not 
be seen from the bank, but it had the appearance of 
being fordable, and, as the soldiers came up, they at 
once commenced taking off their foot-gear and roll- 
ing up their pants preparatory to entering the stream. 

General Taylor, impatient to proceed, took one of 
the men up behind him and plunged into the water. 
Colonel Whiting followed with another soldier en 
croupe ; but General Belknap, instead of duplicating 
the burden of his horse, rode in alone ; whereupon 
Colonel Wliiting, turning round in his saddle, and 
looking at him with an air of some surprise, said, 
" Why do you not carry one of the volunteers across 
the river, General Belknap ?" 

" Because," replied he, " the water is not very deep, 
the men can not all ride over, and one might as well 
walk as another. Moreover," added he, while cast- 
ino: a significant glance at General Tavlor, who was 
near him, ^^ I never expect to be a caiididiite for the 
j[>residency, sirJ^ 



BoKDEK IIeminiscences. 189 



CHAPTER YI. 

PIONEEKS OF THE WEST. 

Ole Man Sykes. — Bound for Bannock. — Monsieur Maron. — How's 
your Wife? — New religious Creed. — Black-Hawk War. — A Sur- 
render. — Stampede. — A legal Entanglement. — Visit to Chicago. — 
Winter in New England. — Stirrup-cup. — Indian Performance. 

OLE MAX SYKES. 

While journeying through Northern Minnesota 
in 1858, I had the pleasure of meeting Sir Francis 
Sykes, an English amateur sporting gentleman, v. ho 
was returning from an extended hunting expedition 
upon the head waters of the Saskatchawan and its 
tributaries, in the Hudson Bay Company's territory. 
He had several wagons loaded with moose, elk, moun- 
tain sheep, and antelope antlers, buffalo heads, pan- 
ther and grizzly bear skins, and numerous other tro- 
phies of his prowess, all of which were kindly ex- 
hibited to me, and the manner, locality, and circum- 
stances attending the discovery, capture, and killing 
of each were minutely described by the distinguished 
votary of Nimrod. 

Sir Francis was eminently dignified and courtly 
in liis deportiiicnt, l)ut at tlie same time there was a 



190 BoKDEK liEMlNISCENCES. 

liigh-toned urbanity, mixed with a good share of drs' 
lininor, in liis composition ; and he evinced a keen 
appreciation for the ludicrous, as the following story, 
related by liimself, will show : 

In passing through the unsettled wilds of Minne- 
sota, en route to Fort Garry and the hunting-grounds 
in the Far North, Sir Francis happened to fall in 
with an old hunter and trapper, who had passed the 
best part of liis life in the mountains, and whose ad- 
ventures interested him so much that he employed 
him to act as guide and hunter to his party. 

This man was one of those anomalous, self-reliant 
specimens of humanity only found among the In- 
dians, or in the outer line of frontier settlements, and 
he regarded himself fully as good, if not a little bet- 
ter, than the President of the United States, or any 
potentate in the universe. Moreover, he entertained 
the most supreme contempt for what he considered 
as the ridiculous conventionalities and customs of 
civilized society, having no respect whatever for the 
deference paid by many to rank and titles. He 
could not be taught to give Sir Francis his proper 
appellation, but generally called him " Pap," or " Ole 
man Sykes ;" and when he wished to be particularly 
respectful he would address him as " Cap," " Boss," 
or " Square." This, however, did not give Sir Fran- 



BoBDEK Reminiscences. 191 

cis any uneasiness, as he was a sensible man, and 
rather enjoyed the thing than otherwise. 

The party, augmented by this " Leather-stocking," 
continued on down Red River to Pembina, and in 
due course of time arrived at Fort Garry, when the 
extensive retinue drew up in front of the gate, and 
Sir Francis directed his guide to go in, find the gov- 
ernor, and say to him tliat Sir Francis Sykes, just 
arrived from London, presented his compliments to 
Governor Mactavish, and begged he would do him 
the favor of stepping out for a moment, as he de- 
sired to speak with him ; and, in order to insure 
that no blunder should be made, he repeated the 
message to the man, who gave him to understand 
that he comprehended its purport perfectly, and 
thereupon entered the fort, quite elated at the im- 
portance of his errand, and the confidence reposed in 
him by his distinguished employe]-. Having ascer- 
tained where the governor's quarters were, he went 
directly up to the door, and, without ringing or 
knocking, opened it, entered sans ceremonie, and ap- 
proacliing the governor, who was seated at a table 
busily engaged in writing, administered a hearty 
slap upon his back with his huge paw, and said, 
" How are ye by this time, ole boss ?" 

Astounded at such audat^'ous faniiliaritv. the dis- 



192 BoKDEE IIeminiscences. 

nilied governor jumped to liis feet, and facing the in- 
truder with a menacing expression of countenance, 
exclaimed, " What in the devil do you mean, you 
scoundrel? Get out of my liouse instantly, or I'll 
have you kicked out !" 

The guide was by no means intimidated or dis- 
composed at this rude reception of his well-meant 
salutation, but with a significant wink of one eye, as 
much as to indicate that he knew what he was about, 
replied, " Hold on, gov; keep cool, and skip the hard 
words, fur ole man Sykes, out thar to the gate, wants 
to see ye. He's got some comple-me«^,s for ye, I 
guess. So come along, gov, and don't be skeert; I'll 
show ye the way !" 

BAXXOCK OR BUST. 

The stoical indifference with which the frontiers- 
man submits to misfortunes of the most disastrous 
character, as well as his recuperative nature, is strik- 
ingly illustrated in the following incident, related by 
an ex-governor of Montana, who M'as questioned by 
some Eastern fi'iends regarding the character and re- 
sources of the country over which his ofiicial juris- 
diction extended. 

Tlie governor, who was of sanguine temperament, 
replied that it was genei-ally regarded as i)ossessing 



Boeder Reminiscences. 193 

decided advantages over almost any other of our new 
territories ; indeed, he said he had never seen or 
heard of but one man who was not captivated with 
it, and that indi^ddual did not remain long enough 
to thoroughly appreciate its merits. The person he 
alluded to was bound for Bannock, and had met with 
a good many accidents upon the road, such as losing 
his cattle, breaking his wagon, and in various other 
ways, which would have disheartened most men ; but 
he was by no means discouraged, and pushed forward 
with unabated vigor until he lost all his animals ex- 
cept one ox and a small cow. These, as a dernier 
resort, he yoked together, and they constituted the 
only remaining motive power for his wagon. Still 
he was undaunted in his purpose to accomplish the 
journey he had undertaken, and, as an evidence of 
this fact, he had, with a piece of charcoal, written in 
large characters upon the side of his wagon, ^^ Ban- 
nock or hustP At length, however, the severe labor 
proved too much for the poor cow, and she died; 
and, as if to complete the catalogue of his disasters, 
his only remaining animal took it into his head to 
stampede, and he was then left without any means 
of transportation. About this time the governor was 
passing, and observed the man sitting over a small 
fire in rather a disconsolate mood, but apparently en- 

I 



194 Boeder IIp:miniscences. 

deavoriiig to keep up his spirits by whistling " Hail, 
Columbia !" The inscription upon his wagon, how- 
ever, liad been erased, and a new one substituted in 
its place, as follows — '^Busted, hy thunder /" 

MOXSTEUR MAROX. 

While I was stationed at Fort "Winnebago, now 
Portage City, I encountered, among other unique 
specimens of humanity, an Indian trader by the 
name of Mai'on, who prided himself specially upon 
his Fi'ench lineage. 

lie had, at an early age, enlisted in the service of 
the Northwest Fur Company, leaving his home in 
Canada for the Indian country, where he had re- 
mained ever since. He had cast aside what he con- 
ceived to be the senseless conventionalities of the 
settlements, and adopted many of the more useful 
habits and customs of the natives. 

When I first met him he was probably over seven- 
ty years of age, yet his mental and physical powers 
were then as active and vigorous as those of most 
men in the meridian of life ; and, strange as it may 
appear, he had just perpetrated the hazardous ex- 
periment of espousing " a la mode de sauvage''' his 
fourth wife, who was a vivacious young squaw of 
about sixteen, and quite an interesting and attractive 
specimen of her race. 



Boeder Reminiscences. 195 

Tlie old man was very mucli enamored with his 
new bride, and seemed perfectly happy during the 
first few days of the re-re-reiterated honeymoon ; 
but, possessing a suspicious disposition, and a highly 
nervous and impulsive temperament, he in a short 
time took it into his imagination that he was too old 
to please the fancy of so young a girl, and became 
furiously jealous of every young man who spoke to 
his wife, or even came near his house. 

Knowing this foible in his character, and being 
somewhat inclined to practical jokes, I took every 
opportunity to inquire anxiously after the health of 
onadame,' but, instead of receiving this in good part, 
the old man invariably turned away from me mani- 
festing symptoms of great displeasure. 

One morning when, as it appeared, the old gentle- 
man happened to be in particularly ill humor, I call- 
ed at his house, and, after extending to him the cus- 
tomaiy compliments of the day, I very blandly asked, 
" Comment se porte la madame ce matin, monsieur ?" 
(How's your wife this morning, sir ?) 

Instead of giving a direct answer to my courteous 
interrogatory, his countenance assumed a ferocious 
expression, and he walked back and forth for some 
time gesticulating rapidly, and muttering to himself 
some unintelligible French jargon, the only part of 



196 Boeder Reminiscencp:8. 

which I comprehended was a frequent guttural roll 
of the emphatic Frencli adjective ^' Sac-r-r-r-re^'' 
coupled with wdiat I took to be the not very compli- 
mentary adjunct of " Yankee^'' most spitefully hissed 
out from between his teeth. 

After giving vent to his indignation in this man- 
ner for a while, the expression of his face suddenly 
changed. Assuming an air of the most triumphant 
gratification, and walking directly to me, he straight- 
ened himself up, placed his arms akimbo, and, look- 
ing me in the eyes, said, 

" What for you keep ax me dat all 'e time, eh % 
Sac-r-r-r-r6 battam. What for, eh ? How's you wife 
yousefV 

This superlatively ludicrous retort caused me to 
explode wdth an uproarious peal of laughter, which 
exasperated the old man to such a degree that, com- 
ing close to my side, and raising his voice to the 
highest pitch, he screamed into my ear, ^^Mistere 
Yankee ! I like for know how's you wife yousef 
eh V Then, turning his back upon me in the most 
contemptuous manner, he rapidly walked away, be- 
lieving, no doubt, that he had completely demolished 
me. 

Time did not have the effect of assuaging the irri- 
tation produced upon his sensitive imagination, or of 




HOWS YOCR WIFE.'' 



Border Reminiscences. 199 

reconciling the discords in his liousehold. On the 
contrary, his jealousy continued to become more and 
more annoying and vexatious to the young wife, 
until at length she was unable to endure it longer, 
and left him for Prairie du Chien, where she found 
friends that protected her. 

The old man took her loss very much to heart, and 
for days did nothing but walk solitarily around his 
house with his head cast down, and apparently buried 
in deep melancholy reflections. Indeed, the poor fel- 
low seemed almost heart-broken. 

I chanced to meet him about this time, and, feign- 
ing ignorance of what had occurred to him, express- 
ed the earnest hope that madame continued to enjoy 
her usual good health. 

He looked up at me with an expression which in- 
dicated an}" thing but credulity as to the sincerity of 
my motives, and, with a very indignant scowl upon 
his face, replied, " Ma femme ? you like for find out 
where he gone, eh ? C'est bon, by gar, I tell you ! 
He gone's to ze prairie de sac-r-r-r-re battam dog, 
c'est bon, let him gone !" 

Maron was of Roman Catholic parentage, and had 
received his early education under the strictest ten- 
ets of that creed ; but he had been so long separated 
from all the influences of Christianity in any form. 



200 Border Reminiscenciis. 

that he had become rather indifferent to the thinjjjs 
that pertained to liis spiritual welfare, and conse- 
quently gave himself but little anxiety or thought 
upon the subject ; yet, if any one had intimated to 
him that the course of life he was leading was such 
as to jeopardize the salvation of his soul, he would 
have been highly astonished and incensed. 

It was seldom, in those days, that we saw a preach- 
er of the Gospel, and the few that visited us were of 
the itinerant order, whose extended circuits over the 
sparsely populated district rendered their periodical 
visits, like those of a higher order of beings, " few 
and far between." 

Father B , a very zealous ecclesiastic of the 

Jesuitic order, upon one occasion came to our settle- 
ment, and during his sojourn called upon the French- 
man, who received him very kindly, and, after a 
short preliminary conversation, the priest approach- 
ed the subject of his mission by inquiring of him 
if he was a religious man. 

With an air of surprise at such a question, the old 
man answered, " Certainement, monsieur ! religious 
man me, very mouchr 

" Pray, Monsieur Maron, will you liave the kind- 
ness to inform me what denomination of Cln'istians 
you class yourself with V 



Boeder Reminiscences. 201 

He replied tartly, but with decided emphasis, and 
rapidly nodding his head at the same time, "Z>e same 
as ')ne fader r 

"Ah yes, yes, I see. "Will you permit me, then, to 
ask you, monsieur, what particular persuasion of re- 
ligious people your father associated with ?" 

" Oui, monsieur," replied he, " wid de same jpeejps 
as me grandfaderr 

" Very well, monsieur. Will you also allow me to 
inquire what name was given to the particular faith 
that was adopted by your venerated ancestors, and 
through them transmitted to you ?" 

He hesitated for a moment, and seemed somewhat 
puzzled to find an answer to the interrogatory thus 
reiterated upon him in so many difi^erent forms, but 
he soon rallied and promptly responded, " Oui ! oui ! ! 
oui ! ! ! Me religion he de same Mnd as de hibeP 

The good " father," in despair at getting any 
more definite information from him concerning the 
complexion of his religious sentiments, intimated to 
him tliat it was all very well, provided the Bible 
which he took for his guidance was the version sanc- 
tioned by the Romish authorities, but cautioned him 
against the diabolical influences of the rendering 
given by the Protestants to the same book. 

Some weeks subsequent to this a preacher of the 
12 



202 Border Reminiscences, 

Methodist persuasion cainc around, and during his 
stay among our people he took occasion to call upon 
the Frenchman, but failed to elicit any more satis- 
factory information about the old man's religion 
than the Jesuit had done. lie, however, gave him 
good spiritual counsel, and left a Bible, which he 
recommended him to peruse daily, and bade him a 
kind adieu. 

He continued on his circuit, and in due course of 
time returned to the settlement, when he again paid 
a visit to the Frenchman, hoping that the good seed 
which he liad dropped by the wayside might have 
germinated during his absence ; but, unfortunately 
for the success of his efforts, the Jesuit had been 
there in the interim, and had taken the responsibility 
of throwing the obnoxious Protestant Bible into the 
fire. 

Knowing nothing of this, the preacher inquired of 
Maron if he liad complied with his request in fre- 
quently reading tlie Scriptures during his absence. 
He answered, " I no reads him mouch now, for zc 
d — d priest he bums up all de bibe in de fi." 

When I next encountered the old man I remarked 
to him that I had understood the French priest had 
been burning Bibles, and playing the de^■il generally 
at liis liouso. lie M'as nettled at the nationality of 



Border Reminiscences. 203 

the allusion, and replied, with considerable iiTita- 
tion, " C'est vrai, zat is so, monsieur. Ze French 
priest he burn ze bibe, but all ze 'Merican peeps he 
make de dev' too, by gar." 

After many years' absence in the mountains about 
the head waters of the Missoim and Yellowstone, the 
old man returned to Montreal on a visit to his friends 
and relatives, but on his arrival he, like Rip Yau 
Winkle after his protracted nap, wandered about the 
streets, not being able to recognize a single familiar 
face. All his relatives were either dead or absent, 
and the friends of his youth had disappeared, so that 
he soon turned his back in disappointment and sor- 
row upon the place of his nativit}^, and resolved to 
go back to the Indian country and spend the remain- 
der of his days there. 

Accordingly, he embarked upon a steamer at Buf- 
falo (the Uncle Sam), on which it so happened that 
General Scott and his staff^ who were about making 
the tour of the Lakes, were passengers. The steam- 
ers of that period had no private state-rooms, but 
there were large dormitory cabins, in which all the 
passengers slept in berths ranged upon the sides. 

On the morning following their departure the gen- 
eral was making his toilet in the cabin, when Maron 
entered, and omitted to close the door after him. 



204 Border Keminiscences. 

As it was quite cold at the time, tlie general look- 
ed up at him scowlinglj, and, pointing to the open 
door, said to him, in a very stern and peremptory 
tone of voice, ^^Shut that door, sir.'''' 

The old man was not accustomed to this dictato- 
rial manner of issuing orders, and, instead of obey- 
ing, replied, in an equally brusque manner, "No, 
General Scott, me no shet e-door. My money good 
as every peoples, by gar." 

The general saw that he had made a mistake, and 
very graciously begged pardon, but asked the old 
man very politely if he would be so obliging as to 
close the door which he had left open. 

He answered with a profound bow, "Certaine- 
ment. General Scott. Me shet e-door for you wid 
very mouch plaisir." 

THE DLACK-UAWK WAR. 

The early pioneers of Wisconsin w^ill remember 
that in the spring of 1831 the government gave no- 
tice to the Sac and Fox Indians that, in accordance 
with a treaty made with a few of their people, they 
must at once leave the beautiful land of their nativ- 
ity on Rock River and remove west of the Mississip- 
pi. As this treaty, like many others made with the 
Indians, had been forced upon them by designing 



Boeder Keminiscences, 205 

agents and rapacious traders, speculators, and inter- 
preters, it was not regarded by them as having tlie 
sanction of a majority of the tribe, and they did not, 
therefore, consider themselves bound to carry out its 
stipulations. Accordingly, they assembled under the 
leadership of Black Hawk, established their camp 
on Rock River, and firmly resolved not to be driven 
from their homes. 

This determination, amounting to a declaration of 
hostilities, necessitated the calling into the field a 
considerable force of regulars and volunteers, and 
among the latter contingent was a battalion of 
mounted volunteers recruited about the lead mines 
in Northern Illinois. They rendezvoused at Galena, 
where they were organized, and elected for- their 
colonel a very respectable lawyer by the name of 

S , who doubtless had a thorough knowledge of 

his legal profession, but was not particularly well 
versed in the art of war, and evinced no special am- 
bition to immortalize himself by deeds of martial 
valor. He therefore, at first, positively declined the 
position ; but, as he was an exceedingly popular man, 
his numerous friends urged him so persistently to 
take the ofiice, that at length they prevailed upon 
him to do so. 

Tlie battalion was immediately mustered into serv- 



20G Border Reminiscences. 

ice, and soon armed, eqnipped, mounted, and on the 
way to the theatre of war, from whence it was an- 
ticipated that many of them might never return. 
The continuation of the narrative of the campaign 
in which this regiment figured was related to me by 
a friend of Colonel S , from whom, as lie assert- 
ed, he received it, and I believe the burden of it to 
be a correct account of what actually occurred. 

After scouting tlie country for some time in the 
vicinity of where it was supposed the Indians were 
waiting an opportunity to make a bold strike, and 
discovering no recent signs of them, they one even- 
ing encamped upon the grassy border of a beautiful 
stream, and had no sooner unsaddled their horses 
than a scout came in and reported to the commander 
tliat the redoubtable Black Hawk, with his entire 
band, was then only a few miles distant, and might 
at any moment be expected to attack them.^ 

This startling intelligence instantly put the camp 
into a high state of excitement, and some of the bold 
volunteers, who before this had professed supreme 
contempt for tlie savages, now manifested symptoms 
of decided alarm. 

The colonel promptly issued orders for putting 
every thing in readiness for action. The horses were 
picketed in close proximity to the bivouac; picket- 



Border Reminiscences. 207 

guards, vedettes, and patrols were sent out on all av- 
enues of approach, and every other precaution was 
taken to guard against a surprise. The sentinels 
were instructed to walk their posts continually, and 
keep a sharp look-out for the enemy in all direc- 
tions ; and special orders were given, in case the In- 
dians were seen, to fire their muskets and give the 
alarm by crying '•^Indians /" 

The colonel, after seeing that his orders for the 
safety of the camp had been properly enforced, pick- 
eted his horse to a black stump with a long lariat, 
which allowed him to graze within a circle of which 
the rope was the radius, retired to his bivouac fire, 
and, without taking off his clothes, laid down for the 
night. Being much exhausted, he soon fell into a 
profound slumber, which, however, was constantly 
disturbed by frightful dreams, in which bloody en- 
counters with the Indians, resulting in the total de- 
feat of his own troops, and followed by the concomi- 
tants of tomahawking, scalping, and other barbari- 
ties incited by the savage instincts of the enemy, 
were predominant, so that his imagination became 
wrought up to as high a pitch of excitement as was 
possible under the effects of a horrible nightmare. 

In the midst of this he was roused from his deep 
sleep by the sudden discharge of a musket, and the 



208 Border Reminiscences. 

alarniiiig shout of " Indians ! Indians ! Indians !" in 
close proximity to his head. 

He bounded like lightning to his feet, and in a 
terrified, semi-somnolent state saw his men running 
about in all directions, in the greatest possible con- 
fusion and terror, and he, for the moment, had but a 
very faint conception as to who or where he was. 
Of one fact, however, he felt perfectly confident — 
which was, that the savages were upon him, and that 
liis only safety consisted in getting away from them 
as soon as possible. 

Accordingly, he instinctively bolted for his horse, 
leaped upon his back without saddle or bridle, and 
driving th§ rowels into his flanks, bounded off at full 
speed. But one end of the lariat being still fastened 
to the stump, caused the horse, when he, with tre- 
mendous momentum, was brought up at the opposite 
extremity, to turn heels over head upon the ground, 
and land his rider some ten or twelve yards in ad- 
vance, causing him to see more stars than the most 
powerful telescope ever brought to view in the firm- 
ament. 

He imagined he had been knocked off by an In- 
dian, but raised himself up again as soon as lie recov- 
ered sufficiently from the effects of the fall ; and his 
hoi-se, in rising, having turned his head in the oppo- 




dismoi;nti;i> cavalry. 



Border Reminiscences. 211 

site direction, he again leaped upon his back, and, 
with a vigorous application of the spurs, away he 
went the second time, until the rope again caused 
them to turn a somersault, with the colonel sprawl- 
ing upon the ground. He was, if possible, more 
stunned by the concussion than before, and regarded 
it as certain that he had been again knocked down 
with a war-club or tomahawk, and that he must now 
be completely surrounded by the savages. This sit- 
uation seemed to him so perilous that he began to 
despair of making his escape ; but he was a man of 
great firmness of pui*pose, and he resolved to make 
one more effort, and endeavor by a desperate charge 
to force his way through the hostile cordon. Ac- 
cordingly, he mounted the third time, and the gener- 
ous animal he bestrode, in obedience to the will of 
his master, enforced by a severe punishment with 
both spurs, again dashed off at full speed, but in a 
circle around and around the stump, until his feet 
became entangled in the lariat, and he was thrown 
down again, this time casting his rider near the black 
stump, which he, in the darkness of the night, imag- 
ined to be an Indian warrior standing knife in hand, 
ready to take his devoted scalp. 

He deliberated for an instant in fear and trem- 
bling as to the course he should pursue in this crit- 



212 Border Reminiscences. 

ical position. He was by no means a coward, but 
was fully conscious of the fact that mercy was not 
embraced in the catalogue of savage virtues, and 
that he had little compassion to expect if he fell into 
their clutches. Yet, as a last resort for escaping a 
horrible death by torture, he concluded to make a 
final desperate appeal to the better instincts of the 
savage heart, and, dropping upon his knees before 
the stump, he raised his hands in the most suppliant 
attitude, turned up his eyes with an imploring ex- 
pression, and exclaimed, in the last accents of de- 
spair, '■'Mister Indian^ I surrender P 

As the fancied warrior did not respond to this 
touching appeal, he soon became conscious of his 
mistake, and, seeing no Indians about, untied his 
liorse, mounted, and set out in pursuit of his stam- 
peded fellow-soldiers, who in the darkness had scat- 
tered in the utmost confusion all over the prairies, 
believing that the relentless chief and his savage 
band were upon their trail, and even at their heels. 

In the obscurity of the night they were unable to 
distinguish a white man from an Indian, and when- 
ever they separated they seldom came together again. 
Occasionally one of them, coming in sight of a sup- 
posed comrade, would endeavor to overtake him, 
while the other, believing he was pursued by an In- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 213 

dian, would press his horse vigorously to escape, and 
in this way some of the fleetest races came off upon 
that memorable night. 

A small squad of the men, who had recognized 
each other, and united about daylight on the follow- 
ing morning, made a short halt to give their wearied 
horses a little rest, and were discussing the affair of 
the previous night, when they saw a negro servant 
of one of the officers coming on horseback at full 
speed, and seemingly in great alarm. As he was 
about jDassing them without slackening his pace, they 
ordered him to halt, lie screamed out in reply, as 
he continued to urge his horse forward, " Wha-wha- 
what ye want? Please don't stop me, gemmen! 
Do-do-don't do it^ I tell ye, fur I'ze the wust demur- 
ralized niggar that ^rehaps you ever seed in all yer 
born'd days !" 

They were obliged to point a pistol at him before 
they succeeded in stopping him. At first he was so 
much terrified that he could hardly speak. After 
he had partially recovered they asked him what had 
induced him to desert his master and run away in 
the cowardly manner he had done. 

He replied, " Wall, now, gemmen, I'll tell ye how 
it war. Ye see, de boys they thout mabbe mout be 
Ingines in de camp ; but they didn't git very bad 



214 Border Keminiscences. 




A DEMOKALIZED NEGKO, 



skeert at fuss, and saddled their liosses ; but bime-by 
dey git sight o' de cunnel, an' he war jist a-gwine it 
on the most retreet-itv-est boss you ever did see ; an' 
they tuck skeert, the bo^'s did, an' they jist broke fur 
the pur-rar-rees ; an' my ole masser he outrun me 
all to smash, an' my boss he git used up mighty 
fass, an' I speck every minute de Ingine he cotch 



Boeder Reminiscences. 215 

dis chile ; but heali I is now, tank de Lor', an' like 
to git muster out mighty quick." 

The result of all this was that the battalion became 
dispersed over the entire country ; some brought up 
at Fort Winnebago (now Portage City), some at Ga- 
lena, and others at Prairie du Chien, and it was sev- 
eral weeks before they were assembled again ; in- 
deed, it is believed that some of them were never 
heard of afterward. 

An investigation into the affair showed that no 
Indians had been near the camp when the stampede 
occurred, and that the alarm was occasioned by a 
sentinel seeing a large black wolf approaching his 
post, which he took to be an Indian crawling up to 
him on " all-fours," and he gave the designated sig- 
nal of alarm, 

A LEGAL DIFFICULTY. 

I verily believe that I am one of the most amiable 
and best-natured men in the world, for I never had 
a quarrel or serious difficulty with any one, except 
perhaps at rare inten^als with my better half — (but 
this, dear reader, is emphatically entre nous, and is 
softly whispered in your ear, with the express under- 
standing that she must not be told of it, for the dear 
old lady might give me a private lecture if she sup 



216 Boeder Reminiscences. 

posed for a moment I disclosed family secrets). But 
there is one consolation — we always made it up, and 
were better friends than ever afterward. Moreover, 
I have never sued any body, and have been so fortu- 
nate during my somewhat protracted and diversified 
career as only once to liave become entangled in the 
meshes of the law. 

Upon that memorable occasion it was my misfor- 
tune to have been brought before the bar of justice 
in the wilds of Illinois. This contretemps happened 
during the winter of 1837-38, Avhile I was making a 
pleasure excursion from Northern Wisconsin to Chi- 
cago and back ; and as the circumstance was a source 
of no little amusement to our friends at the time, the 
narration of it at this distant day may serve to in- 
demnify the reader for the time expended in its pe- 
rusal. 

One lovely morning, when the thermometer ranged 
many degrees below the freezing-point, and the at- 
mosphere was pure and invigorating, with the snow 
in the best possible condition for sleighing, I joined 
a party of ladies and gentlemen, and with four cap- 
ital horses hitched to a large sleigh well provided 
with robes, we set out across the prairies for Chicago. 
Our track led us through Madison, Janesville, Eock- 
ford, Bclvidere, etc., all of which were then small 



BoEDEK Reminiscences. 217 

villages, and the fare we encountered at the primi- 
tive inns of the country was not as luxurious then as 
can be found at the present time ; yet we made the 
best of it, and had a jolly time for about a week, 
which brought us to our destination. 

Entering the city, we drove directly to the " Lake 
House," which had just been completed, and was re- 
garded by our rural party as about the most magnif- 
icent hotel ill the universe. Sumptuous apartments 
were assigned to us, and every thing was done by the 
(obliging proprietor to make us comfortable; and 
here we ate of the first fresh oysters that were ever 
introduced into that city (canned oysters were then 
unknown), and these were brought in sleighs all the 
way from New Haven, Connecticut, and were, of 
course, sold at fabulous prices. 

This was probably the first time printed bills of 
fare and napkins had appeared at a Western hotel 
table, and the comments they elicited from some of 
the " Hoosiers" and " Suckers" were droll in the ex- 
treme. For instance, one verdant individual from 
the Wabash, after seating himself at the dinner-table, 
and not having been furnished with those indispens- 
able adjuncts to a modern table, called to the waiter 
in a loud voice, saying, " Look-a-yere, mister, I don't 
mind ef I hev one o' them thar catalogues an' towels.'" 

K 



218 Boeder Reminiscence: 




" LOOlv-A-YERE, MISTER !" 



The bills of fare were gotten up strictly eii regie, 
with the different courses, such as soup, fish, etc., etc., 
duly classified. Even entrees were embraced upon 
the list, but the variety of dishes under this particu- 
lar heading was usually rather meagre. Indeed, I 
remember one day to have observed only one dish 
named in the list, and that read '■'■Pomrne de terre 
an natureir 



Border Reminiscences. 219 

After an exceedingly pleasant sojourn of several 
days in the flourishing new city of the West, we 
started on our return, with a re-enforcement to our 
team of two beautiful horses, which I purchased from 
John Frink, the great pioneer stage-proprietor. 

Our first night out was passed in a tavern kept by 

one P , at Elgin, on Fox River. If the house is 

still standing, and has the same landlord (which the 
Lord forbid), I caution all travelers who may in fu- 
ture have occasion to pass that way to give his estab- 
lishment a wide berth, for a more unmitigated scamp 
it has seldom been my misfortune to encounter. 

After a night spent in defending ourselves against 
the incessant attacks of an army, or rather a navy, of 
"couch pirates," we paid an extortionate bill and 
gladly left the premises, shaking the dust from our 
feet as we went out, and, entering our sleigh, drove 
rapidly away with our six spanking steeds, consoling 
ourselves that henceforth we were out of the clutch- 
es of our rapacious and disobliging Boniface. But 
in this we were mistaken, and " counted without our 
host;" for we had not proceeded over about ten 
miles when we were overtaken by a horseman, ap- 
parently much excited, his horse at a gallop, and 
reeking with sweat. 

As he was passing us I remarked to him that he 



220 Border Reminiscences. 

seemed in a great hurry, and asked if any thing un- 
usual had occurred. Without slackening his pace, 
he answered, " You'll find out what's the matter 
when you reach the next tavern." And on he went, 
leaving us in perplexity as to the cause of his excite- 
ment. 

A short time after this we arrived at a town in the 
woods called Sunderland, containing two log houses 
and a blacksmith's shop. As soon as we had halted 
at the " Buck-horn" tavern a constable approached 
and served a writ upon the party, under a charge of 
petty larceny, with a specification that we had been 
guilty of purloining a buffalo skin from the house 
where we had lodged. 

Of course we were superlatively exasperated at 
the impertinent proceeding, and indignantly told the 
fellow if he took us for thieves he had better search 
our sleigh, and ascertain for himself whether it con- 
tained any thing besides our own luggage. 

" That is precisely what I propose to do," coolly 
replied he ; and we all, accompanied by five or six 
stage-drivers — friends of the man -who professed to 
have lost the robe — went to our veliicle and com- 
menced overhauling our baggage. To our utter as- 
tonishment, under one of our own robes was a miser- 
ably dirtv old buffalo skin wliicli did not belonj;:: to us. 



BoBDEK Reminiscences. 221 

The man who had pursued us eagerly seized the 
article, exclaiming, " That's my property !" and tri- 
umphantly held it up to the inspection of the sur- 
rounding crowd, who, by significant nods, winks, and 
smiles, unmistakably indicated that we were regard- 
ed by them as very far from being honest travelers. 

We afterward ascertained that our host of the El- 
gin House, in co-operation with the stage-driver, had 
placed the robe in our sleigh for the express purpose 
of extorting money from us ; and, in accordance with 
the plot, the driver who had caused our arrest inti- 
mated that he was willing to compromise the matter, 
and quash proceedings upon the payment of five dol- 
lars, which we rejected with scorn. 

Finding that no levy could be made upon our 
purses in this manner, he said the law must take its 
course, and we were taken into the bar-room of the 
inn, where we found the country justice who had is- 
sued the warrant for our arrest, and a ragged old 
pettifogger, whose bloated visage gave strong pre- 
sumptive evidence that he would not be likely to de- 
cline a pressing invitation " to liquor," together with 
a motley collection of hangers-on about the tavern, 
whom curiosity had drawn together upon this inter- 
esting occasion. 

The magistrate, who was a plain, sensible-looking 



222 TBoKDER Reminiscences. 

old farmer, apparently possessing more knowledge 
of agriculture than law, was seated before a small 
pine table, with pen, ink, and paper, and, as soon as 
the parties were assembled, he intimated that the 
court was opened and in readiness for business. 

The pettifogger then, in a very consequential man- 
ner, rose to his feet (he had been seated upon a log 
of wood near the fire), and, after discharging a huge 
quid of tobacco from his mouth into the fire, and 
hemming and hawing, and looking daggers at the 
prisoners for a while, opened the case with the fol- 
lowing exordium : 

" May it please the honorable Court and gentle- 
men, as the attorney for the plaintiff in this import- 
ant case I remark, firstly, that I expect, and I have 
no doubt I shall have, a fair and impartial hearing 
and decision from this highly enlightened Court. 
My client, who is a gentleman of the highest stand- 
ing in this respectable community, has been feloni- 
ously deprived of his lawful property. Yes, may it 
please yer honor, he has been robbed ; he has been 
robbed ! I say ; and by whom, yer honor ? I'll tell 
you by whom — by an organized gang of pillagers." 

Just at this moment I tapped him on the back and 
pointed to the bar, indicating that I desired him to 
drink with me. Pie asked the Court to excuse him 



Border Reminiscences. 223 

for a moment, went to the bar with me, took a 
whopper of a drink, and returning to his place, re- 
sumed, 

" As I said before, yer honor, I think it is a dis- 
grace to the human family that such men as these 
should be permitted to prowl about our beautiful 
per-rar-ries and take the property of our honest, hard- 
working citizens. It's con-tra-rj to the principles of 
the Constitution, con-tra-ry to the principles of law, 
and con-tra-ry to good order, and must be stopped ; 
and, may it please yer honor, these men should be 
made an example of, and heavy damages be given 
to my client." 

At this stage of the harangue one of the other 
men of our party quietly gave him an invitation to 
repeat his drink, at which he said to the justice, 

" Yer honor will please excuse me for an instant 
while I take some refreshment, for really my consti- 
tution is so delicate that I am unable to speak long 
without a little suthin' stimulatin'." 

Then he went to the bar again and imbibed an- 
other glass of whisky. This performance was re- 
peated several times more during his speech, until at 
length he became considerably affected by the nu- 
merous potations he had indulged in ; and as the 
whisky went down his throat, his appreciation of our 



224 Boeder Reminiscences. 

moral attributes became correspondingly elevated, so 
that finally he said, 

"I don't for a moment suppose, yer honor, that 
either one of these gentlemen here" (pointing to us) 
" would be guilty of stealing the paltry amount of 
an old buffalo hide not worth four bits — by no 
means, yer honor ; but I believe that this gentle- 
man" (pointing to our driver) " committed the theft." 

At this accusation our pugnacious Jehu jumped 
to his feet, and, shaking his fist indignantly in the 
old fellow's face, said, " You are a drunken old liar, 
and if you'll come outdoors I'll lick you !" 

The magistrate regarded this as indecorous, and 
entreated the gentlemen to preserve order in court, 
but it was some time before our driver could be pre- 
vailed upon to pay projDer respect to the judicial 
functionary. 

The case finally came to a conclusion, and a deci- 
sion was rendered that the evidence was not suffi- 
cient to sustain the charge, and we were released 
from custody. 

Of course the* stage-driver was disappointed, and I 
informed him that I should immediately write to Mr. 
Frink, his employer, and request his discharge, which 
seemed to give him considerable uneasiness, and he 
then acknowledged that our Elgin host was the in- 



r 







A SCENE IN COURT. 

K2 



Border Reminiscences. 227 

stigator of the whole affair. In passing the place 
several years afterward I learned that the man was 
dismissed as soon as Mi*. Frink received my note. 

WIXTER TX XEW EXGLAXD. 

In the course of my devious rambhngs for nearly 
half a century over almost every unfrequented dis- 
trict embraced within the vast expanse of oui" huge 
domain, it has been my fortune to encounter a good 
many hard knocks, as well as a great variety of cu- 
rious and meiTy adventures. One of the latter, which 
amused me vastly at the time, and which I never 
think of without an inclination for a hearty laugh, I 
propose to relate ; and if my description conveys to 
the reader's imagination one half of its superlatively 
ludicrous reality, I am sure he will feel abundantly 
repaid for the perusal. 

I passed the winter of 1840-4:1 in the very hos- 
pitable city of Hartford, Conn., where I was so for- 
tunate as to form an extended circle of agreeable ac- 
quaintances, who, by their genial and intelligent so- 
cial intercoui-se, contributed greatly to my happiness, 
and enabled me to while away the monotony of a 
protracted Xorthem winter in the most satisfactory 
manner. In the spring following, as I was about 
taking my departure, my friends called, and, after 



328 Border Keminiscknces. 

wishing me all manner of good fortune, bade me a 
kind adieu, and all, excepting my particular friend 
Isaac Stewart, had left. He detained me some time 
upon the little porch fronting the City Hotel, seem- 
ing loth to say good-by ; but, as it was nearly time 
for the arrival of the train, I was forced to tear my- 
self away from him, and was on the point of step- 
ping into the carriage, when he entreated me to come 
back and take a farewell glass. 

I was obliged to decline, remarking, as I closed 
the carriage door, that we would postpone our drink 
until my return, and away I went, consoling myself 
with the fervent anticipation that I might soon be 
permitted to revisit the excellent friends I was leav- 
ing behind. But, alas for the realization of my cher- 
ished aspirations, my tortuous trail led me into Tex- 
as, Mexico, Arkansas, and Utah, and it was nearly 
twenty years before I could get back. 

The time came at last, however, and I anxiously 
drove toward the old hotel, where I expected to see 
a great many changes ; but, to my surprise, found all 
the surroundings looking precisely as when I left, 
and, to my utter astonishment, there was my old 
friend Stewart, who was the last to bid me farewell, 
seated in the same spot upon the little porch, appar- 
ently in the same arm-oliair. and with his feet raised 




I don't CARK if I DO TAKE A DKINK. 



Border Reminiscences. 231 

at about the same elevation, and resting against iden- 
tically the same post as when I declined his invita- 
tion to join him in the stiiTup-cup. 

Getting out of the carriage, I walked directly up 
to him, gave him a hearty slap on the shoulder, and 
said, "Well, Stewart, as you are so pressing, I don't 
care if I do take a drink." 

He looked up with astonishment, and did not rec- 
ognize me at first ; but he soon appreciated the joke, 
and, seizing my hand, replied that his patience was 
nearly exhausted in waiting for my return, and that, 
if I had not arrived within the next five or six years, 
he would have been obliged to drink alone. 

INDIAN PERFORMANCE. 

Various ingenious expedients were devised to make 
the time pass off agreeably during my sojourn in 
Hartford, and one of these, which originated with 
myself, is the adventure I proposed to relate at the 
commencement of this paper. 

It so happened upon one occasion that I had ob- 
tained two complete Sioux Indian warrior costumes, 
and I suggested to a gentleman (Colonel R. C. Cutts) 
that we should dress ourselves in them, and try our 
powers in personating the Indian character. Accord- 
ingly, my wife, at our suggestion, accepted an in vita- 



232 Border Reminiscences. 

tion to a tea-party that evening at the hospitable 

mansion of her friend, Mrs. C , thus vacating our 

apartments for us to make our toilets in. 

With copper-colored crayon, pulverized and mixed 
with oil, we besmeared our faces, necks, and hands. 
We then put on the coats, leggins, moccasins, horse- 
hair wigs, and feather head-dresses, and, with our 
tomahawks, pipes, and tobacco-pouches, we were prob- 
ably the most metamorphosed white men, and the 
best representatives of the characters we were about 
to personify that could possibly have been imagined. 

In order, however, to enable the reader to get a 
full appreciation of what I am about to relate, I re- 
mark that both of us were very tall, erect, and fully 
developed, and our dresses fitted our persons admira- 
bly, so that when we surveyed ourselves in the large 
mirror in my parlor our transformation was so per- 
fect that really I could not for my life have told 
which was which. 

I had passed several years among the Chippewas 
and other Indian tribes, and was familiar with man}' 
of their habits, and some of their songs and dances, 
and could even make myself understood in the Chip- 
pewa tongue. And, fortunately for our project, an 
acquaintance of mine, who was a stranger in the 
place, and M-ho also could speak some Chippewa, ar- 



BoKDER Reminiscences. 233 

rived Just in time to take the part of interpreter on 
the occasion. 

After the completion of our elaborate toilets, we 
sent out the interpreter to procure a carriage, and at 
about seven o'clock in the evening quietly slipped out 
of the back door, and, entering the carriage, drove 
around to the front door of our hotel, when the in- 
terpreter went in and inquired of the landlord if he 
could furnish lodgings for two distinguished Sem- 
inole chiefs, " Jim Jumper" and " Wild Cat," who 
had just arrived from Florida en route to visit their 
Great Father at Washington. 

This was, it will be remembered, during the pro- 
tracted Seminole War, when every body had the 
keenest desire to see two such redoubtable warriors, 
and the host eagerly responded to the application 
" that he should be most happy to have the honor of 
entertaining them." Accordingly, he at once threw 
open a large private parlor, which he placed at our 
disposal, and we were ushered into it with all possi- 
ble ceremony. After locking the door, we seated 
ourselves upon the carpet near the fire, loaded our 
huge pipes, and commenced smoking. 

Scarcely ten minutes had elapsed before the news 
of our arrival had circulated over the whole city, and 
hundreds of curious citizens swarmed about the doors 



234 Boeder Reminiscences. 

and halls of the hotel, all anxiously awaiting an op- 
portunity to get a peep at the renowned savages. 
After we had kept them in suspense for some time, 
and their patience had become pretty well exhaust- 
ed, the door was unbolted and the crowd rushed in, 
immediately filling the room to its utmost capacity. 
They gathered around us, scrutinizing us from head 
to foot most minutely, and making all sorts of com- 
ments upon our dress, accoutrements, and personal 
appearance, all of which we, of course, were not sup- 
posed to understand. They then commenced inter- 
rogating the interpreter in regard to our warlike ex- 
ploits, the number of scalps we had taken, and the 
number of men we had killed in battle, etc., which 
were answered to their entire satisfaction. 

In the mean time my red brother Cutts, under 
pretense of talkhig to me, kept up an incessant jar- 
gon, not one syllable of which either he or any body 
else could understand, and which sounded more like 
a conglomeration of Dutch, Irish, and hog Latin than 
any thing else, yet a distinguished philologist present 
took especial pleasure in listening to him, and pro- 
nounced his vernacular a most beautiful specimen of 
the language of nature ; indeed, he gave it as his can- 
did opinion that the dialects of civilized nations 
might be benefited by the adoption of some of those 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 235 

strikingly illustrative tropes and figures with which 
James Jumper's (my companion's) conversation seem- 
ed to be so exuberantly embellished. 

Among the most prominent of the spectators was 

Judge M , a distinguished, portly gentleman of 

the " old school," of highly dignified presence, who 
prided himself on being able to trace back his lineage 
directly to the Pilgrims. He manifested the most 
lively interest in the Red Men, and, after shaking 
hands with us, said to me in a loud, distinct tone of 
voice, " Do you speak English, Mr. Wild Cat ?" 

I gave a negative grunt ; then, looking fiercely at 
him, added, " Whisky, heap," which caused the ven- 
erable old gentleman to recoil from me with aston- 
ishment, and exclaim, 

" What a melancholy fact it is, gentlemen, to see 
these magnificent specimens of the human race thus 
bent upon their own destruction ! The history of the 
Red Man shows that when he comes in contact with 
the pale faces, instead of profiting by their moral 
teachings, he only learns to imitate their worst vices ; 
and you observe, gentlemen, that almost the only 
words of English which these poor benighted sav- 
ages can utter are whisky and tobacco. Alas ! the 
poor Indian ! his fate is sealed ; he seems to be des- 
tined to a speedy extinction. The last of his unfor- 



236 Border Reminiscences, 

tunate race will soon have disappeared from the face 
of the earth, and the land of his forefathers will be- 
come the heritage of strangers." 

Another gentleman present, who had been engaged 
with my friend Jim Jumper for six months on the 
northeast boundary, professed to be familiar with 
the Indian character, and had visited several tribes. 
His opinions were listened to with profound respect 
by the assembled tyros. Among other remarks that 
his observations upon us elicited was " that there had 
from time to time been many civilized and mixed- 
blooded Indians who went about the country passing 
themselves off in public exhibitions as real unadul- 
terated natives^ but I assure you, gentlemen," said 
he, " that I am a good judge of the race, and I pro- 
nounce these two men as the first genuine specimens 
of aborigines that have appeared in this city during 
my day." 

Shortly after this we told the interpreter to inform 
the landlord that we were so much disturbed by the 
crowd that we would proceed on our journey that 
night. Accordingly, we re-entered our carriage, and 
drove to the house where my wife was taking tea. 
Our interpreter entered and informed my wife that 
her Inisband liad sent around two Seminole chiefs, 
thinking that the ladies might like to see them. They 



BoEDEE Reminiscences. 239 

were all delighted, and the hostess begged the inter- 
preter to bring them in at once. Accordingly, we 
were shown into the brilliantly-lighted drawing-room, 
where the ladies received us most graciously, giving 
us a hearty squeeze of the hand all around; and 

when it came my turn to salute Mrs. C , the 

hostess, I imprinted a sonorous kiss upon her cheek, 
which caused her to jump away from me as if she 
had been shot. She, however, soon recovered her 
equanimity, and even joined in the laugh which I 
had produced at her expense, doubtless supposing 
that my salutation was the customary Indian greet- 
ing. 

After seatmg ourselves and smoking our pipes for 
a moment, we gave an intimation through the inter- 
preter that a drink of whisky would be acceptable. 
The hostess replied, 

" Tell the gentlemen Indians, if you please, Mr. 
Interpreter, that we are temperance people here, and 
do not keep ardent spirits ; but I'll give them some 
coffee and cake." 

They were set before us, and I emptied the cake 
into my blanket and swallowed the coffee with a 
grimace, at the same time sapng '•^ caween 7iechvr- 
chirC {not good), which the interpreter rendered into 
English as " excellent coffee.^'' 



240 Border Reminiscences. 

From here we went to the house of a particular 
friend of mine who was not at home himself, but his 
wife and her mother, an old lady of about seventy, 
received us with a cordial welcome, and made par- 
ticular inquiries of the interpreter about our domes- 
tic affairs, whether we were married, had children, 
and whether our families would not be anxious about 
us in our absence, etc., etc. The interpreter answer- 
ed that Jumper had thirteen wives, and I six, but 
that I expected a re-enforcement of three or foui- 
more on my return to Florida, 

They were, of course, perfectly horrified at such 
barbarous Mormonism, and seemed almost afraid to 
look at us after this. My friend's wife became es- 
pecially nervous, and I told the interpreter that I 
wanted to hear her play a tune on the piano. She 
was frightened nearly out of her senses, but dared 
not refuse the stern look of command I gave her, 
and, seating herself at the instrument, commenced, 
in a highly tremulous and nervous manner, to cora- 
ls with the mandate, frequently casting the most 
deprecatory glances toward the interpreter, as though 
she expected every touch of the keys might be the 
last she would be permitted to make in this world. 

The amiable old lady was also very considerably 
exercised at the same time, and kept a? far removed 



BoKDEE Reminiscences. 241 

from us as the dimensions of tlie apartment would 
permit. Observing her perturbation, I told the in- 
terpreter to inform her that we would like very 
much to see her dance. She replied, " My dear sir, 
tell them I have not danced a step for over forty 
years." 

I repeated the request in a more peremptory man- 
ner, which having been interpreted to her, she im- 
ploringly responded, " It is absolutely impossible. I 
have entirely forgotten the steps ; moreover, I have 
the rheumatism in both legs ; and positively the In- 
dians must excuse me." 

I then got up, went out upon the floor, and beck- 
oned her to commence, authoritatively intimating to 
her, by significant gestures, that there was no escape ; 
she must dance, 

Not daring to hesitate longer, she rose up with a 
desperate impulse, exclaiming in a desponding tone, 
" Oh ! oh ! my dear Mr. Interpreter, what shall I do ?" 
and in a slow and measured cadence commenced an 
old-fashioned jig, as an accompaniment to which I 
beat time with my tomahawk upon the floor ; and by 
encouraging approbatory nods when she quickened 
the time, and constant threatening mandatory panto- 
mime when it slackened, I gradually induced her to 
accelerate her steps, until in a short time her feet 

L 



242 Border Reminiscences. 

were moving with a velocity which I venture to say 
they seldom ever did before, even when she was a 
girl. 

After she had become quite exhausted by the nn- 
iisnal efforts I had imposed upon her, and which 
elicited much applause from us, I allowed her to re- 
sume her seat, and she seemed so much wearied that 
I was sorry I had compelled her to pass through so 
cruel an ordeal ; and the only excuse I can offer for 
my indiscretion is, that my micontrollable love of 
fun, and my keen appreciation of the ludicrous, pre- 
ponderated for the moment over all other consider- 
ations. 

I reproached myself for it afterward, and most 
penitently entreated the dear old lady's pardon, but 
I doubt if she ever entirely forgave me, and the only 
consolation I have under all the circumstances is, that 
possibly the violent exercise of her " double-quick" 
minuet may have had a beneficial effect upon her 
rheumatic malady. 

This closed the performance here, and we returned 
to our hotel, giving as an excuse that the night was 
so dark we, upon reflection, had determined to come 
back and stay until morning. The crowd had not 
yet dispersed, and they entreated us to give them 
some specimens of our dances, which, after a good 



Border Reminiscences. 243 

deal of persuasion, we with apparent reluctance con- 
sented to, and the largest parlor, designated for tlie 
occasion, was soon filled with the most prominent 
citizens of the place, only leaving sufficient room in 
the centre for us to dance. 

Having streaked our faces well with yermilion, 
and every thing being comme ilfaut, the last act in 
our ludicrous drama opened by our entree through 
a side door, with our tomahawks raised in the right 
hand, and scalp-locks adorned with little bells jin- 
gling in the left hand, our heads thrown back, bodies 
erect, knees bent, and taking short, jerking steps to, 
the guttural music of a real Chippewa scalp-dance. 
Around and around the circle we moved, flaunting 
our war-trophies defiantly over our heads, with an 
occasional threatening demonstration to the right 
and left with our tomahawks, and all the time keep- 
ing step to the inspiring cadence of the war-song, 
which at first was in a slow, depressed tone, but grad- 
ually rose and accelerated until it became highly an- 
imated, and even savagely loud and furious. The 
perspiration rolled down our cheeks in streams, and 
we were beginning to be somewhat exhausted, but we 
determined not to show it, and on we went with a 
velocity and fervor that would liave forced applause 
from even our illustrious Seminole namesakes them- 
selves. 



244 Border Reminiscencks. 

The appreciative spectators looked on with great 
satisfaction, and gave us frequent cheers, which, 
however, were mingled with an occasional demon- 
stration of fear from those in the front rank of the 
circle, especially when we flourished our tomahawks 
and gave utterance to the shrill war-whoop. Judge 
M , of whom I have already spoken, took espe- 
cial interest in the spectacle, and occupied a promi- 
nent position in the inner circle, and several times, 
in passing him, I took occasion to flout my tomahawk 
in rather closer proximity to his head than was alto- 
gether agreeable to him, yet he gave no evidence of 
fear or trepidation except to exclaim, " What fero- 
cious-looking devils they are, sure enough !" 

After the dance was concluded we seated om*selves 
upon the floor, and directed the interpreter to inform 
the " pale faces" that upon such occasions it was cus- 
tomary among our people to take a big smoke. Ac- 
cordingly, our pipes were filled, and after a few 
whiffs, inhaled into the lungs and ejected through 
the nostrils by way of example, I handed mine to 
the judge, who, in his anxiety to show all possible 
respect to our customs, swallowed a large quantity 
of smoke, and, being unaccustomed to the use of to- 
bacco in any form, he, in his endeavoi"s to expel it 
through his nose, was taken with such a violent fit 



Border Reminiscences. 245 

of sneezing and coug-liing that I was obliged to give 
liini some severe slaps upon the back before he re- 
covered. When he had wiped the tears from his 
eyes I pointed to him and said to the interpreter, 
'^We-che-chin. Che-mo-Jco-monP The signification 
of which the interpreter informed him was, that I 
regarded him as a very good man, and thought I 
would like him very much. 

The portly gentleman seemed highly delighted at 
the compliment, and remarked that he would not 
have expected such refined courtesy from untutored 
natives like those, and he desired to know why Mr. 
Wild Cat had taken such an especial liking to him. 

My reply through the interpreter was that, if we 
had him down in the hammocks of Florida, he was 
so fat that I thought he would make soup enough to 
feed the whole Seminole tribe, and that I was very 
fond of soup. The judge shuddered as he raised his 
hands, and exclaimed, ^^The Jiorrihle cannibal!''^ 

Then going up to him and extending-^ my hand, I 
said, in English, " How are you, judge ?" He looked 
at me in amazement, saying, " Who in the deWl are 
you, sir ?" "Wlien I told him who I was, he, as well 
as every one else present, was greatly surprised that 
we had been able to continue our masquerade so 
long ^^'ithout recognition. 



246 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

On the folloM'ing morning the newspapers teemed 
with complimentary notices of our dramatic powers, 
and we were nrged to repeat the exhibition, but, aft- 
er we had made ourselves kno^Mi, the performance 
lost its most interesting feature. 

It is a remarkable fact that, among all the numer- 
ous intimate acquaintances we met with during the 
entire evening, not one of them had the remotest 
conception as to our identity, with the single excep- 
tion of a bright young son of Mrs. C , who is 

now an eminent lawyer, and who, after scrutinizing 
us very closely for a while, whispered to his mother 
that he believed I was personating Wild Cat. His 
mother reproved him sharply, and asked him what 
he supposed my wife would say if she knew that 
such a horrible-looking savage had been mistaken 
for her husband. After we had left the house the 
boy reiterated the expression of his opinion to the 
company, very much to the chagrin of his mother, 
who peremptorily ordered him not to repeat it again. 

My wife then asked the lady what she would think 
if she were to assert that one of the Indians was in 
reality her own husband. 

She replied, "/ viould not believe you /" 

" Notwithstanding this, my dear madam, I assure 
you that the person calling himself Wild Cat was 



Border Reminiscences. 247 

nothing more nor less than my veritable lord and 
master." 

Percei\ing that she had been " soM," and believ- 
ing that I had gotten up the performance for her es- 
pecial benefit, she indignantly rejoined that this was 
by no means the first time I had humbugged her, 
and that she would yet have satisfaction if she lived 
long enough. / 



248 B O K D E R li K M I N I S C E N C E S. 



CHAPTEE VII. 



PIONEERS OF THE WEST. 



A wettin' Beverage. — General Sam Houston. — Duel in Tennessee. 
— Cotirting by Proxy. — Houston bothered. — Disciplining Volun- 
teers. — Mrs. L 's Capture and Escape. 

In passing from the southwestern borders of Kan- 
sas into the outer settlements of Missouri and Ar- 
kansas a sudden and complete transformation is ob- 
served, not only in the habits and customs of the peo- 
ple, but in the appearance of all their surroundings. 

For example, in the former state, churches and 
school-houses have kept pace "with the pioneers, and 
are seen among the remotest hamlets. The childi-en 
here go to school, newspapers are taken and read, 
and there is an air of thrift and comfort about the 
most primitive log tenements that marks the East- 
ern origin of their occupants ; while along the front- 
iers of the latter states a church or school-house is 
seldom met with, and it is rare to find a person here 
who has received the first rudiments of education. 
The school-master and parson are sti-angers in those 
parts, and, if they were to make their ajipearance, 



Boeder Reminiscences. 249 

would be regarded as superfluous members of so- 
ciety. 

These people are so local and circumscribed in 
their sphere of life, and so seldom meet with edu- 
cated persons, that the English language has suffered 
a very considerable metamorphosis under their ver- 
nacular manipulations, so that many of their conven- 
tional idioms have become as remote from the 1;each- 
ings of our standard lexicographers as the provincial 
patois of Southern France is from the pure dialect 
of Paris. 

These anomalous specimens of the genus homo 
seem to constitute a detached element m our so- 
cial organization. Their sparsely scattered forest 
habitations, being far distant from towns or villages, 
and rarely visited by travelers, almost entirely ex- 
cludes them from intercourse with the civilized 
world, and they remain nearly as ignorant of what 
is transpiring outside their own immediate spheres 
as the savages themselves. They seldom see a news- 
paper, and could not read it if it was placed before 
their eyes ; and I honestly believe that some of them, 
previous to the Rebellion (which has enlightened 
them a little), could not have told whether General 
Jackson, General Taylor, or Mr. Buchanan was Presi- 
dent of the United States. 
L2 



250 BoRDKR Reminiscences. • 

Some of the most salient traits in the cliaracter of 
this remarkable type of the Anglo-Saxon race have 
been exhibited in a conspicuous light among the in- 
dividuals I have encountered upon the frontier, and 
it is some of those that I propose introducing to the 
notice of the reader. 

A WET TIN' BEVERAGE. 

Upon a hot and sultry summer's day in 1852, as I 
was journeying on horseback over " Boston Moun- 
tain," by the road leading from Arkansas to Mis- 
souri, I became wearied and thirsty, and, riding up 
to the door of a wretched shanty (the intervals be- 
tween the logs of which might well have entitled it 
to the appellation of " Oak Openings"), I accosted a 
haggard-looking old woman who was in possession 
of the premises, and whose smoky, desiccated visage 
gave her a striking resemblance to my conception of 
Scott's Meg Merrilies, and I expressed the hope that 
she was in the enjoyment of perfect health. 

At this salutation she raised her dim, glassy eyes 
upon me, and in a most doleful tone of voice re- 
plied, 

" Wa'al, now, straanger, I'll tell ye M^hat's the mat- 
ter : I war middlin' sort o' pert yesterday, but, sure's 
yer born'd, I'ze powerful weak to-day. Jist about 




I(;HT. STliAANGKIi. 



• Border Reminiscences. 253 

sun-up this mornin', maybe a lee-tle bit afore, I war 
tuck with a ahiiighty mizzery in the inards, an' I'ze 
been «-squrmin', an' ^-kavortin', an' <2-howlin' ever 
since" (putting special emphasis upon the italicized 
letter a, and inhaling her breath while she was giving 
it protracted utterance), " and I'ze swallered cords of 
apple-jack and tobaccer-juice; but, straanger, 'tain't 
no sort o' use ; it don't begin to knock it ; an' it's 
getten wosser an' wosser all the time." Then spas- 
modically clasping her long bony fingers around 
the region of the stomach, and dropping her lank 
body upon her knees, she belched forth an unearthly 
screech of agony, but instantly jerked back to an up- 
right position, and in a sharp, authoritative tone said, 
" 'Light, straanger, an' have a cliar." 

I dismounted, accepted the seat, and condoled most 
sincerely with the poor woman, suggesting to her that 
possibly the tobacco and liquor might have had the 
effect of increasing her troubles. 

She said no ; that when these remedies would not 
" kill pain," " all the yarbs in Rackinsack (Arkansas) 
wo'dn't do it." 

After the '•' mizzeiy" spasm had passed off I in- 
quired where I could find a drink of water. " Thar 
war plenty water in the spring," she said, but added 
that " she rec'on'd she had some buttermilk in the 



254 B O R D E K K E M I N I S C E A' C E S. 

spring - house, an' she 'low'd that buttermilk war a 
heap more Avettiuer nur water." 

In accordance with the suggestion, I drank copi- 
ously of the liquid, and felt so much refreshed after 
it that I cheerfully indorse her opinion in regard to 
the relative " wettin' " qualities of the two fluids. 

SAM HOUSTON. 

Speakhig of buttermilk i-eminds me of an anec- 
dote I once heard of General Sam Houston, who was 
a lover of this lacteal beverage, as many of the good 
housewives in the Southwest can vouch for. 

Before the annexation of Texas to the Union, and 
when it was an independent republic, with the gen- 
eral at its head as President, the incident I am about 
to relate occurred. 

But, in order to get a proper appreciation of my 
story, a few observations upon the anomalous condi- 
tion of society in that then remote and wild region 
may not be malapropos. 

The inducements held out by the Mexican govern- 
ment for the early colonization of Texas brought to- 
gether men from every state in the Union, and, in- 
deed, from almost every part of the civilized world ; 
and it is perfectly safe to assert that probably no oth- 
er locality in the universe M-as ever populated by a 



Boeder Reminiscences. 255 

community made up of elements more heterogeneous 
than this. It is very true that there were some high- 
ly intelligent and respectable people among them, 
but the great mass of the early pioneers were of a 
very different stamp. 

Men of desperate fortunes, who had nothing to 
lose and every thing to gain, went there. Ambitious 
adventurers, who souglit excitement and preferment, 
here found a rich field for the indulgence of their 
proclivities. Besides these, an army of refugees from 
justice, under assumed names, here found a secure 
retreat from the pale of the law. Such, in short, 
was the- population that declared the independence 
of the republic, and placed General Houston at the 
helm of its government. 

There never was much unanimity of sentiment 
among the early politicians of Texas, and even Gen- 
eral Houston had a powerful party arrayed against 
him, which for the most part was made np of highly 
turljulent and reckless elements — men who gave ex- 
pression to their opinions regardless of consequen- 
ces, and frequently enforced them with their bowie- 
knives and revolvers, in total defiance of law or or- 
der. 

The non-enforcement of law rather served to en- 
courage this disordered condition of society, and it 



256 Border Kkminisoknces. 

was seldom a jury was impanneled that dared to cou- 
\dct a man of murder, even when the cnme had been 
perpetrated with the most diabolical malice prepense. 
These same audacious spirits did not, however, for a 
moment hesitate to enforce Lynch-law upon a man 
for stealing a horse, or for putting his brand upon a 
neighbor's calf or colt. 

The consequence of this was that individuals often 
took the law into their own hands as the only reme- 
dy for the redressment of their grievances, so that 
but few of the early settlers who remained in the 
country any great length of time escaped a duel or a 
street encounter, and many lives were sacrificed in 
this way. It is, therefore, a matter of surprise that 
General Houston, who continually occupied exalted 
political positions during a long period, should have 
escaped entanglement in those broils. 

Whatever his enemies may have said of him, his 
friends regarded him as a man of most indomitable 
firmness of purpose, and one whose moral and phys- 
ical courage were bej'Ond question. General Jack- 
son, who was his firm friend through life, pronounced 
him a brave man and gallant soldier. Indeed, he 
received a severe wound in the arm while fighting 
under General Jackson at the battle of the " Horse- 
shoe." Nevertheless, it is said that, upon several oc- 



Border Reminiscences. 257 

casions, he declined meeting adversaries in duels 
upon the ground that it was unbecoming in him to 
tight " down hill ;" in other words, that he did not 
choose to enter the lists with antagonists who were 
far beneath him in position ; which reminds me of 
General Putnam's response to a pugnacious individ- 
ual who sent him a challenge, viz., that " every body- 
knew very well old Put was no coward, and was not 
obliged to fight e\ery d — d rascal that came along, 
either." 

An incident in the eventful life of General Hous- 
ton, which occurred in Tennessee before he went to 
the Cherokee country, affords a cogent argument in 
refutation of the charge of cowardice which some of 
liis calumniators have brought against liim. 

At a large political gathering in Nashville about 

the time he was running for governor, a Mr. I g 

sent him a challenge through the hands of the noted 
John Smith, T. 

Now this man Smith, of whose bloody career I 
sliall liave occasion to speak more fully at another 
time, was not looked upon with much favor in that 
community ; and after tlie general had read the doc- 
ument, he deliberately, and in presence of the whole 
assembly, while he looked Smith directly in the eyes, 
tore it into pieces and daslied it upon the ground, at 



258 BoKDEK Keminiscences. 

the same* time remarking that "he was not in tlie 
habit of receiving challenges through the hands of 
assassins." 

The observation was heard by the crowd, and was 

taken up by General W e, who, if not a friend 

of the challenger, did not entertain kindly feelings for 
Houston, and he said, in a loud tone of voice, " The 
gentleman seems to be particularly fastidious to-day. 
I wonder whether he would condescend to accept a 
meeting with any man — for instance, with myself ?" 

This remark, which was apparently addressed to 
the people, was of course intended for the ears of 
Houston. He heard it, and promptly replied, " You 
had better try me, sir ?" 

I shall only add that he did try him, and with his 
life paid the penalty of his indiscretion. 

As many are not familiar with the early history 
of this remarkable individual, I take this occasion to 
observe that he was a blacksmith by trade, and re- 
ceived but little education during his boyhood, but 
his eminent natural abilities soon brought him into 
notice, and tlie happy faculty which he possessed of 
ingratiating himself into the favor and confidence of 
those with whom he came in contact soon gained 
him many friends, and he was at a very early age 
sent to Consjress fi-om his native state. 



BoRDKR Reminiscences. 259 

His tall, erect, and biglily graceful and dignified 
bearing, united with great suavity of address, and 
agreeable social qualities, soon made him compan- 
ions at Washington, and he was regarded as one of 
the most promising young politicians of that day. 

It is said that certain mutual friends were very de- 
sirous about this time of bringing about a meeting 
with the rising young politician and a vei"y beautiful 
and aristocratic belle of Baltimore, Miss E, y. 

To effect this Mr. gave an elegant banquet, 

to which Houston, the young lady alluded to, and 
many of the elite of the city were invited, and it was 
arranged that at an opportune moment during the 
entertainment Houston's name should be alluded to, 

and that Mr. M 1, an older member of Congress 

from Tennessee, should take that as a text for eulo- 
gizing his young colleague in such exalted terms as 
to attract the attention of the ambitious female sprig 
of aristocracy. 

Accordingly, when the proper moment arrived, his 
old friend, wlio was from the rural districts himself, 
and had but little sympathy with aristocracy, said, 
" Is it Sam Houston you are spealdng of ? Why, 
I've known the young rascal ever since he came 
barefooted over the mountains to work at the black- 
smithmc: business in our county ; and when I first 



260 BoRDKIi ilKMlNI8CKNCK9. 

met him he had cracks in his heels as wide as your 
fingers. I tell you he is a self-made man, and he's 
bound to make his mark." 

It may readily be conjectured that this encomium, 
instead of elevating the youthful hero in the estima- 
tion of the haughty belle, only served to render him 
obnoxious to her. The acquaintance proceeded no 
farther. 

After this the general was Governor of Tennessee, 
and subsequently he passed a year or two among the 
Cherokees, and from thence went to Texas, where he 
founded a republic, and there is no question in my 
mind about his personal bravery. Moreover, he was 
an excellent judge of character, and probably no 
man ever lived who ])0ssessed a happier faculty for 
extricating himself from a critical position than he. 

With these somewhat discursive preliminary- di- 
gressions I proceed witli my narrative. 

At the period alluded to, the general was in the 
daily habit of walking out to a fann-house near Aus- 
tin, where he invariably received a cordial welcome, 
and never failed to get his favorite buttermilk bev- 
erage. 

The proprietor of the establishment, Mr. W d, 

felt proud of entertaining so distinguished a guest, 
especially as he regarded liim one of his stanchest 



Border Reminiscences. 261 

friends, and he took every pains to induce him to 
repeat his visits. 

Now it so occurred upon a certain occasion, when 
politics ran high and factious animosities were ex- 
ceedingly acrimonious, that "VV d was nominated 

for an important oflSce, and, being very desirous to 
secure the election, he frequently counseled with his 
old friend Houston in regard to the best method of 
conducting the canvass. 

The old veteran of San Jacinto, with all apparent 
sincerity, entered most cordially into the views and 
interests of his friend, and cheerfully gave him the 
benefit of his matured political experience, and there- 
by inspired W d with full confidence in the ulti- 
mate success of his election, aud every thing pro- 
gressed satisfactorily, until one day W d received 

a letter from a friend, inclosing another wi'itten by 
General Houston to the opposing candidate, in which 

he expressed the opinion that W d was utterly 

unfitted to fill the position, and that every effort 
should be made to defeat him. 

Astounded at such barefaced duplicity, he put the 
letter into his pocket, and anxiously awaited the gen- 
eral's next visit, firmly resolved to call him to account 
for it. 

He arrived as usual, and seemed in excellent spir- 



262 Border Reminiscences. 

its, accosting Mrs. W d with " Good morning, 

lady. I hope I find you very well to-day ; and, pray, 
how are the darling little ones this morning, lady? 

And, my dear old friend W d, how does it go 

with you to-day ? It seems to me you are not look- 
ing as cheerful as usual. I trust nothing has gone 
amiss." 

W d responded very coldly to this hearty greet- 
ing, and, after the general was seated, asked him 
what he would think of a man who should come to 
his house every day, profess to be his best friend, 
partake of his hospitality, and receive numberless 
other favors, and after all this he should discover 
that this man was his direst enemy. 

" Do you ask me, W d, what I would think of 

such a heartless wretch ? Wliy, sir, my candid opin- 
ion is that ingratitude is a crime of the deepest tur- 
pitude, and 1 have no hesitation in saying that such 
a man should be hung. I say he sliould be hung, 
sir. Shooting would be too light a punishment for 
such an infamous traitor." 

W d then produced the letter, and asked his 

guest if he would do him the favor to read it. Aft- 
er feigning to read it over very carefully, and per- 
ceiving that it would be useless to deny its authen- 
ticity, he turned up his eyes with a most puzzled and 



Border Reminiscences. 



263 



bewildered expression, saying at the same time (in 
soliloquy), " That handwriting certainly resembles 
mine, but if I wrote it, how does it happen that I 
can not remember any thing about it ? That's what 
bothers me." 




HOUSTON BOTHERED. 



After a moment's reflection, he went up to W d 

with the letter open in his left hand, placed it before 
his eyes, and significantly shaking the index finger 
of his right hand at the paper, said, 

"Who would suppose that I could ever have got 
so beastly drunk as to write such an absurd letter? 
You. mv dear W d, know me too well to believe 



264 Border Reminiscences. 

for an instant that this letter expresses my real senti- 
ment. On the contrary, if I was called npon pub- 
licly to declare my candid opinion in floral language 
regarding the relative merits of the two candidates, 
I should most unhesitatingly and most unqualifiedly 
exclaim that you were decidedly ^])oj>lar^ but that 
your opponent was emphatically a ' lo-cuss.'' " 

Almost every page in the early history of Texas is 
replete with thrilling narrations of Indian barbari- 
ties, of desperate personal encounters, and of heroic 
struggles of Anglo-Saxons to wrest from Mexicans 
and savages the land of their nativity and graves of 
their ancestors. 

Even after the Spaniards were subdued or driA-en 
out of the country and their leader captured, the 
most populous districts were not exempt from fre- 
quent predatory incursions from the warlike and hos- 
tile Comanches. 

Those ubiquitous freebooters of the Plains, mount- 
ed upon fleet and enduring ponies, would, without 
the slightest previous warning, swoop down upon a 
settlement with lightning velocity, and before the in- 
habitants could rally for defense they were away 
again, leaving fire, desolation, and death in their 
bloody tracks. 

To guard against these sudden i-aids the people 



Border Reminiscences. 265 

were forced to remain continually on the alert, with 
rifles and revolvers by their sides both day and night. 

This condition of society brought before the pub- 
lic many bold spirits, who otherwise would probably 
liave remained unknown, and who, by their keen in- 
stincts in combating their wily foes, and by their in- 
trepid deeds of personal valor, rendered their names 
immortal uj)on the catalogue of border heroes. 

Such men as Jack Hays, Ben M'Culloch, Walker, 
Cook, etc., whose memories are held in the highest 
veneration by their sm*viving contemporaries, ap- 
peared at this eventful era, and they were intrusted 
with the command of parties that patroled the outer 
line of settlements under the appellation of " Ran- 
gers." 

In the execution of this hazardous duty they had 
many bloody encounters with the savages, and were 
often victorious, but occasionally they were overpow- 
ered by numbers, and either killed or forced to flee 
to the settlements for protection or re-enforcements. 

Upon a certain occasion, one of these parties, 
which had been scouting upon the head waters of 
the Brazos and Trinity, was driven in by the advance 
of a powerful war-party of Comanches, and the di- 
rection from which they were approaching induced 
the belief among the knowing borderers tliat tliey 

M 



266 BoKDER IIeminiscemces. 

designed striking Nacogdoches, on the Angelina Riv- 
er. To meet the emergency, a large force of mihtia 
was hastily called out, with orders to assemble at Ka- 
cogdoches, under the command of General Rusk, the 
then Secretary of War. 

They were speedily enrolled, and remained some 
considerable time e/i- bivouac awaiting tidings of the 
Indians, but no enemy appeared ; and at length the 
President went there himself, and believing the dan- 
ger over, he at once ordered the disbandment of the 
ti'oops. 

Many of the men who had suffered from Indian 
depredations were exceedingly anxious for an oppor- 
tunity to take revenge, and the disbandment was by 
no means a popular measure with them. Moreover, 
they did not hesitate to give free expression to their 
sentiments upon the subject, even to denouncing in 
the most unqualified terms the action of the chief 
magistrate. 

On the day following the " mustering out," as Gen- 
erals Houston and Rusk, accompanied by the Adju- 
tant General, M'Cloud, were promenading arm in 
arm through the streets of the towni, which were 
swarming with the disbanded volunteers, many of 
them collected in groups discussing the propriety of 
the President's order, their attention was called to a 



Boeder Reminiscences. 267 

stalwart young backwoodsman, dressed from head to 
foot in buckskin, who had evidently taken several 
drinlvs of whisky, and was loudly and vehemently 
expatiating to those around him, and making fre- 
quent, and not very complimentary, use of " Sam 
Houston's" name. 

General Houston, who could not avoid hearing 
some of these allusions, turned to his companions 
and said, " It appears to me, General Rusk, that you 
do not preserve very good discipline in your com- 
mand." 

" They have been disbanded, and I have nothing 
farther to do with them," replied the general. "More- 
over," he added, " I am of the opinion that it would 
not be so easy a matter to stop their talking, even if 
they were still in service." 

" Come along with me, gentlemen, and I'll show 
you how to quell such disgraceful exhibitions," said 
Houston. 

The others merely observed that " they would like 
to witness the performance," and followed into the 
packed crowd, which made way for the distinguished 
personages, enabling them to penetrate to the side of 
the noisy orator, who still continued his vociferous 
harangue, accompanied by the most violent gesticu- 
lations and contortions of liis arms and bodv. 



268 Boeder Reminiscences. 

Walking deliberately up to him, and laying his 
hand upon his shoulder, the general, in a mild but 
emphatic tone, said, " Are you not aware, my young 
friend, that you are disturbing the peace and quiet 
of this respectable community, and that too, sir, in 
presence of the President of the Republic ?" 

The fellx)w suddenly ceased speaking at this un- 
expected interruption, and, turning upon the huge 
individual who addressed him (he did not know the 
general, it seemed), he, in a very low but firm tone 
of voice, while his eyes flashed fire, asked , " Are you 
Sam Houston, the President ?" 

" Yes, my young friend, I have the honor to bear 
that distinguished cognomen." 

The young giant then drew back a step or two, 
and, concentrating all his powerful energies into the 
effort, sprang like an infuriated tiger upon the aston- 
ished general, knocking him down, and at the same 
time exclaiming, " Well, d — n you, old Houston, you 
are the very man I wanted to see." He was imme- 
diately pulled off by the spectators, and proceeded 
with his interrupted declamation as if nothing had 
happened, while the general retired to his lodgings, 
fully convinced that his friend Rusk was no disci- 
plinarian. 

At one time, while Generals Houston and Rusk 



Border Reminiscences. 269 

were at Austin, it is said that a friend of the latter 
reported to him that General Houston had, upon 
more than one occasion, denounced him in the se- 
verest terms, and his fi-iends were unanimous in the 
opinion that his reputation and honor demanded that 
the insult should be noticed. He did not, however, 
pay much attention to the matter at first, but at 
length it became so notorious that he called on 
Houston and required an explanation. 

As soon as the object of his visit was proclaimed 
General Houston burst into a violent fit of laughter, 
and going up to Rusk, placed his hand upon his 
shoulder, saying, 

" It seems to me, my dear Rusk, that you are un- 
necessarily exercised this morning. You must be 
conscious of the fact that we sometimes chastise our 
children ; and are we not permitted upon certain 
occasions to inflict upon our wives an affectionate 
pinch ? Yet this does not signify that we love them 
any the less. I would ask you, then, if a man can't 
curse his best friend without his taking offense, who 
in the name of common sense can he curse, I should 
like to know ?" 

The general acceded to this paradoxical simile 
with a questionable grace, and suggested to his friend 
tliat in future he would thank him to dispense his 



27o BoKUER Reminiscences, 

anatheiiiatical tokens of affection in a little more 
private manner than lie had been in the habit of 
doing. 

STORV OF MRS. L 'S CAPTURE AND ESCAPE. 

The verity of the somewhat paradoxical adage 
that " truth is sometimes stranger than fiction," was 
never more strikingly presented to my mind than 
upon an occasion when listening to a detailed ac- 
count of the capture by the Comanches of a woman 
upon the Texas border, and the unparalleled achieve- 
ments, sufferings, and fortitude connected with her 
captivity and her subsequent escape therefrom. 

In order that the reader may get a full under- 
standing and appreciation of the facts as they oc- 
curred, a few explanatory observations npon the pe- 
culiar features of the country where the scenes were 
enacted, and tlie character of its population, seem in- 
dispensable. 

Before the inhabitants of Texas surrendered the 
sovereignty of their republic by contributing their 
rising "lone star" emblem to swell and emblazon 
the constellation of the glorious Union galaxy, and, 
indeed, for many years previous to the achievement 
of their independence from Mexican rule, they were 
continually subjected to tlio merciless and bloody in- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 271 

cursions of those barbarous freebooters of the plains, 
the Comanches and Kiowas, who have to this day 
kept up their outrages upon the border occupants of 
that state, in absohite defiance of all the efforts of 
our government to prevent them. 

They have repeatedly been informed by our au- 
thorities that Texas has become incorporated into 
the Union, that we are now one and the same na- 
tion, and that they would not be allowed to make 
any discrimination between the people of the two 
sections. Yet they do not seem to comprehend the 
existing relations, and the antagonistic attitude as- 
sumed by Texas toward the United States during 
the Rebellion, which the Indians were perfectly cog- 
nizant of, only served to confirm their previous im- 
pressions that there was no real national unity es- 
tablished between us. 

These nomads range over a vast extent of country 
about the waters of the Arkansas and Red Rivers, 
hundreds of miles removed fi'om all w^hite settle- 
ments, and in this unfrequented district they leave 
their women and children while absent upon pro- 
tracted raids into Texas and Mexico. 

In the execution of their atrocious ravages they 
are always well mounted, and pass stealthily along 
outside of the populated sections of the oountrv. 



272 Border Reminiscences. 

until they learn from their scouts when a favorable 
opportunity offers for the accomplishment of their 
purposes, when, like tigers pouncing upon their prey, 
they swoop in upon their unwary victims, murdering 
and scalping the men, and making captive the wom- 
en and children, whom, with their booty, they carry 
hurriedly away to their distant haunts, where it is 
impossible to track or pm*sue them. 

The chronicles of the wars between the early col- 
onists of New England and the aborigines abound in 
thrilling narrations of heroic deeds and sufferings, 
of miraculous escapes from torture and the stake, 
as well as of the marvelous fortitude and courage 
evinced upon many occasions by the women of that 
eventful era; but I have yet to learn any thing, 
either from history or romance, that impressed me 
as being more remarkable or more deserving of com- 
mendation than the signal exploit of mental and 
physical valor and endurance which I am about to 
relate, and which can substantially be vouched for 
by several creditable living witnesses. 

Beyond the extreme outer line of settlements in 
Western Texas, near the head waters of the Colora- 
do River, and in one of the remotest and most se- 
questered sections of that sparsely populated district, 
there lived, in 1SG7, an enterprising pioneer by the 



Border Reminiscences. 273 

name of Babb, whose besetting propensity and am- 
bition consisted in pushing his fortmies a little far- 
ther toward the setting sun than any of his neigh- 
bors, the nearest of whom, at the time specified, was 
some fifteen miles in his rear. 

This proximity did not afford him quite as much 
" elbow-room" as he w^ould have desired, for he was 
decidedly averse to human attrition, and the jostling 
consequent upon closely packed communities; but 
he was a kind and indulgent husband, and cheerful- 
ly suffered this little inconvenience for the gratifica- 
tion of his better half, who was rather more fond of 
society than himself, and objected to going any far- 
ther away from the settlements. 

The household of the borderer consisted of his 
wife, three small children, and a female friend by 

the name of L , who, having previously lost her 

husband, was passing the summer with the family. 

As this woman is the heroine of our narrative, 
and performed a conspicuous role in the exciting 
scenes I shall attempt to depict, a brief description 
of her person and characteristics seems to be apro- 
pos in this connection. 

She is represented as having been, at the period 
alluded to, about twenty-five years of age, with an 
erect and commanding presence, but possessing em- 
M 2 



274 BoKDKK Heminiscences. 

ineutly a graceful feminine person of rather less 
than medium proportions; yet she was no delicate, 
ethereal, hot -house exotic, who required constant 
shelter and protection from every unusual atmos- 
pheric asperity. On the contrary, she was a verita- 
ble type of our vigorous, self-reliant border women, 
who encounter danger or the vicissitudes of weather 
without quailing. 

Born and nurtured upon the remotest frontier, she 
inherited a robust constitution, and her active life 
in the exhilarating prairie air served to develop and 
mature into perfect synnnetry and beauty a healthy 
womanly physique, which is rarely met with in the 
impure and enervating atmosphere of the cities. 

The contour of her naturally graceful figure had 
not been squeezed and warped, b}^ those instruments 
of torture called corsets, into an outline entirely at 
variance with the inimitable model designed by the 
Almighty in his own perfect image, neither had she 
sacrificed her natural hair to the feverish, steaming 
ordeal of attaching to the back of her head a fish- 
net stuffed out with a huge coil of flax or defunct 
hair cable. She was no slave to such senseless and 
disgusting mandates of fashion, and suffered hei- 
long glossy locks to hang in massive waving curls 
all over her shoulders. 



Border Reminiscences. 275 

Her features were regular and classic, and the 
glances from lier jet-black eyes, surmounted by ex- 
quisitely penciled brows, were, when she was excited, 
as vivid and piercing as the dazzling scintillations 
from calcium lights. 

Her complexion did not carry that pallid, sickly 
hue so characteristic of city women, neither had she 
been inducted into the mysteries of rouge, cosmetics, 
or other appliances of the toilet, for her cheeks re- 
quired no such artificial adornment. By constant 
impact with the salubrious prairie breezes they had 
become tinged with a shade of rich brown, and, 
when under the influence of excitement or exer- 
cise, the rapid pulsations of crimson pigment, which 
flashed from her heart beneath her trans]3arent skin, 
rendered her complexion more beautiful than any 
thing within the power of art. 

Her costume was designed and made for comfort 
and use, without regard to the arbitrary dictates of 
fashion. There were no elaborate puckered frills, 
flounces, furbelows, or dromedary-like humps to load 
down or deform her person, nor was the crown of 
her head surmounted by a Tyi-olese doll's hat, yet 
the toiLt ensemhle of her limited wardrobe was come- 
ly and appropriate. 

Besides her other j)ersoiial attractions she is said 



276 Border Reminiscences. 

to have possessed a large clement of vivacious, social 
honhomie — a spontaneous Di Vernon-like abandon, 
which attracted and fascinated all who came witliin 
the sphere of its influence. 

She probably seldom, if ever, during the entire 
course of her life, rode in a carriage ; and the only 
means of locomotion familiar to her, aside from that 
bestowed upon her by the Creator, was upon horse- 
back. 

At an early age she had been taught to ride, and 
in after-life it had been one of her chief sources of 
pleasure to mount her horse in the cool of the morn- 
ing, and gallop away for miles over the verdure-clad 
expanse of the plains, where the spicy aroma from 
an ocean of fi-agrant flowers permeated the entire 
atmosphere with a pungent and exhilarating per- 
fume, and where her free, independent, and fearless 
nature had ample scope. 

In the saddle she felt perfectly self-confident ; and 
while dashing at full speed over the gentle undula- 
tions of the prairie upon her favorite horse, her long 
locks streaming in unconfined luxuriance in the 
breeze, and her lithe, supple person yielding in cen- 
taur-like unison with every movement, pulsation, and 
breath, of the generous animal that shared her en- 
thusiasm, she presented an equestrian model of be- 
witching bcautv and grace. 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 277 

The cares, perplexities, and luxuries of civilized 
society were unknown to her, yet she was content- 
ed and happy ; and here she would probably have 
passed the remainder of her days had nothing occur- 
red to break in upon the monotony of her career. 

But, alas ! like the capricious mutations of all oth- 
er human calculations, the current of her peaceful 
and innocent avocations and pastimes was destined 
soon to encounter a most abrupt and unforeseen in- 
terruption, the details of which will constitute the 
burden of the following narrative, which was related 
to me by the agent of the very Indians concerned, 
and may therefore be relied upon for truth and ac- 
curacy. 

Upon one bright and lovely morning in June, 1867, 
the adventurous borderer before mentioned set out 
from his home with some cattle for a distant mar- 
ket, leaving his family in possession of the ranch, 
without any male protectors from Indian marauders. 

Tliey did not, however, entertain any serious ap- 
prehensions of molestation in his absence, as no hos- 
tile Indians had as yet made their appearance in that 
locality, and every thing passed on quietly for several 
days, until one morning, while the women were busi- 
ly occupied with their domestic affairs in the house, 
the two oldest children, who were playing outside, 



278 BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

called to their mother, and informed her that some 
mounted men were approaching from the prairie. 
On looking out, she perceived, to her astonishment, 
that they were Indians coming upon the gallop, and 
already very near the house. This gave her no time 
to make arrangements for defense ; but she screamed 
to the children to run in for their lives, as she de- 
sired to bar the door, being conscious of the fact that 
the prairie warriors seldom attack a house that is 
closed, fearing, doubtless, that it may be occupied by 
armed men, who might give them an unwelcome re- 
ception. 

The children did not, however, obey the command 
of their mother, believing the strangers to be white 
men, and the door was left open. As soon as the 

alarm was given Mrs. L sprang up a ladder into 

the loft, and concealed herself in such a position that 
she could, through cracks in the floor, see all that 
passed beneath. 

Meantime the savages came up, seized and bound 
the two children outdoors, and, entering the house, 
rushed toward the young child, which the terror- 
stricken mother struggled frantically to rescue from 
their clutches ; but they were too much for her, and, 
tearing the infant from her arms, they dashed it upon 
the floor ; then seizin<r her bv the hair, they wrenclicd 



Border Reminiscences. 279 

back her head and cut her throat from ear to ear, 
putting her to death instantaneously. 

Mrs. L , who was anxiously watching their pro- 
ceedings from the loft, witnessed the fiendish trag- 
edy, and uttered an involuntaiy shriek of horror, 
which disclosed her hiding-place to the barbarians, 
and they instantly vaulted up the ladder, overpow- 
ered and tied her ; then dragging her rudely down, 
they placed her, with the two elder children, upon 
horses, and hurriedly set off to the north, leaving the 
infant child unharmed, and clasping the mangled 
corpse of its murdered parent. 

In accordance with their usual practice, they trav- 
eled as rapidly as their horses could carry them for 
several consecutive days and nights, only making oc- 
casional short halts to graze and rest their animals, 
and get a little sleep themselves, so that the unfor- 
tunate captives necessarily suffered indescribable tor- 
ture from harsh treatment, fatigue, and want of sleep 
and food. Yet they were forced by the savages to 
continue on day after day and night after night for 
many, many weary miles toward the " Staked Plain," 
crossing en route the Brazos, Wachita, Red, Cana- 
dian, and Arkansas Rivers, several of which were at 
swimming stages. 

The warriors guarded their captives very closely 



280 Boeder Reminiscences. 

until tliey had gone so great a distance from the set- 
tlements that they imagined it impossible for them 
to make their escape and find their way home, when 
they relaxed their vigilance slightly, and they were 
permitted to walk about a little within short limits 
from the bivouacs ; but they were given to under- 
stand by unmistakable pantomime that death would 
be the certain penalty of the first attempt to escape. 
In spite of this, Mrs. L , who possessed a firm- 
ness of purpose truly heroic, resolved to seize the first 
favorable opportunity to get away ; and with this 
resolution in view, she carefully observed the rela- 
tive speed and powers of endurance of the different 
horses in the party, and noted the manner in which 
they were grazed, guarded, and caught ; and upon a 
dark night, after a long, fatiguing day's ride, and 
wliile the Indians were sleeping soundly, she noise- 
lessly and cautiously crawled away from the bed of 
her young companions, who were also buried in pro- 
found slumber, and going to the pasture-ground of 
the horses, selected the best, leaped upon his back a 
la gargo?!, with only a lariat around his neck, and, 
without saddle or bridle, started quietly off at a slow 
M'alk in the direction of the north star, believing 
that this course would lead her to the nearest white 
liabitations. As soon as she had s^one out of hearing 



Border Reminiscences. 281 

from the bivouac, without detection or pursuit, she 
accelerated the speed of the horse into a trot, then to 
a gallop, and urged him rapidly forward during the 
entire night. 

At dawn of day on the following morning she 
rose upon the crest of an eminence overlooking a 
vast area of bald prairie country, where, for the first 
time since leaving the Indians, she halted, and, turn- 
ing round, tremblingly cast a rapid glance to the 
rear, expecting to see the savage blood-hounds in 
eager pursuit upon her track; but, to her great joy 
and relief, not a single indication of a living object 
could be discerned within the extended scope of her 
vision. She breathed more freely now, but still did 
not feel safe from pursuit ; and the total absence of 
all knowledge of her whereabouts in the midst of 
the wide expanse of dreary prairie around her, with 
the uncertainty of ever again looking upon a fi'iend- 
ly face, caused her to realize most vividly her own 
weakness and entire dej^endence upon the Almighty, 
and she raised her thoughts to Heaven in fervent 
supplication. 

The majesty and sublimity of the stupendous 
works of the great Author and Creator of the uni- 
verse, when contrasted with the insignificance of the 
powers and acliievements of a vivified atom of eartli 



282 Jjoedek IIkmini^cences. 

modeled into human form, are probably imder no 
circumstances more strikingly exhibited and felt 
than when one becomes bewildered and lost in the 
almost limitless amplitude of our great North Amer- 
ican " pampas," where not a single footmark or oth- 
er trace of man's presence or action can be discov- 
ered, and where the solitary wanderer is startled at 
the sound even of his own voice. 

The sensation of loneliness and despondency re- 
sulting from the appalling consciousness of being 
really and absolutely lost, with the realization of the 
fact that but two or three of the innumerable differ- 
ent points of direction embraced within the circle of 
the horizon will serve to extricate the bewildered 
victim from the awful doom of death by starvation, 
and in entire ignorance as to which of these partic- 
ular directions should be followed, without a single 
road, trail, tree, bush, or other landmark to guide or 
direct — the effects upon tlie imagination of this for- 
midable array of disheartening circumstances can be 
fully appreciated only by those who have been per- 
sonally subjected to their influence. 

A faint perception of the intensity of the mental 
torture experienced by these unfortunate victims 
may, however, be conjectured from the fact that 
their senses at such junctures become so complotoly 



Border Reminiscences. 283 

absorbed aiid overpowered by the cheerless prospect 
before them that they oftentimes wander about in a 
state of temporary lunacy, without the power of ex- 
ercising the slightest volition of the reasoning facul- 
ties. 

Instances of such mental alienation, strange as 
it may appear, are by no means uncommon ; and I 
have myself seen several persons w^hose minds for 
days, after having been lost and found, were greatly 
deflected from the channels of sanity. 

The inflexible spirit of the heroine of this narra- 
tive did not, however, . succumb in the least to the 
imminent perils of the situation in which she found 
herself, and her purposes were carried out with a 
determination as resolute and unflinching as those 
of the Israelites in their protracted pilgrimage 
through the wilderness, and without the guidance 
of pillars of fire and cloud. 

The aid of the sun and the broad leaves of the pi- 
lot-plant by day, with the light of Polaris by night, 
enabled her to pursue her undeviating course to the 
north with as much accuracy as if she had been 
guided by the magnetic needle. 

She continued to urge forward the generous steed 
she bestrode, who, in obedience to the will of his 
ridor, coursed swiftlv on Jiour after hour durinir tlie 



284 Border Keminiscences. 

greater part of the day without the least apparent 
labor or exhaustion. 

It was a contest for life and liberty that she had 
undertaken, a struggle in which she resolved to tri- 
umph or perish in the effort; and still the brave- 
hearted woman pushed on, until at length her horse 
began to show signs of exhaustion, and as the shad- 
ows of evening began to appear he became so much 
jaded that it was difiicult to coax or force him into 
a trot, and the poor woman began to entertain seri- 
ous apprehensions that he might soon give out alto- 
gether and leave her on foot. 

At this time she was herself so much wearied and 
in want of sleep that she would have given all slie 
possessed to have been allowed to dismount and rest ; 
but, unfortunately for her, those piratical quadrupeds 
of the plains, the wolves, advised by their carnivor- 
ous instincts that she and her exhausted horse might 
soon fall an easy sacrifice to their voracious appe- 
tites, followed upon her track, and came howling in 
great numbers around her, so that she dared not set 
her feet upon the ground, fearing they would devour 
her ; and her only alternative was to continue urg- 
ing the poor beast to struggle forward during the 
dark and gloomy hours of the long night, until at 
length she became so exhausted that it was only with 



Boeder Reminiscences. 285 

the utmost effort of her iron will that she was ena- 
bled to preserve her balance upon the horse. 

Meantime the ravenous pack of wolves, becoming 
more and more emboldened and impatient as the 
speed of her horse relaxed, approached nearer and 
nearer, until, with their eyes flashing fire, they 
snapped savagely at the heels of the terrified liorse, 
while at the same time they kept up their hideous 
concert like the bowlings of ten thousand fiends 
from the infernal regions. 

Every element in her nature was at this fearful 
juncture taxed to its greatest tension, and impelled 
her to concentrate the force of all her remaining en- 
ergies in urging and coaxing forward the wearied 
horse, until, finally, he was barely able to reel and 
stagger along at a slow walk ; and when she was 
about to give up in despair, expecting eveiy instant 
that the animal would drop down dead under her, 
the welcome light of day dawned in the eastern hor- 
izon, and imparted a more cheerful and encouraging 
influence over her, and, on looking around, to her 
great joy, there were no wolves in sight. 

She now, for the first time in about thirty-six 
hours, dismounted ; and knowing that sleep would 
soon overpower her, and that the horse, if not se- 
cured, might escape or wander away, and there be- 



280 Bokdp:k Reminiscences. 

ing no tree or other object to which he could be 
fastened, she with great j)resence of mind tied one 
end of the long lariat to his neck, and with the oth- 
er end around her waist, dropped down upon the 
ground into a deep sleep, while the famished horse 
eagerly cropped the herbage around her. 

She was unconscious as to the duration of her 
slumber, but it must have been very protracted to 
have compensated the demands of nature for the 
exhaustion induced by her prodigious ride. 

Her sleep was sweet, and she dreamed of happi- 
ness and home, losing all consciousness of her actual 
situation until she was suddenly startled and aroused 
by the pattering sound of horses' feet beating the 
earth on every side. 

Springing to her feet in the greatest possible 
alarm, she found herself surrounded by a large band 
of savages, who commenced dancing around, flouting 
their war-clubs in frightful proximity to her head 
while ffivino; utterance to the most diabolical shouts 
of exultation, 

Iler exceedingl}^ weak and debilitated condition 
at this time, resulting from long abstinence from 
food and unprecedented mental and physical trials, 
had wrought upon her nervous system to such an 
extent that she imagined the moment of her dcatli 
had arrived, and fainted. 



Border Keaiinisoences. 287 

The Indians then approached, and, after she re- 
vived, placed her again upon a horse and rode away 
with her to their camp, which fortunately was not 
far distant. They then turned their prisoner over 
to the squaws, who gave her food and put her to 
bed; but it was several days before she was suffi- 
ciently recovered to be able to walk about the 
camp. 

She learned that her last captors belonged to 
" Lone Wolf's" band of Kiowas. 

Although these Indians treated her with more 
kindness than the Comanches had done, yet she did 
not for an instant entertain the thought that they 
would ever voluntarily release her from bondage; 
neither had she the remotest conception of her pres- 
ent locality, or of the direction or distance to any 
white settlement ; but she had no idea of remaining 
a slave for life, and resolved to make her escape the 
first practicable moment that offei-ed. 

During the time she remained with these Indians 
a party of men went away to the north, and were 
absent six days, bringing with them, on their return, 
some ears of green corn. She knew the prairie 
tribes never planted a seed of any description, and 
was therefore confident the party had visited a wliite 
settlement, and that it was not over three days' jour- 



288 BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

iiey distant. This was encouraging intelligence to 
lier, and she anxiously bided her time to depart. 

Late one night, after all had become hushed and 
quiet throughout the camp, and every thing seemed 
auspicious for the consummation of her pui-poses, 
she stole carefully away from her bed, crept softly 
out to the herd of horses, and, after liaving caught 
and saddled one, was in the act of mounting, when 
a number of dogs rushed out after her, and by their 
barking created such a disturbance among the In- 
dians that she was forced, for the time, to forego 
her designs, and crawl hastily back to her lodge. 

On a subsequent occasion, however, fortune fa- 
vored her. She secured an excellent horse, and rode 
away in the direction from which she had seen the 
Indians returning to camp with the green corn. Un- 
der the certain guidance of the sun and stars, she 
was enabled to pursue a direct bearing; and after 
three consecutive days of rapid riding, anxiety, fa- 
tigue, and hunger, she arrived upon the border of a 
large river, flowing directly across her track. The 
stream was swollen to the top of its banks ; the wa- 
ter coursed like a torrent through its channel, and 
she feared her horse might not be able to stem the 
powerful current; but, after surmounting the nu- 
merous perils and hardslii])S she had already en- 



BoRDEK Reminiscences. 289 

countei'ed, the dauntless woman was not to be turned 
aside from her inflexible purpose by this formidable 
obstacle, and she instantly dashed into the foaming 
torrent, and by dint of encouragement and punish- 
ment forced her horse through the stream, and 
landed safely upon the opposite bank. 

After giving her horse a few moments' rest, she 
again set forward, and had ridden but a short dis- 
tance, when, to her inexpressible astonishment and 
delight, she struck a broad and well-beaten wagon- 
road, the first and only evidence or trace of civiliza- 
tion she had seen since leaving her home in Texas. 

Up to this joyful moment the indomitable inflex- 
ibility of purpose of our heroine had not faltered for 
an instant, neither had she suffered the slightest de- 
spondency, in view of the terrible array of disheart- 
ening circumstances that had continually confronted 
her ; but when she realized the hopeful prospect be- 
fore her of a speedy escape from the reach of her 
barbarous captors, and a reasonable certainty of an 
earl}^ reunion with jjcople of her own sympathizing 
i"ace, the feminine elements of her nature prepon- 
derated, her stoical fortitude yielded to the delight- 
ful anticipation, and her joy was intensified and 
confirmed by seeing at this moment a long train of 
wagon? approaching o\-er the distant prairie. 



290 BoKDEK Reminiscences. 

The spectacle overwhelmed her with ecstasy, and 
she w^ept tears of joy while offering up sincere and 
heartfelt thanks to the Almighty for delivering her 
from a bondage more dreadful than death. 

She then proceeded on until she met the wagons 
in charge of Mr. Eobert Bent, whom she entreated 
to give her food instantly, as she was in a state bor- 
dering upon absolute starvation. lie kindly com- 
plied with her request, and after the ci-avings of her 
appetite had been appeased he desired to gratify his 
curiosity, which had been not a little excited at the 
unusual exhibition of a beautiful w'hite woman ap- 
pearing alone in that wdld country, riding upon an 
Indian saddle, with no covering on her head save 
her long natural hair, which w-as hanging loosely and 
disorderedly about her shoulders, while her attire 
was sadly in need of repairs. Accordingly, he in- 
quired of her where she lived, to which she replied, 
" In Texas." Mr. B. gave an incredulous shake of 
his head at this response, remarking at the same time 
that he thought she must be mistaken, as Texas hap- 
pened to be situated some five or six hundred miles 
distant. She reiterated the assurance of her state- 
ment, and described to him briefly the leading inci- 
dents attending her capture and escape ; but still he 
was inclined to doubt, believing that she miglit pos- 
siblv be insane. 



Border Reminiscences. 291 

He iuformed her that the river she had just cross- 
ed was the Arkansas, and tliat she was then on the 
old Santa Fe road, about fifteen miles west of Big 
Turkey Creek, where she would find the most re- 
mote frontier house. Then, after thanking him for 
his kindness, she bade him adieu, and started away 
in a walk toward the settlements, while he continued 
his journey in the opposite direction; but he still 
followed the exit of the remarkable apparition with 
his eyes until she was several hundred yards distant, 
when he observed her throw one of her feet over 
the horse's back a la femme smtvage, and, casting a 
graceful kiss toward him with her hand, she set off 
on a gallop, and soon disappeared over the crest of 
the prairies. 

On the arrival of Mr. Bent at Fort Zara, he called 
upon the Indian agent, and reported the circum- 
stance of meeting Mrs. L , and, by a singular 

coincidence, it so happened that the agent was at 
that very time holding a council with the chiefs of 
the identical band of Indians from whom she had 
last escaped, and they had just given a full history 
of the entire affair, which seemed so improbable to 
the agent that he was not disposed to credit it until 
he received its confirmation through Mr. Bent. He 
at once dispatched a man to follow the woman and 



292 BoKDKR Reminiscences. 

conduct lier to Council Grove, where she was kind- 
ly received, and remained for some time, hoping 
through the efforts of the agents to gain intelligence 
of the two children she had left with the Comau- 
ches, as she desired to take them back to their fatlier 
in Texas; but no tidings were gained for a long 
while. Meantime she formed the acquaintance of 
a man at Council Grove whom, as I understood, she 
married, and, for aught I know, may be there yet. 
Wherever she is, I most heartily wish her all possi- 
ble happiness. 

The two captive children were, as the agent in- 
formed me, ransomed at a subsequent date, and sent 
home to their father. 

It will readily be seen, by a reference to the map 

of the country over which Mrs. L passed, that 

the distance from the place of her capture to the 
point where she struck the Arkansas River could 
not have been short of about five hundred miles, 
and the greater part of tliis immense expanse of 
desert plain she traversed alone, without seeing a 
single civilized human habitation. 

If any other woman, either in ancient or modern 
times, has performed as signal an equestrian achieve- 
ment as this, I have 3'et to Icani it. 



Boeder Reminiscences. 293 



CHAPTER VIII. 

West Point IMilitary Academy. — Cadet Brown's Eccentricities. — 
Decapitating Trofessor Z K . — A Conflagration. — Court- 
martial. — Cadet K . — Excused from Duty. — Shirt Collars 

down. — Rejiorting to the Superintendent. — Wearing the Unifoim. 
— "'Touch oii" Thompson. " 

WSST POINT MILITARY ACADEMY. 

The pupils of the Military Academy at West 
Point are appointed from every congressional dis- 
trict in the United States, and from widely sepa- 
rated geographical sections, between the inhabitants 
of which there was rarely any intercourse at the 
time I was a member of the corps of cadets, which 
was before railroads were constructed, and when it 
required nearly a month of wearisome traveling to 
make the overland journey from Xew York to St. 
Louis or New Orleans. It will readily be under- 
stood that a new class arriving at the Academy dur- 
ing that period, with all their diversities of garb, di- 
alects, education, and other local peculiarities, would 
present a most heterogeneous assemblage, and that 
it would require a vigorous application of discipline, 
accompanied l)y a good deal of disc^ordant social at- 



2*J4 BORDEK liEMIiS'lSCENCES. 

trition and some hard knocks, before the asperities 
of these incongruous elements would commingle, 
and the social amalgamation become blended and 
harmonized. 

Such was the case during my time, and spirited 
discussions upon the relative merits and peculiari- 
ties of the people of the different states and sections 
were of frequent occurrence among the " plebs," and 
these sectional controversies were at times so acrimo- 
nious as to lead to pugilistic encounters, but which, I 
am happy to say, rarely resulted in any thing more 
serious than a black eye or a bloody nose. 

It must be admitted, however, that, in the end, 
this sectional prejudice almost invariably yielded to 
more just and harmonious relations ; and I question 
if a school could have been found upon the face of 
the earth wherein the pupils, on receiving their di- 
plomas, entertained for each other a more sincere 
friendship, or a more ai'dent esprit du corps than 
did the graduates of West Point ; and, as a general 
rule, they manifested a high regard for law and reg- 
ulations, as well as a most exalted sense of honor ; 
l)ut here, as every where else, there were, of course, 
some exceptions to the rule. 

The familiar old adage that " boys will be boys" 
[and sometimes very refractory ones too] has held 



BoKDER Reminiscences. 295 

good ever since the world was created ; at all events, 
evidences of the fact may be traced as far back as 
the primeval days of that incorrigible youth whom 
his Maker pronounced a '■'■ mendacious vagabond^'' 
and who might possibly have turned out better had 
his earthly patriarchal progenitor, who fixed the des- 
ignation of " Cain^^ to his name, made timely appli- 
cation to his back of that salutary, persuasive insti'u- 
ment entitled " called Under these circumstances, 
the opinion is hazarded that, unless the Millennium 
interposes its regenerating influences to purify the 
flagitious nature of the human family, there is every 
reason to believe the maxim above cjuoted will con- 
tinue " apropos" to the end of time. 

Seriously speaking, I question if a college or school 
of magnitude can be found in America which does 
not contain one or more waggish boys whose pro- 
clivities for practical. joking and the perpetration of 
frolicsome i:)ranks preponderate over all other wiser 
considerations. 

The most inflexible rules of discipline, even when 
enforced to the letter, only serve to augment the in- 
veterate proneness of these " mauvais sujets^'' to in- 
dulge their besetting propensities; and, as inscrut- 
able as it may appear, neither the apprehension of 
pnnislimont and disgrace, nor the certaint}' of en- 



290 BuKDKK KkMIJS'ISCENC'KS. 

comiums and honors resulting from meritorious con- 
duct and exalted classical attainments, seem to have 
the least weight in deterring them from the exercise 
of their ruling eccentricities. 

These contumacious spirits unfortunately are, for 
the most part, endowed by nature with the brightest 
intellects, and might, by assiduous application to 
their books, attain high positions in their classes, as 
well as elevated rank in society; but, instead of 
choosing this wise part, they are prone to neglect 
their studies, set at defiance all rules and regulations, 
and thereby become marked objects of suspicion to 
professors and tutors, besides inflicting pain and sor- 
Yow upon their relatives and friends. 

The Military Academy at "West Point has prob- 
ably been less afflicted with unruly pupils than al- 
most any other educational institution in the coun- 
try, and for the manifest reason that no infraction 
of the regulations is permitted to pass unnoticed, so 
that a cadet rarely escapes the penalty attached to 
an offense. That institution has not, howevei*, been 
altogether exempt from the rule, and I have known 
several wild boys, or rather men, as they are usually 
designated, who so adroitly covered their wayward 
tracks that they were not discovered for some time, 
but they were invariably detected in the end, bronglit 
to trial, and ]Mmished. 



BoKUEK Kkminiscences. '297 

A most pernicious hallucination seems to pervade 
the minds of many of the cadets, or, rather, such was 
the fact wlien I was with them, which was, that but 
little, if any opprobrium should attach to a pupil 
who is expelled for improper conduct, provided there 
was nothing dishonorable connected with its perpe- 
tration. Indeed, some went so far in those days as 
to applaud insubordination as rather a bold and cred- 
itable thing, while, on the other hand, they enter- 
tained serious fears of being dismissed for deficien- 
cy in scholastic attainments. 

This idea, I take it, was based uj^on the popular 
maxim that "■ it is better to be a knave than a fool ;" 
but I can assure all such young gentlemen as indorse 
this fallacious notion that the public look upon those 
who have been expelled for demerit resulting from 
improper conduct with less favor than they do the 
other class. Besides, I have my doubts if a man is 
necessarily a dunce because he happens to be found 
deficient in one special brancli of his education, when 
perhaps he may excel in others. lie may not, for 
example, be able readily to grasp the more abstruse 
problems in mathematics, but may be eminently pi-o- 
ficient in literary achievements. As an evidence of 
this, I have known several young men who, after 
having failed to pass the examinations at the Mili- 
X 2 



298 BoEDEll IvEMINISCENCES. 

tarj Academy, have subsequently attained high liou- 
ors in civil professions. 

CADET BROWX'S ECCENTRICITIES. 

Nearly half a century has elapsed since I became 
a member of the corps of cadets, and numerous 
changes have taken place within the period, ])ut es- 
sentially the existing admirable regime had been in- 
augurated previous to tliat time under the efficient 
superintendence of that courteous gentleman and 
accomplished officer. Colonel Thayer, aided by the 
model soldier, Major [afterward General] Worth, 
and an able corps of professors of eminent scien- 
tific attainments, some of whom may still be found 
at their posts, veterans in the service of their country. 

Of all the events that transpired during the pe- 
riod of my academic term, none is more indelibly 
stamped upon my memory than that which I am 
about to relate in illustration of what has been as- 
serted. 

It was the arrival at the institution of a youtli, 
whom for designation I will call Brown, who was 
appointed in the class of 182-, and who hailed from 
the wilds of the then " Far West," where, like most 
other pioneers, he had become imbued with the pop- 
ular democratic dogma " f/u/t one man is as good 



BoKDEK Reminiscences, 299 

as another^'' unless, perchance, he had been " raised'''' 
on the border, when, I dare say, he would have con- 
verted the aphorism into a Milesian bovine of the 
male gender by the adjunct of the words, ''^ if not a 
little hetterP 

In other words, if any appreciable difference ex- 
isted in the merits of individual specimens of the 
"genus homo," that difference, in his estimation, 
might probably have been measured by the relative 
.spaces intervening between the locale of the persons 
and the more populous districts. 

Possessing a pre-eminently bright and vigorous 
intellect, witli a wonderfully keen appreciation of 
the ludicrous, and a perfectly self-reliant individu- 
ality, all his associations and education had been 
such as to render him thoroughly antagonistic to ar- 
istocracy in every form, and esj)ecially to that phase 
conferred by military rank and titles. 

As might have been anticipated, he did not re- 
main long at the institution before he began to 
evince a spirit of insubordination, as well as an aver- 
sion for the close application and confinement nec- 
essary to insure a respectable standing in his studies. 
The consequence was, he neglected his books, and 
passed the greater part of his time in concocting 
and perpetrating schemes of mischief and frolic. I 



300 B (J i; i) 1 ; k K j: m i n i s c e n c e s. 

can not, of course, vouch for the hteral authenticity 
of all the rumors that were current in regard to the 
young man's doings, and very likely many things 
may liave been attributed to liim of which he was 
absolutely innocent ; but, as man}- of them were cred- 
ited among liis associates, it is presumed that those 
were substantially true. I merely give them as they 
were circulated among the cadets, disclaiming all 
other responsibility. 

DECAPITATIXO PROFESSOR Z K . 

Among the escapades of least turpitude whicli 
marked the brief career of this froward youth, the 
following may be mentioned as characteristic ex- 
amples. 

An excellent officer by the name of Z K , 

who, by the conscientious discharge of his duties, liad 
often been obliged to notice and report the lawless 
vagaries of unruly cadets, and thereby had rendered 
himself especially obnoxious to them, was generally 
known under the familiar but not very euphonious 
soubriquet of " Old Zeb," and his recognition of a 
cadet in the act of violating any regulation was 
usually regarded as equivalent to an entry upon the 
conduct roll of the amount of demerit involved in 
the infraction of tlic rci^nlation. 



BoKUEK Keminisc'enoes. 301 

His appearance was therefore invariably looked 
for by refractory boys with apprehension and alarm, 
and his name was a terror to all evil-doers. 

One evening, as Brown and his room-mate, in the 
old " South Barracks," were discnssing what they 
conceived to be the nn justifiable idiosyncrasies in 
the professor's character, they became considerably 
exercised, and many epithets, the direct antipodes of 
blessings, were coupled with his name. 

Brown feigned to wax furious upon the occasion, 
and, seizing a pillow-case and a large butcher-knife, 
put on his cap, and, in a state of the most intense 
apparent excitement, rushed out of the door, with 
the emphatic declaration " that he'd be d — d if he 
did not bag old Zeb's head before morning, or per- 
ish in the attempt." 

His companion was certainly a Uttle surprised at 
his infuriated manner, but did not for a moment 
entertain the thought that he had the remotest idea 
of carrying his bloody threat into execution, conse- 
quently he gave but little heed to it. 

In the course of about an hour, however, the door 
of their room was thrown violently open, and Brown, 
in a state of the wildest apparent perturbation, with 
the butcher-knife in one hand, and the pillow-case 
containing something about the size and proportions 



302 Border Reminiscences. 

of a mail's head in the other, and both covered with 
blood, rushed into the room, and, throwing them 
down upon the floor, exclaimed, " I told you I'd 
have it before morning, and there is his bloody old 
head, and you'll not be bothered any more with his 
reports, I reckon." 

At this startling announcement his room-mate 
sprang to his feet, bounded hke lightning through 
the door, and, in the utmost consternation and ter- 
ror, hurried to the room of some of his friends, and 
reported the horrible intelligence. 

Of course, all were intensely shocked at the tid- 
ings of the assassination, and it was some time be- 
fore they became sufiiciently collected to reason or 
deliberate upon the proper course to pursue. They 
finally resolved, however, to go in mass back to the 
apartment, and investigate the facts more fully be- 
fore making a formal report of the murder to the 
authorities. Accordingly, they cautiously and silent- 
ly approached the door on tiptoe, and, softly turn- 
ing the knob, gently opened it, and ventured a tim- 
orous peep into the apartment, when, to their great 
astonishment and delight, instead of beholding the 
ghastly head of the murdered professor, they espied 
Brown with his coat off, his sleeves turned up, and 
busily occupied in basting a huge goose which was 
suspended by a string, and roasting before the fire. 



BoRDEE Reminiscences. 303 

The sudden transformation of what they conceived 
to be a solemn tragedy into the most superlatively 
ludicrous farce was too laughable not to be appre- 
ciated ]yy the assembled spectators, and they all par- 
ticipated in the savory supper wliicli followed the 
young man's successful but not very sanguinary raid. 

A CONFLAGRATION. 

The most of Brown's pranks w^ere harmless in 
their character, but one that I am about to notice 
assumed a more serious type. 

As the sequel of his last misadventure terminated 
his brief academical career, and created no little ex- 
citement at the time, I will relate it as a warning to 
those young gentlemen whose martial aspirations 
may hereafter incline them.fB' embark in the labo- 
rious undertaking of contending for a diploma at 
our national military school. 

After a few feeble efforts to attain a respectable 
position in his studies, the incorrigible youth at 
length arrived at the conclusion that his friends had 
made a mistake in his calling, as his prospects for 
achieving distinction in the profession of arms were 
becoming every day more and more precarious, and, 
at the same time, his whimsical vagaries multiplied 
in a corresponding ratio. 



3U4 JJ U U D i: It It JO M 1 X I S C K N C E S. 

About tliis time an old outbuilding (an appurte- 
nance to the barracks) became so much of a nuisance 
that a universal desire was manifested in the corps 
of cadets to have it removed, but no legitimate 
means were within the scope of their powers for 
accomplishing the result, and it remained an eye- 
sore to every body until, upon one dark and stormy 
night, the alarm of fire was heard, and the obnox- 
ious building was discovered to be in flames. All 
available means were put in requisition to extinguish 
it, but the boys' hearts were not in the success of the 
effort, and the structure was burned to the ground. 
How or through whose agency the fire originated 
was at first a mystery to the authorities as well as 
to almost every body else. 

It Avas perfectly well understood that some one 
had set the fire, and various conjectures were afloat 
in regard to the identity of the incendiary. 

Altliough no one, excepting those directly con- 
cerned, knew positively who was the author of it, 
yet many believed that Brown and his associates 
had something to do witli it. 

As the turi)itude of the" offense was considered so 
great, and its effects so likely to prove derogatory 
to good order and military discipline, the authori- 
ties resolved lo prolte tlio matter to the bottom, and 



lioKDEK KkMINISOENCES. . . 305 

hold the gnilty parties to a severe account. Accord- 
ingly, a court of inquiry was convened, with Cap- 
tain as president, before which the entire 

corps of cadets were summoned to appear, and their 
testimony taken under oath. 

The evidence adduced before Brown was called 
elicited facts which went to show that he was com- 
mitted in the matter. He was, howe\er, -put upon 
the stand, and, after having been duly sworn, was 
asked to state to the court what he knew concerning: 
the burning of the building. In resj)onse to which 
he, with the utmost assumed ingenuousness and grav- 
ity, after considerable deliberation, said : 

" I do not know that I shall be able from person- 
al knowledge to add an}^ thing to the information 
which the court has already received upon the sub- 
ject. There are numerous random rumors circula- 
ting among the cadets ; whether they are true or 
false, 1 take it that no persons, excepting those di- 
rectly implicated, can determine. Moreover, I pre- 
sume, the court do not care about listening to ' hear- 
say' evidence." 

The court, at the suggestion of quo of the mem- 
bers, was " cleared," and after a brief consultation 
the doors were reopened, and the recorder asked 
the witness if he would please inform the court what 
some of the rumors were that he had heard. 



306 Border Reminiscences. 

lie replied, "• 1 can not, as 1 remarked before, 
vouch for the authenticity of tliese irresponsible re- 
ports, and, indeed, I have not charged my memory 
with many of them. I have, however, a distinct rec- 
ollection of one, which implicates some of the lead- . 
ing functionaries of the institution, and, unless the 
court should insist upon my repeating it, I would 
prefer remaining silent." 

lie was informed that the court could not con- 
sume time in listening to irrelevant remarks regard- 
ing his opinions or scruples, and he was directed to 
give a prompt categorical answer to the question; 
to which, with apparent reluctance and a most sol- 
emn cast of countenance, he responded, 

" They do say, may it please the gentlemen of the 

court — they do say that Colonel brought the 

shavings, and that Captain set the old thing 

on fire" [the superintendent and the president of the 
court being the officers alluded to]. 

At this most astounding announcement a smile 
was observed to flit over the face of every member 
of the court except that of the president, who main- 
tained his customary dignified and imperturbable 
gravity, merely remarking that he was decidedly op- 
posed to the introduction of any mure " hearsay" 
testimonv. 



Border Reminiscenges. 307 

Abundant evidence was evoked during the prog- 
ress of the investigation to convict Brown of the of- 
fense ; charges w^ere at once preferred against him, 
a court-martial ' convened, before wliich he was ar- 
raigned, and an emphatic plea of '■'■Not guilty''' was 
placed upon the record of proceedings. 

After the witnesses for the prosecution had been 
examined, the prisoner, in accordance ^vith the usual 
formula, was asked if he had any evidence to ad- 
duce o.r defense to make. The evidence at this 
stage of the proceedings was of so conclusive a char- 
acter that he felt assured there was no prospect of 
his acquittal, and, his waggish propensities predom- 
inating to the last, he resolved, as the sporting fra- 
ternity would express it, " to die game ;" and, as a 
characteristic prelude to a graceful drop of the cur- 
tain upon the finale of the last act in the ludicrous 
military drama wherein he had played so conspicu- 
ous a role, he responded to the interrogatory in the 
following words : 

" I'm not altogether satisfied that it will be of 
much service to my cause if I call witnesses in be- 
half of the defense, or that it will a^■ai] much for me 
to make a formal defense, provided the vote upon 
the verdict is to be taken in the manner I have un- 
dci'stood it usually has Ijoeii." 



808 BoKDEK Keminisuknces. 

The members of the court manifested no little 
surprise at this mystei'ious insinuation, and the judge 
advocate asked him " in what way he supposed the 
vote would be taken." 

" I am not positive," replied he, " that my infor- 
mation upon the subject is correct, but it has been 
quietly whispered around among the boys that the 
practice heretofore has been, when cadets have been 
tried for offenses involving the penalty of dismissal, 
for the judge advocate, after the court is cleared, 
to put the question in the following manner : ' All 
those in favor of finding the accused guilty of the 
charges and specifications alleged against him will 
keep their seats; those in favor of acquittal will 
forthwith jump out of the window;' and as a man 
can seldom be found who feels inclined to break his 
neck by leaping out of a window three stories from 
the ground, the verdict is generally unanimous for 
conviction, and the unfortunate victim is dismissed." 

It is hardly necessary to add that this young gen- 
tleman took up the line of march for his border 
home very soon after this, and I was informed that 
he subsequently figured as a lawyer of very consid- 
erable eminence in his native state. 



BoKUEK Reminiscences. 309 



CA DET K . 

Another contemporary of mine, by the name of 

Iv , from one of the New England States, was 

fully as much given to practical joking as the youth 
from th^ more rural districts of the West. 

Upon one occasion, when he was upon the sick- 
list, and had been excused from duty by the surgeon, 
he happened to pass Major Worth, and failed to raise 
his cap to him as required by the Regulations. 

The major's keen eyes detected the omission, and, 
being a good deal of a martinet, he called to the 
young man, remarking, in his habitually prompt and 
emphatic manner, "You did not salute me, sir! 
Are you not aware, sir, that it's your duty to salute 
all commissioned ofhcers whom you pass, sir-r-r f " 

" Certainly," replied K , " certainly, sir, I'm 

fully conscious of that requirement, but I am ex- 
cused from all duty to-day by Doctor Wheaton." 

SHIRT COLLARS DOWX. 

At one time an order was issued requiring cadets 
at dress-parades to have their shirt collars turned 
down. The evening following the promulgation of 
the order, the corps appeared on parade with their 
shirt collars neatly turned over their stocks, the sin- 



310 Border IIeminiscences. 

gle exception being our eccentric hero, who exhib- 
ited a superlatively ridiculous contrast to all the 
others. 

His interpretation of the language of the order, 
although literal, was very remote from the signitica- 
tion intended to be conveyed by the authority from 
whence it emanated. He had managed, by the rip- 
ping of seams or some other means, to get his shirt 
on upside down, and made his appearance on parade 
with something like a foot of the skirt turned over 
his coat collar, and hanging in numerous folds loose- 
ly about his shoulders. 

Amid the universal titter that passed along the 
entire line of the battalion at this unique spectacle, 
K remained as solemn and motionless as a stat- 
ue ; and as he cast an inquiring glance around, his 
countenance seemed to indicate a total unconscious- 
ness of any cause for the unusual merriment. 

He was at once ordei-ed to his quarters in arrest ; 
but he rendered an excuse the following morning, 
wherein he professed great indignation at the injus- 
tice of the treatment he had received, and contend- 
ed tliat he had complied with the order to the let- 
ter, his collar having been turned down more than 
that of any other man in the corps. Whereupon he 
was released from ai'i'cst, a correct interpretation of 



Border Reminiscences. 311 

the order given to him, with an admonitory caution 
against a repetition of the offense. But in a short 
time after this the young gentleman retired to pri- 
vate life. 

REPORTING TO THE SUPERIXTEXDEXT. 

Among the pupils at the Military Academy are 
frequently seen young men from the fi-ontier dis- 
tricts, who, on entering the institution, are exceed- 
ingly nntutored and nnsophisticated, but who sub- 
sequently attain high scholastic honors, and become 
accomplished officers and gentlemen. 

A characteristic specimen of this class of tyros is 
alluded to in a book of mine called "Army Life on 
the Border," but as many may not have seen this de- 
scription, I take the liberty of repeating the sub- 
stance of it in this connection. 

I have a distinct remembrance of the arrival at 
the Academy of the young man alluded to, as his 
manners, garb, and language were snch as to render 
unmistakable his remote border origin. He was 
from one of the fi'ontier states, and had never be- 
fore been bnt a short distance from home. 

Before leaving home his father had furnished him 
with a horse, saddle, and bridle, and, with his scanty 
wardrobe packed in a capacious pair of saddle-bags, 
lie set out on his long journey for West Point. 



312 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

After many days' hard riding- he at length ar- 
rived at Jersey City, where, after selling his horse, 
he took liis saddle-bags on his arm, and, crossing the 
ferry, entered New York, with the intention of " put- 
ting up" at the first respectable tavern he could find. 

lie passed up Courtlandt Street and Broadway, 
with his eyes continually searching for the sign-post 
and swinging sign which he supposed to be the uni- 
versal evidence of a tavern throughout the civilized 
world, but his searcli was in vain. lie found noth- 
ing but one vast conglomeration of stores, shops, 
and private houses ; not a single inn did he meet 
with. Finally, after becoming considerably fatigued 
in Avandering about the streets, he discovered the 
sign of an oyster saloon ; and as he had never be- 
fore had an opportunity of testing the merits of the 
bivalves, he entered the establishment, and, putting 
down his saddle-bags, informed the waiter that " he 
didn't mind ef he tuck a small chance of them tliar 
oysteers hisself ;" and in answer to the inquiry of 
how many hjB desired, said, " He reckon'd about half 
a peck." Accordingly, they were set before him 
raw, " on the half shell." 

He did not at all fancy their appearance ; yet, as 
he observed persons all around him devouring them 
with much apparent relisli, he selected one of the 



Border Reminiscences. 313 

largest, raised it with his fork, and, after scrutiniz- 
ing it very attentively for a moment, put it in his 
mouth; but no sooner had it come in contact with 
his palate than it was ejected, with intense disgust, 
half way across the room ; at the same time he 
called out to the waiter, " Look a yere, mister, you 
jest take away these, yere nasty varmints, and bring 
me some bacon and esters." 

Soon after this he delivered a letter of introduc- 
tion with which he had been provided to a gentle- 
man in the city, who kindly showed him to a liotel, 
and assisted him in purchasing a trunk with a siiita- 
ble wai'drobe. On the following morning he took 
the steamer for his destination, and in due time land- 
ed upon the wharf at West Point, 

His letter of appointment required him to report 
in person to the superintendent, Colonel Thaj-er, 
who, although a very refined, courteous, and kind 
gentleman, was exceedingly rigid in enforcing the 
strictest discipline and the highest respect for milita- 
ry authority. 

My young friend, after ascertaining where the col- 
onel's quarters were situated, shouldered his large 
trunk (he was then about six feet high, and corre- 
spondingly developed), and staggered under its 
weight up the steep hill to the superintendent's quar- 

O 



31J: BoRDKR E.eminiscp:nces. 

ters, put down his trunk upon the steps, knocked at 
the door, and was at once admitted into the colo- 
nel's presence. 

Unlike most cadets on their first introduction to 
this dignitary, he was not in tlie slightest degree 
abashed, but felt entirely self-possessed, and, without 
an invitation, taking a chair close to the colonel, and 
looking him directly in the eyes, said, " Ole man, are 
you Colonel, or Captain, or What-you-call-uni Thay- 
er ?" To which the old gentleman very gravely re- 
plied, " I am Colonel Thayer, sir." 

" Wa'al, now, look a yere, kurn," said the youth, 
" this yere hill o' yourn am a breather ; ef it ain't, 
d — n me." 

The colonel comprehended at once what kind of a 
specimen of humanity he had before him, and direct- 
ed his orderly to show him to the barracks, where he 
was soon inducted into the mysteries of wholesome 
discipline. 

As some may have a curiosity to know what suc- 
cess this untutored youth of the forest met with in 
his academical career, I add for their information 
that he applied himself zealously to his studies, at- 
tained a good standing in his class, and, on gradua- 
ting, was an accomplished gentleman and scholar, 
who reflected credit upon the institution, and was 



BoKDER Reminiscences. 315 

afterward favorably known as the author of a His- 
tory of Texas. 

WEAJRTXG THE UXIFORM. 

It does not strike me as at all wonderful that pu- 
pils of the West Point Military Academy, after un- 
dergoing four long years of close application to a 
rigid course of study, relentless discipline, and total 
seclusion from society (which was the policy in my 
time), should have been rejoiced when their academ- 
ic career terminated, and they were permitted to 
throw off the dingy gray livery of their initiatory 
martial servitude, and put on the uniforms of com- 
missioned officers. 

Whatever may have been the experience of oth- 
ers, I, for one, am forced to acknowledge that I have 
been unable to detect the slightest tint of the rose 
in my recollections of school life at West Point. 

The necessary requirements of guard and police 
duties, drills, parades, and other hard work incidental 
to rudimental training, with unremitting study, men- 
tal anxiety, and constant apprehension as to what 
might have been the result of our annual examina- 
tions, wherein a large percentage of the young men 
were invariably dismissed for deficiency in acquire- 
ments, all combined to render this the least happy 
]»eriod of my existence. 



316 Border Reminiscences. 

So indelibly were the impressions of these school- 
days stamped npon my mind, that for twenty years 
afterward, whenever I was tortm-ed with a visitation 
of nightmare, my imagination generally carried me 
back into that dreaded examination-hall, where, in 
presence of an assembled " board of visitors," I was 
forthwith summoned to the blackboard by some pro- 
fessor ; and when the liallucination assumed its worst 
type, after indulging in an indigestible supper, it was 
sure to be that one who was considered the most ex- 
acting and uncompromising, and whom 1 have never 
since been able to look upon without a retrospective 
sentiment of trepidation and horror ; for this man, 
when in his least amiable mood, usually assumed a 
most benignant smile, and was pre-eminently polite 
and courteous in his demeanor, but was regarded then 
as most dangerous. 

So well was this peculiarity of the professor under- 
stood in the corps of cadets that the boys became 
terrified just in proportion to the politeness and ur- 
banity of his manner toward them during the course 
of their examinations. 

I never for a moment flattered myself that the old 
gentleman entertained any special regard for me 
while I was at school, but I am positive that, wlien- 
cver I encountered his imao'C durinsf mv nocturnal 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. 317 

visitations subsequently, I was so unfortunate as to 
see the spectre with a broad and eminently diabolic 
smile upon bis countenance, while he in the politest 
tei'ins desired me to elucidate some very abstruse 
and knotty problem about which I had not the faint- 
est conception. Of course I was obliged to acknowl- 
edge ray inability to perform the task, or to " ^ss," 
as the cadets have it, and I suffered all the mental 
torture that I would if the circumstance had actually 
occurred. 

As may be imagined, I found but little romance in 
cadet life at the Military Academy, and I can give 
direct and unqualified attestation to the fact that the 
happiest day of my life was that on which, with sev- 
eral classmates, I made my entree into New York 
City after graduating. 

We were at that time dressed in full spang-new 
uniforms from top to toe, and, as we pi'omenaded 
up and down Broadway, we probably entertained 
about as elevated notions of our own individual con- 
sequence as any boys ever did. I distinctly remem- 
ber that I M^as fully of the opinion that every man, 
woman, and child we passed regarded us with ad- 
miration and envy. 

The truth is, we felt like prisoners just released 
from confinement, and we certainly enjoyed our free- 



318 BoKDEK Kkminiscences. 

doiii to the fullest extent, yet I dare say this has been 
the experience of nearly every young man who has 
passed through the severe ordeal at the West Point 
institution. 

Young officers are generally fond of aj^pearing in 
uniform even among citizens, which is all right 
enough. I see no impropriety in it ; nevertheless, I 
have observed, after an officer has seen a few years' 
service with troops, where he is obliged to wear his 
uniform constantly, he is glad of the opportunity, 
when he goes into the cities, to put on the garb of a 
citizen, and for the reason that he does not care 
about attracting special observation. Besides, there 
are, at the present time, many classes of people in 
civil occupations whose clothing is something like, 
and perhaps may have been copied from the army 
uniform; such, for instance, as railroad employes, 
pohcemen, letter-carriers, etc., so that an army offi- 
cer in nniform might readily be mistaken for one of 
those useful and most wortli}^ members of society. 
This might not, however, be in exact accord with 
what the former conceived to be due to the impor- 
tance of his position, and this is another reason why 
old officers prefer citizen's attire when off duty. 

General S****** related to me quite a ludicrous 
little episode which occurred to him shortly after 



BoKDER Reminiscences. 319 

leading West Point, and as it serves to illustrate what 
I have said above, it may not be considered out of 
place in this connection. 

During the general's early military career, while 
he was a brevet second lieutenant, stationed at Fort 
Morgan, in Mobile Bay, he and a friend. Lieutenant 
T*****, obtained leave of absence for the purpose of 
visiting Mobile, and wishing to make as respectable 
an appearance as possible, they dressed in full uni- 
form, and, embarking upon a passing steamer, went 
up to the city. 

While w^aiting upon the levee for their luggage to 
be landed, several inquisitive boys were attracted by 
their rather flashy uniforms, and especially by the 
broad red stripes upon their pants, and the general's 
capacious military cloak, which he had, " a la espa- 
gnol," arranged in graceful folds around his person, 
with one side thrown over his shoulder something in 
the style of the Roman toga, and in such a manner as 
to exhibit to the best advantage the bright scarlet 
lining. At the same time he had put himself into 
a very consequential attitude, with his arms folded 
across his breast, and his jaunty little forage-cap rest- 
ing upon the front of his head, and turned saucily 
just a trifle to one side. While in this dignified and 
graceful posture, one of the boys timidly approached 



320 BORDKK KkMIxNISCENCES. 

him, and said, "Please, mister, when is yonv circus a 
comin' V 

They were most essentially disgusted at the stu- 
pidity of the youth, who was unable to perceive the 
difference between a commissioned officer of the 
regular army (a West Pointer at that) and a circus- 
rider, and of course they scorned to answer so ab- 
surd a question, but walked away up the street to- 
ward the Battle House, with several of the pertina- 
cious lads, whose curiosity was now considerably ex- 
cited, following in their wake. I should remark, 
however, that the two lieutenants were attached to 
the Third Artillery, each having the designation of 
that regiment (figure 3) upon the front of his caj). 

As they proceeded on the crowd of boys increased, 
and various random conjectures were hazarded as to 
who the strangers could be, but no satisfactory con- 
clusion seemed to be arrived at until one of the ur- 
chins exclaimed, " I have it, boys ! I have it ! Them 
fellars belong to number three fire - engine com- 
pany." And he at once ran up to them, saying, " I 
say, fellars, when is your machine goin' to squirt ?" 

The general says they hurried on to the hotel, 
changed their dress, and thenceforth appeared in 
citizen's attire while in the unappreciative city of 
Mobile. 



BoEDEK Reminiscences. 321 



" TOUCH OFF THOMPSON." 

Among the most anomalous specimens of juvenil- 
ity that have figured in the annals of the Militarj^ 
Academy at West Point was one whom, for desig- 
nation, I will call Thompson, which w'ill serve the 
purposes of our legend as well as any other, and, if 
his vagaries were half as whimsical as they have 
been represented, he certainly was a most original 
character. 

As near as I remember, this youth commenced his 
military career somewhere about 1840, and from the 
date of his first appearance at West Point until he 
left he evinced the most eccentric tendencies. For 
example, he was in the habit of wandering about the 
grounds alone at a rapid pace, with his eyes turned 
up toward the sky, seemingly absorbed in the con- 
templation of some very important astronomical 
question, and manifested no disposition to enter into 
conversation or associate with his fellow cadets; in- 
deed, when directly addressed, he often failed to re- 
ply, and would generally pass his most intimate ac- 
quaintances without the slightest token of recogni- 
tion. 

In a word, he was probably one of the most unso- 
cial, /'Z/.sf /'«?'/', and peculiar individuals that ever lived. 
2 



322 BOKUEK liKJIINISCENCES. 

When his name was called upon parade he Avas gen- 
ei-ally so absorbed in a " brown study" that he paid 
no heed to it, and consequently was reported absent 
when he was actually present in the ranks. 

This became so common an occurrence, and his 
demerit marks augmented so rapidly, that he was at 
length obliged to request the file adjoining him to 
jog him at the instant his name was called by the or- 
derly sergeant ; but his neighbor usually administer- 
ed this jog in so vigorous a manner that it startled 
the young man so much that it caused him to leap 
sevei-al feet from the ground, and jerk out the re- 
quired response in a sudden spasmodic tone, which 
sounded more like hajp than here. It was not unlike 
the sound produced by the expulsion of a close-fitting 
wad from a pop-gun, and at first ci'cated no little 
merriment in the company. 

So long as Thompson was touched at the proper 
instant it Avas all right, and he escaped being report- 
ed absent ; but whenever his prompter neglected or 
forgot to administer the required punch, he rarely 
answered to his name ; and, as singular as it may 
appear, he never failed to give utterance to the sharp 
monosyllable Tiaj) whenever he was jogged in the 
ribs, whether his name was called or not, even if the 
admonitory thrust was applied several times during 



Border Reminiscences. 3'23 

one roll-call. The response followed the touch of 
the adjoining file with as much certainty and celeri- 
ty as the report of a gun succeeds the explosion of 
the fulminating powder. 

This peculiarity of Thompson's soon became so 
well understood throughout the corps of cadets that 
nnscrupulous members of his company, who were de- 
sirous of playing truant, would sometimes engage 
Thompson's prompter to give him fclie signal when 
their names were called. 

They would say, " I wish you would touch Thomp- 
son for me at tattoo or reveille," and, if the proposi- 
tion was acceded to, the innocent victim pi'evented 
them fi'om being reported absent. 

The application of the finger to the young gentle- 
man's side, with the consequent explosive ejacula- 
tion, was so similar to touching a lighted port-fire to 
the fuse of a cannon, that the expression " Toucli off 
Thompson for me at parade," etc, soon became un- 
derstood by all except the most prominent actor 
in the farce, who soon acquired the sobriquet of 
" Touch off Thompson," wliich tenaciOTisly adhered 
to him until he left the school. 



324 BOKDEK ReM12sISCENCES. 



CHAPTEE IX. 

PEAIEIE INDIANS. 

Indians as Prisoners. — Winnebago Dandy. — Pusli-met-te-lia\v. — 
Treatment of Prisoners. — Indian Diplomaty. — A Comanche's 
Opinion of the Pale Faces. — A civilized Indian's Opinion of the 
(Government. — Black Beaver. — A facetious Indian. — Aboriginal 
Precocity. — Aborigines as they are. 

The Prairie Indians, who are probably as expert 
equestrians as the Bedouin Arabs, always go into 
battle well mounted, and, when properly armed, are 
most formidable enemies. Formerly, when these 
people possessed no fire-arms, but were solely depend- 
ent on the bow and arrow, which has a very limited 
effective range, they were far inferior to the white 
man in action ; but, now that they are well provided 
with rifles and revolvers, this difference has greatly 
diminished, if not entirely disappeared. And why 
should not this be the case ? The prairie warrior has 
sufficienL.Qj^ffage, and is an adept in the art of war 
as taiigljt and practiced in the school of his ancestors. 
He has made this his study from childhood, and 
has learned all the arts, mancjeuvres, and subterfuges 
necessary to prosecute successful partisan Avarfare : 



Boeder Reminiscences. 325 

and although his strategy may not in all respects co- 
incide with tlie teachings of Yauban or Mahan, yet, 
when we are forced to make war npon him, we are 
compelled to adopt a portion of his tactics or make 
failures. 

One of the reasons why the Indians fight so despe- 
rately when hard pressed may be attributed to the 
fact that they have the utmost horror of being taken 
prisoners and held in captivity. They themselves 
make slaves of their captives, and they have no other 
conception of the condition of a prisoner of war 
save that of the most abject and degrading bondage, 
which to them is more repulsive than death. 

Some years ago onr troops in Western Texas cap- 
tured a party of Indians belonging to a band that 
had stolen government animals, and among them was 
a chief, who, with his wife and two children, were 
detained as hostages, while the others were sent out 
and required to bring back the depredators with the 
stolen stock. 

The chief and his family were put iB|o a tent 
guarded by two sentinels, who were insmicted to 
keep a vigilant watch over them and prevent their 
escape. 

One dark night, after evei-y thing about the cainp 
liad become hushed and quiet, and t]:o squaw and 



326 B O K D E K It E M I N I S C E N E S. 

her children were fast asleep, the cliief took his knife, 
and, noiselessly crawling to their bedside, drove it to 
the hilt in the breast of each in rapid snccession ; 
after which he jumped to his feet like liglitning, 
leaped through the door, ligliting upon the astound- 
ed sentinel, whom he thrust to the heart with his 
knife, and, giving a terrific war-whoop, bounded 
away into the darkness ; but, before he was out of 
range, the other sentinel fired, and finished the bloody 
tragedy by dropping the murderer dead in his tracks. 

The savage instincts of the Indian of the Plains, 
and the wonderful control and mastery he acquires 
over the horse, were strikingly evinced during a 
bloody engagement between our troops and a party 
of Cheyennes, near Fort Wallace, in 18G7. 

In the heat of the battle a cavalry soldier was 
wounded, and fell from his horse out of reacli of his 
comrades, when one of the savages rode up at full 
speed, reached down from his horse, seized the sol- 
dier by the hair of the head, and, without slacking 
his gait in the least, drew him up to his saddle-bow, 
and with his tomaliawk beat out his brains ; then 
tearing all the clothing from the mangled hody, he 
dashed it upon the ground again, and giving a fiend 
isli howl of exultation, rejoined his companions. 



BuKDEK Keminiscenoes. 321 



WINNEBAGO DANDY. 

The Indians, as a general rule, are eminently an 
imitative people, and when thrown in contact with 
white men, especially those higli in rank and author- 
ity, they are prone to copy their manners and cus- 
toms. 

There still lives among the Winnebagoes an old 
Indian called " Dandy," who was a member of the 
first delegation from that tribe that ever visited 
Washington City. "While en route to the national 
capital, the party was detained at Galena some time 
waiting for a steamer to descend the Mississippi, and 
as they were strolling about the town one day, they 
came near a Methodist church where service was be- 
ing held during the season of a revival. Greatly as- 
tonislied at the first glance of this strange novelty, 
they hastily drew up around the windows, and saw 
the house crowded with people, many of them, under 
the influence of the preaching, becoming intensely 
excited — some clapping their hands, others stamping, 
jumping, and making mysterious gestures and con- 
tortions of limbs and body, while at the same time 
the entire congregation were shouting at the highest 
pitch of their voices, all of which was perfectly in- 
comprehensible to the Indians, who looked on the 



328 BuKDEK Reminiscences, 

spectacle with wonder and amazement, and made 
various random conjectures as to the meaning of 
these unusual proceedings. 

One of them suggested that the " Big Medicine 
man" (the preacher) might be exerting his powers 
of incantation to exorcise and drive away bad spir- 
its which had got possession of the people. Another 
one surmised that possibly this was a big pale-face 
war-dance. And one even went so far as to pro- 
nounce the whole company stark raving mad. But 
none of their opinions seemed to meet the concur- 
rence of the majority of the party until Dandy, who 
had looked on with great interest for some time, at 
length assumed an air of importance, and exclaimed, 
" I have it — I have it ; I'll tell jon what's the mat- 
ter !" Then, pointing his finger to his head, he add- 
ed, " WhisJcy too much ! wMslxy too mucTi .'" And 
they all walked off in disgust, verily believing that 
the good disciples of Wesley were on a terrible 
spree. 

On their return home after visiting their " Great 
Father," at the urgent entreaty of the people of Al- 
bany, they were prevailed upon to give an exhibi- 
tion of their songs, dances, etc. A room was pro- 
cured, and at the proper hour Dandy stationed him- 
self at tlie door, and received twonty-five cents from 



lioKDEK Keminisuences. 329 

each person admitted. A good house was secured, 
and the performance passed off to the satisfaction 
of every body, until the appreciative audience was 
about to disperse, when Dandy again took possession 
of the door, and demanded another quarter from 
each one before giving them egress, and it was with 
difficulty that the interpreter could con^•iuce liini 
that this was not allowable. 



PUSH-MET-TE-EA W. 

It is said of a distinguished former chief of the 
Choctaws, "Push -met- te- haw," who was probably 
one of the most talented Indians of whose history 
we have any knowledge, that upon an occasion after 
our authorities in Washington had used all their ef- 
forts to induce him to sign the "Dancing Rabbit 
Creek" treaty, by which they ceded to the United 
States all their lands east of the Mississippi River, 
and which he had persistently declined, that Gener- 
al Jackson, then President, called him to the White 
House, and, after exhausting all arguments without 
avail, placed himself before the chief, and in a high- 
ly excited manner thus addressed him : 

" I'll have you to know, sir, that I am AndrcAv 
Jackson, President of the United States, sir ; and, 
by the Eternal, you shall sign tliat treaty." 



330 B o K D E K Reminiscences. 

Push-met-te-liaw was not in tlie least intimidated, 
but sprang to his feet, and, in imitation of tlie Pres- 
ident's emi:»batic manner, replied, 

" I know perfectly well who you are, sir ; and I'll 
have you to know, sir, that I am Push-met-te-haw, 
head chief of the great Choctaw nation ; and, by 
the Eternal, I'll not sign that treaty, sir." 

This Indian was not of royal parentage, but had 
risen fi'om obscure origin to his lofty position in the 
nation solely upon his own merits; and being a 
proud, dignilied man, he was somewhat sensitive on 
the subject of his lineage. On the occasion of his 
first visit to Washington his reputation preceded 
him, and he received marked attention from the prin- 
cipal dignitaries, and was even invited to dine at 
the White House. He accepted the invitation ; and 
during the repast, Mrs. Madison, the mistress of the 
presidential mansion at that time, manifested a live- 
ly interest in him, making particular inquiries about 
his family ; and she was especially desirous of know- 
ing whether he was able to trace back his ancestry 
for many generations through a lineage of distin- 
guished chiefs. His countenance clouded, and as- 
sumed a stern expression of displeasure at these in- 
terrogatories, and for some time he made no reply ; 
bnt at length he said, 



BoKDER Keminiscences. 331 

" Push-met-te-haw was not born like common mor- 
tals, and lie never knew father or mother; but on 
one bright and beautiful summer's night, when all 
nature was hushed in profound and silent repose, 
suddenly a deep sound was heard approaching, like 
the rumbling of distant thunder; soon the sky be- 
came dark and lowering ; heavy clouds, driven by a 
furious tempest, piled upon each other in the lofti- 
est vaults of the heavens, and poured down rain and 
hail in torrents; ponderous peals of thunder ex- 
ploded and reverberated, like continuous salvos of 
gigantic artillery, throughout the entire canopy of 
the sky; the lightning flashed in angular scintilla- 
tions vivid streaks of fire ; and every element of na 
ture seemed in a mad frenzy to contribute toward 
the sublime and fearful chaos — in the midst of 
which a huge thunderbolt, directed by the hand of 
the Great Spirit, was sent down from heaven and 
struck a gnarled oak, shivering its gigantic trunk 
into ten thousand atoms, and from out of its heart 
bounded forth a full-grown Indian brave in com- 
plete war costume, with his rifle upon his shoulder. 
Thus entered the world, and such is the pedigree, 
of the warrior who now stands before the Great 
Chief's squaw." 



332 IjOKDEK itKMINISCENCES. 



TJIEATMEXT OF PRTSONERS. 

During the existence of the " Lone-star" repubhc 
of Texas a white man was captured on the Brazos 
by the Comanches, who carried him away to their 
camp, and, in accordance with their custom, sub- 
jected him to all the menial offices of a slave. 
While in camp he was kicked about most unmer- 
cifully, forced to cut and carry wood, herd horses, 
pitch lodges, etc., etc., and on marches they com- 
pelled him to pack enormous loads of kettles, fry- 
ing-pans, and other rubbish, until his back and feet 
became terribly lacerated ; and he was so much worn 
out by hard work, starvation, and cruel treatment, 
that at length he abandoned all hope of bettering 
his condition, and in agonizing despair wished him- 
self dead. 

About this time some of the chiefs of the band 
returned from a visit to Austin, where they had been 
kindly received by General Houston, the president, 
and were shown all the novelties of the capital, and, 
among other places, they were taken into the State- 
house while the Congress was in session, and the 
mysteries of legislation explained to them. They 
were highly delighted with what they saw, and toolc 
especial pride in displaying their new acquirements 



Boeder Reminiscences. 333 

to their people at home. And they even went so far 
as to propose that, in future, when any important 
tribal business was pending before the council of the 
nation, they should, like the pale-faced law-makers, 
put it to vote and decide it by the majority. 

This proposition was acceded to by all ; but it so 
happened at the first meeting of their deliberative 
council that they had forgotten some of the details 
of the forms they had witnessed at Austin, and they 
were obliged to call upon the white captive to en- 
lighten them. He consented to instruct them pro- 
vided they would make him a member of the coun- 
cil, and permit him to introduce the first resolution. 
The request was acceded to, and a presiding chief 
was appointed, who informed the white member that 
his resolution was then in order ; whereupon he took 
the floor, or rather the ground, and said, " Mr. Presi- 
dent, I propose to the great council of the Comanche 
nation — the greatest nation on earth — [cheers, with 
prolonged guttural how's ! how's ! how's ! allrover the 
lodge] — :I propose, I say, Mr. President, that hereaft- 
er every gentleman Indian, in accordance with the 
customs of the pale faces, be required, on march- 
es, to pack his own kettles and herd his own horses." 

The resolution was received with applause, and 
carried unanimously, and thenceforth the captive 
was relieved of his bui-dens. 



334 Border Reminiscences. 



INDIAN DIPLOMACY. 

It is generally belie^■ed by those who are not fa- 
miliar with the character, of the aborigines of the 
West, that they, like the African race, are inferior in 
intellect to the Cancasian, and that their powers of 
mind are so limited that crafty and designing white 
men can cheat and cajole them without their being 
aware of the fact. This, however, is very far from 
being true, as can easily be shown. The fact is, the 
intellectual and reasoning powers of the natives are 
in the highest degree active and bright, and they pos- 
sess as correct an appreciation of right and justice, 
and as vivid a conception of 'wrong and fraud, as any 
other people. 

Nearly all the trouble we have encountered, in 
our dealings with the Indian tribes for the last fifty 
years, has resulted from the non-compliance on our 
part with treaty stipulations, together with the injus- 
tice and fraud practiced upon them by dishonest 
agents ; and this is as well understood and appreci- 
ated by them as it would be by wliite men, 

A few apposite examples which I am about to re- 
late will illustrate this most conclusively. 

A chief of one of the bands of Sioux told the 
commissioners who were making a treaty witli them 



Border Reminiscences. 335 

that his people did not want any more agents who 
had fathers and brothers-in-law to support from their 
annuities. That the one present (pointing to an ex- 
agent) came among them, with all his worldly effects 
contained in a carpet bag, but accompanied by a con- 
siderable retinue of relatives, all of whom occupied 
positions about the agency for four years, and when 
they went away it took several wagons to carry their 
effects. They were ail rich. 

A chief of another prairie tribe, in a council with 

General H , told him that their agent, who was 

present, had stolen half their goods, and buried the 
balance. 

Along the western slope of the Rocky Mountains, 
near the base of the snow-clad and elevated peaks 
of the Sierra de la Plata, upon the head waters of 
the Colorado of California, and in one of the most 
picturesque, but remote and unfrequented sections 
within the limits of our entire possessions,- are found 
two nomadic bands of Indians, called " Ca-jpo-tci)'' and 
''''Woman-o-che^'' — Utes — who are yet uncontamina- 
ted by contact with the Anglo-Saxon. 

That ubiquitous and all - pervading cosmopolite, 
the gold-hunter, who has ^^ prosjpected^^ almost every 
other '^ gulch'''' and crevice in our vast mountain 
ranges, has not as yet penetrated into the heart of 



336 BoKDER Heminiscences. 

tliis particular locality, so that tlie natives of this sec- 
tion may be said to retain to this day very nearly 
their normal condition. 

I visited the country alluded to but a short time 
since, and came in contact with many of the Indians 
who roam over it, and upon one occasion the princi- 
pal chief of the Woman-o-ches, " Pe-as-te-cho-pa," 
with twenty of his braves, paid a visit to my camp. 
The chief was a man of highly dignified bearing, 
about sixty years of age, and a magnificent specimen 
of liis race. Possessing a commanding and well-pro- 
portioned figure of the '^AjjoUo Belmderi'' type, 
which was tall, erect, and lithe, with an open, intelli- 
gent, and kindly expression of countenance, all his 
movements and gestures were eminently dignified 
and graceful. 

lie bore the reputation of being a great warrior, 
and had performed many daring and signal feats of 
Aalor ; but it was said of him that, during the excite- 
ment of battle, the lineaments of his features under- 
went such an entire metamorphosis, that the calm 
repose of his usually benignant countenance then as- 
sumed an expression of the most savage and diabol- 
ical ferocity. 

After going through the customary Indian greet- 
inof of huo-ffinir and rubbino; faces too-ether, thev seat- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 337 

ed themselves upon the grass, and informed their 
white brothers that a big smoke was the next impor- 
tant feature on the programme. This preliminary 
having been disposed of with all due ceremony, the 
chief said he would like to be informed as to the ob- 
ject of this visit of the pale faces into his country ; 
and he was particularly desirous to know if this was 
a prelude to the advent of gold-hunters, to which he 
and his people were firmly opposed, as he said they 
were fully aware of the fact that this would lead to 
their speedy demoralization and extinction. 

He was assured that this was not the object of 
the visit, but that it was one merely of curiosity and 
pleasure. He was satisfied, and a long talk ensued, 
-during which the chief inquired if any of the party 
ever communicated, either orally or by letter, with 
their " great-grandfather," the President of the Unit- 
ed States ; and on being informed that my chief, 
General Sherman, was in constant communication 
with his venerable relative, he said it would be agree- 
able to him if the general would make known to the 
head chief of the whites that the Utes, from time to 
time, had had a number of agents sent to them, 
some of whom had proved good and others bad. 
For example, he was of opinion that Kit Carson and 
three others whom he named were honest men, and 

P 



338 Boeder Reminiscences. 

that when presents were sent out for his people by 
the President these agents had always brought them 
directly to the tribe, where they fairly distributed 
them ; but he was sorry to say that he had not so 
much confidence in three other men whose names he 
mentioned, and who also had been their agents. He 
added, It is a very long road from Washington to 
our hunting-grounds, and when our great-grandfa- 
ther starts out a train of wagons loaded with presents 
for his red children in the mountains, under charge 
of such agents as those last mentioned, they do not, 
as a general rule, go far before they come to a road 
leaving the main trail and turning to the right. One 
wagon takes this road, and gets lost. In a little 
while another wagon takes a road to the left, and is 
heard of no more. And thus they continue to de- 
part from the train, until at length, when its destina- 
tion is reached, only two or three of the oi-igiual out- 
fit remain. All the others have disappeared, and it 
was impossible to tell what became of them ; but he 
had been informed that those agents suddenly and 
mysteriously became rich. 

As a new agent liad just been appointed for these 
Indians, it was suggested to the chief that perhaps 
he had better suspend judgment in regard to him 
until they had given him a fair trial, and that possi- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 339 

bly he might prove as honest and tnie a friend to 
them as Carson had been. 

He did not seem inclined to discuss the merits of 
the new agent, but continued to detail his grievances, 
sajnng that his people were very destitute of all the 
necessaries of life ; that they had put on their veiy 
best attire to pay this visit of ceremony, and that it 
was plain to be seen they were then nearly naked ; 
moreover, he said, they had nothing to eat, except a 
few wild beii'ies that grew in the mountains. That 
when Kit Carson was their agent he often gave them 
provisions, and occasionally he even presented them 
with sugar and coffee, which they did not like at 
first, but soon became very fond of, and now they 
preferred it to any thing else ; so that, if the party 
had any thing to spare, he would be mighty glad to 
get it. 

I sympathized with them most sincerely, gave 
them some provisions, and reiterated the expression 
of earnest hope that their new agent would do more 
for them than any others had done ; and that, when 
he undertook to conduct a train of wagons contain- 
ing presents for them from Washington, he would 
keep them in the broad, straight road, and allow 
none to wander away and get lost on side trails. 

The chief, who had seemed averse to saying much 



340 Boeder Reminiscences. 

about their new agent, when pressed in this manner, 
remarked that it was true he did not know much 
about the man, but they would prefer an agent like 
Kit Carson, whom thej knew well. 

A COMANGRE'S OPINION OF THE PALE FACES. 

The limited intercourse that has existed between 
the prairie tribes and the whites does not appear to 
have prepossessed the former much in our favor, as 
the following incident, which was related to me by 
Mr. Israel Folsom, a very intelligent and educated 
Chickasaw, goes to show. Upon a certain occasion, 
while he was visiting the Comauches, he remarked 
to a chief that it was only a few years since the peo- 
ple of his own nation were equally as uncivilized as 
the Comanches, but that, through the instrumentality 
of the white missionaries, they had been induced to 
abandon their precarious hunting habits, and had 
learned to read and write, and cultivate the soil, so 
that they were at that time enabled to live in the 
same manner as the white people, and were always 
supplied with abundance of food. 

The chief replied that he had no donbt there were 
some advantages to be derived from education, and 
that he had often given the subject his serious con- 
sideration, but that the pale faces were all such ar- 



Border Reminiscences. 341 

rant rascals that he was afraid to let them take up 
their abode with his people. Whereupon Mr.Fol- 
som suggested to him that probably he had met with 
only the bad specimens of the white race, and that 
he himself had known very many good men among 
them who had conferred important benefits upon the 
Eed Man. 

The Comanche admitted that possibly such might 
be the case, but he had always been under the im- 
pression that there were but few, if any honest white 
men. He said farther, that if the Chickasaws would 
send out one of their educated men to teach their 
children to read and write, they would have no ob- 
jections. 

A CIVILIZED INDIAN'S OPINION OF THE UNITED STATES 
GOVERNMENT. 

The Prairie and Rocky Mountain tribes are by no 
means the only exponents of the aboriginal race 
who have exhibited a lack of faith in the honor and 
probity of the pale faces. 

The facts I am about to narrate go to show that 
instances are not wanting to prove that their more 
civilized brethren have occasionally evinced equal 
caution in placing implicit reliance upon the prom- 
ises of our authorities. In 1849 I received orders 



342 Border Reminiscences. 

to escort a large number of emigrants across the 
Plains en rente for California ; and, as my instruc- 
tions required me to traverse an unexplored section, 
I was desirous of securing the services of the best 
guide that could be found. Accordingly, after mak- 
ing diligent inquiries among the border white peo- 
ple near the point of my departure, I came to the 
conclusion that a Delaware Indian, called Black 
Beaver, was probably the best man for my purposes, 
as, in addition to his being familiar with a good deal 
of the country over which I was to pass, he had the 
reputation of being an honest, reliable man, and a 
good interpreter for intercourse with the Prairie In- 
dians. 

Accordingly, when we reached his cabin, which 
happened to be near our track, I called upon him, 
and proposed to employ him for the expedition, 
which I supposed would occupy several months ; at 
the same time I informed him that I was a govern- 
ment officer, taking it for granted that this would 
give him confidence in the truth of my statements, 
and be regarded by him as a guarantee for the faith- 
ful performance of any contract I might make with 
him. He listened attentively to all I had to say, 
and, after deliberating for a while, said it would be 
impossible for him to go with me, as his private af- 



BoKDEK Keminiscences. 343 

fairs were just then in such a state that he could 
not possibly leave home for so long a period. 

I then suggested that he might employ some 
friend to transact his private business in his absence, 
and that I woidd reimburse him for any loss or 
damage he might sustain by accompanying us. 

After a good deal of hesitation, and with consid- 
erable seeming reluctance, he replied that, in the 
event of his determining to accept my proposition, 
he did not think it at all likely he would ever re- 
ceive any compensation, as he was firmly impressed 
with the conviction that the United States govern- 
ment was not honest, and rarely, if ever, paid its 
debts. 

I was, of course, greatly astonished at such an af- 
firmation as this, and desired him to inform me what 
had induced him to arrive at so unjust a conclusion. 

He replied that, during the Mexican War, at the 
earnest solicitation of our authorities, he had levied 
a company of Delawares, and that they served as 
scouts and guides under General Harney while Gen- 
eral Wool's column was marching into Mexico from 
San Antonio, and that, previous to their being call- 
ed out, a positive assurance was given them that 
they were to receive the same pay and allowances 
as the white volunteers. After having served faith- 



344 Boeder Reminiscences. 

fully for several months, they were disbanded a long 
distance from home, and, instead of being paid for 
their services, certain discharge papere were fur- 
nished them, which they were told to forward to 
Washington, when the money would at once be re- 
mitted to them. 

As soon as they reached home the vouchers were 
transmitted according to directions, but in a short 
time they were returned with a statement that they 
were irregular, and du'ections given for the substi- 
tution of new papers in a different form. A good 
deal of time was consumed in sending to the proper 
officers to have the corrections made. At length, 
however, this was executed, and the new vouchei's 
forwarded to Washington, where they remained a 
good while before they were reached in the regu- 
lar order of succession ; but they finally came back 
to the Delawares with the indorsement that certain 
other minor irregularities had been detected, which 
required correction before they could be liquidated. 

At this stage of the proceedings the Indians began 
to think their claim was a hopeless one, but still they 
persevered, and, after having the papers corrected 
a third time according to instructions, sent them to 
Washington, hoping they might possibly get the 
money this time ; but they were doomed to disap- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 345 

pointment, and, after waiting montli after month, and 
hearing nothing further from them, they ultimately 
abandoned all hope of ever receiving their pay. 

Beaver very naturally felt indignant at what he 
conceived to be a direct violation of good faith on 
the part of the government, and closed his comments 
upon the subject with this emphatic declaration : " I 
'spect, captain, that government he tell plenty lies 
— maybe so cheat um heap. I no want go with 
you." 

As I could not well dispense with his services, 1 
assured him that if he would accompany us I would 
myself be personally responsible that he should re- 
ceive every cent of his dues, and, if he desired it, I 
would give him his money every night. This assur- 
ance quieted his apprehensions, and he consented to 
accept my proposition. 

"We were absent over six months, during which 
time Beaver rendered very important services as 
guide and interpreter, and, as he did not insist on 
the daily payments, there was due him, on his re- 
turn, something like four hundred dollars. 

I discharged him at Fort "Washita, and immediate- 
ly afterward he saddled his mule, came to my tent, 
and said he was about starting for home, and was 
ready to receive his pay. 

P2 



346 Border R.p:miniscences. 

The money had been counted out for him, but, for 
the purpose of seeing how it would affect liim, I said, 
" All ready, are you ? Very well, Beaver, you have 
served the government faithfully, and deserve to be 
well paid, so I'll just sit down and write a paper, 
which you can send to Washington when you get 
home, and no doubt they will forward you the money 
in a few months." 

His countenance fell instantly, and he indignantly 
replied, " You goin' give me paper, captain ? What 
for vou give me that paper? 'Spose you give me 
one d — d paper I throw him in the fire." 

" Very well, then, Beaver," said I, " if you don't 
like papers I'll pay you the money," and he was paid 
in silver, which was very acceptable to him. 

A few weeks afterward I met Beaver again, and 
asked him if he had appropriated his money to a 
good purpose. He replied yes ; that on his arrival 
at home he had given his friends a " hig feast^^ 
which lasted several days, and consumed all his 
money. He added, " I'ze big Injun now, captain." 

Upon my asking him how he found his family on 
his return, he replied, " I'ze had mighty bad luck 
since I went away." 

" Indeed," said I. " What has happened, pray?" 

" Both mv wife he jnako dead since I been ffone." 



Border Reminiscences. 347 

I expressed sincere condolence for liini in liis du- 
plicate affliction, " Yes," he said, " I feel mighty 
bad, cajitain ; I like better lose three my best hosses." 
But soon he seemed to recover his spirits, and ob- 
served, as he left me, " Maybe so ketch um nodder 
one wife some time." 

A FACETIOUS INDIA K 

The Indian warrior, when in the presence of 
strangers, never allows himself to relax the stern 
dignity of his demeanor by a smile or any other ex- 
hibition of joy or hilarity, neither does he manifest 
the least curiosity or surprise at the exhibition of 
the most astounding novelties, but prides himself 
upon his power of maintaining the m-ost imperturb- 
able gravity upon all occasions and under all cir- 
cumstances. 

This marked peculiarity in his character has given 
rise to the impression that the Red Man is a cold, 
phlegmatic, and unimpressible creature, who is to- 
tally incapable of concei^dng or appreciating any 
thing like pleasantry or gayety ; but this is entirely 
fallacious, as there are no more gossiping and jocu- 
lar people in the world than the Prairie Indians 
when assembled around their camp-fires in the even- 
ing, after a successful day's hunt, with their larders 



348 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

well stocked with meat ; and the continual outbursts 
of laughter and merriment that always proceed from 
these social gatherings show conclusively that they 
are as gay and mirthful as any other class of people. 
That they are also addicted to practical jokes will 
be evident after reading what I am about to relate. 

In the summer of 1866 a marauding party of 
Apache freebooters came into the vicinity of one of 
our military posts in New Mexico, and, after recon- 
noitering the surrounding country, concealed them- 
selves in the adjacent mountains overlooking the 
fort, and laid in wait for several days watching for 
a favorable opportunity to make a descent upon the 
government animals. 

Selecting an occasion when the guards were weak 
and not particularly on the alert, they in broad day- 
light crawled up under cover of a hill, and, mount- 
ing their horses, dashed out with the most unearthly 
yells, and swooped down upon the herd of horses 
that were quietly grazing in close proximity to the 
fort, which terrified them so much that they broke 
away from the herders, and started off at full speed 
toward the mountains, closely pursued by the sav- 
ages. 

The astonished soldiers used every endeavor to 
prevent the "stampede," and numerous shots were 



BoKDEK Reminiscences. Sid 

exchanged in the running melee, but the Indians 
were too strong for them, and they were forced to 
abandon the pursuit. 

Among the herding party was a bugler-boy, who 
was conspicuous for his bravery in the fight, and for 
the persistent efforts he made to turn the animals 
back toward the fort ; but all was without avail ; on 
they went, with the savages close to their heels, giv- 
ing forth vociferous shouts of exultation, and direct- 
ing the most obscene and insulting gesticulations to 
the pursuing party. 

While this exciting contest for the animals was 
going on, an old Apache brave dashed up in rear of 
the bold bugler-boy, and could, without doubt, easily 
have killed him ; but, instead of doing this, his pro- 
pensity for a joke preponderated over his blood- 
thirsty instincts, and with his hand he knocked the 
boy's hat from his head, and at the same time en- 
couragingly patted him on the back, as much as to 
say " Good boy !" and rode away without doing him 
any harm. 

ABORIGINAL PRECOCITY. 

Numerous instances have come under the obser- 
vation of the writer going to show that the early de- 
velopment of intellect and reasoning power is more 



350 B O R D E K K E M I N I S C E N C E S. 

premature and rapid among the natives than with 
the white race. 

This may perhaps, in some degree, be attributed 
to the fact that the Indian women are unable to be- 
stow much time or care upon their offspring, and 
their children are often left to shift for themselves, 
which must, of course, make them more independent 
and self-reliant than they otherwise would be. 

Any one who has visited a camp of wild Indians, 
and witnessed the sports of the young boys, with 
their bright, speaking countenances, and their keen 
apprehension of every thing that is said or done, will 
be fully convinced of the fact. The following inci- 
dent is a forcible illustration of it : 

In the spring of 1867 a party of Apache maraud- 
ers made a raid upon one of our most remote mili- 
tary posts, situated near the summit of the Sierra 
de la Madre, and succeeded in stampeding and driv- 
ing oif a number of animals, and a party of soldiers 
and citizens was immediately collected and started 
in pursuit. 

The trace led them over precipitous and lofty 
mountain passes and through deep and difficult de- 
files for many long miles, extending even into tlie 
heart of Arizona, where it terminated in a rancherio, 
or village, where the families of the depredators 



BoKDEK IIeminiscences. 351 

were located. Here the pursuing party overtook 
the Indians, and a battle ensued, which resulted in 
several of the savages being killed, and a number 
wounded and captured. 

Among the latter was a little girl about nine 
years old, who at first was as much terrified and as 
wild as a young antelope would have been ; but, by 
a little coaxing and kind treatment, she soon became 
reconciled to her situation, and was taken back to 
the fort, where she was adopted into the household 
of the Mexican guide who accompanied the expedi- 
tion. She was very kindly received by the family, 
and new clothing and blanket substituted for the 
few filthy rags that hung around her person ; and, 
to all appearances, the young savage was contented 
and happy in her new home. 

After a few weeks had elapsed, as the oflicers of 
the fort were sitting out in front of their quarters 
one evening, they heard (as was supposed) frequent 
bowlings of wolves near tlie guide's house ; but this 
was not an unusual occurrence, and did not attract 
special attention. 

On the following morning, however, the guide 
made his appearance at the fort with a most dole- 
ful countenance, and informed the oflicers that his 
adopted child had disappeared during the niglit ; 



352 BOKDEK liEMINISCENCES. 

and an investigation of the affair disclosed the fact 
that the wolves which were heard the evening be- 
fore were nothing more or less than two Apache 
braves, who had followed the trail of the soldiers all 
the way in from their remote rancherio in the moun- 
tains, and, by concealing themselves in the vicinity, 
had ascertained where the captive child was, and re- 
sorted to this novel method of communicating to her 
a knowledge of their proximity ; and the little creat- 
ure, with an instinctive, or, rather, with an acute 
reasoning perception which seems almost marvelous 
in so young a child, had at once recognized the call 
of her friends, and set about making preparations 
for escape. 

The guide's house was built of boulder rocks laid 
up in mud mortar, not very tenacious, and the girl 
very adroitly and noiselessly managed to loosen and 
pull out one of these rocks, maldng an aperture of 
sufficient size to permit her egress, with her new 
wardrobe, into the open air. The family w^ere all 
asleep while this was going on, and knew nothing of 
it until they found the child missing in the morning, 
when her tracks were followed to where she met two 
Indians, from whence the trace of the three led into 
the mountains, where it was lost and could be found 
no more. 



BoKDKK Reminiscences. 353 

ABORIGINES AS THEY ARE. 

The distinctive ethnological traits which mark 
the character of the aborigines of this continent 
have been delineated in various conflicting aspects 
by different writers, whose observations have led 
them npon courses widely divergent, and their con- 
clusions have been drawn fi-om stand-points very re- 
mote. 

By some the natives have been invested with the 
liveliest sentiments of generosity, hospitality, grati- 
tude, and other attributes which we have been taught 
to eulogize as moral excellencies adorning the human 
character ; while others, unable to discover any such 
commendable traits, have described them as addict- 
ed to all the crimes and vices known to the legal and 
biblical calendars, and as utterly devoid of every at- 
tribute that tends to elevate humanity in the scale of 
civilization and moral progress. 

Neither of these conclusions is, in my judgment, 
absolutely correct or incontrovertible; but one fact 
which affords a preponderating bias in favor of the 
advocates of the opinion last mentioned is, that those 
persons who have come in contact with the Indians, 
and thereby had the most favorable opportunities 
for studying their habits and character, have, almost 



354 BoKDEK Kkminiscences. 

without exception, entertained unfavorable senti- 
ments toward the race. 

There is unquestionably some truth on both sides 
of the controversy, for it is undeniable that the na- 
tives have occasionally manifested good as well as 
evil tendencies ; but of one fact, I imagine, there can 
be no dispute — namely, that the history of the colo- 
nization of this continent affords conclusive proof 
that, with a few notable exceptions, whenever the 
Indians have come in juxtaposition with the "pale 
faces," from that moment dates their moral deterio- 
ration and diminution in numbers. There seems to 
be a radical antagonism in the characteristics of the 
two races which renders their contiguous coexistence 
impossible. 

Numerous examples might be adduced w^here 
tribe after tribe, through the baneful influences of 
" iire-water," and the vices which have been intro- 
duced and inculcated among them by avaricious and 
unscrupulous white men, have degenerated into the 
very decrepitude and decay of barbarism, and rapid- 
ly wasted away and ultimately vanished from the 
face of the earth. 

My friend Colonel L**, who is familiar with the 
Indian character in all its phases, does not, if we 
may judge from the sentiments so feelingly depict- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 355 

ed in the following lines, appear to be in exact ac- 
cord with Ml-. Fenimore Cooper in his exalted esti- 
mate of the poetical and romantic elements in the 
nature of the savage. 

INDIANS AS THEY ARE. 

Sanico old is a warrior bold, 

And his head has grown gi'ay from years — 
You'd swear on the book, at the very first look, 

That it never grew gray from fears. 

A besom of wrath o'er the wild war-path 

He swept in his manhood's prime ; 
But his pace is now slow, for he's "crankie" below, 

And his physique has served out its time. 

He's cousin by blood of Prince "Buffalo-cud," 

And grandsire of " Buffalo-hump ; " 
His wife's a Tonk'way, with the soft sobriquet 

Of "The lizard that sleeps on the stump." 

He enjoys the free air when the weather is fair, 
And creeps into his lodge when it rains ; 

He's fond of dog-stew, but he dotes on ragout 
Of mule-meat, ga)-7ii with wanior's brains. 

He'd a virtue most rare in the dark of his hair — 
That is, ere his locks had grown white — 

For, from rag-tail to chief, so accomplished a thief 
Never emptied a halter at night. 



356 Border Reminiscences. 

Alas ! his high flime and his heroic name 

Are eclipsed in these heroic times : 
There are robbers more bold, if the truth were but told, 

But their names must be nameless in rhymes. 



THE WAR-CHIEF. 

He leaned against a prairie oak, 

A dark-browned forest child. 
As tall a chief as ever broke 
Hard-bread beneath a wigwam's smoke 

When storms without blew wild. 

Chief of his tribe, but not the last: 

He had six dusky boys 
From six feet two to two feet six ; 
And four were death on cariying ^^ bi-icks," 

And two upon a noise. 

Besides, he had two loving wives, 

And might have had a score; 
Perhaps with one he'd been content, 
As many a far more loving gent 

With 7io)ie has been before. 

But I'm digressing — to my song; 

Wliere was I ? let me see— 
A native warrior, tall and strong, 
I left him, if I am not wrong, 

Leaning against a tree. 



Border Reminiscences. 357 

He was a beauty to behold 

For seekers after sights, 
With moccasins untied and old, 
And bloodshot ejes, that plainly told 

He had been drunk for nights. 

Since then I've wandered more or less 

'Mong Indians tame and wild, 
And that's about as fine a spec- 
imen of nature's nobleness 
As I have found, I must confess. 

In any '•'■forest child." 



358 Boeder Keminiscences. 



CHAPTEE X. 

Rapid Settlement of the Northwest. — Enterprise of the English and 
American People contrasted. — Benefits of Co-operation. — The 
Sterile Kegion. — Texas Pacific Railroad. — Route of the Thirty- 
fifth Parallel. — North Pacific Railroad. — Union and Central Pa- 
cific Railroad. 

The wonderful improvements and magical trans- 
formations that within the brief period of four de- 
cades have been evolved from the rapid settlement 
of the great Northwest, and the nnprecedentedly 
speedy and expanded development of the varied and 
limitless resources of that most fertile and attractive 
section of our magnificent domain, seem marvelous 
indeed. 

A glance at the history of the colonization of the 
Eastern States from the advent of the Pilgrims at 
Plymouth two hundred and fifty years ago to the 
beginning of the present century exhibits the march 
of civilization struggling tardily but manfully on- 
ward from the shores of the Atlantic to the West. 

The progress of the heroic little band of j^ioneei-s 
through the wilderness east of Lake Erie and the 
Ohio River, which was infested with numerous tribes 
of hostile savages, wlio interposed a stubborn resist- 



Border Reminiscences, 35*J 

ance at every inch of their advance, was difficult, 
slow, and sanguinary ; nevertheless, the incipient 
wave of migration, swelling as it progressed, rolled 
steadily forward, forcing back, step by step, the orig- 
inal occupants of the land, until many of them were 
dispersed or annihilated in the futile effort to sub- 
vert the consummation of the inevitable destiny of 
the pale faces upon this continent. 

When the tidal volume of inland migration ap- 
proached the boundaries of Indiana and Michigan, a 
sudden and vigorous re-enforcement of power was 
imparted to it. Then it began to receive that great 
aggregation of numbers, vitality, and strength which 
carried it with immense velocity, and with a mo- 
mentum as ponderous and irresistible as that of the 
Gulf Stream, entirely over the continent, destroying 
or driving before it tlie hordes of opposing natives 
who stood in its track, and disseminating its ele- 
ments of Imman enterprise and development through- 
out every habitable fraction of the country ; and sud- 
denly, as if by the wave of a magician's wand, or 
by the fiat of the Creator, that solitary wilderness, 
throughout all its vast amplitude, was made to blos- 
som like the rose. The wild but fertile virgin prai- 
ries were at once metamorphosed into beautiful plan- 
tations, yielding bountiful returns to the husband- 



360 Boeder Reminiscences. 

man, and places wliich, from the creation of the 
world, had known no human habitation other than 
the Indian lodge, were speedily transformed into 
populous cities and towns, where abodes of industry, 
wealth, and luxury abound. The aboriginal tribes, 
like snow under the fervid rays of a meridian sun, 
are so rapidly vanishing from the face of the earth, 
that the time is not far distant when the hunting- 
grounds of their forefathers wnll be trodden by the 
race no more forever. In short, the omnipotent 
power of American civilization has possession of this 
continent, and under its colossal domination a new 
world of culture, refinement, and progression has 
come suddenly into existence in place of a state of 
absolute barbarism. 

As an evidence of the supremacy and progress of 
this transition, it is necessary to mention the fact 
that as late as in 1832 it required a month of toil- 
some traveling to make the overland journey from 
the city of New York to the remote hamlet of Chi- 
cago, which then contained only about two hundred 
inhabitants, and was not as well known to the Amer- 
ican public as Sitka in Alaska is at the present time. 

The contrast between this and the existing condi- 
tion of the country seems almost incredible. The 
same journey can be accomplished now with perfect 



EoKDER Reminiscences. 361 

ease and. comfort in thirty hours ; and Chicago to- 
day, claiming a population of over three hundred 
thousand souls, is the largest grain and lumber mart, 
besides being one of the best built and most enter- 
prising and flourishing cities of its magnitude in the 
world. 

Appreciation in the value of real estate in the 
Western cities has been commensurate with their 
rapidly augmenting populations. For example, land 
in the suburbs of Chicago which in 1833 could have 
been bought at one dollar and a quarter an acre, can 
readily be sold now at five thousand dollars per acre. 
In other words, this property has doubled in value 
every three years for thirty-nine years, and I dare say 
similar results might be cited of the rise of property 
in other Western towns. 

Wisconsin, at the time alluded to, was a wilder- 
ness, unpeopled save by savages. There was at that 
time but one house between Green Bay and Chicago, 
that of my friend Solomon Juneau, an Indian trader, 
upon the spot where the beautiful city of Milwaukee 
now stands, and only one log cabin upon the road 
leading from Chicago to Galena, which was at 
Dixon's Ferry, on Rock River. Not a single white 
man lived at Fond du lac or IVIadison, and, with the 
exception of a few miners and half-breeds in the 

Q 



362 BoKDEK Keminiscences. 

neighborhood of Mmeral Point, Prairie du Chien 
and Green Bay, I beheve, there was not then a farm- 
er in Wisconsin, Even as late as 1838 no civihzed 
tenement had been erected between Madison and 
Janesville, and but three npon that portion of the 
Mississippi Kiver lying between Prairie du Chien 
and Fort Snelling. 

Minnesota at that period was terra incognita, and 
was looked npon by the army of officers who had 
been stationed there as possessing too cold a climate 
e\er to become available for agriculture. 

But what do we behold now ? Almost the entire 
area of Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa, and Minnesota is 
absorbed, and a great part of it cultivated by enter- 
prising, industrious, and thrifty planters, who annu- 
ally derive many millions of dollars from the prod- 
ucts of their labor, and the numerous railways in- 
tersecting the country in all directions afford con- 
venient, rapid, and cheap access to home markets ; 
while the Creator, in his benignant economy, has 
placed at our disposal that continental arterial trunk, 
the mighty Mississippi, with its numerous confluents, 
issuing from the heart of the most lovely and at- 
tractive region beneath the canopy of heaven, and 
embracing an aggregate of many thousand miles of 
navigable waters, that afford a gratuitous, illimitable. 



BoKDEE Reminiscences. 363 

and ceaseless motive power for transmitting to the 
ocean, over a broad and accessible highway, the 
produce of half our possessions. These vast advan- 
tages are destined ultimately to impart an immeas- 
urable increase of proportion, vigor, and solidity to 
the commerce of the world. 

In a word, the expansion of our settlements dur- 
ing the last half century is without a parallel in the 
history of the human race ; and, in my humble 
judgment, no one, whose perceptions have not been 
deflected from reason by prejudice or interest, can 
fail to realize the logic of the conclusion that, if the 
government and people of Great Britain were dis- 
posed to co-operate in developing and combining 
the resources of British America with those of the 
United States, the international affinity and moral 
cohesion that would follow such community of inter- 
est and action would be so firmly cemented and 
consolidated by mutual benefits of a social, commer- 
cial, and political character as to exercise a control- 
ling influence over the commercial destinies of the 
world. Moreover, it does not require the premoni- 
tion of a soothsayer to foretell that such reciprocity 
of purpose and execution would inevitably prove the 
harbinger of more kind and neighborly relations than 
at present exist. 



364 Border Reminiscences. 

But, as I have before had occasion to remark, the 
sluggish apathy and morbid caution of our venera- 
ble transatlantic progenitors, when contrasted with 
the fearless, dashing spirit of enterprise and prompt 
execution which has signalized the achievements of 
their descendants, released from the shackles of mo- 
narchical domination, receives a forcible illustration 
in the glaring reality that for two centuries the 
government of Great Britain has possessed a tract 
of territory adjacent to our own, lying upon the wa- 
ters that flow from the West into Lake Winnipeg, 
and equal in extent to four times the area of the 
great State of Ohio, all of which is rich and pro- 
ductive, and admirably adapted to the requirements 
of the husbandman, and which has been allowed to 
remain up to this moment an undeveloped wilder- 
ness. As mysterious as it may appear to those not 
familiar with the facts, although there is a differ- 
ence of ten degrees in the latitude of this section 
and that of the most desirable grain -growing dis- 
tricts of the United States, yet the climatic combi- 
nations in the more northern locality are of such 
peculiar character as to carry the isothermal belt of 
Central lUinois directly through the heart of the 
country alluded to. 

If this part of the British dominions possesses the 



Border Kkminiscences. 3G5 

great natural advantages ascribed to it, the question 
arises why it has not before now been occupied and 
developed. 

The only solution of this mystery that occurs to 
ray comprehension lies in the fact that it has been 
Avanted for perpetuating the tenure of the franchise 
of a powerful oligarchical monopoly (the Hudson's 
Bay Company), and this "penny wise and pound 
foolish" policy has set the authorities to bar up 
against immigrants all avenues of approach to this 
vast tract of fertile territory. 

That the drowsy optics of our cousin John Bull, 
after his protracted slumber, are at last beginning 
slowly to open upon the gravity of the impending 
crisis, the following quotation from a sensible pam- 
phlet, published at London in 1866 by Thomas Raw- 
lins, r.R.G.S., author of " America from the Atlantic 
to the Pacific," most pointedly indicates. He says : 

'' To the directors and stockholders of the Hud- 
son's Bay Company we would say the emigrant is 
even now thundering at your doors ; he demands a 
passage; he asks by what right you exclude him. 
Why have you not borrowed a lesson from the prog- 
ress of the country adjoining? Are you blind to 
your OM^n interest? for if you continue to pursue 
your present policy you assuredly will be. 



3(3(3 Border Keminiscences. 

"Brother Jonatlian possesses a cajpacious maw. 
He is snujfl7ig the savory morsel of the Fertile Belt 
(the Saskatchawan country) ; but once let him get a 
few squatters' rights, and there will soon be no ne- 
cessity for any action on the part of the board of 
directors. Their power will have slipped from tlieir 
grasp, and the road to the Pacific be shut out to us 
forever. We must not, we can not permit such sui- 
cidal lethargy to continue. We are all interested 
that unless something is done soon, the connection 
between the Atlantic and Pacific coasts in English 
interests is irretrievably severed, and the supremacy 
of British power in IS'orth America will be greatly 
endangered." 

The somewhat equivocal compliment paid us in 
the gastronomic figure above quoted is eminently 
characteristic of the nationality of the writer, and 
exhibits the true measure of John Bull courtesy and 
amenity ; yet it contains an admission regarding the 
relative enterprise of the two nations which I should 
hardly have expected from an Englishman. 

Verily, it must be conceded that the dismal pic- 
ture of the future which he so earnestly exhibits to 
the serious contemplation of his countrymen seems 
almost prescient ; indeed, it may truly be added that 
it has already been partially voi-ificd. for, notwith- 



Border Reminiscences. 367 

standing the "suicidal lethargy" of our Englisli 
neighbors, onr people, with the alert, wide-awake 
spirit of enterprise and elan which characterizes all 
their achievements, have been expending their cap- 
ital and laboi', their bone and muscle, in the very di- 
rection foreshadowed above, and they have already 
spanned the broad continent from ocean to ocean 
with one grand trunk railway, which traverses fifty- 
five degrees of longitude, uniting the most easterly 
and the most westerly cities of our territory, besides 
having several other transcontinental trunk roads in 
rapid progress of construction, with numerous tribu- 
tary branches, all accompanied by the universal ad- 
junct of the magnetic telegraph (the conception and 
production of American genius), which, by the con- 
tinual interchanges of thought and language that 
flash over its wires, not only brings our remotest 
hamlets into hourly communion with ahnost every 
city in the universe, but renders man throughout 
the civilized world nearly as ubiquitous as his Cre- 
ator. Moreover, the fact is indisputable that " Broth- 
er Jonathan," in his voracious absorption of domain, 
has proved himself to be something of a gourmand. 
That he has been blessed by Providence with a 
" maw" of respectable proportions, an excellent ap- 
petite, and capital powers of digestion, is beyond 



3G8 Boeder Reminiscences. 

question ; besides, his keen olfactories certainly do 
enable him to " snuff" from afar the savory aroma 
of a choice " honne houche^'' in the form of rich au- 
riferous or agricultural acquisitions; and although 
he has of late been a little clogged with racy viands 
of this description, still no dyspeptic symptoms have 
as yet appeared, and I have not the slightest doubt, 
if the piquant " morsel" so graphically and tempt- 
ingly depicted above were properly served up and 
placed in his mouth, he would manage to " worry it 
down." 

In view of the fact that many thousands of our 
enterprising and intelligent citizens have, within the 
last twenty years, made the toilsome overland jour- 
ney across the continent, and the still more signifi- 
cant reality that the Union Pacific Itailroad trans- 
ports daily hundreds of passengers from ocean to 
ocean, it seems strange that the great mass of the 
inhabitants of the United States should at this late 
day entertain the erroneous idea that no natural ob- 
stacles interpose to the settlenient and development 
of new agricultural states like Missouri, Kansas, and 
Nebraska, entirely over the continent to the Pacific 
Ocean. 

But tills is a fallacy which can easily be dispelled 
by any one familiar with the physical geography of 



Border Reminiscences. 369 

the couutry, and its adaptation to the requirements 
of the husbandman. 

As there is eveiy reason to heheve that the Xorth 
and South Pacific Raih'oads will be vigorously push- 
ed forward to speedy comj)letion, there are, doubt- 
less, many of our citizens who are desirous of invest- 
ing money in these enterprises, while others, influ- 
enced by the hope of improving their condition, may 
be induced, by the alluring prospects held out to 
them, to migrate West, for the purpose of opening 
farms and making new homes for their families upon 
the lines of the roads, and these people will, of 
course, desire accurate information regarding the 
character of the country in which their future desti- 
nies may become involved ; but, as the chief sources 
of reliable statistics upon the greater part of the sec- 
tions through wliich these roads will pass are con- 
tained in the voluminous reports of different explora- 
tions and surveys that from time to time have been 
made across the continent, there are but few who 
have had the opportunity or time to wade through 
them. 

The task I propose undertaking in the following 
pages of tliis chapter is to give a succinct and accu- 
rate summaiy of the agricultural features of the 
country in such a plain and unmistakable form tliat 
Q2 



370 BoKDEK Keminiscences. 

no one who takes the trouble to read it with a map 
before him need be deluded by the misrepresenta- 
tions of interested or designing parties. 

As a general rule, the arable belt within the scope 
of our domain upon this continent extends from the 
Atlantic coast to about the 99th meridian of west 
longitude, when a sudden transformation takes place. 
The woodland disappears, and the great plains of the 
West commence, wherein, with the exception of the 
main trunk streams, which have their sources in the 
far distant mountains, but few water -courses are 
found, and these not unfrequentlj contain unpalata- 
ble water. 

It is true, the grass upon these elevated pampas is 
generally abundant and nutritious, and, where water 
for stock can be found, it may be made available for 
pasturage ; but, in consequence of the almost total 
absence of summer rains, and the extreme aridity of 
the thirsty soil, it is only along the immediate bor- 
ders of the streams, where artificial irrigation may be 
resorted to, that crops can be produced with any cer- 
tainty. 

The fertile belt varies in width in different lati- 
tudes. Commencing at the most southerly point of 
our territory, where agriculture can be made remun- 
erative, which would be in the vicinity of Corpus 



Border liEMiNiscENCEs. 371 

Cliristi, Texas (as nearly all the country south and 
west of this is unproductive, except for grass), the 
southwestern boundary of the fertile belt runs to the 
northwest, crossing the track of the Southern Pacific 
Railroad near the 101st meridian of W. longitude, 
and follows this meridian as high as the 33d parallel 
of latitude, embracing the beautiful country watered 
by the San Antonio, Gaudalupe, Brazos, and Trinity 
Rivers, which is eminently adapted to agriculture. 

The line then trends to the northeast, crossing Red 
River in about latitude 99|°, and the Arkansas, Kan- 
zas, Platte, and Missouri Rivers somewhat farther 
east. Thence it runs nearly north to the British 
possessions, when it bears west to the head of the 
Saskatchawan River, in longitude about 115°, and 
here the fertile belt extends to within about four 
hundred miles of the Pacific coast. 

West of this somewhat meandering line, up to the 
foot-hills of the Rocky Mountains, except upon the 
borders of the streams, farms can not be made. 

As many persons are desirous of knowing what 
the character of the country is along the different 
lines of transcontinental railroads, and as this will 
convey a tolerably correct general idea of the entire 
country, I propose, in this paper, to describe the 
features of the country upon each route as much in 



372 BoRDKK Reminiscences. 

detail as my time and tlie data at my disposal will 
permit. 

Before commencing my descriptions, it is proper 
I should remark that my conclusions have, for the 
most part, been drawn from my own personal oIj- 
servations, having passed over the summit of the 
Rocky Mountains at five different points, viz., in lati- 
tude 32° 55', and longitude 108° 25', near Fort Bay- 
ard ; also in latitude 36° 20', and longitude about 
107°, near the head of the Chama River; also in 
about latitude 38° 15', and longitude 107° 20', through 
the Cochetope Pass; also in about latitude 41° 30', 
and longitude 107° 50', near where the Union Pacific 
Railroad passes ; and in latitude about 42° 20', longi- 
tude 109°, at the South Pass. 

Having also crossed the Plains from the Mississip- 
pi River to the Rocky Mountains upon six different 
routes within the same latitudes, a glance at the map 
of the country will show that I have seen a good 
deal of the districts under consideration. 

My remarks upon that portion of the country 
which I have not traversed are deduced fi'om the re- 
ports of the difi^erent surveys for the Pacific Rail- 
roads, and from information obtained of other relia- 
ble men who are familiar with it. 

It is possible that my observations and conclusions 



Boeder Reminiscences. 373 

may not entirely coincide with the opinions of some 
of the gentlemen who are interested in the Pacific 
Railroads or the new territories, but, as my state- 
inents are intended to be strictly veracious and un- 
prejudiced, I am persuaded the thanks I shall receive 
from disinterested persons who desire information 
will more than counterbalance the effects of any ob- 
loquy I may sustain from other parties. 

I will commence my narrative with a description 
of the country through which the " Southern Trans- 
continental or Texas Pacific Railroad" (which has 
just been ' chartered by Congress with a subsidiary 
land provision) is designed to pass. 

The general course of this road, after leaving the 
border settlements of Texas, is to run near the 32d 
parallel of latitude, and strike the Rio del Norte at 
or near El Paso del N'orte, and is within this section 
confined exclusively to the domain of Texas, all title 
to which the United States has yielded to that state. 

All the constructed and projected eastern tribu- 
tary branches of this road traverse fertile districts 
of country, aboimding in excellent timber, grass, and 
water, and admirably adapted to agricultural pur- 
poses, and embracing, besides the country upon the 
numerous tributaries of the Arkansas and Red Riv- 
ers, the confluents of the Trinity, Brazos, and Colo- 



374 BoKDKK ItKMlXISCKNCKS. 

rado of Texas, upon all of which there are flourish- 
mg farming settlements. 

This fa\orable cliaracter of country extends west 
to the eastern border of the Llano Estacado, or Staked 
Plain, that great North American desert which, in its 
extreme dimensions, stretches from north to south 
about 400 miles, and from east to west some 250 
miles, and is 4000 feet above the ocean level Upon 
this elevated plateau there is not a tree or bush, and, 
with rare exceptions, not a drop of water, and no 
man inhabits or attempts to cross it without trans- 
porting M'ater for himself and his animals. 

The railroad will probably cross the southern spur 
of this plateau, where it is only about seventy miles 
wide. I passed over this spur in 1849 where it was 
125 miles in wudth, and found the greater part of it 
as firm as a Macadamized highway, and as level and 
smooth as the ocean in a calm. 

The road will descend from this plain to the Pe- 
cos Piver, a narrow^, deep, and exceedingly tortuous 
stream issuing from the Sacramento and Guadalupe 
Mountains, which have a considerable amount of 
pine timber on their slopes; its waters bitter and 
unpalatable, with no wood upon its banks near the 
crossing ; and, in consequence of the depression of 
the water below the earth's surface, I doubt if it 



Border IIeminiscences. 375 

can be made available for irrigatiou in the vicinity 
of where the railroad will cross it. 

From thence the road will pass over an elevated 
and arid section, with only three places where water 
is found after passing the Guadalupe Mountains to 
the Rio Grande. 

From El Paso the track will probably follow up 
the Tvio Grande to Fort Selden, sixty miles, passing 
through the Mesilla Yalley, which has a dense farm- 
ing population, and is the most productive section of 
New Mexico, growing luxuriant grain and delicious 
fruits, but the area of arable land here is confined 
to the narrow river valley. 

Rich silver mines have been worked remunera- 
tively in the Organ Mountains, fifteen miles distant 
from the Mesilla settlements. 

Passing the Rio Grande at Fort Selden, the road 
rises to a high plateau, w^hich it traverses for seventy- 
five miles, without a tree or a drop of water save at 
Cook's Spring, which furnishes a limited supply. 
The next water is in the Mimbus Creek, a small 
brook about ten feet wide, which is absorbed by the 
sand a few miles below the crossing. 

Five miles beyond this is an immense boiling 
spring, as hot as fire can make it, and here an enter- 
prising Yirgiuian had established a ranche, witli 



876 Border Reminiscences. 

batliing-i'ooms for guests, but shortly after I passed 
lie was murdered by the Apaches, as I was informed. 

From the Minibus to the smnmit of the Sierra 
Madre, 5200 feet above the sea, the ascent is so gen- 
tle and uniform as to be almost imperceptible. This 
section is a vast undulating plateau, interrupted by 
irregular, bare, rugged, and isolated mountains, or 
short ranges through which the railroad may be car- 
ried with practicable gradients. 

From the Pima villages the road will probably 
follow the course of the Gila to its confluence with 
the Colorado, 223 miles. Throughout this distance 
the stream flows through a plain interspei'sed with 
ridges and mountain peaks all denuded of vegeta- 
tion, and extremely arid and sterile. 

From the crossing of the Colorado to the San Gor- 
gonio Pass, 133 miles in a direct line over the Colo- 
rado desert, where there is no grass, the railroad will 
have to pass. From the summit of the Pass to San 
Pedro, on the Pacific coast, the soil is good, and can 
be irrigated. 

The climate throughout this entire route, from 
Red River to the Pacific Ocean, is salubrious, the 
heat due to its southern latitude being tempered and 
modified by its great altitude. It is seldom that 
snow falls more than three or f<uir inches upon any 



BoEDEK Keminiscences. 377 

part of the route, and rarely remains long upon the 
ground. 

A striking feature in the physical geography of 
this section is the great elevation of the table-lands, 
which cover 1200 miles upon the line of the road. 

The general characteristic of extreme sterility per- 
taining to the section lying between the Rio Grande 
and the western border of the Colorado basin is con- 
firmed by the fact that the constituent elements of 
the greater part of the soil in this region are not 
conducive to fertility; and the most of that part 
which possesses the elements of fertility, owing to 
the absence of rains, is equally uncultivable with the 
other. 

The entire distance from where this road leaves 
the Eed River to the Pacific coast at San Pedro is 
1G18 miles. 

From Red River for about 350 miles west the 
country has a very desirable diversification of prai- 
ries and timbered lands, which are bountifully wa- 
tered with pure spring branches. The soil is of the 
richest and most productive character, and this sec- 
tion is doubtless destined to contain a larire farmine: 
population. But from thence to the Pacific, as I 
have mentioned before, with the exception of a very 
insignifi(;ant fraction along the narrow valleys im- 



378 BOKDEK liEMINISCENCES. 

mediately bordering the few streams that are en- 
countered, the country can not be made available 
for agriculture, and the greater part of the land I 
regard as valueless. 

The small portion of New Mexico susceptible of 
irrigation (and this is the only part that can be cul- 
tivated) is now, and has been for more than a cen- 
tury, occupied and cultivated by Spaniards and In- 
dians, and it has augmented its population but httle 
since we acquired possession of it in 1847. More- 
over, it is thought by many that if the troops and 
Indians were withdrawn from that territory, but 
few of our people would think of remaining there. 
As it is now, the Army and Indian contracts, with 
other government patronage, enables many of them 
to gain a livelihood, and some to make fortunes. 

In view of the facts I have adduced, the conclu- 
sion seems to my mind inevitable that New Mexico 
can never become an agricultural state of much im- 
portance. 

There are, doubtless, rich mines in this territory 
that will be developed and worked to advantage as 
soon as the railroad is completed; but up to this 
time the inhabitants of New Mexico, with a few 
prominent exceptions, have exhibited a feeble spirit 
of enterprise in developing the mineral resources of 
tlioir conntrv. 



Boeder Kkminisoences. 379 

If the traveler, on reaching the eastern border of 
Arizona, could close his eyes, and make an aerial 
leap of some 500 miles, landing upon the summit of 
the San Gorgonio Pass, he might remain in happy 
ignorance of the character of the region he had 
passed over ; but, unfortunately, our powers of loco- 
motion are not as yet equal to the achievement of 
such gigantic strides as this ; and as it is necessary 
for the traveler in this section to move cautiously, 
and keep his eyes wide open to guard against the 
attacks of those ubiquitous and relentless Bedouins 
of the desert, the Apaches, he can not avoid behold- 
ing, and he must admit that he is traversing the 
most unattractive, barren, desolate, God -forsaken, 
and (except for its mines) worthless region within 
the limits of our entire possessions. 

The face of the country here is characterized by 
features of extreme sterility and aridity, and with 
an almost total absence of w^ood, water, and grass ; 
and it is only here and there, at huge intervals, that 
a few small spots are found where the land is cul- 
tivable. 

As a significant evidence of the future prospects 
of this territory, it is only necessaiy to advert to 
the fact that this section commenced settling more 
tliaii twenty years ago, and, with all the patronage 



380 BoKDEK Keminiscences. 

of the government in carrying on the teri-itorial 
machinery, and in purchasing supplies for the troops 
and Indians, as well as employing mechanics and la- 
borers, the territory is said to contain at this time 
less than seven thousand inhabitants, many of whom, 
either directly or indirectly, receive their subsistence 
from the government; and unless the development 
of the mines shall augment the population, Arizona 
is not, in my judgment, destined to become of much 
more significance than it is now. 

The supplies for the troops in Arizona are brought 
from great distances out of the territory, and cost 
enormous prices. 

There are, however, many rich silver mines here, 
which have not been worked with profit on account 
of the depredations of the Indians, and the diffi- 
culty of procuring supplies and labor in these re- 
mote and dangerous localities. The railroad would, 
without doubt, tend to bring these mines into no- 
tice, and the development of them might materially 
swell the aggregate of population, but this territory 
can never be of the slightest significance as a farm- 
ing locality. 

As an evidence of this, there is between the Rio 
Grande and the head of the San Pedro, a distance 
of 223 miles, upon this route but one spot that can 



Border Reminiscences. 381 

be cultiyated, and that is a narrow strip of land 
along the Mimbus Cre^k^ where about a dozen farms 
might be made. 

ROUTE NEAR THE 35TH PARALLEL OF LATITUDE. 

This route does not seem to have met with favor- 
able consideration from Congress or capitalists, yet 
it possesses some advantages over the route upon the 
32d parallel. Commencing at Fort Smith, Arkan* 
sas, this route follows up the Yalley of the Canadian 
River for about 600 miles, passing over a section 
which I explored in 1849. 

For the first 350 miles it traverses a splendid agri- 
cultural section, lying exclusively within the Choctaw 
Reservation. 

At about the 99th meridian of longitude the char- 
acter of the country, except along the banks of the 
streams, at once changes from the highest degree of 
fertility to that of absolute sterility. 

The only points upon the route west of this where 
cultivable soil is found are on the Pecos, Rio Grande, 
Zuni, Colorado - Chiquito, San Francisco Rivers, and 
upon the Colorado of the "West, where small areas of 
land, with the aid of irrigation, can be made pro- 
ductive, but the greater part of all the country west 
of the meridian of 99° is similar to that upon the 



382 Boeder Reminiscences. 

32d parallel west of the meridian of 102°, a succes- 
sion of elevated, arid, and barren plateaus. 

Generally these plains are covered with nutritious 
grasses, but there are extensive tracts where none is 
found. 

From the Rio Grande this route traverses a district 
of country where the mountains are more wooded 
than upon tlie other route, although there are por- 
tions where no fuel is foimd. Tlie greatest distance 
over which there is a total absence of fuel is between 
the Colorado and Mohave Rivers, 115 miles. 

From what has been stated, it will be evident that, 
with the exception of the limited areas that have 
been specified along the water-courses, the physical 
geography of the country in the vicinity of the 35th 
parallel of latitude is sHch as to preclude the proba- 
bility of its ever possessing much agricultural im- 
portance. 

THE NORTH PACIFIC RAILROAD. 

Wliat inducements could have influenced the au- 
thorities controlling the road in locating its eastern 
terminus at Duluth was a mystery to me on visiting 
that place during the past season. 

The only advantage this place possesses over oth- 
ers upon the west shore of Lake Superior, so far as I 



Border Reminiscences. 383 

could learn or conjecture, is in the fact that it is the 
most westerly point of the lake ; but this advantage 
is, in my judgment, greatly overbalanced by many 
other adverse considerations, some of which I will 
proceed to mention. 

1st. This place has no natural harbor, and no other 
protection for shipping but a breakwater, which it is 
not believed will afford secure anchorage against the 
easterly gales which occasionally sweep with tre- 
mendous force across the entire length of the lake. 

2d. Situated as Duluth is at the bottom of a deep 
bay, into which the ice, in immense masses, is driven 
during winter storms, and does not melt or drift 
away for some considerable time after it has disap- 
peared from other portions of the lake, which mate- 
rially retards the opening of navigation at this point. 

3d. The outlet of the large River St. Louis is only 
seven miles below here, opposite Superior City, where 
there is a much better site for a town (as Duluth is a 
very bad one). Moreover, large expenditures have 
already been made by the government in throwing 
out breakwaters and improving the entrance to this 
harbor. 

4th. Bayfield, which has incomparably the best 
natural harbor on the lake, only eighty miles below 
Duluth, and directly on the transit line to the Sault 



384 BoKDER Reminiscences. 

de St. Marie, could easily have been reached as the 
eastern terminus of this road, and this, without a dol- 
lar's expenditure upon the harbor, would have been 
an excellent shipping point for all time. 

Notwithstanding the improvements which have 
been made at Dulutli, and the high figures at which 
real estate is held there at the present time, I, at 
the risk of incurring the displeasure of the inhabit- 
ants of the place, venture the prediction that the 
relative advantages of the two places will ultimate- 
ly carry the terminus of the road to Bayfield. 

On departing from Duluth, the North Pacific 
Ttailroad runs along the bank of the St. Louis Riv- 
er for twenty-six miles to the junction of the St. 
Paul Road, when it Ijears to the right, and strikes 
the Mississippi above Crow-wing River. I passed 
over a portion of this road in September last, and 
carefully observed the character of the adjacent 
country, which, from the junction, consists of low 
sandy ridges and tamarack swamps, with a consid- 
erable portion covered with water. Wlierever the 
surface appears above the water the soil is very 
thin, cold, and unproductive ; and I can candidly as- 
sert that I did not, in the whole distance I passed 
over, see a single spot where a tolerable farm could 
be made. My observations upon the country bor- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 385 

derilig the road which connects Duhith with St. 
Paul, and which is similar in features with that 
along the North Pacific Road, together with the 
information I obtained from others, lead to the be- 
lief that the same character of country continues 
upon the last-mentioned road to near the Mississippi 
River. 

The swamps covering a great part of this section 
are for the most part clothed with dense thickets of 
small tamaracks, and the remaining surface grows 
white birch, maple, oak, and pine, the latter not in 
dimensions or quantity sufiicient to make it of much 
value for lumbering purposes. My own opinion of 
this particular section, condensed into a very few 
words, is, that any person purchasing it at sixpence 
an acre would have a huge elephant on his hands, 
for I can imagine no possible use to which it could 
be applied. From the Mississippi River to near 
Otter-tail Lake, about seventy-five miles, the soil is 
shallow and sandy, but from thence to Red River 
it presents a more favorable aspect ; and the Red 
River Valley, having a belt of rich bottom land 
from five to thirty miles wide, with an abundance 
of good hard timber along the stream, is admirably 
adapted to agriculture. The soil is an unctuous 
black alluvium four feet deep, sustaining a most 

R 



386 Border Reminiscences. 

exuberant growth of natural grasses, and tlic same 
characteristics continue to the British jjossessions. 

As the North Pacific Raih'oad runs directly across 
Red River, comparatively little of its fertile valley 
will be in easy access with it. The road will then 
ascend the eastern bordei" of the " Coteau du Mis- 
souri," which is a vast plateau from 1000 to 2000 
feet above the sea, extending entirely across the 
country from Red to the Missouri River some 400 
miles, and containing but few small streams, with 
occasional shallow ponds, many of them having salt 
or unpalatable water, and with only a few stunted 
trees at wide intervals upon it. 

This plain is covered with short grass, but, in con- 
sequence of the scanty supply of wood and water, 
but a small fraction could be made available for 
agriculture or pasturage. 

From the crossing of the Missouri along the Yel- 
lowstone River (should the road take that track) to 
Bozeman's Pass, estimated at something like 400 
miles, but little is known of the country ; but the 
general features of the adjacent sections justify the 
inference that, with the exception of that portion 
which can be irrigated, it is uncultivable. 

The soil upon the head waters of the Yellowstone, 
as well as that in the bottom lands of the three prin- 



Boeder Reminiscences. 387 

cipal forks of the Missouri, the Gallatin, Madison, 
and Jefferson, receiving the wash from the surround- 
ing mountains, is fertile, and, with artificial irriga- 
tion, produces good crops, as the flourishing farming 
settlements already established in the last-named 
Yalle3's fully attest. 

Admitting that this region is capable of sustaining 
an extensive farming community, I doubt, in view of 
the fact that it is over a thousand miles from Duluth, 
if its products would bear transportation to Eastern 
markets, passing, as they will, directly through the 
much more favored agricultural section of Minneso- 
ta, so that the producers would be compelled to de- 
pend solely upon home consumption, and this would 
be confined to the limited wants of the miners. 

From " Jefferson Fork," the road, as I understand, 
will probably cross the summit of the Rocky Moun- 
tains through " Deer Lodge Pass," and thence down 
Clarke's Fork to the Columbia, descending that river 
to the ocean, or to Puget's Sound. 

The space between the Rocky Mountains and the 
Cascade range, the western slopes of which approach 
near the borders of Puget's Sound, within the lati- 
tudes of 45° and 49°, is an alpine region, mainly oc- 
cupied by mountain masses, and the elevated basaltic 
plain of the Columbia, which is 150 by 200 miles in 
extent. 



388 Border Reminiscences. 

The upper valleys of the tributaries of the Colum- 
bia along this section of the route, such as Clarke's 
Fork, Bitter Root, Hell Gate Rivers, etc., are pro- 
ductive, but their lower valleys are for the most 
part uncultivable. The fertile areas are exception- 
al to the general conditions of the soil between the 
two ranges of mountains mentioned. 

The greater part of this section is mountainous, 
and a large portion of it covered with pine timber, 
growing upon a thin and sandy soil. 

The Secretary of War, in his smnmary upon the 
reports of tlie surveys of this route for a railroad in 
1855, says : " The country west of the Rocky Moun- 
tains may like-^dse be described as one of general 
sterility. The sum of the areas of cultivable soil in 
the Rocky Mountain region does not exceed, if it 
equals, 1000 square miles. West of the Cascade 
Mountains there are rich river bottoms, clay forma- 
tions that are arable, and prairies, affording good 
grazing," etc. 

The tertiary and cretaceous formations extend 
over that portion of this route included within the 
97th meridian of longitude and the eastern base of 
the Rocky Mountains, which formations are unfavor- 
able for successful agriculture, even if rains were 
abundant. But very few summer rains fall over this 
section. 



Border Reminiscence 389 

A good deal lias been said by the champions of 
this route about tlie small amount of snow that falls 
upon it. Nevertheless, I was assured by the army 
officers at Forts Totten and Stevenson, which are di- 
rectly upon the line of the road, that during the win- 
ter of 1867-8 it was impossible, in consequence of 
the drifting snow-storms upon the " Coteau de Mis- 
souri," to transport the mails with horses or mules. 
They were transmitted exclusively by means of dog- 
trains under charge of half-breeds, and several of 
these hardy and experienced voyageurs perished dur- 
ing that winter. 

My own guide, Joe Roulette, informed me that he 
was obliged, during the preceding winter, in one of 
those terrific snow-storms which sweep with great 
violence over the Coteau, to crawl into a snow-bank, 
and remain for three days, with his dogs, one of 
which he was compelled to kill for subsistence dur- 
ing the time. 

Such storms as these would, it strikes me, offer se- 
rious obstacles to the passage of railway trains. 

The Secretary of "War, in the report before alluded 
to, gives his opinion in regard to the character of the 
country along the route from St. Paul to Puget's 
Sound in the following summary, viz. : 

" From St. Paul to Red River, 275 miles, the soil 
is fertile. 



390 Border Reminiscences. 

" From thence to the 99th meridian, 66 miles, the 
change from fertility to an imcultivable condition 
takes place. 

" Thence to the crossing of Sun River, 752 miles, 
the prairie is imcultivable; the river bottom of the 
Missouri in part, those of Jacques River, Mouse Riv- 
er, and of other streams possessing a cultivable soil. 

" We then have mountain region of 404 miles, a 
well-wooded district to the Spokane River, with 
mountain valleys of partly cultivable soil, and prai- 
ries of the same cliaracter. 

" From the Spokane River to the crossing of the 
Columbia, 10 miles above Fort Walla -Walla, over 
the barren plain of the Columbia, 142 miles. 

" Thence to the Cascades, an uncultivable though 
grazing district, about 192 miles. 

" Thence over cultivable land, about 192 miles, to 
Puget's Sound." 

From the foregoing it will be seen that of the 
2025 miles of country extending from St. Paul to 
Puget's Sound, 1086 is regarded by the secretary as 
uncultivable excepting in the river bottoms. 

If the North Pacific Railroad, instead of passing 
over the Coteau in Missouri, was turned down the 
valley of the Red River to Fort Garry, at the mouth 
of the Assinniboin River, and thence up that stream 



Border Reminiscences. 391 

about seventy-five miles, and across to the Saskatch- 
awan Ei^'er, following this valley to where it de- 
bouches from the Rocky Mountains, the road to this 
point would traverse a continuous highly productive 
section, which is eminently adapted to agriculture 
and pasturage. 

The Saskatchawan River, flowing into Lake Win- 
nipeg, is said to have 1000 miles of steam-boat navi- 
gation upon its waters ; and although this locality is 
considerably north of the arable portion of the At- 
lantic region, yet the climatic combinations of this 
section are such that the isothermal belt of Northern 
Illinois and Ohio passes directly through it. Indeed, 
good wheat has been grown at the Hudson Bay 
Company's factories upon Liard and Pearl Rivers, 
tributaries of the Arctic Ocean, in the high latitude 
of 58°. 

The road over this route would, after leaving 
Pembina, be entirely within British territory, but the 
arable country upon it extends much nearer the Pa- 
cific than upon any of the more southerly roads. 

UNIOX AXD CENTRAL PACIFIC RAILROAD. 

This road, throughout the greater part of its course, 
runs between the 40th and 42d parallels of latitude. 
From Omaha it follows the Platte River Yalley for 



392 Border K k m i n i s c e x c k s. 

about 250 miles to the forks, and for this distance 
the wide and level strip of bottom land along the 
river is productive, and much of it already occupied 
and cultivated ; but there is no woodland to speak 
of save a narrow fringe of cotton wood bordering 
the stream. 

From the forks the road runs along the valley of 
the South Platte for about seventy miles, where there 
is no wood. Thence it bears to the right up Lodge- 
pole Creek, striking into an elevated arid plain, and 
for five hundred miles traverses a district of coun- 
try where but very few small cultivable patches of 
ground occur, until entering the Great Salt Lake 
Basin, within the limits of which there is a con- 
siderable area of land that by the aid of irrigation 
is arable. 

But as the water in most parts has to be brought 
from sources several miles distant, the irrigating ca- 
nals require unremitting care and labor to keep them 
in repair, which augments the expense of producing 
crops very materially. I was told by some of the 
Mormon farmers in Salt Lake Valley that it requires 
the constant labor of one hand to cultivate four acres 
of wheat in that locality. If this is correct, I doubt 
if our Eastern farmers could be induced to migrate 
to that section from a region w^here the rains of 



BuKDEK Keminiscences. 393 

heaven irrigate the soil, and where one man can cul- 
tivate five times as much ground. 

The truth is, the Mormons, men, women, and chil- 
dren, labor hard, and up to this time they have found 
a ready market, with high prices, for all their surplus 
produce among the emigrants and miners who trav- 
erse the country. Notwithstanding this, I have sel- 
dom seen more abject destitution and poverty than 1 
encountered in some of the Mormon settlements in 
1858. 

Nearly all the arable land in the Salt Lake Valley 
is occupied. 

From the head of Salt Lake the road crosses the 
Humboldt divide or pass, and enters the Humboldt 
(sometimes called St. Mary's) River Valley, which it 
traverses for 190 miles, to its terminus in a marshy 
lake called the " Sink of the Humboldt." 

The River Valley varies in width from two to 
twenty miles, but, except immediately along the 
stream, it is a sandy plain, without grass, wood, or 
cultivable goil. 

From the lake the road passes over the desert for 
about a hundred miles, and, crossing the Sierra Ne- 
vada, finds its way through the mountains to Sacra- 
mento and San Francisco. 

The Secretary of "War, in his summary of the sur- 
R2 



394 BoRDEK Reminiscences. 

veys upon this route in 1855, says, " From the 98th 
or 99th meridian to the western slopes of the Sierra 
Nevada, a distance of about 1400 miles, the soil is 
uncultivable, excepting the comparatively limited 
area of the Mormon settlements, and an occasional 
river-bottom and mountain valley of small extent." 

In this opinion I fully concur. 

From what has been stated in regard to the feat- 
ures of the country upon the different lines of Pacific 
Railroads, with a careful and intelligent reading of 
the map of the United States, it will be seen that the 
central and western portions of our domain upon this 
broad continent are traversed from nearly north to 
south by an undulating belt of elevated table-land, 
the greater part of which is arid, sterile, and treeless. 

This plateau, with its summit level nearly midway 
between the Mississippi River and the Pacific coast, 
forms the great watershed that drains our entire 
possessions west of the Mississippi Valley. 

The crest of this vast extent of table-land is, in lat- 
itude 32°, 5200 feet ; in latitude 42°, 7490 feet ; and 
in latitude 47°, 5100 feet above the ocean level. 

Its greatest elevation, so far as determined, is near 
latitude 38°, where it rises to 10,000 feet above the 
sea. 

It is intersected by the Missouri, Platte, Arkansas, 



Border Reminiscences. 395 

Ked, Brazos, Colorado, and Del Norte Rivers on the 
eastern slope, by the Colorado and Columbia Rivers 
on the western slope, and by Mackenzie's and the 
Saskatchawan Rivers on the northern slope, all tak- 
ing their rise near the summit of the plateau, and 
flowing off in deep channels to almost every point of 
the compass, into the Gulf of Mexico, the Pacific 
and Arctic Oceans, and into Hudson's Bay. 

The facts herein adduced will, in my judgment, 
fully establish what I proposed to show, namely, 
that the greater part of this continent, lying between 
latitudes 32° and 47°, and between longitude 99° 
and the Sierra Nevada chain of mountains, is desti- 
tute of arable soil, wood, and water, and does not, 
therefore, possess the essential requisites for the es- 
tablishment and development of agricultural states. 
But if the character of this section was different, and 
it possessed equally favorable conditions of soil, tim- 
ber, and water with the most attractive lands in Illi- 
nois, would our farmers, as a general rule, be willing 
to pass over the vast areas of excellent unoccupied 
lands in the more easterly districts, where they are 
in close proximity to navigable rivers and railroads, 
affording easy and cheap access to markets, and mi- 
grate far back into the interior, entirely out of reach 
of markets, and where a bushel of wheat might not. 



39t) B O K D K K K E M I X I S C E N C E S. 

perhaps, serve to purchase an ounce of tea or sug- 
ar ? 

As it is now, I am informed that the farmers in 
some of the remote populated districts of Kansas 
find it difficult to sell their corn for fifteen cents a 
bushel. 

Up to this time, the number of farmers in the 
mining districts of Utah and our other new territo- 
ries has been so small, compared with the entire pop- 
ulations, that they have realized remunerative prices 
for their products ; but, should the preponderance 
of population become largely the other way, I think 
they would find agriculture not very profitable. 



THE END. 



VALUABLE STANDARD WORKS 

FOR PUBLIC AND PRIVATE LIBRARIES, 
Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, Neav York. 



t^~ For a /idl List of Books suitable for Libraries, see. Haupek & Brotukes' 
Teaiie-List and Catalogue, which mau be had gratuitotislu on application 
to the Publishers personallu, or bij letter enclosing Five Cents. 

t^~ Harpee & Beothees will send any of the following works by mail, postage 
prepaid, to any part of the United States, on receipt of the price. 



MOTLEY'S DUTCH REPUBLIC. The Rise of the Dutch Republic. By 
John Lotueop Motley, LL.D., D.C.L. With a Portrait of William of 
Orauge. Svols., 8vo, Cloth, $10 50. 

MOTLEY'S UNITED NETHERLANDS. History of the United Nether- 
lands: from the Death of William the Silent to the Twelve Years' Truce 
—1609. With a full View of the English-Dutch Struggle against Spain, 
and of the Origin and Destruction of the Spanish Armada. By John 
LoTHEOP Motley, LL.D., D.C.L. Portraits. 4 vols., 8vo, Cloth, $14 00. 

NAPOLEON'S LIFE OF C^SAR. The History of Julius Caesar. By His 
Imperial Majesty Napoleon in. Two Volumes ready. Library Edition, 
8vo, Clotn, $3 50 per vol. 
ifaps to Vols. I. and II. sold separately. Price $1 50 each, ?jet. 

HAYDN'S DICTIONARY OF DATES, relating to all Ages and Nations. 
For Universal Reference. Edited by Bknjamin Vincent, Assistant Secre- 
tary and Keeper of the Library of the Royal Institution of Great Britain ; 
and Revised for the Use of American Readers. 8vo, Cloth, $5 00 : Sheep, 
$6 00. 

MACGREGOR'S ROB ROY ON THE JORDAN. The Rob Roy on the 
Jordan, Nile, Red Sea, and Geunesareth, &c. A Canoe Cruise in Pales- 
tine and Egypt, and the Waters of Damascus. By J. Macgeeuoe, M.A. 
With Maps and Illustrations. Crown Svo, Cloth, $2 50. 

WALLACE'S MALAY ARCHIPELAGO. The Malay Archipelago : the Land 
of the Orang-Utan and the Bird of Paradise. A Narrative of Travel, 1854- 
1862. With Studies of Man and Nature. By Alfred Rcssel Wallaok. 
With Ten Maps and Fifty-one Elegant Illustrations. Crown 8vo, Cloth. 
$3 50. 

WHYMPER'S ALASKA. Travel and Adventure in the Territory of Alaska, 
formerly Russian America— now Ceded to the United States— and in va- 
rious other parts of the North Pacitic. By Fbedeeick Wuympee. With 
Map and Illustrations. Crown 8vo, Cloth, $2 50. 

ORTON'S ANDES AND THE AMAZON. The Andes and the Amazon 
or. Across the Continent of South America. By James Orton M A 
Professor of Natural History in Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, N. Y., and 
Corresponding Member of the Academy of Natural Sciences, Philadelphia. 
With a New Man of Equatorial Amatica and numerous Illustrations. 
Crown Svo, Cloth, $2 00. 



2 Harper 6- Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 

LOSSING'S FIELD-BOOK OF THE REVOLUTION. Pictorial Ficld-Book 
of the Revolution ; or, Illustrations, by Pen and Pencil, of the History, 
BioOTaphy, Scenery, Relics, and Traditions of the War for Independence. 
By Bf.nbon J. LosHiNc. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $14 00 ; Sheep, $15 00 ; Half 
Calf, $18 00 ; Full Turkey Morocco, $22 00. 

LOSSING'S FIELD-BOOK OF THE WAR OF 1812. Pictorial Field-Book 
of the War of 1S12 ; or, Illustrations, by Pen and Pencil, of the History, 
Biography, Scenery, Relics, and Traditions of the Last War for American 
Independence. By Benson J. Lossing. With several hundred Engrav- 
ings on Wood, by Lossing and Barritt, chiefly from Original Sketches by 
the Author. 1088 pages, Svo, Cloth, $7 00 ; Sheep, $8 50 ; Half Calf, $10 00. 

WINCHELL'S SKETCHES OF CREATION. Sketches of Creation : a Pop- 
ular View of some of the Grand Conclusions of the Sciences in reference 
to the History of Matter and of Life. Together with a Statement of the 
Intimations of Science respecting the Primordial Condition and the 
Ultimate Destiny of the Earth and the Solar System. By Alexanhkk 
WiNouELi,, LL.D., Professor of Geology, Zoology, and Botany in the 
University of Michigan, and Director of the State Geological Survey. 
With Illustrations. 12rao, Cloth, $2 00. 

WHITE'S MASSACRE OF ST. BARTHOLOMEW. The Massacre of St. 
Bartholomew : Preceded by a History of the Religious Wars in the Reign 
of Charles IX. By Henky Wuite, M.A. With Illustrations. Svo, Cloth, 
$175. 

ALFORD'S GREEK TESTAMENT. The Greek Testament : with a critical- 
ly-revised Text; a Digest of Various Readings; Marginal References to 
Verbal and Idiomatic Usage ; Prolegomena ; and a Critical and Exegeti- 
cal Commentary. For the Use of Theological Students and Ministers.. 
By Henry Alfokd, D.D., Dean of Canterbury. Vol. I., containing the 
Four Gospels. 944 pages, Svo, Cloth, $0 00 ; Sheep, $C 50. 

ABBOTT'S FREDERICK THE GREAT. The History of Frederick the 
Second, called Frederick the Great. By John S. C. Aubott. Elegantly 
Illustrated. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

ABBOTT'S HISTORY OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. The French 
Revolution of 1789, as viewed in the Light of Republican Institutions. 
By John S. C. Aubott. With 100 Engravings. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

ABBOTT'S NAPOLEON BONAPARTE. The History of Napoleon Bona- 
parte. By John S. C. Abbott. With Maps, Woodcuts, and Portraits on 
Steel. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $10 00. 

ABBOTT'S NAPOLEON AT ST. HELENA ; or. Interesting Anecdotes and 
Remarkable Conversations of the Emperor during the Five and a Half 
Years of his Captivity. Collected from the Memorials of Las Casas, 
O'Meara, Moutholon, Antommarchi, and others. By Joun S. C. Abbott. 

With Illustrations. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

ADDISON'S COMPLETE WORKS. The Works of Joseph Addison, em- 
bracing the whole of the "Spectator." Complete in 3 vols., Svo, Cloth, 
$0 00. 

ALCOCK'S JAPAN. The Capital of the Tycoon : a Narrative of a Three 
Years' Residence in Japan. By Sir RijTUEnFORD Aloook, K.C.B., Her 
Majesty's Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary in Japan. 
With Maps and Engravings. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 50. 

ALISON'S HISTORY OF EUROPE. First Series : From the Commence- 
ment of the French Revolution, in 17S9, to the Restoration of the Bour- 
bons, in 1815. [In addition to the Notes on Chapter LXXVI., which 
correct the errors of the original work concerning the United States, a 
copious Analytical Index has been appended to this American edition.] 
SEooNn Series : From the Fall of Napoleon, in 1815, to the Accession 
of Louis Napoleon, in 1852. Svols., Svo, Cloth, $1(5 00. 



Harper 6^ Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 3 

BALDWIN'S PRE-HISTORIC NATIONS. Pre-Historic Nations ; or, In- 
quiries concerning some of the Great Peoples and Civilizations of An- 
tiquity, and their Probable Relation to a still Older Civilization of the 
Ethiopians or Cushites of Arabia. By Joun D. Baldwin, Member of 
the American Oriental Society. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75. 

EARTH'S NORTH AND CENTRAL AFRICA. Travels and Discoveries 
in North and Central Africa: being a Journal of an Expedition under- 
taken under the Auspices of H.B.M.'s Government, in the Years 1849- 
1S55. By Heney Baktu, Ph.D., D.C.L. Illustrated. 3 vols., 8vo, Cloth, 
$12 00. 

HENRY WARD BEECHER'S SERMONS. Sermons by Heney Ward 
Beeoiier, Plymouth Church, Brooklyn. Selected from Published and 
Unpublished Discourses, and Revised by their Author. With Steel 
Portrait. Complete in Two Vols., Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

LYMAN BEECHER'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY, &o. Autobiography, Corre- 
spondence, ifec, of Lyman Beecher, D.D. Edited by his Sou, Charles 
Beecher. With Three Steel Portraits, and Engravings on Wood. In 2 
vols., 12mo, Cloth, $5 00. 

BELLOWS'S OLD WORLD. The Old World in its Nevi' Face : Impressions 
of Europe in 1867-186S, By Heney W. Bellows. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, 
$3 50. 

BOSWELL'S JOHNSON. The Life of Samuel Johnson, LL.D. Including 
a Journey to the Hebrides. By James Bosvvell, Esq. A New Edition, 
with numerous Additions and Notes. By Joun Wilson Crokee, LL.D., 
F.R.S. Portrait of Boswell. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $4 00. 

BROD HEAD'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK. History of the State of New 
York. By Joun Romeyn Beodhead. 1609-1691. 2 vols. Svo, Cloth, 
$3 00 per vol. 

BROUGHAM'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY. Life and Times of Henkt, Loed 
Brocgham. Written by Himself. In Three Volumes. 12mo, Cloth, 
$2 00 per vol. 

BULWER'S PROSE WORKS. Miscellaneous Prose Works of Edward 

Bulwer, Lord Lytton. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 50. 
BULWER'S HORACE. The Odes and Epodes of Horace. A Metrical 

Translation into English. With Introduction and Commentaries. By 

Lord Lytton. With Latin Text from the Editions of Orelli, Macleane, 

and Yonge. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75. 

BULWER'S KING ARTHUR. King Arthur. A Poem. By Earl Lytton. 
New Edition. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75. 

BURNS'S LIFE AND WORKS. The Life and Works of Robert Bums. 
Edited by Robert Cuamuees. 4 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $6 00. 

REINDEER, DOGS, AND SNOW-SHOES. A Journal of Siberian Travel 
and Explorations made in the Y'ears 1805-'67. By Ricuard J. Bcsu, 
late of the Russo-American Telegraph Expedition. Illustrated. Crown 
Svo, Cloth, $3 00. 

CARLYLE'S FREDERICK THE GREAT. History of Friedrich II., called 
Frederick the Great. By Thomas Caelyle. Portraits, Maps, Plans, &c. 
6 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $12 00. 

CARLYLE'S FRENCH REVOLUTION. History of the French Revolution. 
Newly Revised by the Author, with Index, &c. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 50. 

CARLYLE'S OLIVER CROMWELL. Letters and Speeches of Oliver Crom- 
well. With Elucidations and Connecting Narrative. 2 vols., 12mo, 
Cloth, $3 50. 

CHALMERS'S POSTHUMOUS WORKS. The Posthumous Works of Dr. 
Chalmers. Edited by his Son-in-Law, Rev. William Hanna, LL.D. 
Complete in 9 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $13 50. 



4 Harper or' Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 

COLERIDGE'S COMPLETE WORKS. The Complete Works of Samuel 
Taylor Coleridge. With an Introductory Essay upon his Philosophical 
and Theological Opinions. Edited by Professor Shei>i>. Complete in 
Seven Vols. With a line Portrait. Small 8vo, Cloth, $10 60. 

CURTIS'S HISTORY OF THE CONSTITUTION. History of the Origin, 
Formation, and Adoption of the Constitution of the United States. By 
Geokge Tioksok CuKTis. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $0 00. 

DRAPER'S CIVIL WAR. History of the American Civil War. By John 
W. Draper, ;M.D., LL.D., Professor of Chemistry and Physiology in the 
University of New York. In Three Vols. Svo, Cloth, $3 50 per vol. 

DRAPER'S INTELLECTUAL DEVELOPMENT OP EUROPE. A History 
of the Intellectual Development of Europe. By Joun W. Dkapee, M.D., 
LL.D., Professor of Chemistry and Physiology in the University of New 
York. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

DRAPER'S AMERICAN CIVIL POLICY. Thoughts on the Future Civil 
Policy of America. By Joun W. Draper, M.D., LL.D., Professor of 
Chemistry and Physiology in the University of New York. Crown Svo, 
Cloth, $2 50. 

DAVIS'S CARTHAGE. Carthage and her Remains : being an Account of 
the Excavations and Researches on the Site of the Phoenician Metropolis 
in Africa and other adjacent Places. Conducted under the Auspices of 
Her Majesty's Goverumeut. By Dr. Davis, F.R.G.S. Profusely Illus- 
trated with Maps, Woodcuts, Chromo-Lithographs, &c. Svo, Cloth, $4 00. 

DOOLITTLE'S CHINA. Social Life of the Chinese : with some Account of 
their Religious, Governmental, Educational, and Business Customs and 
Opinions. With special but not exclusive Reference to Fuhchau. By 
Rev. Justus Doolittle, Fourteen Years Member of the Fuhchau Mission 
of the American Board. Illustrated with more than 150 characteristic 
Engravings on Wood. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $5 00. 

DU CHAILLU'S AFRICA. Explorations and Adventures in Equatorial 
Africa : with Accounts of the Manners and Customs of the People, and 
of the Chase of the Gorilla, the Crocodile, Leopard, Elephant, Hippo- 
potamus, and other Animals. By Paul B. Du Cuaillc. Numerous 
Illustrations. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

DU CHAILLU'S ASHANGO LAND. A Journey to Ashango Land, and 
Further Penetration into Equatorial Africa. By Paul B. Uu Cuaillu. 
New Edition. Handsomely Illustrated. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

EDGEWORTH'S (Miss) NOVELS. With Engravings. 10 vols., 12mo, Cloth, 

$15 00. 

GIBBON'S ROME. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. 
By Edward Gibbon. With Notes by Rev. H. H. Milman and M. Gcizot. 
A new Cheap Edition. To which is added a complete Index of the whole 
Work, and a Portrait of the Author. 6 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $9 00. 

GROTE'S HISTORY OF GREECE. 12 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $18 00. 

HALE'S (Mrs.) WOMAN'S RECORD. Woman's Record ; or, Biographical 
Sketches of all Distinguished Women, from the Creation to the Present 
Time. Arranged in J'our Eras, with Selections from Female Writers of 
each Era. By Sirs. Sarah Jobepua Hale. Illustrated with more than 200 
Portraits. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

HALL'S ARCTIC RESEARCHES. Arctic Researches and Life among the 
Esquimaux: being the Narrative of an Expedition in Search of Sir John 
Franklin, in the Years ISGO, 1S61, and 1S62. By Charles Francis Hall. 
With Maps and 100 Illustrations. The Uluslratious are from Original 
Drawings by Charles Parsons, Henry L. Stephens, Solomon Eytiiige, W. 
S. L. Jewett, and Granville Perkins, after Sketches by Captain llalli 8yo, 
Cloth, $5 00. 

HALLAM'S CONSTITUTIONAL HISTORY OF ENGLAND, from the Ac- 
cession of Henry VIL to the Death of George IL Svo, Cloth, $2 00. 



Harper &• Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 5 

HALLAM'S LITERATURE. Introduction to the Literature of Europe 
during tlie Fifteenth, Sixteenth, and Seventeenth Centuries. By Hekbt 
Hallam. 2 vols., 8vo, Cloth, $4 00. 

HALLAM'S MIDDLE AGES. State of Europe during the Middle Ages. 
By Hf,>ey Hallam. Svo, Cloth, $2 00. 

HILDRETH'S HISTORY of the UNITED STATES. Fiest Seeieb : From 
the First Settlement of the Country to the Adoption of the Federal Con- 
stitution. Second Series : From the Adoption of the Federal Constitu- 
tion to the End of the Siateeuth Congress. 6 vols., Svo, Cloth, $18 00. 

HARPER'S NEW CLASSICAL LIBRARY. Literal Translations. 

The following Volumes are now ready. Portraits. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50 
each. 

C^SAE. — ViKGIL. — SaLEDST. — HoRACE.— ClCERO's OrATIONS. — ClOEEO'S 

Offices, &c. — Cicero on Oratoey and Oeatoeb. — Tacitus (2 vols.). 
— Terence. — Sopuocles. — Juvenal. — Xenophon. — Homee's Iliad. — 
■ Homer's Odyssey. — Herodotus. — Demosthenes. — Thdcydides. — 
.^SCHYLUS.— Euripides (2 vols.). — Livy (2 vols.). 
HUME'S HISTORY OF ENGLAND. History of England, from the Invasion 
of Julius Ciesar to the Abdication of James II., 16S8. By David Hume. 
A new Edition, with the Author's 'last Corrections and Improvements. 
To which is prefixed a short Account of his Life, written by Himselt 
With a Portrait of the Author. 6 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $9 00. 
HELPS'S SPANISH CONQUEST. The Spanish Conquest in America, and 
its Relation to the History of Slavery and to the Government of Colonies. 
By Arthur Helps. 4 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $6 00. 

JAY'S WORKS. Complete Works of Rev. William Jay : comprising his 
Sermons, Family Discourses, Morning and Evening Exercises for every 
Dav in the Year, Family Prayers, &c. Author's Enlarged Edition, re- 
vised. 3 vols., Svo, Cloth, $6 00. 
JEFFERSON'S DOMESTIC LIFE. The Domestic Life of Thomas Jefferson: 
compiled from Family Letters and Reminiscences by his Great-Grand- 
dausrhter, Sap.aii N. Randolph. With Illustrations. Crown Svo, Illu- 
minated Cloth, Beveled Edges, $2 50. 
JOHNSON'S COMPLETE WORKS. The Works of Samuel Johnson, LL.D. 
With an Essay on his Life and Genius, by Arthur Murphy, Esq. Por- 
trait of Johnson. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $4 00. 
KINGLAKE'S CRIMEAN WAR. The Invasion of the Crimea, and an Ac- 
count of its Progress down to the Death of Lord Raglan. By Alexander 
William Kinglake. With Maps and Plans. Two Vols, ready. 12mo, 
Cloth, $2 00 per vol. 
KINGSLEY'S WEST INDIES. At Last : A Christmas in the West Indies. 

By Charles Kingsley. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50. 
KRUMMACHER'S DAVID, KING OF ISRAEL. David, the King of Israel : 
a Portrait drawn from Bible History and the Book of Psalms. By Feed- 
ERICK William Keummaoher, D.D., Author of "Elijah the Tishbite," 
&c. Translated under the express Sanction of the Author by the Rev. ]SI. 
G. Easton, M.A. With a Letter from Dr. Krummacher to his American 
Readers, and a Portrait. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75. 
LAMB'S COMPLETE WORKS. The Works of Charles Lamb. Comprising 
his Letters, Poems, Essays of Elia, Essays upon Shakspeare, Hogarth, 
<fec, and a Sketch of his Life, with the Final Memorials, by T. Noon 
Talfourd. Portrait. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 00. 
LIVINGSTONE'S SOUTH AFRICA. Missionary Travels and Researches 
in South Africa; including a Sketch of Sixteen Years' Residence in the 
Interior of Africa, and a Journev from the Cape of Good Hope to Loando 
on the West Coast; thence across the Continent, down the River Zam- 
besi, to the Eastern Ocean. By David Livingstone, LL.D., D.C.L. 
With Portrait, Maps by Arrowsmith, and numerous Illustrations. Svo, 
Cloth, $4 60. 



6 Harper 6- Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 

LIVINGSTONE'S ZAMBESI. Narrative of an Expedition to the Zambesi 
and its Tributaries, and of the Discovery of the Lakes Shirwa and Nyassa. 
]85S-18(>4. By David and Cuarles Livi>G8tone. With Map and Illus- 
trations. 8vo, Cloth, $5 00. 

MARCY'S ARMY LIFE ON THE BORDER. Thirty Years of Army Life 
on the Border. Comprising Descriptions of the Indian Nomads of the 
Plains; Explorations of New Territory; a Trip across the Rocky Mount- 
ains in the Winter; Descrii)tiou8 of the Habits of Difl'ereut Animals 
found in the West, and the Mcthotls of Hunting them ; with Incidents in 
the Life of Different Frontier Men, Ac, &c.' By Brevet Brigadier-General 
R. B. Maroy, U.S.A., Author of "The Prairie Traveler." With numer- 
ous Illustrations. 8vo, Cloth, Beveled Edges, $3 00. 

M'CLINTOCK & STRONG'S CYCLOPEDIA. Cyclopedia of Biblical, 
Theological, and Ecclesiastical Literature. Prepared by the Rev. Joun 
M'Clintook, D.D., and James Strong, S.T.D. 3 voU. now ready. Royal 
Svo. Price per vol.. Cloth, $5 00 ; Sheep, $6 00 ; Half Morocco, $S po. 

MOSHEIM'S ECCLESIASTICAL HISTORY, Ancient and Modern ; in which 
the Rise, Progress, and Variation of Church Power are considered in 
their Connection with the State of Learning and Philosophy, and the 
Political History of Europe during that Period. Translated, witli Notes, 
&c., by A. Maolaine, D.D. A New Edition, continued to 1826, by C. 
CooTE, LL.D. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $4 00. 

MAC AULAY'S HISTORY OF ENGLAND. The History of England from 
the Accession of James II. By Thomas Babington Macaulay. With 
an Original Portrait of the Author. 5 vols., Svo, Cloth, $10 00; 12mo, 

Cloth, $7 50. 

NEVIUS'S CHINA. China and the Chinese: a General Description of the 
Country and its Inhabitants; its Civilization and Form of Government ; 
its Religious and Social Institutions ; its Intercourse with other Nations ; 
and its Present Condition and Prospects. By the Rev. Joun L. Nevids, 
Ten Years a Missionary in Chimu With a Map and Illustrations. 12mo, 
Cloth, $1 T5. 

OLIN'S (Dr.) LIFE AND LETTERS. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 00. 

OLIN'S (Dr.) TRAVELS. Travels in Egypt, Arabia Petrtea, and the Holy 
Land. Engravings. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $3 00. 

OLIN'S (Dr.) works. The Works of Stephen Olin, D.D., late President 

of the Wesleyan University. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $Z 00. 

OLIPHANT'S CHINA AND JAPAN. Narrative of the Earl of Elgin's. Mis' 
sion to China and Japan, in the Years 1S57, '58, '59. By Laurencf 
Oi.iPuANT. Private Secretary to Lord Elgin. Illustrations. Svo, Cloth, 
,$3 50. 

OLIPHANT'S (Mrs.) LIFE OF EDWARD IRVING. The Life of Edward 
Irving, Minister of the National Scotch Church, London. Illustrated by 
his Journals and Correspondence. By Mrs. Olipuant. Portrait. Svo, 
Cloth, $3 50. 

POETS OP THE NINETEENTH CENTURY. The Poets of the Nineteenth 
Century. Selected and Edited by the Rev. Robert Aris Wii.i.mott. 
With English and American Additions, arranged by Evert A. DrvrKiNCK, 
Editor of " Cyclopsedia of American Literature." Comprising Selections 
from the Greatest Authors of the Age. Superbly Illustrated with 132 En- 
gravings from Designs by the most Eminent Artists. In elegant .email 
4to form, printed on Superfine Tinted Paiier, richlv bound in extra Cloth, 
Beveled, Gilt Edges, $6 00; Half Calf, $6 00; Full Turkey Morocco, $10 00. 

RAWLINSON'S MANUAL OF ANCIENT HISTORY. A Manual of An- 
cient History, from the Earliest Times to the Fall of the Western Empire. 
Comprising the History of Chaldrea, Assyria, Media, Babylonia, I^ydia, 
Phoenicia, Syria, Judaea, Egypt, Carthage, Persia, Greece, Macedonia, 
Parthia, and Rome. By George Rawmnson, M.A., Camden Professor 
of Ancient History in the University of Oxford. 12mo, Cloth, $2 50. 



Harper 6^ Brothers' Valuable Standard Works. 7 

RECLUS'S THE EARTH. The Earth : a Descriptive History of the Phe- 
uomena and Life of the Globe. By fii.isEE Reoltjs. Traushited by the 
late B. B. Woodward, and Edited by Henry Woodward. With 234 Maps 
aud Illustrations, and '23 Page Maps printed in Colors. 8vo, Cloth, $6 00. 

SMILES'S LIFE OF THE STEPHENSONS. The Life of George Stephen- 
sou, and of his Sou, Robert Stephenson ; comprising, also, a History of 
the Invention aud Introduction of the Railway Locomotive. By Samuel 
Smiles, Author of "Self-Help," &c. With Steel Portraits and numerous 
Illustrations. 8vo, Cloth, $3 00. 

SMILES'S HISTORY OP THE HUGUENOTS. The Huguenots: their Set- 
tlements, Churches, and Industries in England and Ireland. By Samuel 
Smiles. With an Appendix relating to the Huguenots in America. 
Crown Svo, Cloth, $1 75. 

SHAKSPEARE. The Dramatic Works of William Shakspeare, with the 
Corrections and Illustrations of Dr. Johnson, G. Steevens, and others. 
Revised by Isaac Reed. Engravings. C vols., Royal 12mo, Cloth, $9 00. 

SPEKE'S AFRICA. Journal of the Discovery of the Source of the Nile. 
By Captain John Hanning Speke, Captain H. M.'s ludiau Army, Fellow 
and Gold ]\Iedalist of the Royal Geographical Society, Hon. Correspond- 
ing Member and Gold Medalist of the French Geographical Society, &c. 
With Maps and Portraits and numerous Illustrations, chiefly from Draw- 
ings by Captain Grant. Svo, Cloth, uniform with Livingstone, Earth, 
Burton, &c., $4 00. 

SPRING'S SERMONS. Pulpit Ministrations ; or, Sabbath Readings. A 
Series of Discourses on Christian Doctrine and Duty. By Rev. Gakdiner 
Spring, D.D., Pastor of the Brick Presbyterian Church in the City of 
New York. Portrait on Steel. 2 vols., Svo, Cloth, $6 00. 

STRICKLAND'S (Miss) QUEENS OF SCOTLAND. Lives of the Queens 
of Scotland and English Princesses connected with the Regal Succession 
of Great Britain. By Agnes Strickland. 8 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $12 00, 

THE STUDENT'S SERIES. 

France. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Gibbon. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Greece. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Hume. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Rome. By Liddell. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Old Testament History. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

New Testament History. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

Strickland's Queens of England. Abridged. Engravings. 12mo, Cloth, 

$2 00. 
Ancient History of the East. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 
Hallam's Middle Ages. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 
Lyell's Elements of Geology. 12mo, Cloth, $2 00. 

TENNYSON'S COMPLETE POEMS. The Complete Poems of Alfred Ten- 
nyson, Poet Laureate. With numerous Illustrations by Eminent Artists, 
and Three Characteristic Portraits. Svo, Paper, T5 cents ; Cloth, $1 25. 

THOMSON'S LAND AND THE BOOK. The Land and the Book : or. Bibli- 
cal Illustrations drawn from the Manners and Customs, the Scenes and 
the Scenery of the Holy Land. By W. M. Thomson, D.D., Twenty-five 
Years a Missionary of the A.B.C.F.M. in Syria and Palestine. With two 
elaborate Maps of Palestine, an accurate Plan of Jerusalem, and several 
hundred Engravings, representing the Scenery, Topography, and Pro- 
ductions of the Holy Land, and the Costumes, Manners, and Habits of 
the People. 2 large 12mo vols.. Cloth, $5 00. 

TICKNOR'S HISTORY OF SPANISH LITERATURE. With Criticisms 
on the particular Works, and Biographical Notices of Prominent Writers. 
3 vols., Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

TYERMAN'S WESLEY. The Life and Times of the Rev. John Wesley, 
M.A., Founder of the Methodists. By the Rev. Luke Ttebman, Author 
of "The Life of Rev. Samuel Wesley." Portraits. 3 vols., Crown Svo. 






Mi 



8 Harper 6^ Brothers' Valuable Standard Works, n -^ *^ 

^ 

VAMBERY'S CENTRAL ASIA. Travels in Central Asia. Being the Ac- 
count of a Journey from Teheran across the Turkoman Desert, on the 
Eastern Shore of the Caspian, to Khiva, Bokhara, and Saniarcand, per- 
formed in the Year 1803. By Akminiub VAMntp.y, Memher of the Hun- 
garian Academy of Pesth, by whom he was sent on this Scientific Mis- 
sion. With Map and Woodcuts. Svo, Cloth, $4 50. 

WOOD'S HOMES WITHOUT HANDS. Homes Without Hands: being a 
Description of the Habitations of Animals, classed according to their 
Principle of Construction. By J. G. Woou, M.A., F.L.S. With about 
140 Illustrations. Svo, Cloth, Beveled Edges, $4 50. 

WILKINSON'S ANCIENT EGYPTIANS. A Popular Account of their 
Manners and Customs, condensed from his larger Work, with some New 
Matter. Illustrated with 500 Woodcuts. 2 vols., I'imo, Cloth, $3 50. 

ANTHON'S SMITH'S DICTIONARY OP ANTIQUITIES. A Dictionary 
of Greek and Roman Antiquities. Edited by William Smith, LL.D., 
and Illustrated by numerous Engravings on Wood. Third American 
Edition, carefully Revised, and containing, also, numerous additional 
Articles relative to the Botany, Mineralogj', and Zoology of the An- 
cients. By CuARLES Anthon, LL.D. Royal Svo, Sheep extra, $G 00. 

ANTHON'S CLASSICAL DICTIONARY. Containing an Account of the 
principal Proper Names mentioned in Ancient Authors, and intended to 
elucidate all the important Points connected with the Geography, His- 
tory, Biography, Mythologj', and Fine Arts of the Greeks aiul Romans ; 
together with an Accmmtof the Coins, Weights, and Measures of the 
Ancients, with Tabular Values of the same. Royal Svo, Sheep extra, 
$G 00. 

DWIGHT'S (Rev. Dr.) THEOLOGY. Theology Explained and Defended, 
in a Series of Sermons. By Timothy Dwight, S.T.D., LL.D. With a 
Memoir and Portrait. 4 vols., Svo, Cloth, $8 00. 

ENGLISHMAN'S GREEK CONCORDANCE. The Englishman's Greek 
Concordance of the New Testament: being an Attempt at a Verbal Con- 
nection between the Greek and the English Texts : including a C<incord- 
ance to the Proper Names, with Indexes, Greek-English and Euglish- 
Greek. Svo, Cloth, $5 00. 

FOWLER'S ENGLISH LANGUAGE. The English Language in its Ele- 
ments and Forms. With a History of its Origin and Development, and 
a full Grammar. Designed for Use in Colleges and Schools. Revised 
and Enlarged. By William C. Fowleb, LL.D., late Professor in Am- 
herst Colle'ge. Svo, Cloth, $2 50. 

GIESELER'S ECCLESIASTICAL HISTORY. A Text-Book of Church 
Historv By Dr. John C. L. Giesf.lek. Translated from the Fourth 
Revised German Edition by Samuel Davipson, LL.D., and Rev John 
Winstan-ley Hitll, M.A. A New American Edition, Revised and Edited 
bv Rev. Henuy B. Smith, D.D., Professor in the Union Theological Sem- 
inary, New York. Four Volumes ready. (JxA. Y . in Press.) Svo, Cloth, 
$•2 25 per vol. 

HALL'S (ROBERT) WORKS. The Complete Works of Robert Hall ; with 
a brief Memoir of his Life bv Dr. Gregory, and Observations on his 
Character as a Preacher by Rev. John Foster. Edited by Oi.intuus 
Gregory, LL.D., and Rev. Joseph Belcuer. Portrait. 4 vols., Svo, 
Cloth, $S 00. 

HAMILTON'S (Sir WILLIAISI) WORKS. Discussions on Philosophy and 
Literature, Education and ITniversity Reform. Chiefly from the hdm- 
burqh Review. Corrected, Vindicated, and Enlarged, in Notes and Ap- 
pendices. By Sir William Hamilton, Bart. With an Introductory Essay 
by Rev. Robert TfRNuuLL, D.D. Svo, Cloth, $3 00. 

HUMBOLDT'S COSMOS. Cosmos : a Sketch of a Physical Description of 
'he Universe. By Alexander Von Humbolkt. Translated from the 
German by E. C. Ottk. 5 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $6 25. 



, ? i-^-l/. 



f^t/17^': 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



00DE34'^00b7 






-\mm 















:•'•'■'')• V^>, I;' 



'^m 



